And really, why is that? Remember how many times you asked yourself this question when you once again encountered, to put it mildly, an unworthy reaction of some people in one or another life situation, especially when such a reaction was completely unjustified and inappropriate for the situation?
We should all have long ago recognized that human society has never been a place where everyone around is kind, considers their words and treats each other with respect - and, unfortunately, there is no prerequisite for it to ever become one in future.
In general, nothing new...
There were, are and always will be rude, impolite and disrespectful people in this world.
We have written evidence that even Greek philosophers complained about this two thousand years ago - Plato himself repeatedly complained about the disrespectful behavior of youths of his time, completely devoid of any manners.
Typically, it falls on us, the more level-headed and reasonable people, to identify what we consider unacceptable behavior and respond to it accordingly. At the same time, trying to reduce the intensity of the negative flame, and not inflame it even stronger.
When I'm in a good mood, I look at the world more favorably and try to imagine the person who just yelled at me out of nowhere, or who infuriated me by cutting in front of me in line, as a baby or small child.
I'm trying to understand exactly what life situations have temporarily or permanently turned them into aggressive and unpleasant people, acting as if good manners died out with the dinosaurs.
When I'm not having the best day, my reaction is often much less supportive and tolerant... but I openly admit it, and at the end of the day, no one is perfect!
How to react?
Everyone here has their own boundaries and methods too. You can nobly turn the other cheek and accept all reproaches stoically. In the end, BDSM culture is not alien to many citizens of our country, there is nothing to be ashamed of. But you can also remember everything that the streets have taught you and get involved in a verbal altercation. However, you can’t even imagine how bad it looks from the outside. A real market scandal begins, but the reason is most often completely insignificant. And not everyone is able to compete on par with the bickering geniuses who live for it and every day hone their skills in oratorical duels on public transport and at counters.
There is also an opinion that politeness is the best weapon of a thief. This also applies to your situation (no, you don’t have to steal anything first). Some people are simply not ready that during a conflict I will communicate with them as at a social reception: by no means, if you please, my regrets are not exactly these words, but communication in a similar vein will at least reduce the degree of misunderstanding.
If you are afraid of public speaking, some people advise imagining that everyone in the room is undressed. For God's sake, don't do this when talking to a conflicted person. There is advice that in such situations you can imagine your opponent as a child - the same as he was 20-30 years ago. And now in front of you stands just a capricious, self-centered kid who was offended at school; his parents forbid him to connect the set-top box to the TV. I don’t want to argue with someone like that anymore—I want to regret it. So take pity on him and your nerves.
Rudeness on the rise
According to modern sociological research, approximately 79% of Americans consider the lack of politeness in modern society to be a serious problem, and about 60% believe that rudeness and disrespect are becoming more and more common every day.
Sometimes it looks like an epidemic or a forest fire - one rude act leads to a second, then a third and a fourth, and little by little it creates an ever-expanding spiral of rudeness.
Imagine this situation: in the morning, on the way to work in his own car, a completely normal and good person is “cut off” by another driver, rudely wedging in front of him. Having arrived at work, this man is greeted by a colleague, but he only inarticulately snaps in response to the greeting, and no wonder - his thoughts are occupied only with the situation on the road, and he thinks again and again about what he would do with that driver if he fell into his hands .
The colleague, perceiving this behavior as a personal insult, and knowing that he did nothing to deserve such an attitude towards himself, becomes irritable, and soon lashes out at the next person who appears at work. That next person takes it out on someone else, and so on.
This spiral of rudeness with each turn unwinds more and more, like a whirlpool, drawing in more and more people - and all because of one boor on the road, who decided that the rules of the road were not written to him.
What to do if you want?
How sometimes you want to send someone in a certain direction! Sometimes there is a desire to provide a trip there to a whole group of people. But is it worth doing? By starting a conflict, you will only take away your time, and over the years, time becomes less and less; you don’t want to waste it on arguments on the Internet or at the cash register. Don't forget that there is only one step from insult to a broken nose. And it doesn’t matter whose nose gets hurt, the consequences can be sad for both word athletes. Have you forgotten that we have a rule of law? Unfortunately, the example of Kokorin and Mamaev is still widely heard.
