Closed person: why do people close themselves off and not trust others?

Reasons for isolation

We will talk about healthy people who do not have mental disorders. Often the reasons for isolation lie in early childhood, less often in adulthood. The situation must be corrected immediately; neglect will lead to irreparable consequences.

Fear

Fear of the environment encourages distrust of the unknown. In order to get away from problems and avoid awkward situations, a person withdraws. Fear gains strength in the early stages of acquaintance; with close communication, a person shows himself from a liberated side.

About 70% of patients with an incurable disease become isolated due to the fear of death.

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Resentment

Individuals prone to such problems do not know how to talk about their difficulties with others, and it is difficult for them to share their inner experiences. The beginning could be trauma from childhood: quarrels between parents, humiliation from peers. Resentment accumulates inside, giving rise to anger and aggression. Quite often such people become criminals.

Stress

Stress is the cause of isolation, the manifestation of which is more often characteristic of adults. A turning point in life prompts an individual to close himself off from the world around him for a while; melancholy eats him away from the inside.

With overcoming a stressful state, uncertainty disappears and vital energy is restored.

Lack of communication skills

Communication skills are a fundamental factor in interaction between people. The inability to communicate and talk with people is a natural reason for isolation. Such individuals may have a circle of similar development, with whom he will find a common language.

Criticism from others

Open criticism at an early age has a painful effect on the psychological development of a child. Children do not know how to take criticism properly. Harsh comments from teachers, parents, and outsiders can lead to psychological problems.

Low self-esteem

Uncertainty prevents communication with other people. A person does not accept himself as a person, thinking that he is far from the standard, most often invented by himself. The easy way out is to withdraw from society.

Psychological trauma

Psychological shock changes the personality and its attitude towards life. Childhood trauma hits hard and affects the child's future life. Most often, children who end up in an orphanage suffer psychological trauma. The feeling of betrayal by parents encourages stiffness and withdrawal from the world. It is especially noticeable in teenagers.

The loss of a loved one is a serious shock that makes itself felt for a long time.

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Closedness

First of all, I want to say that being closed is neither good nor bad. In general, there are no good or bad people - there are those who are suitable for something, and those who are not.

Closedness is a defensive reaction of the brain caused by multiple threats to the reality in which a person lives or has lived. Let's say prisoners are a closed people. Because it is dangerous to open up in prison - you can get hurt. Therefore, they develop the habit of closing themselves off, the basis of which is to show yourself not as you are. To hide and survive.

Something similar is inherent in many other situations or professions: intelligence officers, for example. Or diplomats. In a word, closeness is almost always associated with people who cannot be shown their true motives. Sometimes even authoritarian parents can become the reason for a child’s dull closeness, which develops into a character trait. And sometimes closedness is formed by too active imposition of information that does not give a person answers to his questions - and he cannot refuse it. For example, school: whether you like it or not, you must memorize and show what is considered knowledge at school - even if you completely disagree with this “knowledge”. This is violence that generates closeness in order to protect one’s inner world.

In a word, in today's world our relationships with people are much more structured in such a way as to create closedness in us rather than openness: our society is a society of struggle, not creativity. Therefore, there are very few open people - even emotionally open ones.

But I’m talking about a different openness-closedness - about the one that distorts information.

What is closure, essentially? This is a filter. A filter that stands between the incoming signal and our perception. And the more impenetrable this filter is, the less we hear the real incoming signal in its pure form. As a result, the majority accepts as reality not reality at all, but echoes of reality passed through their own filters. But which are considered real reality. Moreover, the more closed a person is, the more confident he is of this.

On the other hand, everyone has these filters. But the difference between open and closed is that closed ones have two sets of filters: natural and those introduced by protection from society. Then, as with open people, the filters are only of a natural technological order, caused by the design features of the body, and not by an attempt to protect themselves from the attacks of society.

That is, instead of two sets of filters, they have only one - the natural one for today.

Moreover, this modern structure of the body is also not a dogma. We know that a person carries within himself a considerable amount of hidden capabilities that can sometimes be developed. This means that the human structure can be changed, and we do not know the limits of these changes. Some believe that, to the limit, man can become God. In principle, in terms of scale, this is a good focus - it allows you not to slow yourself down with far-fetched limits, but to simply do your job and develop to the maximum.

