The carrot and stick method, or education according to Makarenko

Excursion into history

The carrot and stick method (more common as the praise and punishment method) is a special technique that helps achieve the desired actions from others through influence. This method is often used in pedagogical education, politics and personnel management.

The phrase “carrot and stick” exists even in foreign vocabulary, albeit in a modified form. This expression appeared in Russian journalistic publications at the end of the 19th century, and its first formulation sounded like “the carrot and the whip.” That is, it was a literal translation of the proverb from German.

In English, the expression will sound like “carrots and sticks.” They are associated with the only ways that influence a stubborn donkey and make him move.

This method of motivation is the oldest; one only has to remember the period of slavery, when the whip (in its most direct manifestation) was the driving force that forced a person to work. Much later, Frederick Taylor, the founder of the scientific organization of labor, put forward a proposal to increase productivity with the help of incentives. Although now this method is not so effective.

Why doesn't the method work?

The carrot and stick method has been studied in various fields. It has acquired particular significance in the eyes of sociologists and social psychologists. The impact of this method could not be called stable and reliable. In some conditions, “carrot and stick” give the expected results, but in others – the exact opposite.

Psychologist and sociologist Douglas McGregor explained this by saying that when a person is not provided with food and security, which are basic needs, the carrot and stick method works well. But in the case when basic needs are fully provided, desires of a higher level begin to appear, which is completely incompatible with this method of motivation. As a result, it becomes ineffective.

In each area, the carrot and stick method works and manifests itself differently, and in order to understand how it should be used and how it should not be used, we will consider each area of ​​human life separately.

Relationship

The carrot and stick method in relationships often manifests itself in the form of manipulation, especially if one of the partners is not confident enough. This quite often looks like playing on feelings. Inept conduct of such a “game” often threatens a break. If you constantly “give carrots”, then your partner will become too sweet, and this monotony will destroy him. And when the partner sees nothing except the whip, it is simply unbearable.

And before using this method, you need to think again about the purposes for which it will be used and whether such behavior is acceptable.

Methods of manipulation in relationships

The carrot and stick method with a man is mainly about moving closer and further away from him. Since men are by nature hunters and conquerors, it is much more interesting for them to be in a state of light intrigue. This thesis is the basis for using carrots and sticks in relationships:

• There should be a little bit of everything, and the ratio of carrot and stick should be 1:7. That is, from time to time a young man needs to make a little shake-up in his relationship.
• Punishment can also be the lack of usual rewards.
• Good behavior or positive change is rewarded consistently and systematically.

But the main thing is to remember: before you rush at your partner with a whip, you need to think about the situation and try to build a dialogue, and it’s best to start with yourself.

Feeding a girl

Compliments are the most accessible, cheapest and most reliable way to do this. After all, everyone knows that women love with their ears. This has long become a banality (it is not clear why men do not use this so widely; I do not mean eastern men - Turks there or Azerbaijanis). Don’t be shy about telling lies in your friends’ ears. It won't hurt you if you tell her how cool she is. Moreover, the closer the compliments are to the body, the better: no matter how much you speak in superlatives about a woman’s spiritual qualities, she longs to hear praise from you specifically about her external qualities. Therefore, do not be shy - and go ahead: everything can be praised, and more colorfully.

And if you are not an expert in chatter, use the magic word “such”: “You have such breasts!”, “You have such a waist!” The main thing here is not the meaning, but the intonation: women, like dogs, perceive it precisely. Therefore, say any nonsense with an admiring intonation, and your woman will love you even more.

But the “feeding” technique concerns not only compliments!

From time to time a lady needs to be given a complex of bright, romantic and, most importantly, unusual sensations for her. This gives food to her imagination, and gives you a lot of advantages and binds the woman to you.

Sometimes it’s worth giving your woman a particularly special evening (a beautiful walk, a romantic trip, admiring the views, an elegant picnic with champagne and other nonsense that ladies love). On this occasion, you can “feed” your friend as closely as possible with compliments, so that the event remains in her memory as a bright and magnificent holiday.

The “feeding” method also works great for seducing new girls (especially in the first stages of dating, during courtship). If you do everything correctly, not forgetting about compliments, then making a girl fall in love with you will be completely easy.

For example, ladies can be blown away in the classic way: a romantic setting, a place where the girl has never been (a cozy tavern, a river bank, some corners of the old city, etc.), chocolate - champagne, quiet music, kind words... Girls are always great at this.

