0 7632 January 25, 2020 at 05:10 Author of the publication: Evgenia Astreinova, psychologist
Foolish heart, don't beat. We are all deceived by happiness...
Sergey Yesenin
The pain of unrequited love for a person cuts the heart like a knife. A piercing melancholy torments the soul. Once again you turn to the silent heavens the same question: how to stop loving the person who doesn’t need you? And why is it given to me to love a person if I am not destined to be with him? Heaven remains silent, and you are left alone with your love, which is more like a serious illness.
Perhaps you have never had anything but your love. But it also happens differently - a person dear to you betrayed everything that was between you and simply left forever. And you remained standing like a pillar of salt, in vain attempts to understand how to stop loving the person who repaid your devotion, care and love with black ingratitude. And no matter what you do, the annoying memories of a person who long ago received the status of an ex will not leave your head. Is it really possible to stop thinking about the person you love?
Making a final and irrevocable decision
First, try to calm down and remember that everything that does not kill us makes us stronger. And this relationship is nothing more than the experience that you needed to gain for your future with a man, with your man, who will certainly appear on the way. Having realized this, it will become much easier for you to make the final decision to dot all the i’s.
If you have decided something, then there is no need to doubt and tear your heart out. Thank your ex for both the good and the bad that happened between you and mentally let him go, while wishing him and you good luck. And most importantly, do not make the mistake of many, do not blame yourself for something, look for your shortcomings and mistakes. It's not anyone's fault, it just had to happen.
How to fall out of love quickly: emergency measures
A quick recovery from failure in love is possible, but it requires enormous effort and strong-willed decisions.
If a woman is ready to work on her emotional well-being and radically change her life after a breakup, there are 5 steps to take:
- It is important to recognize the very fact of separation, its irrevocability.
- It is necessary to critically evaluate your past relationships, focusing on the negative aspects, in order to feel satisfaction as a result of getting rid of these things.
- It is worth appreciating all the benefits of a free position, the chances for true happiness, personal development and life without suffering from unrequited love.
- It is important to make the final decision to turn your life in the right direction, where there will be nothing but forward movement and happiness.
- It is necessary to act - this is the only way any technique will work. Don't focus too much on theory. Even the wrong steps forward will be more effective than studying the issue for many hours.
Falling out of love with a person is not always easy, so you should be patient and prepare yourself for the fact that it will hurt. But there is no need to exaggerate, because everything passes. Love is a complex of biochemical reactions that will fade away over time, you just have to eliminate from your life what stimulates this internal process.
READ How to attract love into your life: psychology and magical rituals
Don't be alone
Don’t forget that there are always close people, friends and relatives next to you who love and worry about you. Go to visit friends, parents, brothers, sisters, in general, everyone you would be glad to see. Give them your love and care and, believe me, they will reciprocate.
Gather your girlfriends and go shopping, it will distract you from bad thoughts. Think about the fact that now that you are free and independent, you can relax with friends whenever you want, and no one will reproach you for it. Therefore, go to a club, dance, relax, catch, in person, a couple of glances from the opposite sex, and you will feel relieved.
Loving yourself is not selfishness
Love yourself, because women who love and appreciate themselves attract the most positive attention. Go to a beauty salon: change your hairstyle, get a manicure and pedicure, get relaxation during a massage or beauty treatments. Put on a beautiful dress and do stunning makeup. And forward to the next meeting with friends. Look in the mirror more often and smile, saying that you are the most beautiful. Treat yourself to your favorite foods, and to avoid depression, eat citrus fruits and dark chocolate with nuts.
Find yourself a hobby
Try to create a daily routine so that at the end of it, you feel satisfied with the things you have done. And a new hobby will help make your time more fulfilling. Try signing up for dancing, it’s both beautiful and useful, and you’ll also make new friends. Go for a run every morning: turn on some music and get a boost of energy for the whole day.
Learn a new language, master a musical instrument, start drawing. In general, do whatever interests you. The main thing is not to mope and remember that it is never too late to learn.
New dates and light flirting
Many psychologists argue that you should start a new serious relationship a year and a half after the previous ones, but this does not mean at all that you need to lock yourself within four walls and not let men get close to you. New acquaintances, dates, light flirting or even a holiday romance have not yet been canceled.
The most effective way to eliminate unnecessary feelings is to acquire new ones. After all, who knows, perhaps, among these many dates, you will find a worthy man who will love and protect you, appreciate you for who you are, without the pretense and masks that society often imposes on us.
