Children of narcissistic parents often feel lost and alone. Throughout their lives, they are in search of love, which they did not receive from home. As a rule, such children expect support from their parents, in particular from the closest person - their mother, but they do not always find it.
There are several signs by which you can identify a selfish, narcissistic mother. This will allow you to detect a psychological problem in a child as early as possible and solve it in the early stages.
What is greed
Greed is an active desire and immoderate desire, a tendency to obtain material wealth and benefits. The key words in this definition are “immoderate” and “active”. Greed is a state of thinking and feelings in which a person necessarily acts, looking for all kinds of ways to obtain goods and benefits. This purposeful activity is constantly stimulated by desires.
The main synonym for greed is greed. Close in meaning are the feelings of self-interest, stinginess, acquisitiveness, covetousness, hoarding, love of money, bribery. The roots of greed lie in psychology.
Origins of character traits
Reasons for greed:
- distorted perception of the surrounding world;
- incorrect value judgments;
- primitive value ideas about life;
- serious difficulties in life that have psychologically traumatic consequences;
- fear;
- selfishness;
- upbringing, environment, level of education and intellectual development.
Fear plays a key role in the formation of greed. It arises under the influence of childhood experiences or under the influence of unfavorable life circumstances. A person who constantly lives in poverty is often prone to greed in later life. He is constantly driven to insatiability by the fear of losing acquired goods and returning to poverty. And in order to protect himself from such consequences, a person will strive to acquire new benefits.
Specifics of appearance in women
In women, fear plays a more significant role. It is generated by instinctive fear for the opportunity to procreate, give birth and raise children in the safest and most favorable conditions. A woman with a child feels vulnerable, because coping with unfavorable factors in this situation is quite problematic. Therefore, in women, greed at the level of instincts takes on more acute and aggressive forms.
A common reason for the development of greed is the lack of proper attention, warmth, kindness and love. The deficiency of these spiritual and emotional manifestations is compensated and replaced by material values. A woman seeks to replace the missing love with unnecessary benefits and pleasures.
Connection with egoism
Selfishness is closely related to greed. This term implies behavior that is entirely determined by the desire to obtain personal benefits and benefits. An egoist puts his own interests above the interests of society and other people.
By nature, all people on the planet are selfish. This characteristic can be considered a special evolutionary mechanism that was developed in humans at the genetic level for the purpose of survival.
Selfishness, which manifests itself in accordance with the expediency of life situations, is rational in nature and is perceived by others as the norm. Women's egoism is often irrational. Its manifestations are the following behavioral traits:
- irrationality;
- inappropriateness;
- lack of adequate assessment of the consequences of actions;
- shortsightedness;
- impulsiveness.
Based on the manifestations, it can be argued that irrational egoism often becomes the reason for the development of greed. The selfish desire for benefit and benefit easily develops into the insatiability of these aspirations, which is referred to as greed.
A healthy dose of selfishness should always be present, but not so much.
Still from the movie "Transporter 2"
In any relationship, even the most ideal, there are times when one of the partners behaves selfishly. This is generally normal, sometimes even beneficial, but when immature, self-centered behavior becomes normal, serious problems can arise.
If you rarely ask yourself what your girlfriend would like (for example, what she would like to do on the weekend), and you also try not to listen to her during arguments, it's time to pay attention to our list of eight signs of selfishness in a relationship.
Go through each of them to face the truth and understand how selfish you really are.
Do you hear your mother's toxic voice in your head?
Sometimes your mom's words literally echo in your head, even if you haven't spoken in years or mended your relationship when you were already an adult. You make a mistake, and it comes to you: “You can’t do anything right!” Or you even tell yourself about it. This negative tape playing over and over again is quite difficult to work with, but it is still possible. Just remember that you have the right to make mistakes and that doesn't make you a bad person.
Signs
Selfishness and its manifestations by humans are primarily aimed at satisfying their own needs, often completely disregarding the opinions and feelings of the people around them.
