It would be nice if we were surrounded entirely by polite and well-mannered people. Everyone would smile at each other and say all sorts of nice words. But unfortunately, there will always be one or more completely obnoxious characters in your environment. This could be a boss, a client, a colleague - anyone. How to deal with such people and maintain peace of mind? We'll tell you in today's article.
We will not list the types of unbearable personalities - there are too many of them. Let's go from the other side. So, the roles are: manager, client, subordinate and colleague. We will try on the role of notorious scoundrels: a boor, an upstart, an indifference, a bore and a toxic character (an informer, a gossip and a conspirator). Go.
Types of leaders with whom you are uncomfortable
Boorish leader
God forbid you work with someone like that. He will never use selective curse words, constantly gets personal and has no sense of boundaries at all. Moreover, he is absolutely sure that he has every right to do so. Doesn't care about employees. There is only one model of communication: I am the boss, you are a fool.
How to behave?
Eh, I would advise you to run away from this, but let’s not rush. First of all, everyone has different levels of Zen. And many people don’t give a damn about the leader’s rudeness . And we didn’t see anything like them. The main thing is to be competent and professional—to know what he wants. “And then Petrovich was a darling and a sweetheart, but he didn’t understand the matter at all. Bring something, I don’t know what. This guy at least knows how to work, but the fact that he loves strong words - there’s no other way for him.”
Secondly, surprisingly, people get used to such leaders and develop a kind of immunity. He's yelling something at himself again, and the employees are sitting straight on their butts. They smile and finish their tea.
We do not justify boorish leaders and do not call for putting up with them. It’s just that all people are different and perceive such things differently. It is clear that if you are a sensitive person and after a harsh remark you do not sleep for three nights, you will not work well with such a boss and will have to quit. Otherwise, it will be more expensive for yourself and health problems will begin. In any case, everything is individual.
Upstart boss
These are a dime a dozen now, especially among ambitious young people. They will do anything for the sake of their career—they will go over their heads, including yours. They take three skins from employees, just so that his department is the best.
How to behave?
Such managers do not stay in the team for long: they either quickly go for a promotion or go out on the street. So just try to endure it for a while . Perhaps the upstart will be put in his place by a colleague or he will settle down himself. The most important thing at this time is not to expose the sides. Such people can set them up, blame their failures on their employees, or start digging under unwanted people. So keep your ears open.
Boss doesn't care
This can hardly be called an unpleasant type, but he can bring you more trouble than the two previous bosses. The department is always an outsider, the plan is not fulfilled, deadlines are missed, there are no bonuses - only fines. And he doesn't care.
How to behave?
In this case, you can be much more confident in advising them to look for another job or move to a neighboring department . Unlike an upstart, a person who doesn’t care can sit in his place for years. Especially if he is a distant relative of the owner of the company. It is not interesting to work in such a team; there will be no career growth. So if you don’t give a damn, get away from such a character.
Bore boss
Bores love to eat away gray matter using a full arsenal of cutlery. Natural perfectionists: they need everything to be perfect. And of course, they know very well how ideal it is.
How to work with this?
It’s quite possible to work well with boring managers. As a rule, they are true professionals in their field, simply born pedants. Here are some tips:
- Always listen to your boss to the end if he explains something. Voice questions and suggestions later;
- bores don't like it when employees come up with solutions better than their own. So if you have something to offer, do it carefully. Not “I know what’s best,” but “Maybe we’ll do it this way?” And then offer a solution;
- Don’t argue with a bore, he’ll just shut down and won’t hear you.
The boss is a toxic character
Do you think that all leaders are descendants of noble blood and everything earthly is alien to them? No matter how it is. The bosses are full of nasty people who gossip about their subordinates, weave intrigues and do other nonsense .
How to behave?
Do not mention it. And they talk about the king, what now? The only person such a leader harms is himself. There is no respect for him, both from his subordinates and from his colleagues.
We discussed the bosses, let's move on to clients.
Diagnostics
If you are asking the question: “Is social phobia a mental illness or not?”, I will answer briefly and to the point: “Yes!” At the same time, only a psychotherapist can correctly diagnose social phobia and prescribe the correct treatment. Although recently more and more people are independently diagnosing themselves. They actively share problems on social networks and participate in chats about social phobia.
In most cases, their diagnosis is not confirmed. People confuse social phobia with other phobias, mental disorders, and even with simple shyness. Many introverts call themselves social phobics. But there are significant differences between these concepts.
