A three-year-old child’s crisis: how to “treat” a child, pedagogical advice to parents

Diagnosis: “adulting crisis”

But hysterics do not go away in a day or a week. Then moms and dads get angry and look for reasons for disobedience in the little one’s bad character, and conduct an audit of upbringing methods.

Real panic begins when neither the stick nor the carrot method works with the child. By this point, parents are mentally at their limit. They are torn by mixed feelings when anger, tears and irritation border on growing anxiety for the health and future of the baby.

Here, many adults turn to pediatric neurologists for help. And this is correct, since behavioral deviations can be a sign of diseases of the nervous system and more. But it is more likely that the doctor will examine the child and reassure the parents by making a “crisis diagnosis.”

Doctors say that a child’s three-year crisis is a stage of growing up necessary for his full development. And you need to worry more quickly when a baby at this age is phlegmatic, submissive and lacking initiative.

Sure ways to tame a little obstinate

Calmness and patience are two keys to getting through a crisis age.

• At the first sign of hysteria, try to distract your little one with a game, a fairy tale, or a new activity. But if the hysteria is already in full swing, it is useless to start a conversation; all you can do is calmly wait out the tears and screams.
• Never respond to a child’s scandal with swearing or screaming; this will only give your child confidence that he can control you.
• Let the hysteria come to a logical conclusion, after which the brawler himself will come to ask for forgiveness.
• Voice your actions and emotions. Try to describe your baby’s vivid emotions in words so that he learns to distinguish between them. In the future, this will help the baby better understand his feelings and control his actions.
• Demonstrate your approval of the baby’s independence in every possible way.
• Praise him generously and remind him of your love.
• At the same time, never compare your offspring with other children. Any comparisons can only be made with the abilities of your child in the past. For example, praise him for putting away his toys himself today without you having to remind him.

Children's negativism can be used for your own purposes. It is enough to invite the obstinate person to stay at home, and he will immediately rush off to get ready for a walk. Sometimes you need to be flexible, look for compromise options that will calm the stubborn person and force him to accept your offer.

You can try leaving the baby alone if he refuses educational games or walks. It is difficult for a child to have fun alone, so he will quickly get bored and come to you in search of entertainment. After this, you can repeat your suggestions, one of which will surely suit the skank’s taste.

It is important to give the baby more freedom to explore the world around him. Give him the right to make decisions, to make choices, because this is what your child really wants. Even if your independent venture is unsuccessful, do not scold your child, but praise his perseverance. Avoid sharply negative assessments, because the child is especially sensitive and emotional at this age.

The child is looking for himself

Psychology calls special stages of personality development an age crisis. These periods are characterized by sharp mental changes. Many experts agree that without such changes it is impossible to form character, one’s “I”.

Throughout life, a person goes through a number of such moments. One of the most famous is puberty or the so-called “teenage” period associated with puberty. There is a crisis of newborns, thirty-year-olds and even retirement.

But it is the crisis of three years that is considered one of the most difficult. This is a kind of equator between early childhood and preschool age. During this period, the baby gets to know his “I” and learns to manage it. He separates from his parents and builds new relationships with them. This stage is also conventionally called “I am myself” or the stage of obstinacy.

Some experts compare the behavior of a child during a three-year crisis with the behavior of a novice driver. The first time after receiving a driving license, a newly minted driver is careful, follows the rules, and listens to the experience of experienced drivers. But very soon he gets used to it, and the feeling of fear dulls: the driver begins to drive recklessly, trying to try all the capabilities of his car and prove himself behind the wheel.

CRISIS OF 3 YEARS OLD CHILDREN article (junior group) on the topic

CRISIS OF 3 YEARS OLD CHILDREN

The crisis of 3 years in children is understood as a sharp, radical restructuring of the existing personality mechanisms and the formation of new personality traits and consciousness of the child, as well as a new transition to a new type of relationship with the outside world.

SYMPTOMS OF CRISIS IN 3 YEARS OLD CHILDREN

- There is a breakdown of the old and the formation of new qualities of the child’s personality.

-The child begins to separate from adults.

