Crisis of 30 years in women: signs and methods of combating

Why do women have a crisis at 30?

The vast majority of women find signs of crisis. According to statistics, 80% of women aged 28-35 years suffer from it. What are the reasons for its occurrence:

The appearance of the first signs of aging. Beauty for women is often inextricably linked with youth. Therefore, the beautiful half of humanity is sensitive to wrinkles, fat, cellulite, etc. Age-related changes do not fit into established beauty standards, people like their face and body less and less, a woman does not want to accept herself as she is.
Not everything is smooth in your personal life. At the same time, both single and married people have reasons for sadness. The first one develops a fear of being left alone forever and self-esteem drops: after all, no one needs her, as it seems to her. If this is not the case, then friends and relatives who will poke their noses into the problem will not give you a peaceful life. Married people begin to realize that everything is not as they would like. Life is not at all like a fairy tale and “happily ever after” does not work out. Constant worries, responsibility and monotony take away energy and the desire to continue living like this.
Career achievements are not encouraging. Perhaps her career has taken a backseat due to the birth of children, and the girl is fine with this, but she will still think about her unfulfilled plans, even if she does not want to admit it to herself. When career success is achieved, it may still seem insignificant. Or the realization will come that the work itself does not bring pleasure.

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At the same time, a woman constantly compares herself with others and such a comparison does not bring satisfaction, because you can always find those who have something better. A single friend has a good position and salary, a married friend already has two children, and a former classmate looks much better than her in photos on social networks. Such comparison lowers self-esteem and prevents you from enjoying life.

Often at the same time, a reassessment of values and beliefs occurs. You have to give up the old ones, and this is sometimes very painful. Disappointment and a negative attitude towards the world can take their place. You need to try to look for positive moments so as not to slip into depression and remain in crisis for several years.

How to determine that a crisis has arrived

There are signs by which a woman can identify her 30th birthday crisis. Why is this necessary? Firstly, to help yourself survive it and alleviate your condition. Secondly, it will give some peace of mind, understanding that the majority have such problems, instills faith in the future.

Dissatisfaction with yourself. The woman thinks more and more about how many opportunities she missed, that she did a lot of things differently than she should have. She failed to realize her potential and wasted her time.
New problems are coming into view. It seems that all life now consists only of them. Everything is wrong: the children are capricious, the husband does not appreciate, the girlfriends do not understand, at work they only try to frame and dump all the responsibilities.
Thoughts about approaching old age haunt me. This is not always noticeable. Sometimes a woman simply begins to hide her age and reduce it. Birthdays do not make her happy, but instill sadness, because this distances her from the image of a young and beautiful girl.
A desire for change appears. It can be so strong that you want to give up everything and start from scratch. However, you should not make rash decisions and destroy what has been created for many years. This will lead to new problems, but will not relieve inner turmoil.
Relationships with others become more and more tense, disappointments lead to scandals, sometimes even to a break in relations.

Exercises to understand the value of life and motivation

And finally, a few very resourceful exercises that will help you think about your life and understand your desires:

1.Choose a time and place where you will be alone and no one can interrupt or distract you. Sit comfortably, relax and imagine that you only have 24 hours left to live.

When you can imagine and feel, ask yourself:

— what would I like to hear addressed to me after death?

— what would I like to complete, but didn’t have time and now I regret?

— what exactly will I be proud of?

Then think about what things you could and would like to do on your last 24 hours. Make a list and start implementing it. This exercise can be done together with a loved one. Take turns telling each other your thoughts and sharing answers to questions. Listen carefully, without interrupting and respecting the other person's opinion.

2. And a completely opposite task. In the same way, alone, sit comfortably, relax. Think about the fact that you are being given a chance to live your life again.

Carefully observe the pictures that appear, because what you would like to change will give the answer to what is currently missing. Or maybe you would leave some events and mistakes as they are? After all, they helped you learn from an unpleasant situation and become who you are now. This task helps you rethink your life, accept yourself and your mistakes. And also decide which direction to move and how you want to live the remaining part of your life.

You can see more exercises in the article “What is the meaning of human life and how to find it?”

How to help yourself

First, try to calm down and give yourself time. Some experts do not advise doing anything, but suggest waiting until it goes away on its own. It will, of course, pass, but it may drag on for several years, turn into depression or lead to the destruction of relationships with loved ones. Therefore, it is worth doing everything to alleviate your condition.

Let's look at what not to do:

Take antidepressants. They will reassure you, but will not solve the problem. This way, you risk getting addicted and in the future, all problems that arise can only be solved with medication.
Return to youth. Failure to accept oneself sometimes leads to strange behavior: teenage clothes and hairstyles, the desire to get into the company of those who are much younger and adapt to their interests, communication style, etc.
Lying about your age. This is also a consequence of the inability to accept oneself. Think about it, or better yet, consult a specialist.
Write yourself down as a loser and start whining about it.
Resign yourself to fate and continue to lead the same life in the role of a weak-willed creature who is unable to change anything.