There is no universal advice: whether to make a scandal, defend your point of view or not. You just need to understand the possible risks, damage to your time and mood. Some people actually enjoy it—a kind of relaxation after a busy day. But you better think that after several such incidents, the children in your yard will begin to look at you as an always scandalous neighbor. This was once in your yard when you were little. For some reason his face was always red. Do you remember him?
How to deal with rude behavior
So, we've looked at the most common reasons why someone might be rude and disrespectful to you, and now we'll try to give some tips on how to best deal constructively with such people.
1. Try to filter out rudeness.
Remind yourself every time that the rude behavior you experience from others may be due to reasons other than the desire to hurt you, and try to filter out your instinctive reaction.
In most cases, there is some reason for the behavior you perceive as negative or unacceptable, be it emotional, social, psychological or cultural.
And whatever it is, one of those listed above, or one of a whole host of others, you most likely will not be able to influence it in any way, no matter how much you would like to - but you can influence how you react to all of this .
2. Don't take things too personally.
We all know very well how easy it is to flare up from rude words, especially if we regard them as a personal insult.
But you can completely deprive these words that sting your very heart of power over you if you firmly, once and for all decide that all this rudeness is the problem of the person who is rude to you, and not at all yours. Remember that it is up to you to decide how to react to other people's words and actions, and responding negatively to negativity is rarely reasonable or constructive.
3. Find out the reason for their behavior.
Take your time to react immediately to rude behavior. Try to find out what caused it and if there is anything you can do to help. Perhaps this person simply had a difficult day, or so much has fallen on him today that he simply does not have the time and energy to be polite.
By the way, it is quite possible that he does not even understand how rudely he behaves with others. In short, you will never know for sure until you ask, and the answer may surprise you!
4. Just turn around and walk away.
Try to step on your own instincts and not respond to rudeness with rudeness. Believe me, by responding to negativity with negativity, you will not improve the situation and will not help either this person or even yourself.
And if you are not ready to try to help the person who is rude to you, or to get to the bottom of the reasons for their behavior, then the best thing you can do is to distance yourself from him in order to avoid the flow of more and more rudeness and insults from this person.
So just turn around and walk away - even if such a person claims that he has not told you everything yet!
If a stranger is rude to you, then you have nothing to lose at all, since you will most likely never meet him again. So why listen to all this?
Well, if you are faced with rudeness from a friend or colleague, then by doing so, you will clearly and unequivocally show him that it is simply pointless to be rude to you, and he will not achieve anything by doing so. Perhaps this will lead them to believe that next time they should behave more appropriately.
In any case, you have the last word.
5. Be aware of cultural differences.
In many cases, you should not automatically assume that a person whose behavior you perceive as unacceptable shares your cultural norms and traditions.
When you understand and realize that the behavior that irritates you for this or that person is absolutely natural for him, and he does not see anything bad in it, it will be much easier for you to tolerate it.
By the way, it is worth remembering that you, without realizing it, can involuntarily irritate people of other cultures with behavior that is completely natural to you.
6. Fight rudeness with kindness.
Although this approach may seem strange to you, one of the best ways to defuse a tense situation when dealing with someone who is rude to you is to be kind and friendly. This gives him the opportunity to calm down, stop perceiving you as a threat, and think about his behavior. Of course, he won’t necessarily take this chance, but anything is possible...
7. Stop the spiral of rudeness.
Don't let other people's irritable, rude behavior or words ruin your day and cause you to continue this vicious cycle of lashing out at other, generally innocent people.
Stop for a second, take a deep breath, and try to remember that the other person’s problems, because of which he was rude to you, are his problems, not your responsibility, smile, and move on with your head held high. Perhaps this action of yours will be able to at least slightly slow down the spiral of rudeness and make this world a little brighter!
How to eradicate boorish women2
The only sure way is to raise your children. Teach children of opposite sexes to treat each other with equal politeness and respect. Respect for elders, friends, colleagues, and passers-by is instilled in childhood. A child is like plasticine. You can “make” anything out of it. Sculptors, that is, parents, must teach their children understanding and mutual assistance.
Raising a good person is a difficult and sometimes thankless task. It’s easier to wave your hand, shout, beat him, put him in a corner. Getting understanding from a child is not easy. It is almost impossible to take control of a child’s whims. However, parental wisdom and patience are rewarded by an educated and prudent member of society.