You can also use more modern options in order to impress the lady and throw into her mind unexpected pleasant associations associated with you and your company. For example, offer her to observe or even participate in an event that is interesting and unusual for her (skydiving, bike show, rock band rehearsal, experimental studio theater performance, bike ride, etc.).

Remember that vivid impressions, compliments and romantic situations help to “feed” the female body with our favorite “pleasure hormones” - serotonin and dopamine. Therefore, stimulate your friend’s sexuality in this simple way, since biochemistry and psychology are on your side here! You will be able to get what you want from a woman faster and tie her to you more strongly.

But be careful: this “feeding” with the help of new pleasant impressions can develop a slight narcotic attachment to you in the lady. With proper and regular training, a stable chain is formed in a woman’s brain: “You – Impressions – High.” On the one hand, this is very convenient, on the other hand, a friend can become so “addicted” to the production of the “pleasure hormone” that later it will be difficult for you to get rid of her.

Carrot and stick

A woman recognizes the dignity and attractiveness only of a man who impresses her. Jean de La Bruyère

Your task is to make the most vivid impression on your friend. And the brightness of sensations becomes stronger if these sensations can be compared with something unpleasant: the contrast between these sensations only increases their strength.

The methods of all the great seducers and educators were built on the alternation of “carrot and stick” techniques. So if we regard “feeding” as a “carrot”, then it would be logical to alternate it with the “stick”. This is again a classic.

Therefore, there is no need to constantly shower compliments or organize romantic evenings every day. Moreover, it is better even to “fine down” dates if possible: this is beneficial for everyone, and especially for you: especially if you have already interested the girl in your person, if you have already “hooked” her on your exclusivity, and she has already realized that communicating with you give her pleasure.

So remember: it’s better to disappear for a couple of days between dates (and the brighter the date was, the more euphoric you left the girl, the more she liked you and the more interested she became in you - the longer the separation period may be. Let him worry, suffer a little , let him think about you and your relationship: all this only benefits you).

If you meet every day at work or somewhere else and you can’t “disappear”, then just stay as calm and even cold as possible, don’t say or do anything particularly outstanding. With this classic training technique you will create a contrast with the positive feelings from the event. And of course, in hindsight you will give it more color and make it stand out even more from the series of days!

Moreover, you can even arrange a small quarrel between events: most likely, the girl herself will give a reason for it.

She (this happens most often) will pester you with questions about when you will meet again, why you disappeared, why you are so cold, etc. Be patient for a while, and then calmly but firmly tell her that you have other things in life that require your attention and cannot be delayed. This is where the friend gets offended, saying something like: “Well, mind your own business.”

Take a break of three to five days and take her to the next fireworks display. Most likely, she will break down for show (to leave the last word for herself), but she will go with pleasure. In fact, she was only thinking about you all this time!

Rigidity

Hit a woman with a hammer, the woman will become gold. Folk

As soon as you begin to communicate more or less closely with a woman, a kind of game of “tug of war” begins. They are trying to find out who is cooler, who has a higher rank and who will ultimately command.

Usually, at first, men are in some euphoria: they value and love their chosen one, try to please her in every possible way and bend quite a lot.

Women immediately start using their favorite products. They are great at begging, pretending to be helpless and stupid, whining and being capricious. (Children, children! :-))

So, you are a teacher. Severe and fair. You're older and smarter. You see right through your “child”. And, as they advise in manuals for young parents, never follow your child’s lead.

If a child (your friend) begins to act up, immediately figure out what is behind it: just a desire to get candy or an attempt to “build” you. Pedagogical methods advise giving in to children in all their petty whims, but standing firmly and to the end in defending their interests in serious matters. And let the child at least turn blue from crying: in fundamental moments, no concessions can be made.

If you endure a couple of really strong scandals, firmly and confidently standing your ground, and come out of them a winner, then you will not have scandals in the future. Women are brought up quite quickly. And although throughout the duration of your relationship, your friend will test your strength from time to time, she is unlikely to get into serious quarrels.

Uncontrollability

Women deprive freedom only of those who do not know what to do with it. Helena Zmievskaya

As you already understand, the woman seeks to subjugate you.

And your task is to show the woman that she cannot control you. And show it as soon as possible (and then periodically remind it).

Of course, this does not mean being a tyrant, banging your fist on the table and, blushing from effort, sticking to your line, not listening to anything. In fact, sometimes a woman is really worth listening to: she sees any problem from a slightly different perspective than you do, and her opinions and views can not only correct your ideas, but sometimes they are simply deeper and more true.