Overcome closedness

Overcoming closedness is very difficult - after all, for a closed person it is not something that interferes, on the contrary: it is what protects him. That’s why he clings to his closedness with teeth and claws, presenting it as the norm. In general, we can say that for a reasonable person, closedness is a disease that needs to be treated, not destroyed. But the main problem of closed people is precisely that, due to their constructive closedness, they consider themselves quite normal and are sure that everything is fine with them. Therefore, any attempts to tell them: “You have a mistake here!” will be automatically received with hostility and blocked by any available means. After all, the main function of closed ones is to protect themselves. They are like a small animal: they don’t trust anyone and hiss at everyone in the way they understand. But this is precisely the child of the mind - it is not bad, it is unhappy. He is lonely and scared, he is eager to communicate, eager to connect with others - and cannot afford it. Because the established closedness algorithm is still stronger than it. This is a real problem.

There are three ways to remove this lock.

• Love.

Long-term placement of this creature in an atmosphere of love and complete trust, complete acceptance of him as he is. Without criticism, without pressure, without reproaches and impositions. So he can thaw out. It is no coincidence that all closed people dream of being loved - the body intuitively tries to balance their imbalance.

Negative points: this method requires a lot of patience and a lot of time.

• Tough mittens.

Creating a complete dictatorship, but with a positive focus. So that gradually the closed person (who will inevitably be defensive at first) sees that his “leader” understands the situation better. And so that he begins to trust him - as a leader. And then it will be possible to remove dictate and pressure. As unnecessary.

Negative points: it hurts. And it requires a very skillful and precise leader.

• Own awareness of the ineffectiveness of one’s closedness.

The realization that secrecy was once an excellent way of contact - but this has long since ended and the algorithm needs to be changed to a new one. So that it doesn’t work out like with those partisans who didn’t know that the war had long ended and continued to blow up peaceful trains.

Negative points: none.

Signs of withdrawal

People focused on their inner world are called introverts. They place a significant emphasis in their lives on their experiences and thoughts. They need a special approach; communication is not easy for such people. The main signs of the temperament of a closed personality:

1. Uncertainty. He does not express his opinion, remains silent, and is not an initiator.
2. Taciturnity. Pronounced from an early age, the child does not speak; if asked, he answers in short phrases.
3. Shyness. Doesn't want to be the center of attention.
4. Difficulty finding a common language with society. It is difficult to achieve success in your career and personal life.
5. Passivity, seriousness.

The external features of an uncommunicative person are noticeable even without contact with him:

1. Hands are always in your pockets. With this gesture he is trying to distance himself from the world.
2. Head down. He doesn’t believe in his attractiveness and tries to remain unnoticed.
3. Doesn't make eye contact when talking. Eyes are directed to the side even when communicating.

Social phobes are afraid that people will notice their inner feelings. Bad thoughts make them anxious.

Basic values, interests

The inner world is the main wealth of introverts. The character traits of schizoids are such that they are constantly immersed in themselves. The opposite is hyperthymic, open to everything that happens around them. Closed people value their inner world very much, but they often do not care about the external world, since it seems rougher and more primitive than their own fantasies, dreams, and thoughts.

The eminent German psychologist and physician Kretschmer compared introverts to Roman villas, whose facades are very simple, the windows are closed, and rich feasts take place inside. Thanks to this colorful metaphor, he emphasized that the difference between the dull appearance of representatives of this character and their inner world is extremely great. In contrast to hyperthymia, an uncommunicative person is characterized by restraint and secrecy. It is impossible to tell from him what “feasts” are taking place in his soul.

Characteristics of a closed personality

Closed individuals behave constrainedly, they are secretive. Such people suffer from loneliness and are uncommunicative. An introvert outwardly reacts calmly to stressful situations, but inside they devour him.

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Life is more difficult for a closed person due to difficulties with communication.

This type of character also has positive qualities: restraint, the ability to soberly assess the situation, independence, accuracy, and a responsible attitude to work.

Appearance Features

A closed person in most cases is distinguished by thinness rather than fullness and density. His face is elongated, his head is often ovoid in shape, his nose is straight, his profile is “angular” (observed due to some shortening of the chin). The relationship between a long face, a thin figure and introversion is quite high. However, such a combination does not always indicate closedness. Overweight people also belong to the category of schizoids, but much less frequently.

Closedness in men

When men look for solutions to a stressful situation, they withdraw into themselves, turning off the part of the brain that is responsible for emotional activity. Conversations at such moments are kept to a minimum. 90% of men have a hobby in which he immerses himself headlong. A hobby helps you take your mind off external influences and return to the usual rhythm of life.

The cause of a psychological disorder in a man can be a break with a woman on her initiative. Then the man loses his self-esteem, courage, he is depressed and avoids communication.

The man became silent

The most delicate attitude in communication requires a situation when a cheerful and sociable person suddenly distances himself and becomes secretive. Most likely, the reason for such a sharp change in mood was a certain kind of problem or unpleasant event in his life. In the process of communicating with a person who has suddenly become silent, you need to exercise maximum delicacy and caution. It is necessary to avoid sharp and rude questions about his condition, and carefully talk about family and personal topics. Communication should be built in an easy way, without pressure and rude jokes.

