For some reason I remembered an old ad in a dating newspaper (at that time they had just appeared and were a novelty): “A stupid, trusting woman with children and problems wants to love and be loved.” One phrase, but so much said! The only strange thing is that she didn’t write about marriage...
“Already, married, unbearable” - I remember how in Russian lessons the girls and I giggled at this phrase, but we remembered these spelling exceptions to the rules for the rest of our lives. It was funny in childhood, but now this phrase has become almost a way of life for the female half of humanity.
Marriage is one of the most pressing topics at women's trainings, at club meetings, in glossy magazines... Should I get married or not? When to go out? Who should I marry? Wait for an offer or act on your own?.. This list of questions can be continued endlessly. Where can I find the answers?
My friend’s train of thought will help us figure this out. Maybe someone will recognize themselves in it or find something close...
Monologue of a warrior princess. Or just princesses...
I haven’t discussed this topic with anyone, but I haven’t gotten one step closer to the goal, and the conversations don’t make it any easier. I already know who will say what. Bachelor friends will definitely say the cherished phrase “All men are assholes.” Mom will look at you with sadness, remind you with all her appearance that she is no longer young, and will add out loud: “I was already raising two children at your age. Will I have grandchildren?
You walk down the street and, as luck would have it, you come across couples in love. And the representative of the stronger sex with whom I meet from time to time, in those rare hours when we are at home together, you cannot drag him further than the kitchen, you cannot tear him away from the TV. He even manages to “solve work issues” during dinner. He has a lot of business to do.
We’ve been dating for a long time, and to the question “Will you marry me?” he replies, “Let’s talk about this later.” When later? Where later? And this makes the thought of marriage buzz in my head like an annoying fly.
Girlfriends who managed to get married advise different things - both dating sites and fortune tellers, to be more decisive, to take everything into your own hands and take him to the registry office yourself, to declare, in the end, that you are pregnant... I even went to a training about how to get married. I learned to formulate the goal correctly - specific, relevant, precise in time - and even developed an entire strategy for its implementation, but something inside me protests against this method...
This is not what I dreamed of since childhood! I dreamed that everything would be like in the movies: he would ask for my hand, put the treasured ring on my finger... And it would be he himself, and not me, who would pull him down the aisle like a bull on a string. I don't want to be a warrior princess, I just want to be a princess!
Okay, stop! Otherwise, after such thoughts, I’ll tell him everything, we’ll break up, and I’ll be left all alone...
How to meet the man of your dreams and marry him?
This is the name given to various manuals that set out rules and recommendations on how to find a good husband and get married successfully.
First, let’s immediately decide which man you should not marry under any circumstances: these are drinkers and drug addicts. Probably, every girl believes that she can change him, wean him from a bad habit , but you shouldn’t count on this: as life experience shows, nothing will work out anyway.
Wean a man off a bad habit
Now about the “man of your dreams”. Usually this is a rich, handsome man (similar to Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, George Clooney and other sex symbols), the embodiment of all virtues, ready every day to give flowers, make expensive gifts and on his knees ask for your hand in marriage. As they say, it’s not harmful to dream, but it’s harmful to wait for a pipe dream to come true.
Treat life more realistically : pay attention, for example, to the guy from the next house who can’t take his eyes off you, or to a work colleague who is clearly not indifferent to you, or... Every girl will probably have similar options. They, of course, pale in comparison to Tom Cruise, but what if this is exactly the person with whom you will have a strong and friendly family, where you can feel not just married, but with a husband?
So the only option is not to change the dream, but to change the dream
And then the practical question arises: who should I marry? For whom it is impossible to be absolutely sure, we have already said. Every girl wants to marry her beloved, but will you be able to get along with him when the first passion passes? I want to marry a successful man, but can you come to terms with the fact that work and career will always come first , and you will become just a convenient addition to everyday life?
Career for a successful man in 1st place
There are a lot of similar questions, for example, is it worth marrying a military man? If you are ready to wander around garrisons with him, live in government apartments or in a dormitory, then probably yes.
