10 suitable topics for intellectual conversation

June 24, 2019
Psychology of communication
Irina Sergeeva

Despite the great variety of topics to talk about, sometimes there is an unpleasant silence. To prevent such situations from happening, you need to become familiar with the correct conversation tactics and taboo topics that should be avoided. We’ll look at how to learn to find topics for conversation in this article.

Theory

Good conversation topics help people understand each other. Moreover, you can find out more necessary information about a person, understand his preferences, tastes, interests and outlook on life.

Probably, many of us have noticed that sometimes we run out of topics to talk about. In fact, there are a great many of them, but sooner or later the conversation fizzles out. Why is this happening?! This question is quite difficult to answer, but it has been proven that every third person faces this phenomenon.

How to find a topic for conversation with a man or woman? If this is your chosen one, with whom you have known for a long time, then you should not have any difficulties. You know what he is interested in, what topics he prefers not to discuss, and what topics, on the contrary, he is ready to talk about for hours on end. But what to do when you have known each other relatively recently? Initially, you will have to be interested in the life of your interlocutor - this is the only way to understand him. You can tell him funny stories from your childhood. He will immediately pick up this topic and, perhaps, talk about his sports victories, competitions at school, studying at the institute or about building a career. Try to listen carefully to your interlocutor - this is the only way you can analyze his preferences and tastes.

Of course, sometimes it happens that couples who have been together for a long time face a period of silence. In other words, they don't find common topics to talk about. For some, this is considered normal. But many agree that this should not happen either between friends or lovers. Since this indicates that the person has ceased to be interesting to you, and sometimes indicates indifference.

Top 10 topics for discussion

Not everyone can immediately come up with 3, 5 or 10 interesting questions for their interlocutor. It’s a pity, because they help turn a monotonous dull dialogue into something interesting in a couple of minutes. The advantages of this method are difficult to underestimate, since it works in any situation: on a date, an interview, during a family feast, on a walk with a friend.

The result of including unexpected questions in the conversation is that:

You can learn a lot of interesting things about your interlocutor.
The inner world of another person will open, he will become not just an acquaintance, but a friend.
Time will fly by quickly and unnoticed.
You can get useful and necessary information first-hand.
The person will definitely make an impression as an intelligent, well-read and fascinating conversationalist.

READ Conversational style of speech: varieties and examples
In fact, there are a lot of unexpected questions. It is enough to know only 10 of them to support any conversation.

Attitude towards others

If you ask about the attitude towards others, a person will probably be confused, because each of us is surrounded by a sufficient number of people. It is better to correct the situation with clarifying questions:

What do you think about politician/actor/musician (name)? With a new person, it's a win-win. He does not touch the personal space of the respondent, but will covertly talk about his political or musical preferences, and will clearly make it clear how friendly the interlocutor is in general.

What is your relationship with your parents, sisters, brothers? This is an option for the case when the interlocutor has crossed the line of an acquaintance, but has not yet reached a friend. The question is aimed at understanding his behavior with his family.
If you could talk to any celebrity for an hour, who would it be? What would you talk about? The wording is suitable for both close friends and colleagues. The scope for imagination makes this question universal.

It is worthwhile to independently filter the ideas that come to mind and voice them, taking into account the characteristics of the relationship with the speaker. A few more questions from the same category:

Tell us about your best friend (girlfriend).
What irritates you most about people's personalities?
Who would you give $100 to and for what?
What could someone quarrel with you about?
Is (name)'s popularity justified?

Self-perception

Often people try to look into the souls of others without knowing themselves. This results in relationship problems, quarrels, uncontrollable spending, and unloved work. Psychologists have found that the better a person knows and understands his inner world, the easier and faster it is for him to establish social contacts. Before asking your interlocutor questions from this category, it would be a good idea to answer them yourself:

Who you are? Let the interlocutor talk about himself at the moment or share thoughts about who he feels. The conversation can flow into a completely unexpected direction.
What does love mean? It is better to clarify which one: parental, love between the sexes, for a pet or for the homeland. It is worth providing the speaker with a specific field for conversation.
What brings you happiness today? This way it will become clear whether a person is happy and how he perceives the state of happiness itself.
What advice would you give to your past self now? The discussion can flow into memories of childhood or stupid and funny mistakes of youth.
Describe how you feel when you feel like someone likes you. This will make it possible to find out a person’s attitude towards himself, to find out whether he likes his appearance and his character, how shy and self-conscious he is.

