There are situations when a young man shows sympathy for a representative of the fairer sex, he would like to be with her, but for her he is only a friend, nothing more. He doesn't understand what's happening. What are these relationships called and why do they arise? In this case, foreign psychologists determine the position of the young man in the girl’s friend zone.
Friend zone psychologist as he defines it
What is a friend zone?
The friend zone is a common relationship situation that occurs when one person expresses romantic interest in another but receives only friendship in return. If a guy is in love with a girl, and she considers him a good friend, they say that “he is in her friend zone.” Such relationships can last for many years, and neither party usually seeks to break them off.
The meaning of this term is obvious to people who know at least a little English. The concept of friend zone is popular among American youth because it is an accurate and capacious definition. It came to the Russian language with youth comedies and stuck in this form. It is believed that the term “Friend Zone” was first used in episode 7 of the popular TV series “Friends,” released in 1994.
The friend zone is a type of non-reciprocal love. A distinctive feature is that the participant who does not experience romantic feelings does not push the other one away. More often the opposite happens. For example, a girl can encourage a guy who is in love with her by being nice to him, touching him as if by chance, hugging him and kissing him on the cheek. In the opposite situation, the guy is also in no hurry to push away the girl in love, but lets her know that “she, of course, is pretty, but he has no time for a relationship right now.”
Typically, the friend zone involves a good friendship in which both participants are attracted to each other and both enjoy spending time together. Of course, one of them constantly hopes that one day this relationship will develop into a romantic one.
But the motives of the second participant may be different (we will look at this point in more detail below).
TOP 10 films about friendship between a man and a woman
- "More than a friend" . The film tells us about the friendship between Casey and Wally, which grew into a love relationship and the creation of a family. It all happened because of a donor mistake and Casey's desire to have a child.
- "My Best Friend's Girl" . A very interesting and funny comedy. We recommend viewing.
- "Boys and Girls" . One of the most touching scenes in cinema. Meeting of teenagers who become close. It all starts with strong friendship.
- "Love, Rosie" . The film is about the friendship of two teenagers who, years later, realize that they cannot live without each other.
- "Fall in love with me, if you dare" . This picture tells us about a strange couple who have been friends since an early age. In the relationship between the young people there were constant jokes and games of “weakness”. They were afraid to admit their real feelings to themselves. A very unusual and kind comedy about the friend zone. Suitable for repeated viewing.
- "Just friends".
- "One day".
- "Friends with Benefits".
- "When Harry Met Sally".
- "Silver Linings Playbook".
Types of friend zone
There are two fundamentally different versions of friendship with the presence of a friend zone: with open romantic feelings and with secret ones. In the first case, a person in love does not hide his affection. Sometimes he speaks about it directly or even constantly reminds him, letting his friend know that as soon as he wishes, the relationship can be taken to a new level. In the second case, the object of desire has no idea about the presence of a love interest, and is only surprised at what a good and devoted friend he got.
There is a special term “denial of the friend zone”. This is the name of the situation when a person knows about the feelings on the part of a friend, but pretends that nothing is happening. He is not ready to reciprocate, but is afraid of offending a loved one, so he does nothing to correct the situation.
Being in the friend zone is a self-sustaining process that can last several years. A friend in love is not ready to give up his hopes , because so much time and worries have already been invested in them.
Leaving the friend zone usually occurs at the moment when it becomes obvious that a romantic relationship is no longer possible (for example, a beloved friend is tying the knot). In rare cases, friendship can develop into a romance (usually short-lived) due to some emotional events.
Signs of the friend zone
Not all people manage to quickly realize the fact of falling into the friend zone. There are several signs that allow you to sufficiently determine that the relationship is not developing in the most desired direction. These signs include the following:
- You have no physical contact, no touching.
If a person likes you, he will occasionally involuntarily touch you (mostly on his hands). But do not rush to conclusions if such touches do not happen, because any person may have certain taboos in their upbringing. - You are not left alone.
Most people prefer to devote evening and night time to their personal life. Therefore, it is very important how much time your beloved friend devotes to you. If you communicate a lot during the day, and in the evening he or she goes to a disco in another company, your chances of romance are vanishingly small. - They call you a “friend” when introducing you to companies.
If a girl likes you as a man, she will introduce you simply by name, without specifying your role in her life. But even if she called you a friend, there is still a chance. But words like “buddy” or “good acquaintance” do not promise anything good. Guys have a more definitive idea of girls, so the use of the word “girlfriend” implies that this is how he perceives her. - Other people are invited to your meetings without warning.
Imagine that you are going to the cinema. You think it's a date, but your potential soul mate suddenly comes over with friends. For most people, this causes unpleasant surprise and bewilderment. And for good reason. Most likely, they are clearly hinting to you that they do not perceive you as a romantic partner. - The partner does not try to look better in meetings with you.
If you come to visit a girl, and she greets you disheveled, without makeup and in a T-shirt with a tea stain, you don’t need to console yourself with the thought “I’m already completely the same for her!” If there is no romantic relationship between you yet, then this is an indicator that there will never be one. - People often turn to you for advice.
We usually consult with friends, but rarely with people we like. The reason is simple: we are afraid to show them that we are not in good enough control of the situation. - You are discussing other potential partners.
If you are privy to the details of your personal life, talking about likes and desires, asking for advice on communicating with the opposite sex, you are definitely perceived as a friend. But here you need to listen more carefully to the wording of the question, because this may be a hint of sympathy for you. For example, the phrase “I like a guy, but I don’t know how to hint to him” could be that very hint.
