Qualities of a mature personality
Self-responsibility
How can one not recall the scene from the film “The Diamond Arm”, in which the heroine of the film shouted: “It’s not my fault! He came himself!”
A mature person understands that responsibility is not some mythical abstract concept, but concrete deeds, actions and a willingness to face their consequences. A mature person does not place the blame for some events on his parents, spouse, children or boss, and does not blame himself for everything. It delineates where and whose responsibility is.
So, for example, during a divorce, a mature person realizes that both spouses contributed to the breakup, and everyone is responsible for their separation. The infantile position is to shift the blame entirely to the spouse or take everything upon yourself. Self-flagellation is a common reaction of the immature psyche.
When breaking up, you can imagine your partner in front of you and tell him: “I give you your part of the responsibility for our separation, and leave mine to myself.” Such a simple admission always changes the perception of the situation. And although the shares of responsibility cannot be equalized, the influence of each must be taken into account.
If a man says about a past relationship: “She didn’t understand me, didn’t support me, demanded too much, I couldn’t do it anymore...” - this is an immature person. The same as when answering: “She is a wonderful woman and mother, I’m the fool, I destroyed everything myself.”
An infantile person allows other people to choose for him. For example, it is up to the parents to decide where he will work. It is up to friends to decide where they will spend their time. Infantility is afraid of responsibility, afraid of situations of choice and avoids them.
Living experience
Being here and now, the ability to feel every moment of life, live it, breathe it, feel yourself, your body, your feelings - this is an indicator of maturity. Infantility is manifested in the fact that a person seems to be living, but seems not to be. He has no deep interest in life, no desire to live every moment.
An immature person “burns through” his life day after day, lying on the couch, doing some routine things, or runs from life to work, depending, occupies his head with a computer and social networks, or is simply afraid to live, afraid to breathe deeply, and does nothing about this fear.
Strong tasks and tasks from life are inherent in each stage of development. They create opportunities to shape life experiences. If a person avoids solving questions that come to him, for example, does not go into difficult experiences for a long time, puts off clarifying relationships that should have been clarified long ago, does not solve problems as they arise, putting them aside, is afraid to face the truth and continues to live in illusions, then this is infantilism. When a teenage girl hesitates to clarify her relationship with the guy she likes, this is normal, but when a woman of over forty behaves this way, this is sad.
The ability to respectfully part ways and not run away from a relationship without any explanation or closure, the ability to talk and let a person go, the ability to adequately meet “Goodbye” from another and survive this loss, the ability to bear responsibility for the chosen living conditions are inherent in a mature psyche.
A mature person chooses to live and feel everything - both good and bad. Every morning he greets life and every evening he falls asleep with thoughts of gratitude for the day he has lived. And he is able to maintain concentration and solve the problems that life puts before him, and not fall into frustration.
Non-judgmental integrity
A mature person creates his behavior from the inside, based on his own state and desire, and not from other people’s opinions, assessments and expectations. An infantile person always first thinks about what others will say, how they will react to his manifestations, what is expected of him now.
Maturity gives you acceptance of yourself in all your forms and in all your states, maintaining contact with feelings and awareness of what is happening at every moment of time. And, if necessary, self-control.
A mature person sees his strengths and weaknesses, his strengths and weaknesses, and at the same time does not make his shortcomings an unsolvable problem, but, on the contrary, turns them into a resource. This results in a calm attitude towards one’s own and others’ shortcomings, without aggression. He accepts himself as a person worthy of respect and treats others with respect.
The infantile position is anger and even hatred towards oneself for one’s imperfections, a harsh and categorical attitude towards other people for their shortcomings and mistakes.
Stability under tension
The ability to withstand psychological stress, uncertainty, or hostility from other people for quite a long time are signs of maturity.
Any relationship is a path of development for two separate individuals, each of whom has his own views, thoughts, beliefs, and goes through different stages that may not coincide with the stages of the partner. And it’s normal to find yourself in a conflict situation from time to time, sort things out, argue, prove something to each other.
When the attitude towards conflicts is adequate, then through them relationships deepen and develop. But if a person perceives any conflict, even the most insignificant, as the end of the world or sees the subtext “they don’t love me anymore,” if he tries to adapt to his partner even at the cost of destroying his own personality, this is an indicator of immaturity.
A mature person understands and accepts that he may have ill-wishers, he recognizes his right not to be good to everyone. And at the same time remains open to finding solutions to the conflict and eliminating hostility.
This includes the ability to recover from stress. A mature person is responsible for his condition, and if he feels that he cannot cope with his emotions, then he asks for help from a specialist, rather than waiting to see where the curve will lead. A mature person will never drive himself like a horse and will never leave himself without the necessary respite. He understands the importance of rest.
Open heart
The courage to go into a relationship, to be honest, sincere, open and to try, make mistakes, try again - this is a mature attitude. The willingness and ability to build relationships with a partner as equals, an understanding of imperfections and agreement with risk - this is mature. Love and pain are two sides of the same coin, because when you open your heart, you feel everything equally deeply, but with a closed heart, you only exist. And in intimacy it’s the same: in the first place is quality, receiving pleasure from unity with a loved one.
The infantile position is always superficial, there is no depth in it, there is no true love and trust; a person most often builds relationships out of fear of being alone or from the position “everyone has it, and I need it.” Or maybe he doesn’t understand how it happened that he is already in a relationship, and why he needs this. Dependent relationships, painful attachments and attachment to another are born in an immature psyche.
Hence, hasty interactions when a person cannot slow down, or, conversely, refusal to take timely and already necessary steps. Each couple has its own pace of development, but jumping into the pool headlong when you have not yet figured out the person opposite and thought up his image, forcing events, talking about an extraordinary fate after one or two meetings, or, on the contrary, procrastination - all these are immature reactions.
Goal orientation and equal attitude towards money
Deep knowledge of your global purpose in life is not a level for every soul. But in general, the idea of why you live, why you live every day is the natural state of a mature person. He understands his goals at different stages of life, lives meaningfully and plans his steps in accordance with his values. He develops from year to year, based on his inner motivations, desires, intuition, and not on fashion and advice from friends and family.
An immature person has difficulty imagining why he lives, where he is going, where and with whom he wants to be in a year, five or ten years. He is characterized by fear of money, depreciation or, conversely, excessive deification of material energy. Such people do not plan expenses and do not keep track of money. And in relationships, the “give-receive” balance is similarly disrupted.
A mature person is intelligently generous. He is ready to give without a sense of duty and to accept without guilt or the need for compensation. He respects money, even if he lives in constant spiritual practices.
Resilience
You could say this is the motto: “No matter what happens, I will survive everything and become stronger.” Hence a positive outlook on the world, and the ability to joke with oneself in difficult situations, and the ability to calmly accept new experiences and new living conditions, and the willingness to wait for the most suitable time, and not follow the immediate impulse, and the confidence that everything will come in its own way. term. And the ability to accept what you cannot change, and the ability to take risks to get out of a dead end.
Infantile people most often live in the position of a victim, their thoughts and speech are colored in negative tones. They fear change and are attached to stability, so they would rather live a bad life in a dead end than take risks for a better life. They want everything right here and now, and waiting for them is hard labor. If something they want does not happen, they become depressed.
Self-sufficiency
This is the ability to say “no,” to understand and defend your boundaries, the ability not to adapt to anyone, to give yourself support and not demand it from others. This is the ability to be alone with a calm heart.
Infantility is manifested in the position “I don’t need anyone, I can do without everyone” - bravado of one’s loneliness, refusal of help and ties with parents and ancestors. And this is driven by the desire for self-affirmation and a huge amount of fears.