-There is an irresistible desire to do everything, to decide on your own. In this connection, he fiercely resists any pressure from the people around him.

-The child begins to defend his “I”.

-In a child’s speech one can increasingly hear “I”, “I myself”, “I can”, “I want”.

-A sense of ownership, a tendency to greed, and jealousy appear.

-The baby becomes stubborn.

-Children do not do what they were asked to do, they do the opposite. It is important for parents to know that the desire to do the opposite is manifested against the will of the child, to the detriment of his interests.

-The child may show dissatisfaction with what the adult offers him, may quarrel with people around him, behave aggressively, bite, fight.

-May call parents swear words.

-At this age, children often have tears and hysterics if adults do not satisfy the child’s wishes.

-The child requires constant attention from adults.

-Children during a 3-year-old crisis are more eager for rewards, and a feeling of pride appears in their achievements and successes.

CAUSES OF 3 YEAR OLD CRISIS IN CHILDREN

As you already know, during the period of crisis of 3 years, children develop such behavioral characteristics as: negativism, self-will, stubbornness, aggression and many other undesirable manifestations of the psyche. All these behavioral features are explained by the fact that a child between the ages of 2.5 and 3.5 years begins to recognize himself as an independent person and demonstrate his own will.

The famous Three Year Crisis was first described by Elsa Keller. She highlighted the symptoms of the crisis: 1. NEGATIVISM. The child refuses to obey the demands of elders at all. When talking about children's negativism, it must be distinguished from ordinary disobedience. With negativism, the child’s entire behavior is contrary to what adults offer him; he does not want to do something just because one of the adults suggested it, i.e. this is a reaction not to the content of the action, but to the adults’ proposal itself . Negativism includes, as a distinguishing feature from ordinary disobedience, what the child does not do because he was asked to do so. With a sharp form of negativism, it comes to the point that you can get the opposite answer to any proposal made in an authoritative tone. A number of authors have beautifully described similar experiments. For example, an adult, approaching a child, says in an authoritative tone: “This dress is black,” and receives the answer: “No, it is white.” And when they say: “It’s white,” the child replies: “No, it’s black.” The desire to contradict, the desire to do the opposite of what one is told is negativism in the proper sense of the word. 2. STABILITY. Reaction to your own decision; Stubbornness is a child’s reaction when he insists on something not because he really wants it, but because he demanded it. He insists on his demand. Let's say a child is called from the yard into the house; he refuses, they give him arguments that convince him, but because he has already refused, he does not go. The motive behind stubbornness is that the child is bound by his original decision. 3. STABILITY. Close to 1 and 2. Has a more generalized and more impersonal character; The symptom is considered so central to age that the entire critical age is called the age of obstinacy. Obstinacy differs from negativism in that it is impersonal. Negativism is always directed against the adult who is now encouraging the child to take one or another action. And obstinacy is, rather, directed against the norms of upbringing established for the child, against the way of life; it is expressed in a kind of childish discontent with which the child responds to everything that is offered to him and what is done. Here, an obstinate attitude is reflected not in relation to a person, but in relation to the entire way of life that developed before the age of 3, in relation to the norms that are proposed, to the toys that were previously of interest. 4. SELF-WILL. The desire for emancipation from an adult; It lies in the child’s tendency towards independence. This didn't happen before. Now the child wants to do everything himself. 5. symptom of devaluation. For example, in a good family a child begins to swear. S. Buhler figuratively described the horror of the family when the mother heard from the child that she was a fool, which he could not say before. 6. PROTEST-RIOT. Manifests itself in frequent quarrels with parents; Everything in the child’s behavior begins to have a protesting character in a number of individual manifestations, which could not have happened before. The child’s entire behavior takes on the features of protest, as if the child is at war with those around him, in constant conflict with them. 7. DESPOTISM. In a family with an only child, there is a desire for despotism. The child develops a desire to exercise despotic power over others. The mother should not leave the house, she should sit in the room, as he demands. He must get everything he demands; he won’t eat it, but will eat what he wants. The child seeks thousands of ways to demonstrate power over others. The child is now trying to return to the state that was in early childhood, when all his desires were actually fulfilled, and to become the master of the situation.