This is your life and you can change it, you just don’t have to yet. Being in this state, it is difficult for a woman to think rationally, so it is better to postpone making important decisions until the crisis is over. After this, it is quite possible that you will change your mind about changing anything. Now your main task is to take care of yourself, so you can quickly overcome your fears and return to a full, joyful life.

What you can do for yourself:

Reduce your responsibility. To do this, you need to distribute some of your responsibilities among other people. If possible, take a vacation or ask your boss and colleagues to help you. At home, you can ask your husband, relatives, and friends for help.
Do things that improve your mood. Find a new hobby or reminisce about an old one.
Spend time with loved ones. Go to nature, take a walk together, have a romantic dinner.
Take care of your appearance. Do wrinkles upset you? Try a new cream, facial exercises, sign up for a massage, skincare treatments.
Monitor your health. No one has canceled the basic needs of the body. Sometimes we refuse to eat or take care of our body if we are sad. This alone will not solve the problem, but may worsen it. Try to eat right, do exercises, sign up for a sports center, get enough sleep - and you will feel better.
Increase the level of happiness hormones. The chemical composition greatly affects your condition. You can recharge with endorphins through exercise or sex, as well as by eating certain foods, such as dark chocolate.
Strive to become better. Do you feel dissatisfied with yourself? Use it as an incentive to improve yourself. Sign up for courses, master a foreign language, learn something new. This raises self-esteem and occupies the brain with useful activities rather than depressive thoughts.
Sign up for a training, seminar, or group of women who have the same problem. Knowing that you are not alone helps you overcome a problematic period and do it more calmly. If you prefer not to discuss your condition with others, contact a psychologist who will work individually with you.

How to find the meaning of life after 30 years?

Man, from birth, is a trusting creature and in childhood extremely suggestible. But over the years this goes away. And at some point, somewhere between 30 and 40 years (although for some earlier, for others later, and for others never), a moment comes when you realize that everything that you previously perceived goals as something of importance and value, which are nothing more than a banal “cheater” to facilitate external management. Or you don’t understand, but you feel it - like inner emptiness, like dissatisfaction, like loss, like confusion, like a loss of meaning and orientation in life. The essence is the same.

If you have lost interest in everything and nothing makes you happy in life

This is a signal that it’s time to seriously grow up. Normally, a healthy, developed person always knows what he wants from life and what he is really interested in doing.

If nothing interests you and nothing makes you happy, then it means that you have reached the point where you can no longer lie to yourself. Or it becomes more and more difficult. What to do? Start learning to be honest with yourself. And, first of all, recognize as an objective fact that everything that you previously believed in, that you considered to be the unshakable truth, correct and true, is nothing more than an illusion and nonsense that is inadequate to reality.

They instilled in you, and you believed, that the main thing is to get a higher education, and then everything in life will work out on its own. This turned out not to be the case.

It was instilled in you and you believed that the main thing is to get a job that pays well, make a career there and happily work until retirement, taking out a car on credit and an apartment on a mortgage. Reality soon showed that money cannot make you happy, and “financial bondage” and the fear of losing a stable income made you a slave.

The result of lying to yourself and believing in illusions, and it’s scary not to believe in them, because then you will have to change for real, and not in a fun way, has turned your life into a boring and gray dull existence, where energy, that is, vitality, is sucked out like a vacuum cleaner by unconscious internal conflicts . There won't be a miracle. Ahead lies an unhappy, sick old age and an awareness of the ruination of life prospects.

Is it possible to change everything? It's up to you.

How to start living again

“It’s very easy to start living again! I did this every Monday and every New Year!” - this is the motto of the modern infantile personality. This is truly inspiring. Realizing that you can. You just need to choose the right Monday, or better yet, wait until next year. Then I'll show you!

This is a childishly naive, but very strong lie. It helps to delay the moment of making a decision, while providing yourself with a reliable alibi. “Well, I’m not refusing, it’s definitely on Monday!” But Monday comes, and suddenly all sorts of important matters and circumstances are discovered, all sorts of moments and nuances that by no means allow us to start as planned. Therefore, it is better to postpone. Until next Monday. And so the “Monday that will never come” arises.

What to do?

In addition to the obvious solution (there is awareness of the problem - I go to a specialist and start working), there is a way for the lazy or timid. Just start keeping a journal. And get into the habit of reading it at least once a week. Write about your goals, your desires, your fears, what you have done to change your life, and what you want to do. The more you write and read more often, the faster you will come to an unpleasant realization of where and in what ways you are lying to yourself.

If you don’t stop after this and continue to write a diary, write honestly and frankly, then consider that half of the work has already been done. Then the next step is transformation.