Or the question is, is it necessary to marry a Russian? It is important to take into account the peculiarities of his upbringing. In our multinational country , representatives of different nations are so mixed up that you can often meet people in whose veins the blood of four or more nationalities flows, but who have the mentality of a Russian person. If a man is committed to his national traditions, then you will need to take this into account, as well as his relatives, who do not always welcome a daughter-in-law of a different nationality with open arms.
Before a believing girl marries an unbeliever, she should think carefully about how her husband will treat her prayers , going to church, fasting and everything related to faith. If with respect, then such a marriage can be successful, but if without respect, then you should think twenty times before making a fateful decision for yourself.
Upsetting illusion
Familiar reasoning? It is becoming increasingly difficult for us women to be true women. We work equally with men, and if we take into account that no one freed us from household duties, it turns out that we also work in two shifts, on two fronts. We also try to make all decisions on our own - “You won’t get it from them!” Although for us, Ukrainian women, this has developed historically, since the times of the Zaporozhye Sich, when men went “for freedom”, and women showed masculinity - they ran the entire household, and did men’s work, and made decisions, and met them tired, hungry, no trophies...
We are becoming stronger and more resilient, but men are losing ground. Of course, not all! But where are they, these courageous men? Why is it so difficult for our woman to meet her strong man? Or maybe this is completely impossible? There cannot be two leaders in a pack. So what now, should women pretend to be stupid, weak, naive?
The best means and ways to get married
The problem of marriage is relevant for girls of all times and peoples, so there are many rituals, ceremonies, etc. You can try to attract love according to Feng Shui, or you can use a runic stave, where there is a rune to attract a man for love and marriage. Esotericism and advice from psychics will help you get in the right mood , you just need to make a wish correctly. It is also useful to find out what stones to wear to get married, what flowers to keep at home, etc.
According to Feng Shui, peonies promote marriage, especially if you embroider them yourself.
Embroidered peonies for marriage
How to quickly marry your loved one?
Is it possible to get married successfully in just 3 days of dating, even if it was love at first sight? Such examples occur, although very rarely. But, as one wise woman said, it is better to marry twice than not at all. What is important is not the fact of marriage itself , but what the marriage will be like. In just a few days of dating it is impossible to recognize a person, so you have a long period of getting to know each other and getting used to each other.
If you have loved a person for a long time, try to attract his attention not only with his spectacular appearance, but also with his intelligence, sense of humor and the same attitude towards life. If your loved one is only inclined towards non-binding relationships, including intimacy, then you should not marry him. Try to find a person who is committed to a serious relationship, a strong family, children, this is the basis of a successful marriage.
To bring your loved one to the idea of marriage, there is no need to rush. Try to find out his interests , talk more about himself, emphasizing his positive traits. When a man sees that they understand him and are not trying to put pressure on him, he will quickly come to the idea of getting married. If you start rushing him, then you are unlikely to get married.
Let's fight stereotypes?
If there is no harmony in the soul before marriage, then after it it will not magically appear. A well-practiced military bearing will dictate the same style of behavior with your husband. The husband, returning home in the evening, will find himself in the same military situation, only already created by his wife. If at home there is no desired rest, harmony, comfort (which are characteristic of the feminine principle), then a man can look for it outside the family. And again we are alone - my husband “went” to work, to his friends, to TV, to his mistress... Isn’t this how we imagine a family idyll? So our heroine, having developed a goal and strategy for getting married, heard the voice of her feminine side and realized that getting married is not a military task and it cannot be solved by assault and direct actions.
What should we do then? First, let's figure out which of our desires are false, dictated by generally accepted stereotypes, and which are our true ones for today. After all, if the desire to get married is dictated by social attitudes, then the results are obvious. Either there is no man, then he is not the same, then no one is asking for marriage, then the husband is not like that...
So, let's separate stereotypes about marriage from our own ideas.
1. Be like everyone else. Following this stereotype gives rise to stereotypes, ossification, obsession, and complex feelings. Does not leave room for development, moving forward and striving for something new. So we have a strong desire to get married, because this is customary for women of our age.