All these symptoms revolve around the axis of the self and the people around it. These symptoms indicate that the child’s relationship with the people around him and with his own personality is changing. The crisis is associated with a restructuring of the social relationships between the child’s personality and the people around him. From the crisis of three years, a tendency arises towards independent activity, at the same time similar to the activity of an adult - after all, adults act as models for the child, and the child wants to act like them. WHAT ARE THE REASONS FOR THE CRISIS? Firstly, by the age of 3, the child’s body usually reaches sufficient development for the baby to be independent. His cognitive interests also improve, which is why he becomes a “researcher” of the world around him, including his own capabilities. A natural consequence of such “maturation” is the desire to do everything yourself and a protest against parental help and prohibitions as restrictions on activity. Secondly, it is believed that it is at the age of three that the child’s personality is “born”. Of course, his personality was formed in early childhood, but around this period the child psychologically “separates” from his parents and recognizes himself as a separate being. And now the phrase “I myself” is fixed in the child’s dictionary for a long time. To strengthen his “I”, the baby needs independence, but the main conflict of this age is that at the same time he continues to be dependent and desperately needs the support and love of adults. In fact, what a little stubborn person needs most of all is for his parents to recognize his independence and at the same time continue to love and care for him. Thirdly, it is important for adults to remember that often vivid manifestations of the normal age crisis of three years are associated with the fact that parents did not notice in time that the child had grown up, that it was time to change a lot in communication with him. The most dramatic changes occur in the relationship between adults and children in families where the “center” of everything that happens is the child. As a rule, in this case numerous symptoms of crisis appear. In those families where the child is not the center of everything, but simply a member of the family who has his own responsibilities and his own “field of activity,” the crisis of three years passes gently, almost unnoticed. In such families, parents with excessive care and prohibitions for fear of “what might happen” do not deprive the child of the opportunity for free development, and he does not need to “fight” with them. WHAT TO DO? - with negativism? First of all, understand that this is normal: in order for something of your own to appear, you need to refuse “someone else’s” (even if it is parental) - with stubbornness? The main thing is not to try to change the child, because in such a situation there will be no winners. Try to see in this situation the child’s growing up, the formation of his personality. It is even possible to begin to respect the child’s desire to act at his own discretion, try to have his own opinion and “keep his word,” albeit in such ridiculous manifestations. Be more flexible and never hurt your child’s pride with words like “I told you you’d come!” - with obstinacy? Some psychologists advise comparing this opposition of oneself to parents with what happens in adolescence, but the separation and isolation of a child is a very long process, so psychologists advise considering obstinacy at 3 years old as its beginning. The child’s eternal dissatisfaction is part of an important process of his formation. Let this put your mind at ease. Then you can stop trying to captivate and entertain him. Let the child be alone and do what he wants. Pretty soon he will get bored and come to you. Then you will offer him everything that he refused before. Just do it unobtrusively, without excessive enthusiasm, so as not to provoke the child’s refusal again. - with self-will? Here it is necessary to look for a middle ground, because unlimited freedom for a child is no less harmful than strict restrictions. Allow the child to do on his own everything that he is actually able to do, and what the baby cannot do yet, but which can be taught to him, help him, but do not do everything for him. Let every day more tasks that he can handle, let his confidence in his own abilities grow. — during quarrels? Of course, restrictions are needed here. When a child calls his mother or father names, he must understand that he is doing something wrong and that adults are angry. However, you cannot go down to the level of three years and start conflicting with your child. It’s better to show by facial expressions and intonations or actions that this is unpleasant and offensive to you. However, do not forget that you need to periodically give the child acceptable ways to throw out his aggression: pretend fight, throw pillows, etc., based on the situation and place. - with despotism? Some parents, trying to avoid unnecessary conflicts in the family, try to give in to their child in everything and subordinate him to his desires throughout his life. But the question is how long can this last, since people (including children) rarely give up power of their own free will? Therefore, it is better to immediately limit the child wisely, giving him enough freedom to manage his time and energy, but not the time and desires of other family members. It is important to learn to separate the child’s true needs from those that are, rather, manifestations of his desire to control others. In the second case, you should be able to gently but strictly say “no” to the child, emphasizing that the actions of others in this case do not harm him in any way, which means that parents (or other adults) have the right to do as they want.