But this is only if the table of ranks in your relationship with this woman is already fixed and your friend, in principle, does not want to command, but wants to help and advise. But in the earlier stages of a relationship, when the invisible struggle for dominance is still in full swing, you need to be reasonably tough.

Again, I will draw your attention to the strategy of women’s behavior: in this sense, they have an innate sense of how to position themselves in a relationship with a partner. This, like much else in terms of intersexual relations, is worth learning from them.

Follow these simple rules:

– Be uncontrollable and elusive: a girl should not be able to clearly identify you either with her phone calls or with her unexpected appearances. – Try to be unpredictable. Make surprises (by the way, it is not necessary that these surprises be pleasant - remember the “whip method”). – Do not tell her openly and frankly about all your affairs, friends, hobbies and activities. Hide something, don’t say something, you can openly let in a little fog. A woman should feel some mystery and enigma in you, some unexplored areas and black spots: this greatly fuels a woman’s curiosity, strengthens affection and strengthens feelings.

– Do not answer her questions directly and exhaustively (I know, this is not easy for a man to do and he needs to practice). Never rush into an answer, sometimes gently move the conversation to another topic, be more mysterious, and let your girlfriend’s imagination work for you. “Don’t show that you’re very interested in her.” This requires some acting training, but after testing the method on one or two women, in the future you will master it masterfully. A friend should not have such a powerful trump card in her hands as your affection: the vile female nature will immediately try to use it. Therefore, the more you value a girl, the less you show it.

Let your kind words and compliments concern only the external and internal qualities of your friend, but you should be extremely careful when talking about your attitude towards her. You probably remember that I mentioned the classic templates by which the tactics of showering compliments are built, so, when communicating with a girl whom you really value, but are not yet completely sure that she answers you in kind, be careful with phrases like: “You are the best”, “I love you”, “I can’t live without you”, “You are the only one I have”, etc.

One of my friends, a good man, but a little unlucky in dealing with ladies - very trusting and open - once got a lot of problems. Having fallen in love with a girl, he not only demonstrated this in every possible way during meetings, except that he did not wag his tail, but outside of meetings he constantly called her on the phone and wrote text messages with assurances of his great love. As a result, the girl naturally became dizzy, and she began to check with interest how much the boy was responsible for his words. Of course, this was a test in the style of “What if we try him with dust?”, which gave the guy, to put it mildly, a lot of unpleasant minutes. Then, on the advice of friends, he slowed down and temporarily disappeared from her life altogether, after which the girl herself ran to him asking for forgiveness, admitting that she had behaved like a complete fool.

And it was impossible not to agree with this, but he himself still gave her a reason to behave like a fool.

It’s a completely different matter if you don’t really value a woman and are ready to part with her without any special regrets, but you don’t want to do this because: she’s a great cook; cool to fuck; may be useful to you, etc. Then, on the contrary, you can show your interest.

In any case, a woman, having felt her importance, begins to gradually become impudent, and putting the impudent person in her place using the methods listed above is easier only if you are not afraid to take risks and put pressure on her. Once genuine feelings are involved, manipulation becomes much more difficult.

Torture by the unknown

Closely related to the described methods is a method that I called “Torture by the unknown.” In principle, it is similar to the “carrot and stick” method, but has one feature - you disappear after any quarrel caused by a friend: you simply leave or hang up without saying a word.

Then don’t show up or answer calls for several days (the longer, the stronger the intensity of the quarrel and the shallower the reason for it). Let your friend think about what happened and worry a little.

Then show up (preferably unexpectedly) and, as if nothing had happened, offer to meet because you didn’t say something.

Let me clarify that this method can only be used if your friend is clearly interested in you. On the other hand, if she doesn’t really need you and she’s ready to easily break off relations with you, then why do you need her like that?

Under no circumstances should you build a relationship with a woman who considers herself to be of a higher rank than you: this will bring you nothing but constant worries and nervous shock. In principle, it is harmful for a woman to command a man: neither she nor, naturally, the man himself will receive satisfaction from this. Education with a sense of guilt and duty

You tell me what you need, maybe I’ll give you what you want! Balagan Limited

When starting a relationship with you, any girl understands perfectly well what you want from her. And from the very beginning he knows whether he will give you “what you want.”

Therefore, there is no need to make a special secret out of this. Do not be shy. Don’t hide your sexual urges, don’t be shy to sometimes show a glance at your neckline or butt – in short, don’t think that this is unpleasant for a woman: if she’s with you and she likes you, then the manifestations of your desire will flatter her immensely.

