Unrequited love
There is unrequited love. Most people experience this feeling in their lives. These are actually difficult trials, suffering, and emotional experiences. Such an unrequited feeling is given to a person for a reason:
- For the purpose of development - as a rule, people experience such love in their teenage years. This is a good incentive for growth and change. It is important not to go headlong into your suffering, but to understand the situation, accept it and move on. Many people are saved by being creative.
- As punishment, sooner or later comes retribution for all past bad deeds. Most likely, a person who had to experience unrequited feelings was given this because of his misdeeds in the past. It is better to deal with this and correct the situation, if possible.
- In the form of a life lesson, a test - the Universe wants to teach you how to choose correctly. Anyone who is rejected by another person must accept and realize this. Perhaps he is doing something wrong, so he cannot get reciprocal feelings from his loved one.
Why doesn't a person love himself?
Unfortunately, not every person knows how to love, and therefore take care of themselves. Hence - self-rejection, lack of freedom of choice.
Where does self-dislike come from? Why can it be so difficult for a person to take care of himself? Psychologists say that everything comes from childhood : if a child was not loved by his parents, if he did not receive the love, care and attention of his mother in the amount he needed, then he will bring the feeling of being unloved into adulthood.
The inability to love oneself occurs when a child does not see loving, caring parents who accept him for who he is. This is where conflicts arise between inner Child and the inner Parent - these are concepts that are used in psychology.
So, in any adult there lives an inner Child who needs the care, love and approval of the inner Parent. But the inner Parent can only be rejecting, callous, and cruel. And the reason for this is that in childhood a person did not receive enough parental, and above all, maternal love.
Self-dislike usually arises from dislike of childhood
By what signs can you understand that a person does not love himself?
- he is indifferent to his appearance, does not care about his health;
- constantly criticizes himself, tries to correct and improve;
- feels inferior next to others;
- believes that he does not deserve healthy relationships, benefits;
- satisfies the needs of other people to the detriment of his own;
- in relationships with people takes the role of a victim.
You can learn to accept yourself. Even adults who did not receive enough love in childhood can learn to be caring, attentive Parents to their inner Child.
At any age you can learn to love yourself
Types of love
In fact, there are as many types of love as there are people. Each one is unique, with its own imprint of experience, worldview, and objective characteristics of the relationship between a man and a woman.
But still they distinguish:
- Sympathy that includes intimacy. When a couple is spiritually close, there is tenderness and affection, but there is no passion or devotion in the relationship.
- Obsessive is a relationship that is full of passion but lacks intimacy with commitment. In this case, the passion simply quickly disappears. It could be love at first sight. This feeling can pass quickly, or it can become great and sincere love for life.
- An empty feeling is when people are bound only by obligations. At the same time, there is no passion or intimacy. Those who have made a conscious decision to remain faithful to their other half go into such relationships. This is typical for married couples who have been married for a long time, but have lost attraction to each other. They may just have warm, friendly feelings.
- Romance – presupposing the presence of a passionate, intimate relationship in which there is no devotion. It resembles sympathy, but here a person is attracted to a partner both emotionally and physically.
- Friendly love - there are obligations with intimacy, but the passion was either not there initially, or it has simply gone away.
- Love without meaning is when people are capable of experiencing passion and are devoted to their partners, but there is no spiritual intimacy in them. This relationship can end in a hasty marriage, but also in an equally quick divorce if the couple does not increase intimacy.
- Ideal feelings - they have a place of passion, intimacy and devotion. Each of us dreams about this. It is possible to achieve, but it is a feeling that is very fleeting. Such love does not necessarily end in breakup. It can transform into another variety.
How is love different from being in love?
Let's figure out the difference between infatuation and love. The first feeling is strong sympathy, which usually arises in adolescence, as well as in young people. They are not yet experienced and young. The couple idealizes each other. With time and the development of relationships, ideal images are destroyed and feelings pass. True love is capable of many things. Its important difference from falling in love is the desire to give your loved one your care, to make his life better, happier, more comfortable.
Falling in love is not selfish, but in most cases, lovers are not ready to live for the sake of their partner, they just want to spend time together.
Love is a conscious feeling. It takes longer to mature, but it doesn’t go away because of little things, as quickly as falling in love. A person who truly loves does not demand perfection from his partner.
Undoubtedly, there are changes in both feelings. However, if there is true love, then the couple goes through many trials and difficulties and ultimately does not regret that they started a family and lived their whole lives like that.