It’s another matter if we have already matured morally and are ready for such a step. Developmental psychology tells us that at the age of 25-27 a person feels the need to establish himself as a socially significant person, to take a certain place in society: these include professional achievements and a strong rear – family. These age limits are arbitrary - for some this period begins at the age of 30, and for others after 30. Where does a woman’s desire for marriage come from - is it due to “age-related maturation” or an imposed stereotype? Until we figure it out, there is no point in moving forward.
2. The sooner the better, beauty is not eternal. Is it even possible to rush in life when it comes to such serious decisions? After all, it is important to make such a choice, knowing exactly what you really want, feeling the situation and the person close to us.
Have you noticed that when you really want something or are in a hurry to do something, everything falls out of hand, nothing works out, and the result seems to slip away at the last moment? And the more fixated on a desire, the less possibility of its implementation. Did it happen that you relaxed and “let go” - and everything worked out by itself? The main thing is to “relax your grip”, and opportunities will come to us!
3. Marriage of convenience. Everyone has their own. This may be the satisfaction of some temporary needs: solving the housing problem, improving the financial situation, having children, “the time has come,” “I feel sorry for my partner”... But what about love? And is this the same person? The only one who will complete us, support us in everything, with whom we will be happy? The statistics of such marriages of convenience are deplorable. As a rule, after a certain period of time you realize that there is a “stranger” person nearby... Then a divorce... Children suffer... A mental wound for life... Or another scenario, I don’t know which is better... If such “strangers” people continue to live together, then the family loses its emotional usefulness and becomes an empty shell. That's the whole calculation for you. But what, for whom and for how long is there a benefit?
4. Having a child to keep a man. Many women think that the birth of a child will bring love, peace and harmony. What do we see in life? Children do not solve problems, but complicate the situation. The woman in such a family suffers even more, and the children too...
The list of stereotypes can be continued endlessly. When you live by stereotypes, your soul languishes behind a screen of false desires imposed by society. So it turns out that following accepted stereotypes only takes a woman away from herself. She is disappointed in men, in love, in herself, in life...
What is over-importance and how can it be reduced?
Throughout the years of the site’s existence, we have been constantly asked the same questions: “What is over-importance?”, “If I let go of a desire and don’t think about it, won’t the Universe think that I don’t need the desire anymore?” and vice versa: “How can I work with desire (visualize, etc.), because it will work out, I think about it, I overestimate its importance?”
Now questions have been added at marathons from participants: “Am I overstating the importance? Having worked through desires for so long and carefully, aren’t they moving away from me?”, “To let go of a desire means not to think about it at all?”
I have answered similar questions many times, so I decided to write an article to reveal more clearly what over-importance actually is.
Inflated importance is a collection of doubts, contradictions, fears, and uncertainty about the fulfillment of desires. I propose to consider an example of overestimation of importance.
The beautiful girl Anyuta really, really wants to meet her love and get married as soon as possible. This is her most cherished dream. She comes to our website, reads articles, works on techniques, or takes part in the “Changing Loneliness for Love” marathon. Anya really wants her wish to come true quickly, she waits for the result every day. Waiting is great as long as you direct your attention to events that lead to the fulfillment of your desire. And they (events) happen almost every day, but being fixated on the result, you don’t pay attention to them.
Aiming only at the result, doubts constantly swirl in your head:
Well, where? Well, when? Will it really work? Why isn't it visible yet? What if it doesn't work? Why isn't he there yet today? When will it be? And will it happen? What if I'm not worthy? Am I sure I can?
“Well, where is my result? Well, why is he still not there?” I get similar questions at the marathon after the first tasks.
As a rule, the people who ask these questions have a very high priority, and they get results later than others.
Let's see why this happens.
Our Anya ordered the Universe the man of her dreams, marriage and a happy relationship.
Anyuta's order has been delivered. To implement it, you need to find this man, choose the best day and place to meet, it is important that Anyuta is ready. The Universe gives everything in the best possible way! And it takes time to make a desire come true. Orient Anechka to actions, give hints, show opportunities, direct her in the right direction. Figure out how to lure her to meet her dream. This is a whole project! Each desire is a whole project, especially a global one. Here you need to take into account everything, down to the smallest detail.