This is what you need to play on, cultivating in a woman the feeling that she, in the end, is obliged to satisfy your sexual needs, since she is a woman. And of course, the feeling of guilt if she doesn’t!

It's as simple as everything else in communicating with a woman: if you showed interest in her (say, grabbed her by the waist or tried to kiss), but got a spanking, don't be nervous.

To start, just slow down the conversation a little. Slightly, but clearly, change your attitude towards the girl. Start talking less, thinking more often, looking to the side, reduce the number of jokes, look piercingly into the girl’s eyes a couple of times... She will immediately feel a change in your mood and will understand perfectly well what’s going on, but, of course, she will pretend that she doesn’t know.

Most likely, she will ask what happened and why you went out. Don’t answer anything, smile sadly at your thoughts and increase the pace of communication again (but not quickly).

Having carried out such a maneuver a couple of times, you will instill in the girl a slight feeling of guilt: indeed, you are so good and are not even particularly pestering, but she behaves like a bitch, breaks down, worsens the situation and ruins a wonderful evening.

And, having tried to grab her ass a second or third time (even if your attempts do not come too quickly one after another), you will already achieve your goal without obvious resistance.

Of course, the feeling that she is obliged to do something for you, and the feeling of guilt if she did not do this, must be constantly maintained in a woman. There is no need to make a fuss about not ironing your shirt, no need to force your girlfriend to give you a blowjob, no need to get furious if she did something you don’t like or didn’t do what you wanted.

You just need to be offended. Not fatal, but obvious. Be proudly silent. Become more reserved. Cool your attitude towards her. Move it some distance away. Since women are quite good psychologists, they sense your mood very well and experience serious discomfort from this.

And keep in mind: most women are still quite responsible (with regard to love relationships) and obligatory, therefore, operating with feelings of duty and guilt, you can achieve a lot.

Using maternal instinct

Thanks to maternal instinct, a woman prefers to own one share out of a hundred for a first-class man, rather than the entire block of shares for a second-class man. George Bernard Shaw

Any man subconsciously sees in every woman a Mother (not in the sense of a “future mother,” but rather a maternal principle, which in the depths of consciousness reminds of his own mother, who protected, pitied, but could also punish. Here, by the way, are the roots of our fear of women and their revaluation).

But every woman simultaneously sees in a man a Father (protector, ruler, patriarch) and a Child (this is already a maternal instinct). The second thing can and should be used: this is the strongest female feeling, and it would be stupid not to put it at the service, so to speak, of peace and progress.

Using the mother's instinct is used both as one of the methods of seduction, and as a way to strengthen relationships and tie a woman more closely to herself and force her to take care of herself. Of course, you don’t need to pretend to be a child: you must remain strong and confident. After all, women do not like weaklings, rags, wimps and brats, wanting to see a protector and patron next to them.

But in order to evoke a stronger and more sincere feeling in a woman, you need to let her satisfy her maternal instinct towards you. Then her range of feelings will become fuller, and since you will be the object of these feelings, this will tie the woman to you even stronger.

In short, having proven that you are a tough macho, don’t be afraid to suddenly appear before a woman in the form of a weak, frightened child. It doesn’t matter what exactly unsettles you (each of us is full of hidden fears and concerns), you just can demonstrate it one day. The contrast with your reinforced concreteness will be so strong that it will immediately create a woman’s need to take pity and comfort you, and you can use this at your discretion.

One of my friends had a revealing story on this topic. On the way to visit his girlfriend, whom he had been unsuccessfully flirting with for a month, a local ruffian ran into him, and in the fight that took place, the hero’s nose was broken and his shirt was torn. And as a result, the friend’s medical assistance, consolation and nuzzling quite naturally developed into violent sex.

There is no need to be afraid of being weak - it is impossible to be strong all the time. And sometimes it is more useful to feign weakness than to boast of strength. After all, in addition to the maternal instinct that lives in any woman and the strong need to take care of someone, this also affects women’s vanity: here, they say, so strong, but so weak. Seeking consolation from me, so weak but strong. This technique works especially well with strong women - and since there are many of them now, I do not advise you to neglect it.

Remember: a woman was created to be a comfort to a man. And if you take this into account, it will benefit both of you.

