Human needs: what they are, what they are, types in psychology

March 5, 2020 Author: Alexander Kharin

Category: Personal and spiritual development, Psychology for the soul, Articles by Alexander Kharin, Articles about psychology, relationships and personal development

Emotional needs, their place in our lives.

The story of one person.

A man came to me, as a coach and psychologist, with an important request: “I need to reveal my personal potential. I want to be kinder, stronger and more active. I want to have more charisma."

I look at this young man, he looks tired, and his eyes are sad, like those of a beaten dog. As they say, hug and cry with him.

What is more important, to increase your personal potential and dedication to loved ones? Or maybe it’s better to satiate your emotional needs and not think about anything?

Satisfy yourself or live for others? What to choose? And the answer to this question is ambiguous.

We drift so far away from our true nature that we completely forget about our emotional needs. Forgetting about ourselves, we cannot give anything to others, and this is the law.

We often work without feeling ourselves. We live without strength. We “kind of love” without having love. We often do everything wrong and at the wrong time.

Many of us have lost ourselves so long ago that we have no time for cultivating personal potential. We would like to wake up and start a new, correct life. But we don't know how. And what is the result?

• Without love, we give affection
• Not feeling cared for, we buy ourselves off with cheap gifts.
• Not knowing that life is full of abundance, we consider ourselves free artists and do not earn
• Without ever awakening creativity within ourselves, we do not create anything useful or valuable.

Having received nothing, we cannot share anything.

To wake up from emotional oblivion, we urgently need to return to childhood and start living again. Without living a happy childhood, it is difficult for us to be a strong adult. We are trying to offer something to others, having a hole in our pocket.

Life is built in two stages. And they need to be passed.

First stage. Emotional needs and maturation.

The first stage: we are small, and life, parents, grandparents, paradoxically, do their best to help us live. They should help. This is the period in which we actively explore life, learn, establish ourselves, reach some level of independence at which we can go through life on our own without anyone’s help, without safety nets or crutches. And it is clear that the time for independence comes to everyone, but not everyone becomes independent.

Some people, having not received the most important thing from life, without satisfying their psychological and emotional needs, try to move on with their lives. They try their best to give, to love, to create. Although there is nothing to create, and nothing to give. As a result, having reset, they drive themselves into exhaustion and depression.

Other people remain at the level of teenage fantasies. They strive to take everything from life at once, believing that they are owed everything.

Both of them were unable to satiate their inner world, their emotional needs. Neither of them are truly happy.

They did not go through the first stage of growing up.

What are emotional needs? What are they like?

They are often also called psychological needs.

Many or almost all emotional needs are an emotional response to the realization of other human needs. So, for example, if our parents did not satisfy our physiological needs in childhood, we look for someone who would take care of us, i.e. We strive for those people who show physical care.

In this article we draw a parallel between the needs according to A. Maslow and the emotional needs of a person. According to our version, you can saturate your emotional world by smoothly going through all the steps of the pyramid.

So, some types of emotional needs in accordance with A. Maslow’s pyramid. There are more of them described than in the pyramid, but there are even more of them in the person himself.

1. The need for care, material and physical saturation. Craving for those people who can satisfy this need;
2. Feeling of security, safety, etc. We are drawn to people who make us feel okay, secure and confident. Which of the not very confident people would not be pleased by a strong shoulder next to them?
3. Spiritual acceptance, as well as a sense of belonging, community, desire to love and be loved. This is a need for many people. We cannot conduct normal productive dialogue in a family or team until we are saturated with it;
4. The emotional need to feel important, strong, successful, the desire to gain the approval of others is the next level in growing in life;
5. To feel free, independent, master of your life is another desire of people, it can be classified as an emotional need;
6. Involvement in knowledge, science, creativity, business also refers to this type of needs. After all, there are people with this need whose hands itch before work;
7. The need for involvement in the beauty of the world, art, life; the desire to be part of the world, the system;
8. The need for self-actualization.

Having satisfied our emotional needs, we can rise higher and increase our personal potential.

The connection between emotional needs and human values

A truly wealthy person is one who wants to share with the world and has something to give. Such giving occurs involuntarily, without internal conversations and without the desire to receive something in return. After all, such people give out of their own abundance.

Their kindness looks like kindness, and not like “you - to me, I - to you” trade. Their love is unconditional, without expectations and pitfalls. Their strength allows others to be around them, weak, strong, whatever.

And it’s clear that people are drawn to such people, and their first millions and billions of money are given to them without strain. They are calm in difficult times, and collected in times of abundance.

We all have emotional needs. These needs are connected to our values. And they, like a birthing field, need to be saturated, and then you need to saturate your values ​​with them as much as possible.

