Incredible facts
Everything is not as difficult as you think.
Many women make guesses, trying to understand why a man doesn’t call or write.
Despite the obstacles that a woman thinks may prevent a man from taking the initiative, the real reason is that he doesn’t like you enough. This must be understood immediately and forever.
He's not shy. You don't scare him. And he has no problems with self-esteem.
If a man is interested, no distance will stand in his way.
But if he's not interested in you, you could live in the apartment next door and it would be too far for him.
How to understand that a man likes you
A man has a strong desire to take initiative in relationships. This is part of demonstrating his masculinity. He wants to get what he wants.
The man loves the chase. Believe me, when he sees what he wants, he starts chasing it.
If the man you like is not pursuing you, he is not interested in you.
Men can come up with thousands of excuses why they don't want to pursue a woman. They can say anything, often beat around the bush so as not to hurt her feelings, and not directly say that he is not interested.
He may say that he is busy, that he is overwhelmed at work, that he has a lot of other things to do, he may even simply disappear from your life.
He can be very handsome, and his smile will drive you crazy. He may open the door for you and even ask you out on a few dates.
But what about those strange messages that you don't know how to interpret? What about those times when you were trying to figure out what you did wrong and why he disappeared for a while?
Organization of joint recreation
Women love men who can organize pleasant leisure time. Before going on a date with a girl, you need to make plans for the evening in advance so that you don’t have to get bored later. Today a man can buy tickets to a movie or theater, tomorrow he can invite a lady to a restaurant, the day after tomorrow he can just walk around the city in the evening, and on the weekend go on a picnic. The main thing is that the pastime is varied, not boring, and, of course, that the woman likes it. If she doesn’t like movies, but loves water activities, then it’s better to invite her to a water park instead of a movie theater.
How does a loving man behave?
Stop chasing someone who isn't willing to make time for you, who doesn't bother to talk to you.
The moment you start to doubt whether you matter to him, you need to stop communicating with him.
Don't become a woman who allows men to play with her mind, feelings and body. A woman should be confident enough in herself, know her worth and not waste time waiting for a man who is not ready to achieve her.
This may seem old-fashioned to you, but think about this. A man shows himself when he meets you, when he communicates, courtes and tries to impress you.
A real man will pursue you. He will motivate you to be better, he will admire you and your shortcomings. He won't use them against you when he's angry or annoyed, like an immature boy would. He will respect you no matter what.
He will help you get closer to your goals because he wants you to succeed. He wants you to be happy.
A real man does not play with feelings like with a toy, and will not ask you out only when it is convenient for him.
We all get busy, but if he really cares about you, he'll make time for you and won't try to squeeze you in when he has nothing better to do.
Be with the man who shows his interest, who doesn't make you doubt or rack your brains, and for whom you will be a priority.
Of course, loneliness is difficult, but waiting for someone who is not interested in you can be even more painful. Let time do its work. And while you are waiting for him, love yourself with all your heart, so that a truly brave man will want to pursue you.
There is a widespread belief that the more actively a man pursues a woman, the more important she is to him.
They say that if he sang serenades under the windows and littered the entrance with flowers, it means he values the young lady more than life itself and is ready to go out of his way for her. Why would there be such sacrifices? Isn't that right?
Well, not quite.
Deficiency blurs the eyes
Social psychology shows us that such behavior in a man may well be caused by a completely different reason - deficiency. Research shows that deficiency has a downright stultifying effect on people.
First, for some reason, a limited supply seems more desirable to us than an unlimited supply.
If we hear that something is “not enough,” we begin to want it more.
For example, a unique work of art is worth more than one of the same quality and performance, but existing in several identical copies.
Secondly, if there was a lot of something before, but now there is little, then we begin to appreciate the resulting deficit and are ready to pay more for what is left.
For example, if we find out that our favorite sweets are not expected to be delivered in the next few weeks, we immediately want to buy more of them (although we are unlikely to eat them).
Thirdly, if there is less of something due to increased demand, we actively want this “something” for ourselves.
For example, at a sale we can behave aggressively because we understand that if we don’t use our elbows, everything will be sold out without us.
The most interesting thing here is that all these effects increase the desire to possess, own, own. But for some reason they do not lead to an increase in the pleasure of use.
That is, we could fall for advertising and buy a product that “is on discount only until tomorrow, there are only thirty pieces in stock, they are sold out very quickly.” But if they ask us whether this product is becoming better than others, we will answer - no, it is not.