An important part of education is teaching a child to do an activity. You should listen to the child, highlight his talents and encourage his interests. Keeping a child engaged outside of kindergarten and school in clubs that interest him discourages all desire for rudeness, gossip and other indecent actions in society. Such a person will grow into a person with a broad outlook and a large list of interests. When a person’s brain is busy with creative thoughts and ideas for their implementation, he has no time to construct uncultured phrases.
Such a person does not need to prove his importance or celebrate his authority. Such a person achieves what he wants through hard work, politeness and cunning. The right people will be interested in a person engaged in self-development and self-education. And such a woman exudes femininity and energy, attractive and desirable by men. Therefore, such a woman will never be left without a man and without anything to do. She will have success both in her personal life and in her career.
What to do with a boorish woman? The answer is simple. No way. Ignore her. Ignore rudeness from a girl. Often a woman is rude for the purpose of provocation. A man, if he behaves and responds in kind, will immediately receive disapproval and condemnation from society.
No matter how rude the boorish woman is, no matter what words she shouts and showers on others, no self-respecting man will hit her. If a male aggressor is caught who cannot restrain his impulse, then he will be dragged through the courts, “pelted with slippers.” The woman will play the role of an unfortunate victim and will play this role perfectly. Sacrificing a quiet life is not worth the attention of an uncultured person.
A woman who responded with uncivil behavior is no better than a provocateur. A verbal altercation can end in a fight. Evil begets evil. Therefore, the most effective way is to abstract yourself from such people. They cannot be re-educated. They will live with this for the rest of their days. To enter into polemics with them means to stoop to their level. And now they will crush the intellectual with their “colorful” vocabulary.
Overwhelmed by the circumstances
People are better than you think they are. Yes, yes, the truth is that most of humanity consists of quite decent people who only sometimes find themselves so overwhelmed by circumstances that they verbally lash out at those around them, and take out their irritation on innocent people.
Fortunately, we very rarely meet people who are rude to others simply because they like it. No, they certainly exist, but they are definitely not the norm, and even the behavior of these people is most likely caused by some kind of suffering or trauma in the past, or even in the present.
Dealing with rude and negative people requires a tremendous amount of empathy and patience. Sometimes it may even seem that the responsibility for changing this situation for the better, and not letting it get worse, lies with you, and not at all with the rude person.
But imagine the alternative: if you respond to rudeness with rudeness, you are giving that person a real, real, tangible reason to do the same to the future and to you. And then the spiral of rudeness will truly become endless and it will be impossible to stop it...
Be kind...be human.
Male conquerors
Quite rough sex is a clear form of dominance. A man does not ask for a woman, does not buy her. He takes her like a trophy, like a conqueror. Agree, there is some kind of natural spontaneity in this with a flavor of long-standing trips to uncharted lands.
Now the physical strength of a man is not as valued as, say, in the centuries of hard physical labor and endless wars of conquest with primitive, mostly cutting and piercing weapons. Currently, the ability to think, predict and analyze forces representatives of the stronger sex to develop their intellect more than their biceps. And the body also transmits such an alluring feeling of physical superiority over beautiful ladies, which can be realized at least in bed. So, men sincerely love rough sex as a role-playing game of strong, victorious knights who do not tolerate resistance.
There is another interesting point. As a rule, a sufficiently rough and intense impact receives a corresponding response. What do physicists say to this? Is the action force equal to the reaction force? So, with “calf tenderness” a lady can simply “melt” in the hands of her partner. But if you take her intensively, then she will be in such good shape (and the muscles of her vagina, by the way, too). After all, even to a slight pain, the compression reaction occurs instantly.
There is another option. A man wants to be “broken”, to be raped. There is no need to woo anyone. He's not in business at all. So, a victim of a sexy mistress. Oh, how nice it is when it’s not you who achieves someone (with flowers, gifts and organized birthdays for her mom), but someone silently takes you!
Stop the cycle of rudeness
Rude behavior spreads like a disease if you let it. One act of rudeness can easily start a vicious cycle of causing rude behavior in others, spreading contagious moods and bad behavior.