Work in a company

This method of motivation is simple and at the same time complex. It is especially difficult to use it in a work team, where each employee must have his own approach. Now a person is more focused on self-realization and self-development, so if something is wrong, then no carrot will hold him back. Basically, employees are divided into 4 main types:

• Money lovers. Employees get jobs only because the company pays salaries “transparently.”
• Enthusiast. A person goes to work simply because he likes a certain job.
• Ideological patron. Such an employee prefers to work in a well-coordinated, friendly team and “for the idea.” And if they also pay for it, then he is generally in seventh heaven (such people also exist).
• Common people. They do only what is written in the rental agreement: no more and no less. For them, work is comparable to serving conscription.

Zooming in and out

Women's favorite method. Its meaning is quite simple: when a lady is interested in a man, she must do everything to keep him. The principle is this: a woman approaches a man. She can hint at closeness to him, flirt with him flirtatiously, but not go beyond the boundaries of what is permitted.

With this behavior, a woman attracts a man and becomes interesting to him. But after the representative of the stronger sex begins to think that he has won her, the lady immediately begins to pull away.

When a woman is truly interested in a man (after all, such manipulations are performed only with important people), after a certain period a new rapprochement will arise. Typically, at this stage the man is asked to do something useful. The idea is quite simple: keep the right person nearby.

Gingerbread for every employee

Due to these features, the manager’s carrot and stick method should be different for everyone. For example, representatives of the first group will leave the company with a light heart on the same day when their salary is delayed or the payment is not made transparently enough. Enthusiasts will do the job 100%, they are professionals in their field, not only their salary is important to them, but respect and proper acceptance. They do not tolerate authoritarian leadership in any form; the “whip” in relation to such employees should hang in a distant and dark closet.

Ideological patrons go to work. For the sake of work, it will not be difficult for them to borrow money if their salary is delayed, and continue to work without slowing down. But in order not to lose such valuable employees, they need to be praised as often as possible, then they will work harder. “Ordinary people” are mainly people who know the business process well from the inside, so such employees negotiate with the main management, and if they manage to come to an agreement, then they become good employees, and if not, then the company may have a serious competitor.

Causing fear of loss

Women who keep their lover in suspense build their importance and exclusivity. Try to be white and fluffy for a while, and then suddenly disappear somewhere! When your loved one calls, tell him: “I’m busy today,” or “I don’t have time.”

The deadlines are different. If you see each other every day, then a sudden week of separation will simply confuse him. But this needs to be done in such a way that he under no circumstances thinks that everything is over between you. He will think about your behavior. Let him be bored. Imagine his emotions on a date!

This is definitely hard to do. But it's worth it. Of course, you will want to write or call him, but you need to distract yourself with something. When you feel the urge to call, call a friend, go to the cinema, to the store, anywhere to unwind. We women work for our own good!

True conquerors of men's hearts use another tactic. Today you are cute. You encourage everything, act gentle, and tomorrow you suddenly turn into a bitch. Be harmful, unapproachable and don’t say what the reason is. Let the man rack his brains and figure it out for himself.

To prevent him from tracking you down, it is important to do this on different days. Otherwise, a smart man will immediately understand what’s going on. Turn on your imagination, change the scenario, let someone else look at you.

Interesting articles on the topic:

• "Men's Secrets"
• “How to please a man?”
• “What is it about women that irritates men?”

The carrot and stick method in raising children

And the most difficult thing is to use this method in the educational process. A person is not a computer program that must perform a certain action under specified conditions. The carrot and stick method of education is unacceptable in modern society; in other words, it is considered unpedagogical. After all, if a child is punished for actions that do not conform to the norm, he will stop trusting others, and if he is encouraged too much, he will grow up to be selfish. In addition, carrots and sticks are one of the ways to impose your standards, and if used without certain knowledge, then it turns into simple manipulation.

As for education, the carrot and stick method is used by nature itself in the process of personality development. If a child touches a hot stove, he will certainly get burned and will be more careful next time. And if a parent, trying to prevent a burn, yells at the child (whip), then he is only delaying the inevitable. In the process of upbringing, it is important to explain why and for what the child is praised and why he is punished. The carrot and stick method in this segment is based on reasoned explanation from adults.

conclusions

Thus, we can conclude that the carrot and stick method will always take place in different spheres of human activity. Depending on human needs, new techniques will be created to influence the performance and motivation of the individual. The carrot and stick method is not only a targeted system of rewards and punishments established by someone, but a technology that must be approached wisely and applied according to the current situation. The effectiveness of the stick and the sweetness of the carrot depend only on this.

[edit] Links

• Secrets of motivation or why financial incentives sometimes don’t work. How to motivate your team if you need to create something new?