What is Anyuta doing? She begins to disturb the Universe: “Well, when? Well, where? What if it doesn't work out? Oh, it probably won’t work out, oh, I don’t see any results, I won’t see my loved one and happiness in my personal life... Why? Why not? Am I worthy of this? If not, I'll remain an old maid. Maybe there's no chance? Will it really work? But it seems to me that it won’t work.. I don’t believe it! This is not for me!"
The reaction of the Universe: “Screw her, she doesn’t know what she wants, she wants love, she’s not worthy of it, she believes me, she doesn’t believe me. I’ll put this matter aside, let him sort it out first. Calm down, then decide on the request"
And that’s it, the desire is postponed... Sometimes it is postponed for a very long time, as long as the importance remains overestimated.
By explaining this from a different point of view, by removing the example from the Universe, what we are directing our attention to is realized.
If we direct our attention to the object of desire, in this case to love and a happy relationship, but at the same time we constantly doubt and crave the result immediately, then our attention, our sensations are concentrated on the fear that it will not work out, and on restless thoughts, so it is so is happening.
Very often this is noticeable in financial desires. At the “Changing Poverty for Wealth” marathon, I came across many examples when participants overestimate the importance: they are determined to get rich here and now, but subconsciously do not believe in it.
For example, Maxim wants an income of 100,000 rubles. and orders it to the Universe. He begins to work on himself. A week passes, and Maxim begins to panic: “Nothing is happening! Where's my money? There aren't even any prerequisites! When will I see them? Is it really worth the wait?”
As you can see, the importance is off the charts. But with this order you need to work hard - figure out the best way to deliver this money to Maxim: maybe in the form of a bonus, in the form of a win or a gift, or maybe give him an idea for a business or help him get a high-paying position, maybe for a large client send him, and maybe do something else to fulfill his order.
But Maxim, like Anya, does not take these nuances into account and sends new orders into the Universe, which are fueled by fears and doubts, and thus desires float away in the opposite direction.
What to do? How to reduce the importance?
Friends, calm and only calm!
When you start working on your desires, be it money or love, you need to remove all doubts. Do the exercises with a positive attitude: “I will get my wish at the right time in the best possible way!”
You placed an order, which means you must trust the contractor. Otherwise, what's the point of making wishes and doing exercises? Once we have started, we need faith and patience.
If you read my article “How I fulfilled my dream,” you saw in my example that all desires come true only when we are 100% ready for them. Even the most seemingly unrealistic ones come true, but it is important to believe in them.
So, let go of the desire. What does this mean?
Letting go of a desire does not mean not thinking about it at all.
Letting go of desire means stopping tugging at yourself and the Universe with your doubts and questions.
Letting go means calmly sending it off for execution and moving on to other things. This can be compared to ordering in an online store. After sending the request, we wait until the product is received from the warehouse, processed, or perhaps manufactured, if it is tailoring or manufacturing something. You are calm and confident that the order will come, you mind your own business. It’s the same with desires. The only difference is that in an online store we know the approximate deadlines, but here everything is very individual. The more global the desire, the more time it takes to implement the project.
As a rule, money flows faster to those who are not obsessed with it. Who does all the exercises easily. It's like a game! You develop in yourself a new feeling of a rich and successful person, learn to see money around, feel it, even when there is only 50 rubles in your pocket. Of course, you don’t lie on the sofa like Ivan the Fool on the stove and dream, you act! At the same time, your thoughts, your feelings, your perception are aimed at prosperity.
Don't worry that it won't work out. After all, if it doesn’t work out, what do you have to lose? Nothing!
What if it works? You will have income or dividend! You will see how money appears in your life and learn how to make your desires come true!
Therefore, I strongly advise you to approach each technique with the attitude “If it works out, it’s great, but if it doesn’t, then I’ll get something different, better.”
This is what is called “letting go of desire.”
Complete trust. As a rule, there are always results. If you notice, small desires that we treat easily are easily fulfilled. For example, “it would be great to receive a rose as a gift.” And if you don’t receive it, you’re unlikely to be particularly upset. And if you make a wish and forget, then after a while you will definitely receive a rose!
But with global desires everything is different, we are so afraid of their non-fulfillment that as a result this happens. Trust is very important.