Signs of falling in love
Among the behavioral symptoms of falling in love are the following:
- the desire to be sincere - it is much more important to show your loved one your true face than to appear better;
- you can’t get enough of your loved one – only he is important, other people don’t matter to you. At the same time, all shortcomings are accepted and realized, however, only advantages are in the foreground;
- being in a state of light trance after intimacy - sex in this case is not just the satisfaction of a physical need, it brings true pleasure;
- the desire to make the life of a loved one more comfortable, better - the lover does everything possible for the well-being of his partner;
- you want to be together all the time - even if you don’t really like the activity, the person in love will remain nearby and enjoy the company of their other half;
- knowledge of all habits, habits - when there is empathy, you know everything about your loved one, you can predict his next gesture, read his thoughts;
- the desire for sole possession of a loved one - the basis of possessive feelings is the reluctance to be interested in other candidates for relationships.
Stages of love
The relationship between two loving people goes through several stages of development. The following stages of love are distinguished:
- The candy and bouquet stage is a happy time for a couple in love, who delight each other with various little things and expensive gifts. They do not notice the shortcomings in their partner; raging hormones distort reality. The couple strives to be constantly together and have intimate relationships as often as possible.
- The addiction stage is when the couple reaches a time of mutual saturation. Fatigue sets in, you already want to be alone with yourself for a while and just take a break from sex. The first shortcomings become noticeable. In a relationship, unquenchable passion is replaced by some calmness and adequacy.
- The grinding stage - at this stage it is already possible to determine whether such a relationship has a future. From a psychological point of view, this particular period shows how successful a relationship can be, and whether the feeling will become true love. Partners begin to critically evaluate all the pros, cons and their acceptability for themselves. Conflict situations, which often occur at this stage, can become a reason for a final break or work on the relationship.
- Time for patience - after destroying the ideality of images, you should accept all the identified shortcomings of your loved one. The time to sort things out is almost over and all that remains is to realize everything and gradually learn mutual respect, as well as a tolerant attitude towards the partner’s shortcomings.
- The rapprochement stage - after dropping all masks, the time to trust begins. No one is embarrassed to show their flaws. The couple reveals secrets. They become sincere and frank.
- The period of friendship is a time when people in love have no secrets left from each other, everything has been studied and consciously accepted by both parties.
- The time to truly love is the stage when lovers have reached complete mutual understanding, when there is already friendship in their relationship, true love comes.
If a marriage is entered into by people who were able to adequately go through all stages of the development of feelings, then such a union is destined to be happy.
Signs of true love
The real feeling of love has a number of characteristics that are characteristic only of it:
- attentive attention to the needs of a loved one and a desire to take care of his well-being;
- lack of selfishness, truly love unselfishly, give care and inner warmth, no matter what;
- there is a sense of responsibility to the partner;
- a true deep feeling does not tolerate restrictions on the freedom of a loved one; there should be no jealousy or selfishness in a relationship;
- partners trust each other unconditionally, any suspicion contributes to the destruction of feelings;
- without respect for a loved one, his worldview, there can be no talk of true feeling;
- feelings can be called true love of people who are close emotionally and physically;
- True love motivates people to develop and change for the better. Lovers want and become better for the sake of their partner;
- This is a conscious feeling. Loving people clearly understand what they are willing to do for their partner. They cannot allow impulsiveness and irresponsibility in their actions; they do not promise impossible things;
- love is a dynamic feeling. Loving people's range of interests changes, new ambitions and dreams appear. True love is a feeling without fear of change.
Learning to show self-love
Listening to your own self
Start listening to your body, emotions and feelings. Learn to notice the smallest details of discomfort in order to eliminate it in a timely manner. For example, certain words of people around you caused some pain, but you remained silent, giving permission to continue such behavior towards you. In the next similar situation, as soon as you feel irritation or other negative emotions from other people, immediately show them that this behavior is unpleasant to you or immediately cut off communication with such people. If you wanted to purchase something, but refused to purchase it, make a long-desired purchase. Don't stop pleasing yourself: this may be expressed in small things, but with the help of such actions, you will accustom yourself to the thoughts that you deserve to feel happiness, joy and enjoy your own life.
Caring parent
Start showing encouragement to yourself, satisfy your desires, show praise and concern for your own health.
If you felt lonely and began to feel that there was not enough care for you, show it to yourself yourself.
Boundary designation
Self-dislike occurs together with the inability to set boundaries. With the help of boundaries, you can keep unwanted people away and avoid inappropriate questions and criticism. The human body reacts to violations of boundaries, but because you don’t love yourself, you are not able to defend them. A lot can be said about self-love, but one of the main signs is the ability to say “no” to others. This skill is very difficult to develop in yourself. In some cases, to learn this skill, you will need to seek help from a psychologist, otherwise you will never be able to defend your own boundaries.
Feelings about yourself are important for every person, for a comfortable and quality life. Without love for your own “I”, it is impossible to love the people around you.
What do you think is self-love? Share your opinions in the comments.