An acute crisis of three years with hysterics may be a consequence of an authoritarian model of upbringing in the family, restrictions on the child’s personal initiative and independence, inadequate and frequent use of punishments and prohibitions, or, on the contrary, a style of family education such as overprotection will contribute to the aggravation of the child’s relationship with adults, as well as inconsistency and inconsistency in demands on the child.

HOW LONG DOES THE 3 YEAR CRISIS LAST IN CHILDREN?

At the center of the crisis of 3 years is a rebellion against authoritarian upbringing, against previously established relationships in the family. The concept of “Three Year Crisis” is very arbitrary; its time boundaries are blurred. The 3-year crisis begins at about 2.5 years and continues until 3.5 - 4 years. The duration of the crisis, 3 years, depends on the chosen model of education, the mental characteristics and personality of the child himself.

Lev Semyonovich Vygotsky, a Soviet psychologist, emphasized that behind every negative symptom of a crisis “is hidden a positive content, which usually consists of a transition to a new and higher form.”

POSITIVE ACQUIRED PERSONALITY TRAITS OF A CHILD AFTER THE CRISIS OF 3 YEARS IN CHILDREN

-Establishing a new level of self-awareness.

-Striving for independence.

-Development of strong-willed qualities and activity.

-Establishing deeper, new relationships with adults in communication, cognitive and substantive activities, and play, in which the importance of a positive assessment of adults’ successes and personal achievements of children is great.

CAN A CHILD'S 3 YEAR OLD CRISIS PASS INDEPENDENTLY WITHOUT SYMPTOMS?

A 3-year-old crisis in children can occur without any obvious negative manifestations in the child’s behavior. The opinion that this can negatively affect the mental development or development of the child’s personality is erroneous.

In a crisis in the development of a child’s personality, the main thing is not how it proceeds, but what it leads to, what new mental formations will appear in the child. The appearance of such qualities as independence, will, and pride in achievements is a sure sign of adequate development of the child’s personality at this age stage of his development.

HOW TO HELP A 3-YEAR-OLD CHILD Cope with a Crisis

Do not use an authoritarian parenting style, give up overprotection.

Adhere to the same parenting tactics. Children should be held to the same standards.

Be sensitive and patient.

If your child has an outburst of anger, tears, or hysterics, show calm and patience. Do not allow yourself to scream and lash out in response; if the child sees your calmness, he will calm down faster in response. The child should not learn that screaming, tears and hysteria can be manipulated by parents. Children who are hysterical do not need to be punished. Your screaming and swearing will only intensify the hysteria. The child will calm down on his own when he realizes that his tears have no effect on you.

Try not to argue with your child. Don't try to forcefully break his stubbornness. Remember that the child is testing you. Previously, the child was allowed almost everything, but now much is prohibited, as a result of which the child tries to build a new system of relationships with adults and the outside world. The child learns from his parents to defend his point of view and independence.

Don't boss your child around! He won't tolerate this. This will only lead to nervous tension.

Intervene less and rush him.

Don't persuade him to eat - let him eat on his own. Let him leave the table as soon as he has finished eating.

Give your child the opportunity to be independent (for example, dress and undress himself).

Give your child the opportunity to be independent. Assign him simple tasks: water the flowers, set the table, sweep the floor, etc.

Let your child make his own choice: ask what toy he would like to take with him to kindergarten or for a walk. Which T-shirt would you like to wear from the several options you suggested? The child must learn to make independent decisions.

Give in on the little things. If a child at lunch wants to eat the main dish first and then the soup, let him, nothing bad will happen.

Together with your child, look for compromise solutions in the current conflict situation, giving the child the right to choose.

Education should not be based on prohibitions and punishments, but on positive permission to act.