Love and its importance in life

Many people consider love to be the meaning of life and are in search of a soul mate from the moment they understand their needs for socialization. This topic is a little one-sided and has a philosophical slant, but it is so addictive that inveterate silent people turn into skillful speakers:

At what age did you first fall in love? To whom and why?
In your opinion, does love need to be sought or does it come on its own at a certain time?
Describe your best date.
Why do men become convinced bachelors, while women do not want relationships?
How many people do you love now? What special things do you do for them?
What is the ideal age to get married and why?
Do the stronger or weaker sex need love more?

READ If a man truly loves, how does he behave: psychology of the stronger sex

What makes you happy

They say happiness has no boundaries. And you can also hear that everyone has their own. Children, a favorite job, money, healthy loved ones, self-realization - all this is someone’s happiness. It’s definitely worth finding out what makes the person sitting opposite you on a chair or walking next to you on the sidewalk happy:

How would your ideal day go?
You have a chance to fulfill one of your wishes. What will it be?
Are happiness and love the same thing?
Remember your happiest moment. Would you like to experience it again? Why?
What is the most worth looking forward to in life?
Does happiness lie in gratitude?
Should happiness be shared? If so, with whom and how?

The greatest fear

Not every person is ready to immediately talk about what they are most afraid of. This topic is a little unconventional. But if this happens, then luck has occurred. Discussion of fears brings us closer together, allows us to understand some of the characteristics of behavior, and look into the hidden corners of an individual’s worldview:

When and how did you realize what you were afraid of?
Could fears be the key to mental illness?
Are there people who are not afraid of anything?
Would you like to stop being afraid?
What do you think is scarier? Material objects or something that cannot be touched?
When have you ever felt ashamed of your fears?
How has fear helped you?

After such revelations, you cannot use the information received to harm, otherwise everything can happen: from a damaged relationship to a heart attack for especially impressionable individuals.

Favorite hobby

Conversations about interests are rightfully considered a classic in establishing friendly relations. Strangers even look for partners in their favorite business on special websites. This topic is simple, easy and exciting, does not touch uncomfortable places (for the most part) and does not force you to turn your soul inside out. It gives the interlocutor a reason to brag, show off his talents, and present himself in a convenient way. It is very beneficial to ask such questions on a date or in a new company where there are no friends yet. People willingly discuss their creativity and are happy to hear how others evaluate it:

How did you come to what you want to do?
What kind of person's skills and talents would you like to have?
What is your favorite hobby?
Have your preferences changed with age?
Does every person have hobbies or is someone deprived of talents?

Ideal man

Psychology notes that if this question is asked to an unmarried girl, she will begin to describe her ideal man with whom she would like to connect her life. Girls, by the way, are more eloquent. The lady will readily talk about the external parameters, personal qualities and life situation of her imaginary partner. And if you ask about the ideal female person, she will describe either her mother or her best friend.

Guys on first dates will find this life hack very useful. All that remains is to adapt a little to the described image in order to charm and impress the young lady.

Men are not so simple; for them everything depends on the situation at the moment. Some will describe their wife, others will remember an ideal business partner or long-time friend, some will cite celebrities as examples, and one in ten will say that there is no better person than their mother. In any case, there will be no time to be bored:

The ideal male/female character in your opinion.

Describe your ideal lover (friend, comrade).
Is there a common ideal for everyone?
What is more important now? Ideal appearance or impeccable inner world?
Do you consider yourself ideal? What?

READ How to learn to say no to people: finding the root cause and methods of getting rid of the problem

Cherished dream

All people know what they definitely don’t want, but formulating specific goals causes a lot of difficulties. Interesting fact: the more specific and detailed a person can voice his dream, the more he does to make it come true.

Sometimes it’s hard to even imagine how different each of us dreams are. This is a good help for an emotional conversation: discuss, compare each other’s goals and desires, be surprised and understand the secret desires of the interlocutor:

You have the opportunity to give up your dream for a lifetime monetary reward. Would you agree?
Why did this become the goal of your whole life?
How quickly do your dreams come true?
What are you dreaming about now and what are you doing to be closer to your dream?
Are your dreams limited by the amount of money?