Of course, none of the listed signs is a clear indicator that you have fallen into the friend zone. For example, you may be alarmed that the girl introduced you to her friends as “her new acquaintance,” but at that moment she could already believe that she was introducing them to her boyfriend. You can confidently say that you are in the friend zone only if you count at least 3-4 signs.
Don't force things2
Meeting and first impressions are often the decisive moment. If it is important for you to make a good impression, you should know where to set limits in the conversation and where you can relax. Light, casual conversation is perfect for a romantic evening. Be natural, don’t try to seem cheeky or overly modest.
In achieving the effect, you also need to know when to stop. Don't attack your crush after one glass of wine. Be attentive to the conversation. Pay attention to your friend's wants and needs. Responsibility and attention to needs are not a guarantee of being classified as lovers. If you decide to win the heart of your chosen one, but you are not sure of her sympathy, you will have to work hard.
Don't try to ask everything. By making a person feel embarrassed, you can immediately get into the friend zone. Learn to avoid sharp corners, remember and analyze the slightest change in behavior. Try to catch the timbre of the voice, the manner of behavior and the first positive effect is guaranteed to you.
Reasons for friend zone
The reason why we end up in the friend zone is because we have not aroused romantic feelings, falling in love, or desire to build a relationship in a person. But it remains unclear why then this relationship did not end, but became friendship? To find the answer to this question, it is important to consider that the friend zone works differently for girls and guys. In particular, the motivation for keeping a loved one in the friend zone is fundamentally different. Girls usually do this for the following reasons:
- Having a backup option is convenient and reliable.
It is important for a girl to have an emotional connection with a man. And if she does not currently have a personal relationship, communication with a friend fills this gap. By the way, it is in this case that the guy has a chance to temporarily become a man for the girl he loves (if she experiences a painful breakup). But as soon as she finds a man, the guy from the friend zone again fades into the background. - It's easier to cry on a man's shoulder.
A friend zoned friend behaves more politely than his girlfriends. Unlike them, he will never respond to complaints with the phrase “What a fool! You are the one to blame!". He will allow the girl to speak out, agree with everything said, and then take her somewhere to unwind. - A wealthy man can provide financial support.
We are not talking about any forms of gratuitous sponsorship (although some are considering such options). Just having such a friend, a girl can be sure that he will help her out in any hopeless situation. You can borrow a large sum from him, warning in advance that it is unknown when you will be able to return it. - Many girls find it easier to communicate with men.
Some girls prefer to have intimate conversations with men rather than with their friends. If a girl has such an individual characteristic, sooner or later she will make a friend in the friend zone.
Situations when a woman in love is in a man’s friend zone are less common. Firstly, women quickly realize that the situation is hopeless and they need to look for new love. Secondly, men usually do not strive to have “backup options.”
In addition, if a guy likes a girl, he himself will want to build a relationship with her. If he doesn’t like her, then friendship usually doesn’t work out.
And yet a guy can keep a girl in the friend zone. This happens when she has cute friends with whom you can meet and get closer with her help. This is a typical situation that often occurs in life and is played out in movies.
Why me?i
Why do they create "friend zones"? According to Goskomstat statistics, there are 10.7 million more women in Russia than men, but a selective position in personal relationships is more characteristic of them. Men, accustomed to the role of conquerors, confidently give preference to the ladies, which they, in turn, do not hesitate to use.
Every young lady, even a pink-haired nymphet, dreams of finding the most profitable match and finding herself “like behind a stone wall.” Having once experienced disappointment and not meeting their increased needs, each approaches her choice even more scrupulously. Even small errors in the actions of representatives of the stronger sex can move him to the “spare bench”.
Denying a chosen one a close relationship is not always motivated by the behavior of the young man himself. Unconfident ladies may refuse due to their personal problems and preferences. But, more often due to the wrong actions of a male representative
How to get out of the friend zone?
Here are some proven techniques to help you get out of the friend zone faster:
- Disappear for a while.
See how the friend you have a crush on reacts to you being away for a week. Usually, based on the results of such an experiment, you can immediately understand what prospects the relationship has. - Definitely demonstrate your desires.
Show that you have romantic and sexual interest, look at the reaction and draw conclusions. - Talk and discuss everything.
If you communicate closely and trust each other, you can tell her (him) about your feelings and directly ask what you can count on. Such a conversation will be more meaningful if you both know what the friend zone is and understand what is happening between you. - Cause jealousy.
If you are seen as a backup option, try to make the person jealous at the right moment. Did she come to you to tell you about her breakup with another guy? Try casually mentioning in a conversation that you met an interesting girl. She may not want to let you go with someone else and will take appropriate measures. - Refuse to be a vest for tears.
Let her or him know that you don't like listening to all these complaints about past and present people.
Regardless of the chosen strategy, there are only 2 possible endings to the friend zone:
- Give up hopes and start building happiness with another person. Usually this option is more preferable, and should be resorted to as soon as it becomes clear that there is no chance.
- Be able to build relationships. The likelihood of this is not too high, since falling into the friend zone means that you “didn’t hook” the person. And to try to change this situation, it is necessary to take the measures that we talked about earlier. At the same time, you need to keep in mind that by telling about your true intentions, you can lose friendship. But in any case, this will help a person in love to dot all the i’s, close the gestalt (what is this?) and move on.
Benefits of the Friend Zone
For the girl or guy who sent you there there are a number of obvious advantages:
- You can visit entertainment venues at your expense.
- You will do mental and physical work instead of your object of adoration, just to gain his favor.
- The role of a “vest” in which you can always cry, because a friend (and even more so a lover) will always support and help with advice.
- Gifts and pleasant surprises that every girl will like. You will give presents to your beloved to bring her joy.