The fourth year of life is the most favorable period for the development of hard work in a child.

Regular pushing over time gives rise to stubbornness, lowers self-esteem, deprives one of independence and the right to choose his own way to solve the problem facing him. Remember, any excessive care kills the child’s initiative.

Offer your child your help, rather than doing everything for him.

Show your child your love, praise him more often, hug him.

Your baby may decide that you don't love him if you constantly scold him for his misdeeds, for example, accidentally breaking a cup or spilling soup. A child at this age is not yet able to differentiate between your attitude towards his specific actions and the general attitude towards him personally. Calmly explain to the child why he is wrong, why this is bad. To avoid perpetuating a guilt complex in your child, do not yell at him.

At the age of 3 years, play becomes a leading activity for the child. Use play techniques when communicating with your child. If a child refuses to eat porridge, ask him to feed the toy, saying that it agrees to eat only in turns with the child. Using role-playing games, you can teach your child the rules of etiquette, norms of behavior, rules of politeness, how to behave correctly at the table, take the child’s toys as allies.

A child of four years of age begins to feel proud of his successes and achievements. Praise and support your child.

Don't compare your child's achievements to those of other children. In the fourth year of life, the child has not yet developed a sense of healthy competition. Saying to her child: “Look at what a beautiful, neat boat Katya drew, but you don’t have a ship, but some kind of trough and the drawing is sloppy, you didn’t try!” you will instill in the baby only negative feelings towards Katya. It will be much better and more effective if you give the child his own example, for example: “Today your boat turned out much better than yesterday, the drawing is neat, well done.”

You should not give your child general ratings, such as “bungler”, “poor-handed”, etc. Your casually thrown words can hurt your child and serve as the basis for further psychological problems. Keep your child confident that he can do everything on his own: “Well done, you almost succeeded, let me help you a little, and together we will do everything right.”

The 3-year-old crisis in children is a period of serious testing for parents. Remember that you were once children too. If it is difficult for you to cope with your child’s behavioral manifestations alone, do not delay, contact a child psychologist, he will help you restore peace in the family.

Internet resources used to write the article:

https://www.komarovskiy.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=284

https://health-doctor.narod.ru/deti/Komarovskiy/rebenok.html

https://dlyavass.ru/soveti-roditeliam/vospitanie-detey/554-isteriki-u-rebenka-2-3-let.html

https://www.dar-rogdeniya.ru/2012/11/07/zdorovie-semi/nedetskie-otkroveniya-doktora-komarovskogo

When will the crisis begin and how long will it last? 3 years

The three-year crisis does not necessarily manifest itself clearly at three years. Much depends on the individual characteristics and potential of the child. Some mothers noticed crisis conditions as early as two years old. This happens so early if the child begins to speak quickly. But more often the crisis occurs between the ages of two and a half and three and a half years.

The exact dates of the beginning and end of the crisis cannot be fixed, since the situation is developing progressively. And only in the middle of the journey does a sharp exacerbation of crisis symptoms occur.

How long does the three-year crisis last? And there will be no specific answer here. Observations show that a capricious person can improve in just five to six weeks, or he can “play” on his nerves for a whole year.

The problem is so urgent that in preschool educational institutions, psychologists and educators even conduct thematic consultations for parents. There are also special sites for psychological help, where you can consult with specialists about your child’s behavior via virtual communication.

Video on the topic 7 main signs of a child crisis 3 years old

Causes of the crisis and its main symptoms

There are several reasons for the three-year crisis.

1. Your baby reaches the transition from early childhood to preschool, and his main priority is to explore the world and his possibilities. If parents limit the independence of the baby, a rebellion is brewing.
2. It is at the age of three that personality is formed. The baby wants to do everything himself, make decisions, but he still needs the love and care of his parents.

The critical stage occurs between the ages of 2.5 and 4 years. Its duration depends on family relationships, the parents’ reaction to children’s tantrums and the character of the baby. Be prepared for the crisis to last at least 4-6 weeks. This is the minimum time required for serious psychological restructuring and the development of new behavioral skills. Parents can only be patient and master unusual methods of communicating with their child.

