In this article we will look at an important issue that will interest many women. In it we will tell you how to politely and tactfully refuse a guy.
Refusing a gentleman without causing him pain is quite difficult. Men, in general, take women’s refusals to heart, especially if their love and passion are strong enough. Therefore, it is advisable to do this tactfully and with restraint. Even if a young man is free and is a potential partner, he must be refused delicately.
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In fact, all women are different. There are those who refuse in order to force the man to ask for more. Perhaps this is the strangest type of representative of the fair sex. Why?
First of all, a man is not a submissive dog who, at the first call, must run somewhere at breakneck speed. Often they want a straight answer to a question and move on. You can often find dissatisfied young ladies on the Internet who are perplexed as to why their beloved proposed marriage to her a year ago, and today he is going to the registry office with someone else. But all because the girl was trying to increase her worth. She said “no,” and, as the saying goes, there is no trial for “no.” Even the weakest man expects integrity, and he deserves it.
Nevertheless, many believe that there is nothing wrong with this kind of game. At the end of the article you can learn how to refuse a man so that “no” is perceived as “yes”. For now, let's look at a few more reasons for refusal.
An attempt to humiliate
Some people choose interesting options for how to refuse a man, just to show their dominant position. Of course, in modern society they are more surprised when a man is in charge in a relationship, but you must agree that it is not so easy for women to be at the helm. It’s not for nothing that they say that when a woman gets married, she becomes married to her husband. Therefore, appearing stronger, taller, more courageous is at least a strange idea.
For those who want to humiliate a man with their refusal, there is an interesting recommendation from psychologists. Its essence boils down to the fact that this method of self-affirmation only emphasizes the failure and lack of maturity of the fair sex. So whether it’s worth proving something to someone in this way is an important question.
What to do if you refuse a man and he is offended?
What if it turned out that she refused the man , and he was offended ? Melancholic people who “quickly fall in love” are nicely offended; they are not able to understand how one can fall in love step by step, so they begin to inflate the idea that the girl does not appreciate, is not in love, has someone else, etc.. There is no need to make a tragedy out of this , refute these assumptions in the bud.
This can be done as follows:
- I appreciate your attitude towards me, you don’t need to think anything extra, I like you (or “I love you” if the relationship lasted for a couple of months), but intimacy is of high importance to me and in front of it I would like to get closer spiritually.
Cholerics become more aggressive from resentment, so they are capable of begging and manipulation, just so as not to consider themselves an outcast, a weakling and a soft-bodied whiner. If you succumb to persuasion, he is able to consider himself the dominant in the relationship and further arrange situations in his favor. Harshness at this stage should not be forgiven - you risk your mental and physical health.
Different paths
The most common reason for a woman to refuse a man is simple incompatibility. Often, from the very beginning of a girl’s development, she clearly imagines the image of her desired life partner. A girl knows approximately what character traits a man should have and what he should not have.
Therefore, when receiving an offer of any content from a man who does not fit her framework, you should not be surprised by the refusal. It’s a pity, however, that sometimes men who are much better than those who fit the ideal girl get rejected.
What do they offer?
To figure out how to properly refuse a man, you need to understand what exactly he wants. Some people unfairly claim that they all have the same thing on their minds, but as numerous surveys show, this is far from true.
The fact is that an offer to drink coffee does not always mean something else. Often a man wants to get to know a girl better, and the only reasonable way to do this is to invite her for coffee or go to the cinema.
At the same time, if a man means something else in such a formulation, it can be recognized. Often the intimate intentions of the gentleman are clearly captured in the playful tone, posture and gestures. Such men often try to resort to the simplest physical contact through stroking and light touching.
However, often, regardless of the young man’s intentions, the girl still responds with a refusal. How to refuse a man correctly?
Refusal to meet
The difficulty with how to refuse to date a guy is usually that this proposal is voiced personally and unexpectedly. You don’t have time to come up with words, take a break, or react adequately emotionally. You will have to navigate a little earlier, noticing signs of sympathy and the development of relationships. It’s good to honestly answer yourself why you allow advances and don’t want to date. If a person doesn’t suit you, then don’t entertain him with illusions and refuse him, but if you like the guy, but something inside doesn’t let you in (trauma, complexes, you don’t know him well), then it’s worth talking about.
Don’t lose the person because of the speed of events, but continue to build a trusting interaction by telling him that he’s cute, but you don’t want to get close so quickly. Talk about his importance and ask him to wait a little, stay close or give you strength.