Character Flaws

If the interlocutor is unfamiliar, it is better not to immediately ask about his personal shortcomings. This may be misunderstood. But general interesting questions are worth voicing.

When a person wants to be liked, he will keep silent about a couple of his traits that others don’t like, but he will honestly tell you what he doesn’t like about his interlocutor:

What disadvantages do you consider to be your strengths and why?
What character traits would you like to get rid of?
In what areas do character flaws hinder you and in what ways?
Describe a situation when your shortcomings played into your hands.
What disadvantage do all people on the planet have?

Book or movie

If you can’t think of anything to ask, then you can safely ask your interlocutor about his book tastes and favorite films. This is the most harmless topic. If not everyone reads books, then everyone definitely watches movies, which means that you can definitely keep up the conversation:

Which movie moved you to tears and why?
Which book have you read that you would like to film?
Which story or novel would you like to meet?
Can you trust the reviews of film critics?
What pictures would you recommend watching first?

Last day

You can find a variety of topics for conversation with a friend. If you have difficulty communicating, start by asking your interlocutor how his day went yesterday. Perhaps he will tell you about his activities, disappointments and successes.

In response to his story, you can share your impressions of the past day. At some point in the conversation, your interests will intersect, and you will be able to continue communication on a more open and trusting note.

With a colleague who has been working here for a hundred years (and whom you are afraid of)

You: “I’m wondering where to go for lunch. I don’t know these places well yet, but you’ve been working here for a long time. Can you tell me where there are good places?”
Colleague: “What exactly are you interested in?”

This opening opens up many conversation options. This, of course, is not a situation where you need to quickly strike up a conversation, but since you are so afraid of talking to this person, then it is worth getting over yourself and saying more than just “Hello. How are you doing?".

It won't be reckless to start a conversation about work, but it will be easier if you have at least some understanding of what exactly your colleague is working on. Try to point out his or her experience (in this case, knowing where to eat). It is quite possible that this is the kindest person, and you have the wrong idea about him. The only way to find out is to boldly start a conversation.

Vacation

Interesting topics of conversation often revolve around vacations or vacations. Who doesn't like to talk about things that bring true pleasure?! Nobody. Moreover, the listener will be pleased to learn about several excellent vacation spots. In addition, the interlocutor can give recommendations on excursions, interesting places, good cafes and restaurants, attractions, events in the city and much more.

Regardless of where a person spent his vacation, he will be happy to share his emotions and impressions with an interlocutor who is really interested in communicating on this topic. It doesn’t matter whether it’s at grandma’s cottage or scuba diving - when a person is ready to talk about this topic, the conversation becomes interesting and long-lasting.

If you consider your interlocutor as your chosen one for the future, then ask him what kind of vacation he prefers. Men are quite different in this regard: some prefer lying on the sand, while others, on the contrary, have a positive attitude only towards extreme travel. Such interest on your part can turn the conversation in the right direction, and your chosen one will begin to tell you the most incredible stories that happened to him on vacation. If you are a girl, then your task is to admire his courage, strength and determination.

Don't be afraid to share your experiences, but remember that negative memories or stories about a disastrous vacation aren't good for anyone. Remember exclusively positive stories and share them with your interlocutor.

Art

All intellectuals are interested in art. If you don’t know who Pablo Picasso, Leonardo da Vinci, Federico Fellini, Bela Tarr are, then find out about them right now!

You may not be good at politics, but you must be good at art if you want to connect with intelligent people.

If someone invites you to a gallery, what will you say about the paintings if you are not familiar with the artist’s works, with the trends in painting? Be sure to start taking an interest in art.

Daily care

Topics for conversation on VK (social network) can be based on plans for the day, weekends or holidays. In addition, the interlocutor will be very pleased if you regularly take an interest in his well-being, success at work or study. It is very important for every person to feel the care of loved ones and loved ones, so this topic will always be relevant.

Don't forget to compliment and praise the person for his successes and endeavors. Always encourage him and remind him that you believe in him. Such support will always come in handy.