Psychologists identify seven main symptoms of the three-year crisis:

• negativism,
• stubbornness,
• obstinacy,
• self-will,
• protest,
• depreciation,
• despotism.

Knowing the background of each of the manifestations, you can correctly interpret the baby’s behavior and select appropriate methods of communicating with him. These symptoms do not always appear at the same time or with the same intensity. Usually two or three signs are most noticeable in children's behavior, while others only complement the picture.

Negativism manifests itself in a sharp denial of any proposal received from an adult. The negative reaction is not directed at the proposal itself, but at the person who puts forward it. The baby strives to do everything the other way around, in his own way, although he often suffers because of his own negativism.

Children often show stubbornness when they want to achieve something “out of principle”, and not because of a strong desire. Kids become victims of their stubbornness, which does not allow them to agree with adults, even if the desire to argue has already disappeared. Obstinacy manifests itself in endless dissatisfaction with everything around. The child is trying to break the usual way of life and abandon the norms of upbringing that parents used until the age of three.

The growing desire for independence awakens children's self-will . Kids want to do everything themselves, not realizing that some activities are not yet within their capabilities. The result of self-willed behavior is disappointment in one’s own capabilities, when the baby cannot cope with a difficult task.

If your child is using protest-riot , you probably feel as if your home has turned into a battlefield. The kid seems to get pleasure from stirring up a conflict out of nowhere, driving not only himself, but also those around him into hysterics.

At this stage, many objects and concepts lose their value. devaluation manifests itself . The baby gives up his favorite toys, changes his habits, and swear words appear in his speech. Parents lose their authority in the eyes of the child; he can call and tease mom and dad without a twinge of conscience.

If the baby is the center of the family, he may show signs of despotism . The baby tries to control the actions of those around him, does not let his mother go, and commands the grandmothers. In relation to brothers and sisters, despotism is expressed in the form of jealousy towards rivals with whom one has to share power.

My experience of working with a three-year-old child during a crisis

One of the kids in kindergarten showed all the “seven stars of crisis.” His name is Bogdan, he started going to kindergarten at the age of two. In the middle of the year, the child’s mother began to tell the teachers about the child’s serious changes in behavior. He doesn’t want to go to kindergarten, although he always went with joy, he refuses to have breakfast, his favorite answer to all questions is “no.”

After some time, he began to show his condition in kindergarten: he could break his car, quarreled with his peers, and refused to nap during the day. At the same time, he wanted to perform any action himself, regardless of whether he succeeded. He did not accept help from adults.

A unified behavior strategy for the whole family

The main victim of a crisis period is the person closest to the baby, usually the mother. However, other adults are also influenced by this critical stage of childhood development. Dads react to sudden negative changes in the baby’s behavior quite strictly. The father's task is to give the child a clear understanding of what behavior is acceptable in the family and society, and what will lead to punishment.

Parents need to build a general parenting strategy and never voice conflicting demands that will only confuse the baby.

If dad deservedly punished, mom should not immediately rush to protect the baby. It is also impossible to argue and condemn each other’s behavior and methods of punishment in the presence of the offspring.

During the critical period, it is important not to leave the baby for a long time with nannies or grandmothers if they do not follow your parenting strategy. If a nanny ignores unwanted behavior, the crisis can drag on for months. Grandmothers also often spoil their grandchildren, and sometimes become voluntary victims of little tyrants.

To prevent the crisis of three years from dragging on for years and causing irreparable damage to the formation of the personality of your son or daughter, formulate clear rules of conduct for all family members and monitor their implementation. Otherwise, disobedience and despotism may form the basis of the character of your offspring.

When will the whims of a 3 year old child end?

If parents help and do not prevent a 3-year-old child from overcoming his whims, the crisis period lasts no more than two months.

But if mom and dad do nothing or constantly scold the baby for his bad behavior, daily whims can continue for more than six months, or even a year.

In such a difficult period for the child and for you, you should remember that the more kindly and attentive you are to your child, the faster his constant whims will pass, and you will again see your baby cute, obedient and cheerful.