We only wanted to own it because it was in short supply. And when the frenzy of shortage passes, we understand that the value of this product is the same as that of others (similar, of course).
As you can see, all this applies to people too.
If a girl is unapproachable, she limits her “offer.” If a man knows that he has a rival, he understands that the “demand” for a girl is increased.
But when this man “conquers” this girl, it turns out that she is, in general, the same as everyone else. And that it was important to conquer, master, but nothing more.
And the man leaves to conquer new heights.
Therefore, the strategy “I will be cold and unapproachable for as long as possible” leads to completely the opposite results - it attracts only those men who, for some reason, need victory. They, as you understand, do not need relationships at all.
Justification for choice
It is curious that there is another process - when the choice is made without pressure. When a person purchased something only because he wanted it.
For example, there were three more or less identical teapots in the store. The man thought for a while, then took one of them. Simply because I decided to choose this one, and not because the seller was pressuring me with a shortage or something like that.
In this case, everything is quite the opposite - the person begins to justify his choice. He exaggerates the positive aspects of the purchased kettle and downplays the positive aspects of other appliances.
Why does a person do this? Because he needs to justify his choice.
It’s easy to choose when one thing is noticeably better than another - but what to do when everything is more or less the same? Hard…
So, in order not to turn out to be a klutz who took nonsense, a person begins to look for more and more advantages in the current choice and more and more disadvantages in the rejected alternatives.
As you can see, all this applies to people (you just can’t experiment on them for ethical reasons).
If a man chose a woman because he liked her and nothing else, he will increase her attractiveness in his eyes. And the attractiveness of the rest will decrease. And he will do this as long as the relationship is strong.
In other words, in this case, the man will not rejoice in owning a woman, but in his relationship with her. A noticeable difference compared to a situation of shortage.
Some conclusions
Of course, people are not candy or teapots, and relationships are not a one-time purchase. People change, relationships are the same, there are ups and downs, transitions to a different quality, and so on. But the fundamental principles do not change, so there is nowhere to go - we need to draw conclusions from what we know about our psyche.
Obviously, if a woman chooses a deficit strategy, she needs to be in deficit all the time. Simply put, about once a week show a man that she is slipping away from him.
How long can a man, even the biggest lover of possession, survive in this mode? The question is, in general, rhetorical.
If a woman simply gets closer to a man, gradually, step by step, without jumps and losing her head, there is a high probability of building a strong relationship in which the man will actively convince himself of the abundance of positive aspects in the woman.
Of course, all this also works in the opposite direction - women are just as susceptible to deficits as men. And just like men, they strive to justify their choice. There are no gender differences in this area, only individual ones.
Total. The “I am a deficit” strategy leads to the fact that a person begins to be viewed as a prize that needs to be owned, but that’s all. It is unlikely that this will be very beneficial for health and life in general.
It is better to get closer slowly and carefully, then the chances of a pleasant and lasting relationship increase significantly.
Today, when representatives of both sexes are equal in all rights, it is difficult to argue that someone necessarily owes someone.
Should a man build a house and a woman become a housewife? Is defense the destiny of warriors or can the weaker sex also join the ranks of the army? Should the gentleman himself pursue the lady of his heart?
Modern society has undergone a lot of changes; in terms of relations between men and women, the world has turned upside down. Today it is not necessary to let an unfamiliar lady pass ahead or hold the door for a girl with a child.
Modernity poses questions, people find answers to them based on their experience: childhood experience, parental upbringing, social circle. It is impossible to say unequivocally that a man should pursue a woman.
Possible benefits of unrequited love2
It turns out that in addition to all the negative aspects that unrequited love brings, it can also bring positive, beneficial moments to a person’s life. Perceiving everything that happens negatively, people are simply not inclined to notice them or to evaluate the positive results they deserve. Many will not understand what we are talking about. So, the whole point is that:
- A one-sided feeling eliminates the need to live in the same apartment with a real partner. That is, it eliminates the need to put up with someone’s desires and habits. A virtual partner is ideal, as he is devoid of any shortcomings and loving him is a complete pleasure.
- Love “one way” allows you to hide not only from your partner, but also from yourself. The absence of doubts, complexes and fears is ensured by loneliness. No one rubs “salt in the wound” and imposes their own patterns of behavior.
In some cases, it also happens that a person simply does not experience an internal desire for real mutual love. The reasons for this may be:
- Fear of relationships;
- Unwillingness to share your comfort zone with a real partner;
- Misunderstanding of what is happening.
In such cases, unrequited love is the only possible form of relationship. Thus, an unrequited feeling becomes a protection, a kind of screen from reality and the relationships in it.