The more significant the value in a person’s life, the deeper it is, the greater the person’s need to satiate it. Well, what's the point if you just have a friend based on your value of “closeness and unity”. Maybe you need a real and sincere friend, or a loving person who will understand you perfectly? And what we have is not enough.

Basic human needs

A person has nine basic needs. Every person has these needs, even if a person does not feel them within himself.

The first four needs are survival needs:

1.warmth,

2.protection,

3. food,

4.security.

Satisfying these basic needs returns us to a state of comfort and calm.

Five more needs:

5. in stimuli and stroking;

6. love, creating a circle of close people, affection and belonging to a certain social group;

7. self-actualization (realization of one’s abilities and talents, creative potential, embodiment of “oneself”);

8. respect and recognition in a significant community through self-realization, which simultaneously brings pleasure to the person himself and benefits other people;

9. in spiritual development.

The problem of unmet needs stems from the fact that many people grew up in families where their rights were suppressed. Where they were forbidden (in various ways) to demand for themselves everything they needed. Where parents did not know how to teach their child simultaneous discipline, correct (protecting from dangers and destructive behavior in relation to their body, their future, other people and the world around them) self-restraint and satisfaction of their needs (including the assertion of their rights). Correct restrictions were perceived by the child as a prohibition to express oneself at all (including asking, talking about needs). In addition, ego states of different character and life position coexist in each of us. The behavior and inclinations of some ego states may conflict with the behavior and inclinations of other ego states. So, in some ego states we damage ourselves, while in others we are afraid for our health and future. Moreover, those ego states that have bad habits desperately resist the person’s (the executive part of the personality) awareness of their needs. Because this will lead to new rules and this ego state will have to submit to a new discipline. This resistance has many tricks. For example, some people philosophize that all their habits, even bad ones, are their individuality, that these habits are necessary for some reason, and if a person gives them up, he will “lose” himself. In this case, we need an independent decision - a decision from the Adult ego state.

First, a person needs to decide that he has these nine needs.

Next, it is necessary to conduct an audit of needs: determine to what extent each need is satisfied (not satisfied).

Then make a plan to meet each need. The second adult decision about needs should be deciding what the person will do to satisfy each need. And carry out this decision regardless of the internal state.

1. Need for heat. This is the need for bodily thermal comfort. Many adults, oddly enough, do not know how to dress for the weather. I often see people cowering from the cold, walking down the street quickly, tensely, trying to get indoors as quickly as possible. Or, on the contrary, they sweat and get wet, so that they smell unpleasant. At the same time, they themselves feel uncomfortable. They make themselves unpleasant for others, thereby realizing the unconscious script setting “Don’t be close.” Such people need to realize and learn how to properly satisfy the need for warmth. Those. dress yourself so as not to lose comfort.

2. Need for protection. This need in childhood is satisfied by parents. For adults, this need is satisfied by laws (constitution, civil code, labor code, housing code, etc.) and the state (precinct, police, court, municipal authorities, health authorities, etc.). To satisfy this need, an adult must study the laws and learn about the existence and functions of government bodies. So that you know exactly where and on what issue to contact. It is not normal for an adult to demand protection from another person, for example, from a husband, parents, etc. We can ask a loved one for help in a specific situation, but we should not “impose” parental functions and expectations on loved ones.

3. Need for food. To satisfy this need, it is not enough to simply eat the way you were taught in childhood. You need to obtain information about the body’s needs for certain substances, explore the characteristics of your body, develop healthy eating rules for yourself and follow these rules.

4. Need for security. Parents and the child’s own instinct for self-preservation are responsible for satisfying this need in childhood. An adult needs to reconsider his lifestyle and habits (the habit of crossing the road, driving a car, using sharp objects, electrical appliances, etc.). If there are habits that could potentially lead to danger, damage, or loss of health, you need to give them up and learn to do the same things differently.

5. Need for stimulation and stroking. To maintain your neopsyche (Adult ego state), i.e. ability for voluntary effort and awareness, in a “working” state, a person needs to constantly train it. Neopsychic training occurs when perception is stimulated. Stimulation of perception occurs when a person interacts with the world around him using the senses. In total, a person has five sense organs: eyes (organ of vision), ears (organ of hearing), nose (organ of smell), skin (organ of touch), tongue (organ of taste). A person vitally needs incentives, otherwise his neo-psyche degrades.