An individual who puts his own “I” above all else does not care at all that he can cause harm through his actions, but the sense of self-preservation, as a rule, forces him to disguise himself, showing the main character traits only in the process of closer communication.
An egoistic personality is characterized by:
- constantly blaming others for your own failures;
- inability to listen and hear your interlocutor;
- complete confidence in one’s own rightness;
- ignoring any opposing opinions and comments;
- frequent boasting;
- display of material wealth;
- attempts to exert pressure and manipulate others;
- evaluate people by material wealth, intelligence and other signs of “status”;
- the ability to go ahead without caring about the opinions and feelings of other people;
- aspiration is constantly in the spotlight.
In addition to the above, a person prone to selfishness:
- is forced to limit his social circle due to problems with socialization;
- suffers from personal loneliness caused by the inability to compromise and maintain relationships with another person;
- if necessary, she is forced to cope with the difficulties that arise on her own.
Why do selfish mothers have the happiest children? Bookmark 10
Psychologists are on the side of the “selfish”.
Let’s open “If it’s difficult with a child” by L. Petranovskaya: “time-outs” during the day, regular rest (a visit to the cinema or lunch with a friend) and mini-trips are necessary in order to have the strength not to lash out at the children.
We read the “lazy mother” Anna Bykova: every mother should learn how to arrange embroidery on the windowsill or “shake out” negativity to the music. For the benefit of the whole family!
Not to mention P. Druckerman, author of the bestseller "French Children Don't Spit Food." She sings a whole ode to French women who go to work 2 months after giving birth, sleep at night and take care of their appearance!
Nobody encourages you to leave your baby in the care of your grandmother and go clubbing! We are only talking about how, as a mother, not to lose yourself as a person - that is, about healthy selfishness /
What does a “selfish” mother not do?
Does not act to the detriment of oneself. With red eyes from lack of sleep and hungry, she will not go to the park with a stroller.
For such cases there is a balcony, also with fresh air! While the baby sleeps there, she will take a nap and have lunch in peace.
Does not allow overprotection. Watching your child’s every step, afraid to go to the toilet, is tiring and unproductive. It’s easier to let him crawl and play on his own, securing the space around him.
Doesn’t get hung up on “developers”. It’s hard to disagree with psychologist Anna Bykova: a child needs games and communication with his mother more than the ability to read at 2.5 years old and classes in a circle for little composers.
And for this you don’t need to go to the ends of the earth, spending a lot of energy.
Does not look for illnesses in the child. For typical “yazhmothers” this is a special “delicacy” - to catch sympathetic glances, devoting all of themselves to the “sick” child. “He’s a year old, but he doesn’t read poetry!”, “Everyone is walking, but he’s not - run to the orthopedist!” Constantly being nervous and dragging your child around to paid (necessarily paid!) neurologists and speech therapists is the favorite pastime of many “unselfish” mothers.
He doesn’t spend his last on branded items for the baby. Limited budget? It’s reasonable to admit: a baby will grow out of Ivanovo onesies as quickly as out of a Ralph Lauren onesie that took 3 weeks to fly from the USA.
What does a “selfish” mother do?
Does not refuse breastfeeding without good reason. She understands how convenient it is: the child cried at night - breast; sick - chest; I want to lie down, but the child screams - breast! No fuss with sterilization, bottles, nipples or formula selection. And what savings!
Takes care of yourself. We're not even talking about manicures, but about basic needs: eating on time, taking care of hygiene and getting enough sleep if possible.
Accepts help. My husband returned from work, my grandmother came to visit - why act like a hero while collapsing from fatigue? They change the diaper and play “okay”, they are definitely no worse than mommy.
Has a favorite activity. For some it’s a hobby, while for others it’s freelance for the soul, which takes up a couple of hours a day.
A “selfish woman” will never lose herself on maternity leave.
Remembers her husband. A family is not just mother and child. Dad also needs care: clean clothes, delicious dinners and, finally, sex. And in return, one day he himself will offer to sit with the baby so that his beloved “selfish” sleeps for an extra hour.