With a VIP

You: “Hello. My name is [your name]. I know you’re very busy, but I realized that I would regret it the rest of my life if I didn’t come and tell you that your app is simply brilliant.”

Chances are, the most the celebrity will do is thank you, and that gratitude shouldn't be taken personally. A compliment is always a good conversation starter. If you have something good to say about that person's company, program, or product, why not start the conversation there and see where it goes from there?

About women

As you know, you shouldn’t be interested in what your partner’s ex-girlfriend looks like, but you can use some tricks to find out his tastes and preferences.

You can ask what qualities your interlocutor values in girls, what annoys him and which representative of the fair sex he will never like. This is quite a popular topic, especially for those who are considering a friend as a potential boyfriend.

World history

History is a very pervasive and wild topic. Nowadays, many people want to be historians, but through studying, students do not gain important knowledge. They only remember some news and passages from books.

But history is a complex topic, and in order to understand it, you will need to study a large number of textbooks.

For intellectuals, history is a very “seductive” topic; they discuss certain events with real delight!

If you are going to have an intellectual conversation on history, at least learn the most important dates of world events.

Forbidden topics of conversation

So we figured out the question of how to find a topic for conversation with a friend. In addition to the above topics, there are those that should not even be brought up during a conversation, otherwise your communication will end before it even begins:

Your past relationships. The main disadvantage of this topic is the comparison, which annoys almost all people. How else? Each person is unique and unrepeatable, with their own strengths and weaknesses. We are all completely different, and it is pointless to compare two people, even very similar ones. The same goes for asking about your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. You should not be interested in the reason for their separation.
Failed projects or failures. Nobody wants to talk about unpleasant moments in life, much less bring up negative memories. Moreover, some failures can be very painful. As a result, the person will become withdrawn and will not want to continue talking even about topics that are pleasant to him. If you accidentally talk about something you shouldn't say, apologize and smoothly shift the conversation to a positive topic.
Bad habits and weaknesses. If you start giving lectures about healthy lifestyle and the negative impact of smoking on the human body, the interlocutor may perceive this as an encroachment on his privacy. You can only raise such issues when you have been dating for a long time or are in a serious relationship.

Adviсe

There is not enough answer to the question of how to find a topic for conversation. The conversation must be conducted correctly and competently, otherwise there will be a long and unpleasant period of silence.

Feel free to ask open-ended questions. That is, asking about something to which a person can give a detailed answer. This way you can keep the conversation going and ask some leading questions. If your young man is interested in hiking and excursions, then you can ask him to tell him about the most unusual and beautiful places, as well as extreme travel.
Listen carefully to your interlocutor and do not deviate from the given topic, otherwise you risk encountering misunderstandings, followed by a long pause in the conversation. If you are confused and don’t know what else you can ask your interlocutor, then pick up a phrase and ask them to tell you more about this moment.
Give a compliment, this will help build a more trusting and open relationship, and there will be much more topics for conversation.

Many guys can be lured into conversation by discussing gadgets and technology. But if you do not have sufficient knowledge in this area, then starting such a conversation is pointless.

Remember that there should always be communication between people. If your couple has not had common topics of conversation for a long time, you should definitely start looking for them. Sex and appearance become less important if people have nothing to talk about.

Questions to avoid

No matter how great the desire to quickly establish contact, revive a boring dialogue or get to know a new person better, it should be limited to a list of certain taboo topics. There is a category of tricky questions that should never be asked on a first date, in the initial stages of dating, or to a person who is not a close friend:

About intimate life. First of all, it's rude. Secondly, it is tactless. Third, it is a violent intrusion into a place where people only allow their most trusted people. At best, there is a risk of catching a bewildered glance, at worst - getting a slap in the face for insatiable curiosity.
About money. No, of course, no one forbids talking about money in general. However, direct questions about income and living standards can be confusing and embarrassing.
About illnesses. You never know where your interlocutor's weak point is. Perhaps a loved one died of some disease that others carelessly discuss. In order not to apologize, it is better not to start.

Finding a starting point in a conversation with a stranger is not so difficult if you know some tricks and know how to interest him with the right questions. You don't need to be a speaker, psychologist or artist to do this. It is enough to be a sensitive listener and an uninhibited interlocutor rolled into one.