Here is a quote from Eric Berne about the need to stimulate the neo-psyche. “….The ability of the human psyche to maintain consistent ego states appears to depend on the changing flow of sensory stimuli. This observation is the psychobiological basis of social psychiatry. Formulated in structural terms, it is that sensory stimuli are necessary to ensure the integrity of the neopsyche and archeopsyche. If the flow is blocked or becomes monotonous, it is clear that the neopsyche is gradually disorganized (“a person’s thinking is deteriorating”); it exposes underlying archaeopsychic activity ("he shows childish emotional reactions"); eventually the archaeopsychic functioning also becomes disorganized (“he suffers from hallucinations”). This is a description of a sensory deprivation experiment. It can be shown that neopsychics experience depletion of cathexis in the event of stimulus social and structural deprivation by comparing patients in bad and good public hospitals. Essentially, it has been proven that the result of such deprivation is archaic suggestibility, which makes it the strongest weapon in the hands of cruel leaders in the fight against irreconcilable individuals...."

A person receives the most “high-quality” stimuli for training the neo-psyche in the process of communication. No computer game (and people play them precisely to receive incentives) can compare in this sense with communication. Communication is the most effective simulator for the neopsychic. Therefore, people who do not have personality disorders feel a thirst for stimuli as a thirst for communication. In isolation, people feel anxious and calm down when they receive the “guarantee” of communication. A guarantee of communication is recognition of us by other people, attention to us from other people. The unit of attention and recognition is stroking. Summary. The need for stimulation is a vital need. It's called stimulus craving. People who do not have personality disorders feel a craving for stimuli like a craving for stroking.

You can read more about this need in the books: 1. Stewart Y., Joines V. “Modern transactional analysis.” lane from English St. Petersburg, 1996, chapter “Thirst for stimulus.” 2. Bern Eric “Transactional analysis and psychotherapy.” Translation from English, St. Petersburg, publishing house "Brotherhood", 1992, chapter VIII SOCIAL RELATIONS, section 1. Theory of social contacts.

I'm currently working on a continuation of the article.

Sincerely, Irina Letova.

All rights to copy texts are reserved and belong to me, Irina Letova.

Information from a lawyer. Based on the Federal Law of the Russian Federation “On Copyright and Related Rights” (as amended by Federal Laws dated July 19, 1995 N 110-FZ, dated July 20, 2004 N 72-FZ), copying, saving on a hard drive or other method of saving works posted in this section, in archived form, is strictly prohibited.

These texts are presented for informational purposes only. By copying and saving texts, you assume full responsibility in accordance with the current legislation of the Russian Federation.

All copyrights to these texts remain with the copyright holder. Any commercial or other use of texts without the consent of Irina Letova is prohibited.

If you use ideas or materials from articles by Irina Letova, you must indicate the source of information - the website www.letova.com

Second phase. Increasing personal potential. How to do it?

A person’s potential can be revealed only if he is satisfied with the need and fills his values. And only then can he want to love, be kind and sympathetic. Until this time, every attempt is only a demand, a challenge to oneself, which can never be supported by anything. Such a challenge to oneself leads to an overexpenditure of personal energy.

Increasing personal potential is possible. And this is done simply, namely:

1. Satisfy your emotional needs;
2. Realize your deepest values ​​and express yourself according to them;
3. Build your life in such a way that your values ​​are realized to the maximum.

Result: You will live only according to your desires, you will be overwhelmed with your own energy: Your personal potential will invariably grow. Myself! Without extra effort!

And then for your loved ones there will be love from an excess of feelings, material benefits from abundance, career growth from the importance of your business, and care for loved ones from overflowing with happiness.
You can learn more about your emotional needs, discover your values ​​and purpose by visiting the School of Personality Development.

Types of personality needs

There are many classifications of personality needs. Let's highlight just two:

1. Division of human needs into biological, social and spiritual. Biological and social needs depend on the place of birth of a person and his habitat. Spiritual needs are manifested in the desire to know the world, oneself, find one’s place, etc.
2. Needs for growth (development) and need for conservation. A person needs constant development, approval and improvement. At the same time, there are needs that remain relevant: hunger, thirst, sex, etc.

Separately, they consider the classification of needs according to Maslow’s pyramid, where there are clear stages of human orientation. It all starts with base desires aimed at satisfying the body. Then comes the need for protection and recognition. Social needs arise at the third level, and only then does a person reach spiritual development. Moreover, Maslow argues that higher needs cannot be satisfied if lower needs are not satisfied.

How is a person put on the “conveyor belt” to satisfy the first stage of needs in Maslow’s pyramid? A house, car, family, friends, etc. are the same means as money, external beauty, and the ability to make contacts, but only an order of magnitude higher. A person needs a home to have a place to relax, raise children and how to protect themselves. A car is needed to move around easily and quickly. Clothing is needed to attract, warm and protect. People are needed (friends, loved ones, etc.) to realize their ambitions, express themselves, and mutually exchange knowledge and benefits.