If the person is not yours, then you can gently refuse to meet the guy in correspondence. This is not the most polite, but sometimes the most painless option; it is especially suitable when the main communication takes place online or the guy himself started the conversation via messages. You don’t have to frantically select words and stammer; you have time to think through every word. It also has a lot of advantages that preserve dignity - behind the emoticons and text, a person’s face is not visible, his true emotional reaction is not visible. Do not use this method if the offer was made in person and you took time to think about it. Scary and anxious are completely natural feelings, but it was also not easy for him to take the first step. Try to start a dialogue by disclosing your feelings, say how anxious you are, that you are afraid of his reaction, you want only the best, but you feel awkward.
Everyone has the right to refuse a relationship, no matter how wonderful the person is in front of them, the main thing is to do it honestly and civilly. It’s better not to give reasons at all than to lie about your departure (he will meet you) or your existing relationship (friends will tell you that you are alone), otherwise it looks like an excuse and an insult. You should be careful with honesty when it turns into insults - don’t say that he is ugly or stupid, that you are looking for someone richer. Don’t create the feeling that he has something to work on, and especially don’t give clear instructions on how to cheat on him, that if you just hold on a little, you’ll be together.
You can ignore any interaction after such conversations only with extremely unpleasant people or those who begin to show signs of inadequacy (annoying you with calls, watching around the house); communicate with the rest as before, without changing your behavior in any way. The best strategy is to pretend that nothing happened, this way you give him a chance to leave his self-perception normal and continue communication in a positive way. It’s worth turning on ignore if the guy didn’t understand the conversation, but then it’s not about being careful about his feelings. Don’t talk about what happened, because not everyone knows how to keep secrets and the way in which it can then reach the guy will ultimately completely change all the work so that the refusal does not become offensive.
If a guy continues to admire you, despite a direct refusal, and for some reason you still don’t want to offend him, then you can try to destroy your own ideal image in his mind. Those who are in love with a gentle creature who loves art should encounter you sitting on the parapet with seeds, laughing loudly and telling stupid and vulgar jokes. You can also kill him with women, dragging him with you to shops and salons, talking only about cosmetics and the latest innovations in non-surgical cosmetology. You can be a bore, or you can, without embarrassment, tell all the details that are usually kept silent (details of menstruation, features of hair removal and other less aesthetic topics).
Why Rejection Is Misunderstood
Often, no matter how hard a woman tries, all her “nos” are perceived exclusively as “yes.” Why? There are a number of reasons for this:
- Softness.
- Fear of offending or hurting feelings.
- Tact.
- Evasiveness.
Often a soft answer is perceived as an attempt to gain value. A man who receives a vague “Well, I kind of... This is the most... I don’t know” does not hear “No!” It's a loud "Try again!", just said in the wrong language. In this case, how to politely refuse a man and be understood correctly?
We definitely shouldn’t forget about “body language”. If, upon refusal, a girl straightens her hair, crosses her legs, plays with her shoe, “accidentally” touches her interlocutor, licks her lips, and so on, then the man simply does not take her words seriously.
How to refuse a guy gracefully without offending him
The purpose of any conversation is to beautifully convey that you do not want any future or joint plans. Hints, lengthy explanations and lies will not work here - you will have to speak directly and not be afraid. Guys would rather accept honesty and making him look like an idiot than endless broken promises. Of course, it’s worth figuring out how to politely refuse a guy, because his sympathy is not a reason to be rude. This applies to normal relationships, when he shows interest, tries to win your affection and attention, does beautiful things and tries. For a drunk and rude fellow traveler, you can choose the strategy of action at your own discretion, sometimes it’s even worth offending, without being afraid to refuse the guy.
In order not to offend him, indicate his efforts (i.e. you noticed), thank him (i.e. it is already valuable) - this will be both praise and a simultaneous statement that there is no need to try even harder (his efforts are noticed and appreciated , but that's not the point) to change your mind. You can motivate the refusal after this by anything - existing relationships or simply a busy heart, the fact that he is not your type or there is no time for a relationship now, various goals. Try to list yourself, your plans and feelings as reasons, instead of the shortcomings of another - it will be safer and more environmentally friendly.
After everything has been stated extremely simply and honestly, some may still try not to believe and bother you with calls. It is necessary to stop immediately - do not pick up the phone, ask to see other men off if he meets you at the entrance. Many girls, after refusing a guy, continue to communicate with him in the same semi-romantic manner, which plunges him into bewilderment, and he may consider all previous conversations insignificant.