Also, unanswered feelings are to some extent the optimal way to attract attention to one’s own person. There will always be a person ready to listen to an unhappy lover, sympathize with him and support him. It is worth noting that some people are very uncomfortable with this attitude towards themselves.
But, in fact, such empathy and participation does not lead to any real changes in the current situation. Remaining closed in the space of his unhappy love, a person simply does not reconsider the current situation and, accordingly, does not change it. In return, he receives only an illusory substitute for real life with its emotional fullness, colorful emotions, and real feelings.
By and large, everything is explained by the fact that illusory feelings become so colorful and seemingly real that they completely discourage the desire to “move” into a boring reality filled with fears and completely devoid of joyful hopes.
It turns out that all the imaginary benefits that unrequited love can give consist only in an increasing distance from real living relationships. It seems to a person that love should come to him in some incredible magical way. But, unfortunately, this does not happen in life.
Who is the first step?
If a girl wonders whether a gentleman should pursue her, the answer will be positive if a number of conditions are met:
· He is confident in his abilities;
· She arouses his interest.
Anyone can be unsure of themselves, regardless of age and social status. In the context of showing attention to a lady first, young people need inner, unshakable confidence. In her absence, it is unlikely that the lady will be able to wait for the first step from her gentleman.
It is worth noting that in such a situation a woman may well take control into her own hands. You need to show your partner your interest and passion, thus hinting to him that it’s time to act.
If a girl is not interesting to a young man, he will not waste his energy on conquering her. He needs this. In this case, the lady should look at herself from the outside and understand what exactly can stir up interest in her on the part of the stronger sex.
Men evaluate with their eyes
Women's beauty does not go unnoticed. To win attention from a man, you need to take care of your appearance, look both stylish and sexually attractive at every meeting. Bright and at the same time discreet appearance, outfits with a hint of frankness, well-groomed skin and curls will attract attention. What men pay attention to:
- Choose decorations that highlight your figure. When going on a date, you should give preference to a dress or skirt with an elegant blouse rather than trousers.
- You shouldn't overuse decorations either - an attractive girl shouldn't resemble a Christmas tree.
- Give up the “Indian war paint” - apply discreet makeup, emphasizing your beautiful features.
According to psychologists
Psychologists note that the importance of the first step in communication between the sexes is exaggerated and only fuels discord and omissions.
If a representative of the stronger sex is timid by nature, the lady will not expect bright actions from him until she subtly hints at her interest in them.
Relationships at any stage consist of the efforts of two people, so a man should not, but can, achieve a woman if he wants to.
It’s not always easy to win the girl you like, but to become the best for her is even harder. In order for her to choose you, you need to achieve the girl and her feelings. To do this, you will have to look after the girl and make her feel like the only one, the most desirable and very loved. Our article will help you master this art.
What should a guy be like to get a girl?
- You must really evaluate yourself and imagine what kind of guy your chosen one would be happy with. Match that image, become the way she would like to see you;
- To get a girl, don’t be overly persistent, become softer and learn to give in. This does not mean that you have to fulfill all your whims. Sometimes even words of gratitude to a girl for spending the evening with you can make a huge difference;
- Don't give trivial compliments. All words of admiration must be timely and appropriate to the situation. Women feel insincerity and lies very strongly. Therefore, do not go too far with flattery;
- Always try to look a woman in the eyes, it’s fascinating. It's sexy. If they smile in response to you or begin to feel shy, then, as they say, “the ice has broken.”
How to become that same prince for her for life, so as not to experience disappointment? Girls always dream of knights, deeds in their honor, and so on, but this does not at all mean that in our age you should rush to the mill with a spear, like Don Quixote for the sake of Dulcinea. But you simply must follow certain tactics:
Always remain yourself, do not lose self-respect. Even if you really want to do everything in the world for the sake of your beloved. Sometimes women are annoyed by such diligence and fanaticism. the guy must be a man;
A girl will love the guy she is confident in. This is the kind of guy you want to have children with, who is not afraid of change and is ready for family stability;
To woo a girl, do not spare kind and tender words for the woman you love. It is very important for your chosen one to hear how loved she is all the time;
Know how to forgive. You shouldn't ruin love because of mistakes or missteps. No one is immune from this. But we have one heart. Sometimes after people forgive each other various things, their relationships become more trusting and pure;
Take your time to develop your relationship. The girl may be frightened by this turn of events. But waiting and intriguing her with what could be between you can in itself push the girl to take active action.
