Philautia
Philautia means a person’s love for himself, but without increased selfishness and excessive narcissism. The ancient Greeks believed that in order to begin to love others, you must first learn to love yourself. Therefore, such a feeling should not be viewed in a negative way. Indeed, thanks to philautia, a person begins to take care of himself and try to improve himself.
● Agape
Agape is universal universal love: for strangers, the surrounding nature or the Creator. Other types of love are associated with specific people, but Agape has no such restrictions. Moreover, unlike Storge, such love does not depend on anything. Agape touches on the concept of altruism, which is selfless concern for the well-being of others. Altruism gives us a euphoric sense of self-worth. In the future, altruism is associated with improved health: mental, emotional and physical. In addition, altruism (or let's call it Agape) protects, supports and spiritually enriches a person. By the way, given the state of our common planet and the level of negativity in society, we could all become much better with Agape.
Eros
Eros implies almost animal feelings. Here, first of all, it is important for a person to receive pleasure and passion. This type of attachment got its name in honor of the deity who always accompanied Aphrodite. However, these were not the only concepts the Greeks put into eros. He also saw fear, since excessive lust led to loss of control over the mind. Eros was considered one of the lower manifestations of love and did not relate to serious and sublime feelings.
These types of love existed among the ancient Greeks. But even now most of these concepts seem relevant.
Additional types of love
Ancient Greek philosophers identified 3 additional types of love.
Mania
This love is also called obsession. It is not characteristic of normal relationships; rather, it is a departure from the norm. This love is based on jealousy. The person who experiences it believes that only he has the right to possess the object of his love. Such love leads to sad consequences and even aggression on the part of a person.
Pragma
This love is closely related to the efforts of the mind and thoughts. People who experience it think more not about their feelings, but about how beneficial or convenient it is for them to express them. After the first date, a man or woman tries to figure out what they will get as a result of such a relationship. Such rational love is unnatural. People should still add feelings to their reason, otherwise love will be cold and not long-lasting, even though it is based on the efforts of our thoughts. Marriage of convenience is not the result of pragmatism. More like a love of convenience. Young people are not always united by material gain in such love. Pragma often appears if a man and woman are satisfied with other areas of life, they are satisfied with everything, and they are ready for a long-term relationship.
Ludus
Another form of “abnormal” love that people can experience. Ludus is based only on sexual desire. There is no talk of any reason or high human qualities here.
● Pragma
Oddly enough, not all types of love are associated with feelings. Pragma is absolutely practical love, which is based on reason, duty and common interests. In this case, physical attractiveness fades into the background, giving way to personal qualities and common goals. Pragma is a typical arranged marriage. Although it is supposedly frowned upon in society, it exists everywhere, and is most noticeable among businessmen, celebrities and politicians. Quite a few relationships that begin as Eros or Ludus further develop into various combinations of Storge and Pragma.
Main varieties
Scientists were able to identify common types in the classification, but it should be remembered that in real life it is almost impossible to meet them in their pure form. Each feeling includes several types, just one of them is dominant, and the rest are expressed to a lesser extent.
This world is many-sided and multifaceted, so it is impossible to find the same sensations in it: every feeling is unique and inimitable. Moreover: even the same person who has a similar connection with different partners throughout his life cannot experience exactly the same sensations as in previous times, since new circumstances and different experiences are superimposed on them.
Life is much more complex than theory, so it can be fascinating to analyze your own sensations and discover unexpected mixtures of different types in them.
Eros
The second name for this type is passion. Eros is the Greek god of fertility and life extension. It represents attraction to a member of the opposite sex. Psychology notes that eros often leads to a partial or complete loss of control over oneself from animal passion, overshadowing the voice of reason.
This is a very strong type of love that entails significant personality changes, but the duration of these changes is usually limited in time and does not have significant results in the future. Eros is often more pronounced in men, although in some women it is no less powerful, which should not be discounted.
A person experiencing eros feels a rush of romance and sexual feelings. But not only pleasant sensations are possible, but also stupid actions that people quickly begin to regret; the situation often breaks the heart of a person in love.