Another option is that it is the continuation of such communication that will offend the guy when he realizes that he is being used, but is not promised anything. You can correspond, discuss general topics, but not at night and weekends, and do not send hearts or romantic pictures. Categorical statements must be fully maintained; offers of friendship, promises to think and promises that perhaps later you will find time for a relationship are not needed. By turning into a manipulator and leaving yourself a spare life preserver, you launch an emotional bomb, which will then still hit you with fragments.
Choose the right time (day of the week, evening or morning) so that any careful words, carefully selected, do not turn against you. When he is tired, angry, quarreled with a friend, gets sick (any strong negative moments) - it is better to wait it out so that failure does not finish off his personal life. Losers who are constantly in problems can be encouraged, but do not wait for them to feel better in a couple of years. It’s worth talking in private if you don’t want to offend and ruin his reputation and self-esteem - any witnesses to a refusal strengthen its effect significantly. And if after an individual conversation you can forget about it, then people will demand a reaction from him and it is not a fact that he will be able to give an adequate and favorable response.
The simplest method
The easiest way to refuse is to calmly say: “No, I’m not interested!” The voice should not be guilty or apologetic. There should be no tender words, pity in the voice or concern in the refusal. Let your whole appearance and tone show the mood to reject the offer received.
If you doubt that you can force yourself not to make excuses, then after a firmly spoken phrase you need to leave. Yes, some may think this is too dramatic, but it is actually a great way to reduce tension and reduce the likelihood of giving in to possible pressure. Why?
It's simple. No matter how strict your “no” is, indecision, which is almost impossible to hide, can give rise to the fact that they begin to convince you that your decision is wrong.
Phrases on how to politely refuse a man a meeting, date or relationship
The need to refuse a guy’s offer to date arises quite often.
Girls may not like the young man’s behavior style, his rudeness, excessive pathos, rudeness and assertiveness.
Former boyfriends can also often pursue girls who have decided to start a new life.
To correctly refuse a meeting, date or relationship, pay attention to proven phrases:
- After thinking for a long time, I realized: you are not ready for a serious relationship. I only accept serious connections, so we should wait - the option will turn the guy’s actions in the right direction. He will suddenly change his behavior, so the girl should be more assertive in refusing.
- Now there are difficulties in my life, so I’m not in the mood to communicate with guys, sorry - this method will help to tactfully get away from a relationship that has not yet begun.
- Sorry, but I don’t want to hastily start a relationship with a person, I need to think carefully - the guy will offer to wait, so the young lady needs to politely turn him off.
- I don’t meet guys on the street, my mother taught me good manners - it’s appropriate to respectfully refuse a guy who asks for a phone number.
Many girls, having refused, continue to make mistakes. Psychologists insist that after refusal the lady changes her behavior: it must coincide with what was said the day before.
For example, trying to seek communication after a refusal, flirting with a man - all this characterizes a girl from a negative side.
You should refrain from insults - this is too low for the behavior of a decent girl.
If you have known each other for a long time
Some have to look for options on how to refuse a man who was not accepted for a member of the opposite sex. It's more difficult than with a stranger. Usually, at the time of the proposal to be together or go to bed with a young man, there is already a certain relationship, and you often don’t really want to lose them.
In this situation, you should honestly admit that the feelings that arise are entirely your fault. Moreover, it is recommended to remind the young man that you value your friendships and do not want to lose them. However, it is recommended to emphasize that if you cross this very “friendly” component, you will lose each other forever. If a man values your relationship, he will back off. Otherwise, it is reasonable to ask the question: do you really need such a “friend”?
Talking about sex
In addition to the usual formulations like “I’m busy” and “I actually have a boyfriend,” you can use other methods of refusal. Thus, some psychologists argue that it is often not even a matter of words. What does it mean?
If an unfamiliar man offers intimacy, let your tone of voice, volume and general appearance show only one thing - with you he will receive nothing but self-esteem damaged by refusal. Let these be caustic phrases about the inadmissibility of contact with the first person you meet, who may not give you a bouquet of flowers, but a visit to a venereologist. Some, after a firm and in some cases contemptuous “no,” put on their headphones and leave.
But how can you refuse intimacy with a man if you have known each other for a long time?
How to refuse a man, a guy, to tie him down, and he wanted to get married?
How can you refuse a guy, but at the same time tie him to you? Sex is, of course, good, but only if it doesn’t happen very quickly. If you are very attracted to a man, then for the first time refuse intimacy with your chosen one. Especially in such cases:
- If you were the initiator during dating.
- If your chosen one belongs to the category of men “collector”.
- You know that a man must go to another country.
- Your man is married.
- You don't know your chosen one at all.
The following conversation works very well:
- I am drawn to you, I may break, but I am a living person.