- An introvert is already born this way. From early childhood he prefers solitude. He is comfortable alone with himself. This is inherent in his character. A social phobe was different before he developed a phobia, as a result of some kind of psychological trauma. And he remembers it very well.
- Loneliness gives an introvert joy, peace, and the opportunity to relax and recharge with energy. Therefore, he refuses noisy events. A social phobe would be happy to have fun in a big company, but he is terribly scared. He is afraid that he will be rejected, mocked, or not even notice his presence. Therefore, he chooses boring, but at the same time calm loneliness.
- All introverts are good communicators. Although they love privacy, they also have developed social skills. It is not difficult for them to start a conversation, join in the conversation, and defend their opinion. The same cannot be said about a social phobia. For him, communication turns into torture. He speaks very quickly or too quietly, hides his eyes and tries to run away.
- For an introvert, it is of great importance what family and friends think about him. They are not interested in the opinions of others around them. The attitude of absolutely everyone is important to a social phobe. Whether it's a saleswoman in a store or a stranger with the wrong number. It seems to him that everyone around him thinks badly of him. He is sure that he does not correspond to the society in which he finds himself.
- Perfectionism is at the root of social dysfunction. A social phobe believes that he must be perfect. Then he will be accepted and will not be criticized. Even in line for bread, he mentally rehearses what he will say to the seller. An introvert does not suffer from perfectionism. He accepts himself as he is.
Unbearable Clients
Client is a boor
“Yes, your office is just a misunderstanding, the products are crap, the staff is rude and insolent to me! I will complain!" And this is the softest expression of emotions from such buyers. For some reason, they consider the store staff to be a class below them, so they allow themselves to behave this way.
How to behave?
The main thing for such people is to throw out their emotions. Moreover, there will be a lot of noise, uproar and threats to sue, but most likely it will not go beyond a verbal storm. Even a negative review is unlikely to be written. Therefore, calmly nod, nod and apologize . If there really was a mistake on your part, correct the situation: change the product, return the money or offer a discount.
A client who doesn't know what he needs
Such a person gladly responds to a request to recommend a product or asks for it himself. And then he begins to reject all the proposed options. Moreover, he complains that you don’t have an assortment and in general you don’t have anything suitable.
How to behave?
Here you need to become a little psychologist and use some cunning. The following techniques work well with these:
- “Oh, I see you know your way around smartphones, so I know what you need. Please pay attention to this model.”
- “For true connoisseurs of high-quality images, I would recommend this TV”
Boring client
Not to be confused with the previous one, since this one knows exactly what it needs . He spent a lot of time studying in detail the detailed characteristics of his future purchase and knows more about it than you. And he loves to brag about it. In general, it is simply difficult for a person to make a purchasing decision.
How to behave?
You have to be on an equal footing with a bore. If time permits, you can go into long discussions with him about the advantages and disadvantages of this or that shaving foam. Moreover, the buyer himself will do most of the talking. Such people are very susceptible to references to authorities. Tell him that Dima Bilan has such a phone, and you will see how the buyer’s face changes. But we’ll upset you right away: bores spend months choosing a purchase . Most likely, he has talked to a dozen more sellers before you and plans to continue searching for the ideal product. Therefore, most likely in the end he will not buy anything.
Toxic client
He looks like a boor, but, unlike him, he will throw bricks on the Internet or complain to your management . He will start writing negative reviews, writing angry comments on social networks and forums, and writing complaints.
How to behave?
For the most part, these are people who don’t like anything in principle. It is useless to convince a toxic client that underwear cannot be returned by law - he will still splutter and blame you. Therefore, calmly deal with negative reviews and explain to management that the buyer is not particularly adequate . It will still not be possible to reassure the client.
Now let's talk about our colleagues. It’s more difficult with them - after all, they are nearby most of the time and you won’t be able to isolate yourself.
Do I need to fight this?
A shy person is usually not the leader and life of the party. However, such people often have other important qualities, such as sensitivity and delicacy. A typical example is director Woody Allen, whose natural shyness did not prevent him from becoming famous throughout the world. So the main thing is to accept yourself as you are and learn to use it.
Clumsiness is not always a bad quality that needs to be fought. Rather, it is a good diagnostic sign that helps you understand your inner world. In some situations, awkwardness can act as an additional opportunity to communicate with the right person and establish emotional contact with him.
Grigory Bakhin, practicing psychologist, executive of the online household services service YouDo.com
If a feeling of awkwardness prevents you from living and achieving your goals, try to change your attitude towards this trait and develop new behavior strategies. You will not be able to completely change your personality type.