It's easy to see how this happens. A rude driver cuts you off on your way to work, leaving you feeling irritated and frustrated. You bring these negative feelings to work with your co-workers and notice it when you lash out at a co-worker for no apparent reason. Your colleagues feel hurt, become irritated, and are rude to others. And so on.
You have the power to stop the vicious circle of rudeness. With a little compassion, you can counteract rudeness with kindness.
Don't take rudeness personally
The first step to stopping the cycle of rudeness is to stop taking rude behavior personally. We all have bad days when it feels like the whole world is trying to knock you down. At such moments, there is a great temptation to throw out all this negativity to the outside world, which often means throwing it out at the person closest to you.
It happens to all of us, so understanding the fact that a rude person may just be having a bad day can completely shift your perspective. Perhaps they were going through something difficult, and it was at that moment that you fell into their lap. You can often break the cycle of incivility by avoiding responding to bad behavior with your own negativity.
Why are people rude to you?
Of course, those who know how to be rude know best how to deal with rudeness. I don’t know how, I would rather endure, listen, and apologize - if a person is rude to me, then I’m probably doing something wrong.
Work colleagues advised me to immediately start weaning myself from victimized behavior, and then I had to do a lot of Googling. Victim behavior, or victim behavior, is a situation in which one person behaves in such a way that it is convenient for another to insult and humiliate him.
Remember, you've probably seen such people - any brawler immediately sees in them fertile ground, they always get stuck in stupid circumstances, something constantly happens to them both at home and at work. So, the reasons for rudeness:
- you are not ready to respond to rudeness;
- you do not know how to react correctly to grievances;
- you feel guilty;
- you are too soft and pliable a person who is easy to bend to your will.
I understand that every girl will most likely say that she is, like, wow, what a queen, but I advise you to sit down and think carefully with yourself. And you will find situations in which you show your own victimization.
Gentleness is inherent in us by nature, and with the help of good upbringing, every girl can be taught to regularly feel guilty. How to deal with rudeness if you think you are to blame for it?
How can you learn to respond to harsh words with dignity and justice if you are trembling with fear? We must overcome fear and uncertainty within ourselves.
However, the reasons for rudeness are also different. Learn to quickly determine what kind of mood a person is in, what his thoughts are, and you will understand the essence of his actions. The reasons for rudeness can be:
- aggression (this applies more to men, they have a fairly high level of aggression and sometimes let off steam on those who are inferior to them in some way);
- fatigue (as in the situation with my client - the girl was just tired, it seemed to her that I was not too attentive, and she was rude to me);
- low level of culture (hardly anything can be done here);
- a feeling of one’s own impunity (when a person is not in a good mood and sees that they will not respond to his rudeness - he can become rude);
- accident (well, that happens too).
While we were discussing the morning situation with our colleagues (at that time the customer had already called and apologized for her behavior, and I, in turn, apologized for my irritability and complained about a bad day), we recalled various cases of rudeness and impudence.
We agreed that it is not always necessary to respond to insolence - sometimes you still shouldn’t get involved. We need to remember the consequences. But sometimes you can answer beautifully - this will put the rude person in his place and help lift his spirits a little.
Use humor to calm a difficult person
A rude and difficult person can create tension and anxiety for himself and everyone around him. Remember that they are most likely being rude because they are angry or upset about something they have previously experienced. Humor can create variety and break up this tension, giving everyone an opportunity to laugh.
You can do this by finding a way to laugh at a common situation or by making a joke about a common experience that you can relate to. Self-irony can be an equally effective weapon. Finding a way to bring some levity when someone is feeling out of sorts can help everyone in the conversation hit the reset button and start over on a better note.
Realize that rudeness is nothing new
Apparently, rudeness is part of human nature. We've been complaining about it since the beginning of time - Plato himself famously ranted about young people who show no respect and behave badly. Rude behavior can easily become a habit for many people. Often we simply don't notice or forget the importance of showing kindness, sympathy and understanding.
Rude behavior is contagious: it tends to cause more negative behavior. But if we are able to see that this negative behavior is harming our productivity, our happiness or our health, we are able to understand the importance of hitting the stop button on such behavior in a timely manner. Rudeness is nothing new, but this does not mean that we are obliged to enter into a vicious circle of rudeness.