- So why are you refusing? There is a problem?
“I don’t want to follow my own instincts.”
After such a conversation, just run away.
For a guy to get married, you need to move away from him to make a decision
- Such an answer is worthy only of the most well-mannered ladies. You are a woman who should not be “widely consumed.” Such an answer will not offend your chosen one, but it can provoke him. A “bummer” of this kind will not stop your partner, so he will have hope.
- Men are strongly attracted by the sight of a woman not wanting to claim anything. That is, show nobility, pretend that you are completely not interested in intimacy. This technique is usually used by ladies' men. You can tell your lover while hugging him that this is just a friendly hug.
Remember the most important thing in this matter - people reach for what they cannot take. Until you give him the most important thing, he will be next to you. Over time, if his feelings are truly sincere, he will want to stay with you forever and will definitely marry you.
Three options
A man I know is rejected for several reasons. Depending on them, an answer may be invented.
- Reluctance to have sex with this person in principle. In this case, any of the options proposed in the previous section will do.
- Unpreparedness. If this is your man, but he is in a hurry, then there is nothing wrong with being honest about the reason. It’s worth saying right away that you don’t accept any arguments and if they offer it again in the near future, you will be deeply offended.
- Game "Conquer me".
The last point has a separate scheme of actions.
How to say “no” so that it turns out to be “yes”
Many people think about how to refuse sex to a man without losing him. Of course, refusal will be unpleasant for anyone, because it quite strongly touches one’s self-esteem and pride. However, if everything is done correctly, the relationship will not only not fall apart, but will also reach a new level.
Although high morality is not considered fashionable now, men nevertheless do not accept women of free morals. It turns out that if a girl tactfully refuses sex, then she is not a “commodity item.” What might this look like?
Raising a man's self-esteem
Before you get up and leave, you can say something like: “You take it easy, otherwise I might not be able to resist!” Naturally, a man will perceive this as a challenge or a game. Therefore, a hint that you should not hold back will not take long to arrive. It is at this moment that you can say the most key thought: “I don’t want to follow my instincts!” - and leave abruptly. Some say: “We are not animals!”
What is achieved in this way?
- The man feels like at least Hercules, who can drive you crazy.
- The girl appears as a person who knows her worth.
- This behavior directly says: “I want to, but not today!”
- Those who only want sex are eliminated.
However, it is often worth refusing. If you accept an offer from one special type of man, you can't avoid trouble.
Quiz: Which relationship is best for me?
You probably already understand what kind of man is now eager to get closer to you. Do you want to know which of them above those analyzed will suit you better? Take the test.
1. Your loved one gave you something you don’t like and asks you to wear it, will you give in to his request?
2. You were offered a free vacation package for one person. Will you eat?
3. The maximum sacrifice you are capable of for him...
4. How would you like to celebrate your dating anniversary?
5. You have money, but for one thing you will buy...
6. Your mobile is set to call your loved one...
7. What you fear most is that your loved one...
8. You have the last piece of the pie left, who will get it?
9. If you have one car for two, who will drive it?
10. Your loved one is having a corporate party at work. You can come with a companion, but it is not necessary. Will you go with him?
How to refuse someone who is married or in a relationship
It is worth noting that in recent years the question of how to refuse a married man has become increasingly relevant. Unfortunately, fidelity has not been a trend for a long time. It will not be discussed below why dating a married person is bad. Let's look at just a few answers for those who don't want to have anything to do with such relationships.
The simplest thing is to say it directly. As an option: “I prefer not to be on the bench!”, “I’m not interested in being a mistress,” “The exit is there!” Goodbye,” “I’m disgusted by your proposal.” As before - firmly, clearly, without making excuses.
When and how to refuse: general rules
The ability to refuse a man a meeting and not only in a polite form is not given to everyone and is extremely rare. For men and women, the topic of refusal is considered intimate and sensitive, since the reasons for refusal are different. One way or another, everyone in this life has to learn this lesson. It is important to learn to say “no” tactfully and painlessly.
Psychologists advise stopping acquaintances or relationships that are undesirable for a girl at the initial stage, otherwise, a showdown with a young admirer inspired by hopes will take place in a more heated atmosphere.
Some conclusions
If we summarize all of the above into a few rules, they will look like this:
- Speak confidently and clearly.
- Don't try to justify or explain your decision.
- Don't try to humiliate or be rude.
- Leave as soon as possible.
Often there is no possibility of selecting the “ideal” place and time for refusal, so you should not entertain the person’s hopes by avoiding an answer. The longer you hesitate, the more likely it will become impossible to refuse the offer!