Withdrawal in a child and its consequences

The child’s isolation is often explained by an unfavorable situation within the family, serious mental shock, and lack of attention.

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It is recommended to get rid of the problem immediately; the main thing is to understand why the child became withdrawn and silent.

Ignoring the problem is fraught with consequences:

1. Difficulty in communication. Will affect adult life.
2. Unhealthy sleep.
3. Ridicule from peers.
4. Diffidence.
5. Failure to satisfy communication and personal needs.

In difficult situations, you need to contact a child psychologist. The child will not be able to cope with the problem on his own. Adolescence is a difficult stage for parents of a teenager. A closed, unsociable teenager has difficulty interacting with peers, and has difficulty communicating with teachers. A withdrawn teenager cannot be left unattended; he needs to be talked into. A properly structured conversation will help the child lift his spirits and relax.

Emotional background

The experiences of closed people are unique and sometimes seem paradoxical to others. On the one hand, introverts are distinguished by restraint and coldness, on the other hand, they are vulnerable and emotional. Schizoids show an acute reaction to everything that affects their own values. Often this is a spiritual response to injustice, rudeness, disorder.

Currently, the so-called emotional intelligence is being actively discussed. One of its signs is understanding the feelings and moods of others. This is a trait that many introverts cannot boast of. Closed people, of course, suspect that certain feelings are raging within you, but they must be informed about this. They rely on what is said, while not paying attention to intonation and facial expression.

How to deal with isolation

It is worth understanding that you can get rid of the feeling of alienation; it is not a disease. The main thing is to accept the problem.

Ways to overcome isolation:

1. Developing self-confidence. Overcome the fear of your actions.
2. Communication. It is not necessary to immediately start getting acquainted directly, this will lead to a dead end in the conversation. Social media is a good place to practice.
3. Learn the dance. Will allow you to get rid of stiffness in movements.
4. Get out of your comfort zone more often.

Insularity can be corrected; it must be fought. The best solution is to consult a psychologist.

Read the article about how to get rid of isolation →

Psychology of schizoid children

These inhospitable and gloomy representatives of the younger generation react very weakly or not at all to criticism from adults. They prefer to avoid large companies and noisy games. Due to a lack of interest, problems with academic performance may occur. At the same time, the withdrawn child behaves in such a way as if he is constantly waiting for some kind of trick from those around him. As a rule, children of the schizoid type are distinguished by a strong attachment to their mother and have a hard time being separated from her, even for a short time. This is explained by the manifestation of fear of being forgotten and abandoned.

Some people mistakenly draw an analogy between withdrawn and shy children. At the same time, the former do not want to communicate with others, while the latter, on the contrary, need communication, but do not know how to make contact.

The difference between reticence and shyness

A closed person is isolated from society of his own free will; he does not suffer from a lack of communication. Such people live in their own world, rarely letting anyone in. People suffering from autism syndrome are withdrawn. They don't need anyone, they have a separate world.

Shyness is characterized by self-doubt and timidity. Such people need communication, but they are afraid of being unheard or ridiculed. Shyness often manifests itself with strangers.

How to become a silent person?

In modern realities, the most often valued personality traits are sociability and openness, that is, the ability to freely contact society and make useful acquaintances. However, people who are too open and sociable may encounter a lot of problems related to the fact that, in a fit of revelation, they may tell about themselves or others information that was neither necessary nor desirable to disclose.

Many people faced with this problem ask a completely logical question: how to become more withdrawn and silent. This problem can be solved exclusively by strict self-discipline and self-control. You shouldn’t be too trusting of people you don’t know and let them in on your secrets. When in company, it is advisable to try to control your speech and carefully think about what needs to be said. It is also better to give up a certain amount of alcohol, as this drink encourages unnecessary revelations.

Rules in communication

Silent people often store a storehouse of valuable information and are very interesting interlocutors. The main thing is to choose the right approach in communication and create conditions for them in which they will feel comfortable and make contact.

To do this, you need to understand what causes silence. If a person is simply not in the mood today, then most likely it is better not to touch him. And if this is a certain type of character or various types of complexes originating from childhood, then it is necessary to adhere to the tactics of unobtrusive friendly conversation.

You should not be assertive and impudent, this can provoke a silent person to become even more closed. It is also undesirable to ask questions of this kind directly: “Why are you so sad?”, “Why are you silent all the time?” The main thing is not to forget that genuine sincerity and participation will help to establish contact even with the most unsociable person.