Eros is a fleeting phenomenon; this wild fire cannot burn constantly. Sometimes it is extended over time, but then contacts with the object of passion occur quite rarely: for example, when people live in different cities or countries. Eros is a rather selfish feeling; it needs to constantly inflate passion with the help of sexual stimuli.
Philia
This type was developed by the ancient Greeks. They considered it more exalted and valuable, since philia is born on the basis of respect and admiration for personal characteristics. In psychology, this variety is considered as a feeling between equal people who do not want to dominate or subordinate the other to their will.
Philia in psychology includes cases when love arises without much physical attraction: these could be friends who have undergone difficult trials, comrades who have shown their best qualities at the right moment, etc. With philia, it is easiest for partners to be loyal and make compromises , sacrifice your interests for the sake of another, if such a need really arises.
Storge
In psychology, another name is used to refer to storge - family love. In that it does not have a distinct physical basis, it resembles philia. It is this variety that is most often spoken of as platonic.
The prerequisite for storge is family ties and a special type of attachment that is observed in parents to children and in children to parents. In psychology, it is customary to expand these boundaries to the relationship between the older and younger generations. The same feelings can arise in adults who have been friends since childhood.
Storge also carries potential dangers: relatives often become an obstacle to the realization of their life path, believing that they have the right to interfere in life with their advice by the right of family ties.
Ludus
There is another name for this type - flirting. Usually this feeling is inherent in the early stages of relationships between young and young lovers, who act according to special rules that are perceptible to both of them. The most important signs of ludus are flirtation, a tremulous state, a sinking heart, and a slight feeling of euphoria.
This type of love tends to be lost in the later stages of a relationship and results in a loss of novelty and excitement. In the psychology of family relationships, this is what is considered the main mechanism for maintaining liveliness and mutual interest after years of living together.
Mania
An all-consuming feeling that proceeds very violently. The reasons for this form are considered to be a clear imbalance between eros and ludus. Mania arises against the background of a desire to save one’s self-esteem, since it has destructive consequences if the object of passion does not reciprocate or does not respond to the extent that the person gripped by mania would like. The sense of personal integrity is lost, and to restore it, numerous confirmations of reciprocal love are needed.
Individuals with low self-esteem, psychological trauma and incorrect self-perception are susceptible to mania. In this type, jealousy can take on an exaggerated form; the lover becomes intrusive and suspicious, afraid of losing his partner from sight and personal influence. Even if the other party reciprocates, the person rushes between ecstasy and bouts of despair. Violent emotional outbursts in this state are always followed by declines.
Pragma
The second name used in psychology is lasting or pragmatic love. This type is typical for couples who have been in a relationship for a long time. Pragma arises after a few years, when physical attraction, passion, flirting and the spontaneity that replaced them are a thing of the past. A sign of this type is amazing harmony and balance in the relationship between the two. It is this stage that serves as a source of envy when looking at the best married couples. Pragma is also possible with long-term friendships that have gone through many difficult periods and ambiguous situations, but have only become stronger because of it.
We have to admit the fact that this stage is the result of colossal efforts, so not all couples reach it. The basis for pragma is considered to be awareness of one’s requirements for a partner, a subtle understanding of personal needs. This kind of practicality, which can be blamed on pragma, is characteristic of wise people who are able to understand their own value and the value of another person, the consequence of an understanding of the methods of discovering themselves and a willingness to provide help to others so that they too discover their potential.
Pragma is controlled simultaneously by the heart and the head. At the same time, the lover is capable of a selfless attitude and does not abandon his loved one in difficult times. To consider pragma as “incomplete” love would be wrong from any point of view, but in psychology it is considered a full-fledged and natural type of relationship between loving people. Pragma is the best platform for co-parenting as it guarantees a healthy atmosphere in the family.
Philatia
The concept originates from Ancient Greece. The Greeks considered self-love a prerequisite for learning to love others. Psychology also has such a concept: philatey does not imply cases of unhealthy egoism, but is a normal perception of oneself and an adequate perception of one’s own personality.
It is impossible to share what you do not have, so whoever can love another must first learn to love himself. In addition, someone who loves himself will be happy, and this happiness will certainly attract an adequate and worthy partner or force someone who has big personal problems to leave.