What does this have to do with children?
Moreover, children are empaths who read emotions. If mom is happy by giving herself little joys, the children will learn to be happy too.
Not limited in games and space and not burdened with overprotection, children of “selfish” mothers develop faster and communicate better with peers. They are not required to constantly give back: “I took you to gymnastics for six months, but you didn’t become Alina Kabaeva!” They are confident in themselves: their mother accepts them as they are, free to choose a hobby and life path.
And finally, these children have a childhood. A “selfish” mother who knows how to replenish life balance and take care of herself will never whine in the presence of a child. And at 3 years old he will not become a little adult, taking care of her.
Motherhood is given to us as a blessing. We turn it into punishment ourselves.
Oct 9, 2018Olga
Where do egoists come from?
There is a hereditary factor and, to a greater extent, a social one. As a rule, the only children in the family become selfish. Since childhood, they have been accustomed to consuming and are not accustomed to sharing and giving, since this was not necessary. Growing into adults, these people can no longer adapt to a different way. This norm of behavior has firmly settled in my head.
According to sociologists, selfishness is more characteristic of women. Perhaps somewhere deep, on a subconscious level, this love of narcissism and narcissism has crept into women. After all, a woman must find a partner for procreation, and the woman who is more attractive can find the best one. So you have to, willy-nilly, sit in front of the mirror and admire your reflection.
Of course this is a joke.
How to understand that a girl is selfish?
There are plenty of egoists in the world, and they are not necessarily female, but today I want to talk specifically about girls who are selfish in relation to their loved one, their family. How to understand that a girl is selfish? A woman who puts her own desires in priority over the desires and even needs of her loved ones can be called selfish. Unfortunately, this behavior makes the people around her suffer and causes a lot of trouble for the woman herself. The problem is that not a single selfish girl admits that she is selfish. She will justify any of her actions, and will attribute to it completely different motives than those that guided her at the time of its commission. But selfishness in relationships with people can be cured. Therefore, just as before you heal a disease, you need to identify it, so before you change something in yourself, you first need to realize whether there is something selfish in you (or in your girlfriend, if you are a man) .
How does a selfish girl behave with a man?
- His opinion is not taken into account;
- Doesn't want to give in;
- She stands her ground to the end, and if it doesn’t turn out the way she wants, she starts a scandal;
- Doesn't listen to his words;
- Constantly argues and in the end does everything as he sees fit;
- She endlessly nags him for not meeting her requirements;
- Controls his every step;
- Doesn't trust her husband;
- When making any decision, he takes into account only his own interests;
- She can support her husband only when his actions are approved by her, but if the husband acts in his own way, she does not support him, but nags him;
- He doesn’t want to give anything, he just demands.
How does a selfish girl behave with her child?
- His opinion is not taken into account;
- She does not see him as a person, believing that the child is a blank sheet on which it is her sacred duty to draw;
- Tired of raising a baby, trying to escape either to work, or to send the child to kindergarten as soon as possible;
- Does not want to sacrifice his interests and free time for the sake of the child’s whims;
- Controls every step of the child, each time pointing out mistakes;
- She believes that the child owes her a lot;
What to do if you still see yourself in these points? First of all, don’t be tormented by feelings of guilt. Secondly, realize that we are all imperfect. And even the most ideal mother can become a selfish woman from time to time, especially during periods of particular fatigue, emotional downturns and creative crises. Well, and finally, thirdly, begin to change your worldview, gradually, step by step, since there is simply no quick way to get rid of selfishness. To do this, I recommend reading more books, especially about the relationship between men and women and their differences, the psychology of raising children, books on the development of femininity and the revelation of feminine nature. Only by radically changing your life values and setting your priorities differently can you get rid of selfishness.
I hope you answered your question: “How to understand that a girl is selfish” and now you will change if this concerns you or simply change your attitude towards your girlfriend if you are her man.