There is no point in fighting characterological qualities. This is not something bad, not a flaw, but part of your personality. You need to know about it and take it into account when making decisions. For example, don’t join the special forces.
Ilya Shabshin, consulting psychologist, author of books
Colleagues who are uncomfortable to work with
Colleague boor
They will recruit you from an advertisement... in short, you have a gopnik from the area in your office. He speaks perfect French and is not averse to taking you on a walking journey of an erotic nature.
How to behave?
The only thing we can advise is to limit communication with such a character . When you get really fed up, complain to your manager. It is advisable to find support in the team and go to the manager together. It's more convincing this way.
Upstart colleague
A very uncomfortable psychotype. He climbs into every hole just to get approval from his superiors. Can set up a colleague for promotion up the career ladder. He flatters management and curries favor with his superiors in every possible way.
How to behave?
Usually the team does not like upstarts, so they themselves very quickly become loners and outcasts. So be patient and wait. But be careful: such employees are very beneficial to their superiors. If possible, do not communicate with such an employee, do not say unnecessary things in front of him. In a word - don’t expose yourself.
Colleague who doesn't care
You have a deadline, but your partner has been late for half an hour from a cigarette break? This means he doesn’t care about everything: discipline, responsibility and even money. Working with someone like that is a real torment, especially for conscientious employees.
How to behave?
Complain to management. No options. If your partner lets you down at the monastery, there is no point in feeling sorry for him. Warn a couple of times - and go to the boss. So they say and so, I got it. The project is standing still, but this dude is hanging out on social networks again.
Boring colleague
But with this it is quite possible and necessary to work together. Boring is an excellent and responsible specialist and a competent worker. In addition, he is a born perfectionist.
How to behave?
There will be two problems: firstly, it is very difficult for a bore to make a decision and you will have to do this, and secondly, they will constantly drip on your brains, telling you the details of the details. But you can get used to all this. If you can do it, it can turn out to be a very good tandem.
Colleague is a toxic character
It's like the black sheep in the herd. Weaves intrigues, pits workers against each other, divides the team into camps. The main weapons are gossip, snitching, and discussions behind one’s back.
How to behave?
Here a lot depends on the team itself. A friendly and united team will itself reject such a character. But if there are already problems in the department, the toxic employee will have a lot of room for activity. Therefore, we can advise you to remain neutral. Don't let him get you into his games and rise above it all. If there is a leader in the team, then he must solve the problem.
Now let's talk about subordinates. You are already slowly starting to understand psychotypes, so it will be easier
Reasons for appearance
The main reasons for the development of psychological discomfort are:
- age crises;
- low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and strength;
- dissatisfaction with personal life;
- communication problems;
- loneliness;
- unsatisfying work;
- failures coming one after another.
These are only part of the reasons, there are others. It all depends on what particular need remains unsatisfied.
Let's give an example. Let's say you work for a small company. You really don't like what you do. The salary is low, there are no interesting tasks, the office is stuffy. In such conditions, psychological discomfort is normal. In this situation, he suggests that it is time to change your life. If you ignore the hint, there will be even more negative emotions. And over time, they can result in quite unpleasant physical health symptoms and even serious illnesses. It’s not for nothing that they say that all diseases are caused by nerves.
Inconvenient subordinates
Subordinate boor
Do you think that since you are the boss, no one will dare to insult you? No matter how it is. There are plenty of inappropriate characters. Such a one will still be proud that he sent the director, sipping beer at the entrance.
How to behave?
Clearly, boldly, sharp as a bullet. Immediately put it down and put it in place. The main thing is not to stoop to his level. You have an administrative resource - use it. A remark, a reprimand, deprivation of a bonus - and the boor will very quickly fall into place. And in general, think about whether you really need this employee.
Upstart subordinate
One of the managers runs to you 5 times a day and asks for a promotion out of the blue? Works so-so, but considers himself smarter than others? Doesn’t miss the opportunity to point out the shortcomings of other employees, including the best ones? Then allow me to imagine: in front of you is a typical upstart.
How to behave?
The upstarts themselves are harmless, except that they constantly shine. You, as a leader, can channel this energy in the right direction. Do you consider yourself smarter than others? So prove it. Here's a project for you, lead it from start to finish. If you can't handle it, don't try to be smart anymore. Work like the rest.
Subordinate who doesn't care
Not to be confused with an undisciplined employee. The guy doesn’t give a damn about anything: he missed the deadline and doesn’t worry, is in no hurry to improve. They'll fire you, they'll fire you, it doesn't matter. An undisciplined employee can be late every day, and then work for three people.
How to behave?