Agape
This type in psychology is also called selfless love. There is no physical element in it, but there is endless compassion and empathy along with admiration. In the Russian language there is no term that would define this concept, but Buddhists have it - “metta”, which succinctly describes universal loving kindness. This means that such relationships are based on the absence of expectations, and at the same time, other people's imperfections are perceived quite calmly and with understanding.
Agape is characterized by constant affection. This feeling can be compared to the affection that dogs feel for their owners: pure admiration without comparison. This is the form Christianity preaches, that is, the complete absence of demands for something in return. The ideal combination would be a union between an agape person and someone who needs parental care and the unfading affection of a partner.
Habit cannot extinguish agape even after many years, so most often such couples remain happy throughout their lives. Deep trust and confidence that you will not be betrayed is the main reward for someone who loves an agape individual.
Three-component theory
In psychology, there is another system that distinguishes different types of love. To understand them, you should know that all such forms are obtained from a combination of three basic concepts:
- passion - physical attraction;
- intimacy – tenderness and feeling of affection;
- commitment – a sense of duty in a relationship and a willingness to develop together.
From their combinations in different versions, seven types emerge that can be observed in the relationships between men and women.
Sympathy
It’s easy to determine who you like: you can discuss any events or thoughts with him, you can trust him with your secrets and listen with interest to discussions about anything. We can say that this person is loved with friendly love or has sympathy for him. Psychology extends this type of relationship to new but all-consuming friendships. The basis for sympathy is deep intimacy.
Passion
The basis of infatuation is passion, which cannot last long, so this type is always limited in time. It may seem all-consuming and very strong, but the intensity decreases with each passing month and rarely lasts for years. At the initial stages, passion becomes a priority and can overshadow all other areas of life, since it is based on a strong attraction.
Before throwing yourself completely into this abyss, you should at least try to return to a rational state and answer the question: is it worth building a long-term relationship with this person?
Empty love
The platform for her is only obligations, while there is absolutely no admiration for the person and physical attraction to him. Most of these relationships occur within the circle of relatives and family. At the same time, it is scary or simply impossible to imagine a future fate without this person. Psychology notes that a sufficient number of marriages are built on the basis of this type.
Romance
The feeling of “butterflies in the stomach” is based precisely on what a person feels when he loves with romantic love. There is intimacy and attraction, but there is a complete absence of commitment as a component. The illusion is created that this is the pinnacle and apotheosis of relationships, but long-term attachment is possible only after active work on oneself, which includes activating a sense of duty towards one’s partner.
Friendship
At some point after a certain time, couples begin to love with love-friendship. This is a very strong relationship in which it is not passion that plays a decisive role, but intimacy and a sense of duty, which can be an excellent basis for marriage. But even in friendship, if you wish, you can return attraction if you approach this issue correctly.
Most often, examples of love-friendship can be observed in old age, when people do not want to remain alone, but libido has already faded, however, this does not become an obstacle to the expression of warmth and tenderness.
Rock
Rock is a case when a chance rapprochement brings very strong experiences, but for some reason people cannot be together. At the same time, one of them cannot overcome his grief and come to terms with the situation, his thoughts constantly return to the object and makes unsuccessful attempts to change the situation. Sometimes a temporary rapprochement is possible, but it lasts only for short moments. Fate is accompanied by a constant feeling of loss and the inability to fill the void left by the departure of another person.
Sensual love
This may sound strange, but many people still believe that a sign of love is a strong mutual sexual desire. “Because sexual desire in the understanding of most people is connected with the idea of love, they easily fall into the delusion that they love each other when they are physically attracted to each other,” wrote the same Erich Fromm. Such a feeling is experienced very acutely, and in literature it is often called fatal or sensual love - in fact, a good half of the stories of Ivan Bunin, who was a famous hedonist, were written about this.
● Ludus
This is playful love that does not commit to anything. It includes activities such as teasing, flirting, explicit dancing, and seduction. The main emphasis is on having a good time, but without attachment and responsibility. Ludus relationships are casual, unpretentious and simple, although they can be surprisingly long-lasting. Ludus lasts longest when both partners are mature and self-sufficient people.