Types of negativism

Negative perception can manifest itself in both active and passive form. Active negativism is characterized by open rejection of requests; such people do the opposite, no matter what they are asked for. It is typical for children three years old. Speech negativism occurs quite often at this time.

Little stubborn people refuse to fulfill any requests from adults and do the opposite. In adults, this type of pathology manifests itself in schizophrenia, so patients are asked to turn their face, they turn in the opposite direction.

At the same time, negativism must be distinguished from stubbornness, since stubbornness has certain reasons, and negativism is unmotivated resistance.

Passive negativism is characterized by complete disregard for demands and requests. It is usually present in the catatonic form of schizophrenia. When trying to change the position of the patient's body, he encounters strong resistance, which arises as a result of increased muscle tone.

In addition, behavioral, communicative and deep negativism are distinguished. Behavioral is characterized by refusal to fulfill requests or acting contrary. Communicative or superficial is manifested in the outward manifestation of rejection of someone's position, but when it comes to a specific matter, such people are quite constructive, sociable and positive.

Deep negativism is an internal rejection of demands without external manifestations, which is characterized by the fact that no matter how a person behaves externally, he has a negative prejudice inside

How should parents behave?

Parents often find themselves unprepared for the three-year crisis. Psychology remains a science far from ordinary life. Therefore, psychologists are often turned to when the situation has become dangerous and it is difficult to correct it. To prevent this from happening, adults must prepare for the challenges of the crisis age in advance.

The task of parents is to minimize pressure on the child, gently guide his personality, allowing him to acquire the necessary skills. Parents should:

1. Adhere to a single parenting style. Often in a family, parents distribute the roles of a good and an evil adult among themselves: one prohibits, and the other allows. This confuses children and does not allow them to develop a behavior strategy. A child may be afraid of a strict parent, but force a kind one to fulfill his whims.
2. Find compromises. Children do not know how to provide convincing evidence for their point of view, but it is important for them to learn to defend their opinion. It is important to make them feel like they are the winners of the argument, giving in slightly to their desire.
3. Give in on little things. In order not to lose parental authority in really important situations, you should allow them to make independent choices in neutral ones: for example, allow them to choose the toy that the baby will take for a walk, but insist on the need to wear a warm jacket.
4. Do not impose your help. Even if the baby is unable to perform some action, it is important to give him the opportunity to at least try. An adult can offer help, but not impose it.
5. Be patient. The whims of a baby are not a manifestation of bad character. If you ask a child the reason for bad behavior, the child will not be able to answer because he himself does not know it. To reduce psychological stress, it is useful to consolidate daily rituals: putting your baby to bed at the same time, allowing him to take his favorite toy to bed. But if he starts acting up, you can allow him to break the schedule.
6. Use gaming techniques. The only way for children to learn new skills is to learn them through play. Actions should be presented in a playful way: for example, do not force them to put away toys, but arrange a speed competition.
7. Perceive the child as an independent person. It is difficult for parents to perceive their baby as a separate, developing personality. But the sooner this happens, the easier it will be for the baby to realize responsibility for his own actions and learn to make his own decisions.

During acute periods of personality development, adults should be especially sensitive and understanding, but not allow children to manipulate themselves. Permissiveness and constant pressure are harmful. In order not to interfere with the normal development of the child, parents should not:

• prohibit the expression of negative emotions;
• compare the child with other children;
• use physical methods of punishment.

The main skill that a child should acquire after the crisis is over is the acquisition of primary independence. Therefore, parental authority must be flexible.

You should only be persistent in case of real danger. The child must understand in what situations he needs to unconditionally obey his parents, and in what situations he can make an independent decision.

For example, if a child, having played too much, does not look around and risks running out onto the roadway, the parent can and should shout out, grab him by the hand and take him away from the dangerous part of the road. Most likely the child will be scared and capricious. You need to wait out this outbreak of protest and then be sure to explain to him why you can’t run out onto the road. This will form a connection between his parents’ harsh reaction and real danger. In the future, parents will only need to slightly raise their voice so that the child immediately develops an association with danger and the need for obedience.