Why do I recommend not giving up exercise during marathons? The topic of money, love and relationships are very deep and important topics. It’s not enough to limit yourself to a banal desire: “I want an apartment!” dream, draw, make techniques and forget! We need to do something, pay attention to opportunities. And the main thing is to believe and not doubt!
To increase your income, it is important to constantly focus on wealth, to imagine that you are becoming richer every day. Feel abundance and experience joy from it.
After finishing the marathon, many participants, inspired by happiness, soon give up everything and relax after two months of hard work. The first obstacle in life brings everything back to the old way of thinking. Attention is again concentrated on the lack of money, on the inability to earn it, the former confidence disappears! And thoughts revolve only around the lack of money! Sadly. This is how over-importance manifests itself. All the sense of the work done is lost.
And if you think about money, and at the same time there are thoughts in your head, supported by positive emotions: “Everything is great, there is an incredible amount of opportunities around! I deserve a prosperous life. I have so much. And how many more will there be! And there is always enough money.” In this case, you are moving forward on the right course and are sure to get incredible results!
Learn to look at your desires without regret and annoyance, but with confidence in their fulfillment.
Stop doubting! All wishes will come true and dreams will come true!
How to get out of the situation
So what to do? - this begs the question. Let go of stereotypes, be yourself and not play a role, don’t wear a mask, don’t think in patterns, don’t get hung up on goals, discover true desires, enjoy every moment of life and make room in it for someone else. Nature is so wise - everyone gets what they strive for and what they deserve. If it doesn’t work out now or with those around us, then we deserve more and better!
I really like the metaphor that all people are angels with one wing, and in order to fly, you need to hug your soul mate tightly. And we each live behind our own castle, hiding our true selves behind our masks. Will we be able to find each other, connect and take off?
Signs to get married
The most famous sign of imminent marriage at a wedding for unmarried girls is to catch the bride’s bouquet. The chances of getting married soon increase if you are a witness from the bride . In addition, it is advisable:
- dance with the groom (but so that he invites you);
- borrow a pin from the bride’s dress or a hairpin from her head;
- get a box from under wedding rings;
- to be doused with champagne;
- sit at a wedding feast between sisters or (better) brothers;
- You can attract marriage with a ribbon from someone else's wedding.
Folk signs for marriage, if you can’t get married for a long time, seem to have lost their relevance. For example, you need to sweep garbage with a broom from the door to the window and not sweep the circle around you. This means that you will have to give up the vacuum cleaner.
What else you can’t do if you want to get married quickly:
- try on someone else's wedding dress and veil (you can try on it in the salon);
- wear rings on the ring finger - it is intended for a wedding finger;
- sit at a table on the corner - you won’t get married for seven years;
- comb your hair in the presence of strangers;
- pass something over the threshold;
- sit on the windowsill;
- keep muzhegon flowers (violets, oleander, cacti, etc.) in the house.
Anyone can face this problem.
A large number of girls face difficulties in building strong relationships and concluding marriages. This is not affected by the social status, financial situation, education, age, or appearance of the lady. Often, even financially prosperous girls with model appearance cannot build long-term relationships, much less bring them to their logical conclusion - marriage. After all, men “run away” from them after a short time.
Many psychologists argue that the reason for this situation lies not in the social aspects or appearance of the lady, but in the peculiarities of upbringing, established life positions, and established stereotypes.
Reason 8 – Fear of losing freedom
What is freedom? Why are you so afraid of losing her?
The answer is very simple, small children are afraid of losing their freedom, those who are not free anyway, but are dependent on others.
And do you take the fact that there are no relationships in your life for freedom? Why? Because while you are alone, you can still make decisions on your own. And as soon as a partner appears, you automatically give him the reins of power. All this happens on an unconscious level.
The fact is that with such a problem, your psychological age is the age of a child in which you were controlled, and sometimes you could not make decisions on your own, but you really wanted to. And now, having officially become an adult, you have this opportunity to make your own decisions . But the level of emotionality remains in childhood, and in close relationships, you, just like in childhood, cannot defend your desires and needs.
The safest decision that your unconscious has made is to refuse a relationship so as not to lose freedom.
What to do about it? Start growing up.