But all this will remain on Earth when you die. You will not take any of this with you into the next world. This means that you need to work on developing your soul - you will take with you only that state of mind, worldview, attitude towards the world, beliefs, fears, etc., that you have developed over your entire life.

It turns out that a person spends his whole life on what he could have had if there were no rules, private territories and other laws. Literally in the first 25 years of life, a person could build himself a house, learn to provide himself with food and clothing, start a family and make friends, etc. And all the remaining years he would be engaged in developing himself. But no! Many people spend most of their lives earning money for their home, family and vacation. They cannot provide themselves with all this - the government prohibits and limits it with laws. Therefore, a person is put on a conveyor belt so that he spends his whole life satisfying the first stage of the needs of Maslow’s pyramid, without rising higher.

What are basic emotional needs?

Schema therapy typically identifies five categories of basic emotional needs in humans, some of which are especially important in childhood (Young, Klosko, & Weishaar, 2006): 1. Attachment and security: It is important for us to have close emotional connections with others, which allows us to feel safe, stability, attention, love and acceptance of others. It is important for a child to be under the care of a reliable adult who cares for him and provides a safe environment in which to live, grow and develop. 2. Independence, competence and identity: We need an awareness of what makes us who we are and what we do well. Children should have a protected and safe environment from which they can explore and learn about the world. The ultimate goal of maturing into adulthood is to eventually be able to stand on your own two feet. Parents (or those who care for the child) need to slowly but surely allow children to separate from them so that they develop into autonomous adults. Children need adequate self-perception and self-esteem. In order to develop a strong sense of identity, they need to appreciate who they are as people and what they are capable of doing. 3. Freedom to express, express your important needs and feelings. Children need to feel that they are emotionally connected to others and can share their experiences, thoughts and feelings with others. 4. Spontaneity, fun and play. It is important for a child to be able to spontaneously express thoughts and feelings so that they can be explored and understood, without being subject to rigid or oppressive rules. 5. Realistic boundaries, self-discipline and self-control: It is especially important that children know their boundaries and accept reasonable limits set by others.
In order to live socially with others, it is useful for children to learn certain rules. It is important for children to understand that there is sometimes a need to subordinate their autonomy or self-expression when interacting with others and to be able to do so. It is important for children to learn healthy ways to tolerate and deal with disappointment. Satisfying basic emotional needs is important not only in childhood, but also in adulthood. This makes us happy, allows us to live a fulfilling life and enjoy it.

What happens when basic emotional needs are not met in childhood, and what to do with the consequences of this - see the link.

Based on schematherapylondon.org

Spiritual needs of the individual

Spiritual needs arise in the process of personal development. They become conscious needs that a person realizes throughout his life. There is no limit to spiritual development, so a person spends his entire life satisfying his spiritual needs.

Psychological needs of the individual

Psychological needs are needs that are not related to bodily needs, but are not spiritual either. The desire to communicate with other people becomes a basic psychological need. You can also highlight the desire to love, belong to a group, receive support and understanding, emotions, etc.

There is no shame in being a single person and looking for a beloved man/woman. It is a shame to deny your need for love when you are proud of your loneliness, but in fact you need warmth and affection.

Many people fence themselves off from a happy life with their loved ones. How do they do it? Having failed several times in the field of love, they abandon it, beginning to be proud of their loneliness. But if these people sincerely answer the question of whether they really feel good being single, then you can hear that even bachelors and bachelorettes want to be loved and love.

How to stop being afraid of love? You must understand that your failures with your ex-partners are your wrong decision or choice. You yourself chose people who then abandoned you, insulted and humiliated you, although there are many people around you, very different and ready for love. Perhaps you chose based on visual attractiveness. But know that behind the beautiful “cover” there is often a “rotten” and evil person with complexes and many claims. Perhaps you chose by the amount of money. But then don’t be offended that you were treated like a thing, because you were “bought”, or rather, you “sold” yourself, otherwise you would not have chosen a partner based on this criterion.

You yourself chose the one who later offended you. Therefore, to stop being afraid of love, you just need to learn how to choose your partners correctly.

It is a shame to deny your need for love. If you are single and looking for a loved one, then this does not shame you. All people become lonely from time to time. This is neither good nor bad - it all depends on how you feel about your loneliness. But it's a shame to deny your need for love when what you really want is to be with someone and build a strong relationship. It turns out that you are deceiving yourself and making yourself even more unhappy by rejecting the desires of your heart and making yourself a “clown” who is happy to be alone. If you want to love, then admit it. It will be much worse when your young years pass and you realize that you have nothing but money, friends and your pride, which forced you to remain alone.