Advice from psychologists
The unlived trauma of unrequited love can subsequently significantly worsen psychological health and lead to personality disorders. Psychologists know how you can stop loving a man, not suffer for him and let go of an outdated relationship.
Don't fool yourself
The relationship has exhausted itself - this fact must be recognized. Imagination games can lead to increased suffering and at the same time delay the recovery period. You need to immediately prohibit yourself from the following things:
- think that he will change, everything will work out;
- dream about how he will return, “crawl on his knees”;
- try to show him who he has lost, make him “bite his elbows”;
- expect him to return, you just have to change.
It is important to soberly assess the situation. Based on this, you need to build your happiness by getting rid of destroyed relationships in which there was no main foundation - the truth of mutual love.
Focus on negative aspects of his character or appearance
Psychologists say that sympathy can turn into a feeling of disgust. But once it has arisen, it will no longer be possible to transform it into sympathy. This principle can be used to stop loving a man. You need to concentrate on the following nuances:
- flaws in the appearance of the former partner;
- the worst aspects of his character;
- annoying household habits;
- negative statements addressed to the woman you love;
- all the problematic aspects of the relationship that left an unpleasant aftertaste.
There is only one step from love to hate, but this exercise is not aimed at developing disgust. It helps to stop idealizing the image of a man and suppress strong feelings towards him.
Get rid of his gifts
Everything associated with memories of a loved one should be destroyed or at least hidden until the time of healing. It is better to get rid of all the gifts that a man gave in a relationship, so as not to further traumatize the soul.
READ How to stop loving someone you love very much: advice from a psychologist
The ritual destruction of all things associated with a loved one will significantly ease suffering. If a woman allows herself to tear up photos together, break donated items, and burn everything else, she will feel tremendous relief. This step will help you let off steam, that is, free yourself from oppressive emotions, resentment and pain. After such an action, it will be easier for a woman to realize that what happened is irrevocable, which means she should not entertain herself with vain hopes.
Talk to others
Communication is a lifeline for a woman experiencing a painful breakup with a man. There is no need to bother your friends with the phrase: “I want to stop loving the man I love, but I can’t,” if there are plenty of other topics for communication. It is important during this difficult period to surround yourself with those who will provide support and understanding. Conversely, you should avoid those who instill a sense of guilt, devalue feelings and emotions, and constantly remind you of pain.
Find your strengths
Everyone has strengths, it’s just that in relationships women forget about it, pushing their strengths into the background. To fall out of love as quickly as possible, you need to remember your advantages and develop them. This helps strengthen shaky self-esteem and increase self-confidence. Focusing on your strengths works according to this principle:
- a woman begins to value herself;
- she realizes that she deserves to be happy;
- she is not afraid of loneliness because she is aware of her worth and attractiveness.
Thanks to the return of healthy self-esteem, a woman stops looking at her lover through rose-colored glasses, idealization stops, and at the same time she manages to stop loving him.
Laughter and tears
Since it is impossible to stop loving a man who doesn’t love you without freeing yourself from emotions, psychology recommends using self-healing techniques. Two of them are the most effective:
- experiencing suffering, releasing pain through tears;
- laughter therapy.
A woman's soul after a breakup is like a container filled with bitterness. Tears will get rid of painful contents, and laughter and fun will fill you with creative energy and optimism.
Avoid meetings and any reminders
In order for the callus on the foot to heal, it is necessary to at least temporarily give up uncomfortable shoes and begin to treat the damaged area of the skin. It’s the same with mental wounds. In order for them to heal quickly, you need to get rid of the traumatic factor. It's easier to fall out of love if you forbid yourself the following actions:
READ How to beautifully ask a girl to meet: examples of the best phrases
- meet him;
- make attempts to talk on the phone;
- write messages, take an interest in his life;
- check social networks, monitor his personal life;
- be in the company of mutual friends (temporarily).
For the same reason, you should not abuse alcohol during a breakup, so as not to step over these prohibitions in a moment of weakness. One call can destroy all recovery progress.
Get busy
Relationships end, but life goes on. Since you won’t be able to stop loving your loved one in one day, you shouldn’t drop out of life during the recovery period. This is the best time to start putting your thoughts and affairs in order.