What is the purpose of my life

From the point of view of genes, a person under 30 years of age must fulfill his program - create a biological copy (preferably more than one) and begin to depart into another world. The entire structure of the body is “sharpened” to perform this task. That is, after 30, a person’s life has no biological meaning. But it has another.

A classic mistake made by many people who have read instructions on “finding the meaning of life in 30 minutes” is trying to set goals based on the “current version of themselves,” so to speak. Or, in other words, try to build your house on a dilapidated foundation of false values, social myths, bullshit, fashion trends, other people's ideas and all sorts of limiting regulations.

Any goal set in this way will be a goal set “from the mind” and will not “connect” with the energy of internal motivations. This means that there will be no desire to do anything to achieve such a goal. This is at best.

In the worst case, the goal may be set as overcompensation. When real or fictitious shortcomings (“wrong” nationality, origin or social status) are compensated for through active neurotic activity that depletes the body. A person rushes forward towards some formally important but meaningless goal, solely out of anger, rage or hatred. Receives the result and dies from cardiovascular disease. Or gets depressed.

The main sign of “your goal” is that it resonates with internal energy. This can manifest as feelings of deep love. Or delight. Or awareness of the beauty, strength and greatness of what was planned. It doesn’t matter, what matters is that a person feels complete unity between the goal and himself.

Such a goal cannot be imagined. You can only, as they say, “give birth” to it by catching its vibrations on an ideal, spiritual level. There are not and cannot be any clear algorithms that give the expected result. Algorithms are needed by robots and managers. The question of finding your goal, your meaning in life is a very subtle and very deep question, requiring certain iterations to be cut and polished. It can be compared to the creative process of creating a painting or sculpture, when a picture is created from a gray canvas, and a complete image is created from a rough piece of stone.

"Rewiring of Consciousness"

The main obstacle to finding meaning in your life is the person himself. More precisely, his current “firmware” (aka “picture of the world”) in his head and lies to himself generated by personal infantilism in order to ensure the integrity and safety of this inadequate “picture of the world”.

Practice shows that overcoming this obstacle on your own is only possible in a state of deep personal crisis and an extreme life situation, when you want it or not, but you have to take off your shoes and start seeing something that you simply couldn’t see at close range before. To see about life, about people, about love, friendship and, most importantly, about your real self.

The question is that there are really no people willing to voluntarily experience the horror of concentration camps, the severity of life’s hardships, or the complete collapse of all life prospects. But you need to find meaning, otherwise the process of internal entropy will deprive you of energy and turn you into a boring and decrepit wreck.

Another option is to use a "mirror". Yes Yes exactly. Only his role is played by another person, helping to direct attention to where in life you would not think of and decide to direct it. This is how insights, epiphanies, epiphanies and all that stuff are born. This helps us through the jungle of lies and windfalls of delusions to reach the pure source of truth. The truth about yourself. About life. About people. About meanings.

This is the process of rewiring consciousness.

Main conclusions

The crisis of 30 years in women is caused by the appearance of the first signs of aging, problems at work and in their personal lives.
You can independently “diagnose” yourself by constant dissatisfaction with yourself, regret about missed opportunities, and the appearance of obsessive thoughts about old age.
Over time, the crisis will end, but it is better to help yourself get out of this state as soon as possible.
Take care of yourself, please yourself, take care of your well-being and occupy your brain with work or study, then you will not have time to be sad about the past.

Methods for overcoming a crisis

However, many people want to overcome the crisis quickly and immediately, as if at the snap of a hand, using the stupidest advice for this. Therefore, here is a list of the most stupid, and most importantly useless tactics for overcoming the crisis.

The first method is treatment with antidepressants. The very fact of such treatment may surprise you? Unfortunately, many of us believe that everything can be cured with pills. Yes, this is partly true, but be prepared for the fact that now the need to take medications will be with you for the rest of your days, which is unlikely to be part of your plans.
The second method is immersion in youth! This truly stupid method is very typical for a midlife crisis in women. Have you seen these? She is about 30-35 years old, but at the same time she looks very young. Ridiculous outfits in acid shades, stupid hairstyles, behavior and communication. Such women can deliberately start a relationship with a young man who will be 10 years younger than her. With this model of behavior, you will not achieve anything other than justified criticism, which can only aggravate the current situation;
To submit - to humbly bow your head - is the third way of enduring all the blows of fate - this method is very common, due to the peculiarity of our mentality. It is very rare who is ready to swim against the tide and fight every adversity. This method is bad because no matter how much a person hides his head in the sand, like an ostrich, the problems will not be solved, and most likely will even get worse. Agree, you hardly need it.

I would also like to note that if you are unable to deal with the crisis alone, then you should contact a specialized specialist. He will help you find the root of the problem, and then guide you along the right path. In such a situation, you should not listen too much to the advice of other people. Don't forget that everyone experiences this catharsis individually. This means that what helped your friend can only make the situation worse in your case.