Fire without regret. First, try to give him a chance to re-educate, and then, when he doesn’t re-educate (and he won’t), fire him. Not caring is contagious: such characters have a bad influence on other employees. “I won’t get up from my chair for that kind of money” - the fragile minds of newcomers to the team can take this at face value and start thinking the same way.
Bore subordinate
He constantly clarifies the details at the planning meeting, and then remains with additional questions. And an hour later he comes with a new portion of clarifications. “Gray or still dark gray? 15th before lunch or after lunch? And before lunch is it closer to 9 or closer to one?” Did you recognize the bore?
How to behave?
Bores are excellent workers. There is only one problem - they take too much time. But the result is excellent. As we wrote, it is difficult for a bore to make decisions. Give him a quicker partner and they can work well together. One will bring the details to perfection, the second will conduct the process.
Toxic subordinate
This is difficult to calculate in a team. He acts behind someone else's back and with someone else's hands. Until employees come to complain, you won’t know about it.
How to behave?
Toxic employees have a very bad influence on the team. It may even lead to a split into two (3,4...) camps. You can forget about team spirit. Therefore, isolate such an employee from others as much as possible . Assign tasks for which he will need to have as little contact with other employees as possible.
If it doesn’t help, it’s better to part with such a character. It is better to lose one employee than to ruin the entire team.
As you can see, an approach can be found for every person . We wish you to meet as few unpleasant people as possible on your way, and if this happens, you now know what to do.
Signs and symptoms of social phobia
We all get nervous before significant social events (speaking in front of an audience, taking an exam, going on a date, etc.). This is a normal reaction. In such situations, a social phobe experiences all-consuming horror and extremely strong anxiety. Social phobia can be recognized by emotional, behavioral and physiological symptoms.
Emotional Signs
A person suffering from social phobia panics over the fact that he will be poorly judged by the people around him. Therefore, it is characterized by the following emotional signs.
- Maximum concentration on yourself, on how he looks, what he says, how he behaves. At the same time, he is terribly worried that others will notice his excitement.
- Unreasonable fear of appearing clumsy, ugly, stupid, ridiculous. Although there is absolutely no reason for such an assessment.
- Expecting the worst from any upcoming social contacts.
- Presentation of increased demands on one’s own person. At the same time, the social phobe underestimates himself and his capabilities. He most often has low self-esteem.
- A persistent desire to make a good impression on other people. However, the social phobe is sure that he will never be able to do this.
- Remembers mostly bad events.
- He replays the conversation that happened a huge number of times in his head, analyzing what he did or said wrong. Such thoughts become intrusive and torment a person for several days and even weeks after the situation that caused anxiety and stress.
Behavioral signs
Most people with social phobia prefer to avoid stressful situations in which others might think badly of them. Therefore, a social phobe behaves as follows.
- Does not go on dates, does not visit crowded places (cafes, restaurants, cinemas, nightclubs, shopping centers, etc.), does not speak at work meetings, etc.
- Does not look the interlocutor in the eye.
- Tries to remain silent during conversations and end the conversation as soon as possible.
- Doesn't call or start a conversation first.
- Does not answer calls from strangers or from unknown numbers.
- Instead of live communication with people, he prefers correspondence on social networks or instant messengers, and instead of shopping, he prefers online shopping.
Physiological symptoms
In a social disorder, a person experiences the same physiological symptoms as in any other anxious situation:
- increased sweating;
- cardiopalmus;
- nausea;
- dizziness, lightheadedness;
- difficulty breathing, as if “throat is tight”;
- trembling in the body;
- a rush of blood to the head, which causes redness of the face (hyperemia).
Hyperemia is quite common among social phobes. Realizing that these symptoms are noticeable to others, the person begins to get even more nervous. He falls into a stupor or, conversely, his speech becomes too fast and confusing. High levels of stress can trigger a panic attack.
I think so!
But the baby is growing, he begins to understand himself and the outside world. His mind absorbs everything that happens around him in order to learn how to interact with what surrounds him. As he gains experience, knowledge and skills, he begins to evaluate everything from a “good or bad” perspective. This assessment is largely influenced by what is suggested to him from the outside - his parents, family, educators. The child learns the most basic programs. For example, being obedient is good, disobedient is bad.
As we get older and rely on the assessment of our mind, we build for ourselves the boundaries of personal comfort and discomfort. What is comfortable for some people from a “good-bad” perspective is unacceptable for others. Thus, many families form their own way of life, create traditions and customs of peoples, and there are certain rules of behavior in individual schools, universities, and companies.