Most likely, over the course of the relationship, many problems have accumulated that need to be resolved. In addition, freedom from love attachment frees up resources to achieve new goals. If you force yourself to take at least one small step forward every day, it will be much easier to stop loving your chosen one.
An outlet for feelings
Emotions contain energy. If you accumulate it without giving a way out, then the effect of a compressed spring is inevitable. The energy of destructive emotions destroys a person, accumulating, it finds a way out. The longer negative energy accumulates, the more destructive the consequences of the “big bang” will be.
To stop loving your ex-partner, you need to start by freeing yourself from emotions. You should allow yourself to scream, cry, throw a tantrum, or release all negative emotions in other ways. If you express these feelings, they will no longer be a source of suffering; they will make room in the soul for new experiences and positive impressions.
Take the first steps beyond your comfort zone
You won’t be able to turn your life 180 degrees without leaving your comfort zone. You need to start doing something new to get a different result. This is especially important if defeats on the love front have not happened for the first time. Since it is easier to force yourself to quickly stop loving the man you once loved than to avoid repeating the same situation in the future, you need to start the path to change.
Book of Happiness
Parting is the end of one story and the beginning of a new stage. To make it easier to reject the mind’s attempts to return to suffering, it is worth keeping a happiness diary. In this notebook or notebook you can write down your new story and celebrate every positive change in your life. Capturing the best moments makes it possible to live them deeper and concentrate on the bright side of life. As a result, it will be easier to get rid of the feeling of falling in love and develop a new way of looking at things.
Take care of yourself
Breakups hurt a woman's self-esteem. A rejected girl feels unattractive and loses self-confidence. This is depressing and prevents you from objectively assessing yourself and your life. But there is a way to fix everything, and at the same time take your mind off the suffering of love. Taking care of yourself is a promising idea, because in addition to freeing yourself from negative thoughts, it also brings results. There is no need to grieve over a broken heart; it is better to direct the flow of energy to improve your life.
To fall out of love and forget a man, you need to tune in to fruitful work with emotions. You won’t be able to go through this stage without pain and suffering, but understanding the responsibility for personal happiness will not let you give up!
Alternative Methods
If you really have fallen into the deepest depression and none of the above is pleasant to you, then you should contact a specialist, namely a psychologist. This should not be treated as something shameful, because in America and developed European countries this is a completely normal phenomenon. Moreover, every second person there has his own personal psychologist. Believe me, in a few sessions they will explain to you how to behave correctly in this difficult situation, what you should think about and how to build your future life.
The main thing is not to hide anything, talk about your feelings and recent unpleasant events frankly, since this is confidential information and it will not go beyond the walls of the office. If you are a believer, then go to church, pray and leave there all the pain that has accumulated in your heart. Please do not go to different fortune tellers, you will only lose money and a piece of your conscience and vitality. You shouldn't solve your problems this way.
Of course, you will not be able to forget your loved one, but you treat past relationships with a calm heart, and it is quite possible to equate them with another experience in life.
It all depends on you, your decision and the efforts you are willing to make to achieve a positive result. Love yourself and then the world will love you. Leave a comment:
Why do you have to break up with your loved one?
A woman understands the inevitability of a breakup almost immediately when the relationship ceases to bring satisfaction. But an internal struggle begins, denial of what is happening. This is understandable, because the mind is not ready for change, and partners are kept in a relationship by mutual emotional dependencies, habit or fear of loneliness.
READ How to make a guy fall in love with you and ask you to date
Even if it is possible to delay the admission of defeat, that is, the termination of the relationship, it is impossible to prevent a break. The sooner a fateful decision is made, the more chances and opportunities for real happiness open up for the two partners. Breakup does not happen spontaneously, it has reasons:
- A man found another woman and fell in love with her - there is no point in saving the relationship.
- Frequent infidelity is another reason when it is better to break up.
- Conflicts in the family that never find a constructive resolution.
- The initiator of the separation is the beloved man.
- There is toxic attachment or dependency in the relationship. This connection leads to emotional exhaustion and burnout.
- The partners no longer have the same life goals, values and priorities.
- The couple cannot find a common language on fundamental issues.
- The man suffers from addictions and addictions.
Relationships can be terminated for no apparent reason, for example, if the partner made such a decision. Many couples begin to develop relationships, guided by passion, fear of loneliness and other reasons, the elimination of which leads to a breakup. But if a girl continues to love, then, regardless of the reasons, the breakup will be especially painful for her.
