3 relationship mistakes after 30 that make women unhappy

What is the crisis of 30 years in women?

When a personal crisis occurs, representatives of the fair sex overestimate their own values ​​and achievements. A 30-year-old woman is worried about aging and menopause and thinks she is losing her sexual attractiveness.

There are 6 stages of a midlife crisis:

A midlife crisis (MAC) appears between the ages of 30 and 40. Accompanied by numerous symptoms. In some situations, you cannot do without the help of a qualified specialist (psychologist).

“I’m already 30, but still no children, no promising job”

A large number of women after thirty years begin to regret something. Some people think that it is time to urgently have children, while others dream of finding themselves a good man. At one point, the understanding comes that there is not enough time for anything.

I want to take it and radically correct something in my life. If at some point it seemed to you that your man is completely not the person you need, then just try to talk frankly with him. Never tell yourself that it is too late to do something.

Someone can live their whole life without children, while others give birth at 47 years old. This also includes the question of a successful career.

He who wants always achieves what he wants. If you constantly whine that nothing will work out for you, then it will happen. Even if you are sure that achieving success is simply unrealistic, you need to try.

After all, many of us begin our very first successful steps in our careers in the prime of our lives. This is the age when, thanks to life’s baggage, many mistakes can be avoided.

Symptoms of the 30-year-old crisis in women

You can notice the first signs if you observe a person’s behavior, his communication and thoughts.

Symptoms of the 30-year-old crisis in women are as follows:

1. Unrealized plans. Many representatives of the fair sex at the age of 30 think about what they have not managed to do over the years. Similar thoughts arise even among those who have successfully raised a family and built a career.
2. Constantly new problems. A woman is not satisfied with her figure, her job, her husband treats her poorly or does not notice her at all, her children ignore her, her favorite films are reviewed. A clear sign of a midlife crisis, which is accompanied by negative thoughts. Many events seem worse than they really are.
3. Aging. Most women think that at 30, old age sets in, youth ends, and the first wrinkles appear.
4. At the age of 30, representatives of the fair sex dream of getting rid of the old stuff in their lives. They change their style, clothes, hairstyle, and think about moving to another city. A married woman is thinking about divorce or changing jobs. In most cases, drastic changes end in disappointment and negative consequences. The reason is that achieved goals do not satisfy needs, they just help escape from old problems.
5. Lack of joy on your birthday. Every year brings me closer to old age. A woman perceives a sad date negatively, which is a clear symptom of a midlife crisis.
6. Poor relationships with loved ones. The wife increasingly notices her husband’s shortcomings, makes scandals and becomes disappointed in him. The same thing happens with relatives, girlfriends and colleagues. As a result, the woman becomes irritated and misunderstandings appear in the family, which over time develop into swearing. This is where normal communication ends.
7. A woman loses interest in life, abandons the goals she has achieved, even if they were given to her with great difficulty.
8. Priorities and life values ​​change.

The crisis of 30 years in women (symptoms do not always appear all together) requires the help of specialists. A psychotherapist will tell you how to cope with negative thoughts and solve problems, preventing serious consequences.

Let’s not panic and understand ourselves:

• You don’t trust women because your best friend hurt you in the past (betrayed you, stole your man, humiliated you – “underline as appropriate”).
• All women are envious gossips who are unable to keep secrets. What to do if your friend is annoying and annoying?
• Your friends are unmarried, and you have a family. By noticing an unhealthy interest in your spouse on their part, you yourself are preventing rapprochement. Just in case.
• You are an unmarried woman, and your friends have long since started families. You don't have any common topics to talk about, and besides, they don't have much time to communicate with you.
• You are “sinned” by excessive talkativeness, arrogance, envy or other qualities, because of which no one can communicate with you for a long time and no one wants to let you closer than the distance from which you can ruin someone’s life. A friend is always jealous - how to rid a friend of envy, and how to communicate with an envious friend?
• Your interests, lifestyle and manner of communication cause rejection among your friends.
• In terms of income, your friends lagged behind you at the beginning of your journey. Unfortunately, friendship between people from radically different walks of life is not so common in life - their lives and views on it are too different.
• You are too intrusive. It’s great when you can call a friend and cry about your plight, but if you do this every day from morning to evening (and even listen only to yourself), no one can stand such “friendship”.
• You are too kind, and your many acquaintances take advantage of this , without worrying at all about what you yourself want.

In fact, there can be many reasons.

But, if you really haven’t had a girlfriend for a long time, and you don’t live in a taiga hut, then the problem is not with people, but with you.

Reasons for the crisis of 30 years in women

Numerous factors provoke a midlife crisis among the fair sex.

It is important to find the reason in order to choose the right solution:

1. Difficult personal life. Women who are not married before the age of 30 often face chronic depression. It develops against a background of uncertainty and low self-esteem. Married women also face difficulties in their personal lives. Extreme fatigue and housework lead to disappointment in family life. Friends and relatives make matters worse with their indifference.
2. The first signs of aging. By the age of 30, women notice fat deposits on their thighs, cellulite, sagging skin, and wrinkles appear. In those who have given birth, the described symptoms are more pronounced.
3. Lack of career growth. A midlife crisis is provoked by unachieved goals. If, before the age of 30, a woman gave herself instructions, but did not receive the desired post, problems cannot be avoided.
4. Unfavorable comparisons with other people's achievements. At 30, a woman wants to have more than just a family and a job. Achievements are important, without which unconscious shame arises (moving abroad, a good job, your own home, children). Negative moods and feelings intensify when you meet classmates who have more achievements.

The crisis of 30 years in women (symptoms help to promptly identify psychological problems and take action) is dangerous and complex.

The main period is from 28 to 32 years with minor fluctuations. Based on provoking reasons, a midlife crisis is diagnosed in 80% of the fair sex. Do not neglect the help of a psychologist if you lack confidence in your abilities.

No girlfriends!

Question for a psychologist:

Hello! My name is Alena, I'm 20 years old. Lately I've started to notice that I don't seem to have any friends, no matter how sad that is. During school, I had 3 girlfriends, one was my best friend, with whom I had been friends since childhood, the second had been friends since the 4th grade, and the third since the 10th grade. Everything was great, we saw each of them constantly, walked, talked, chatted constantly! But then school ended, we stopped communicating with the last one almost immediately, we hung out with the first and second for about another year, but then somehow there were fewer and fewer common topics with the second friend, and we also gradually stopped communicating. And with the first one, I was ready to continue to communicate and see each other, but her boyfriend forbade us to communicate and see each other, and she, apparently, did not contradict him, and that’s how our friendship ended... and in general, I analyzed it later, always, when she had problems, I helped her and ran to calm her down and support her, and when I had something, and everything was working out for her with her boyfriend, she immediately forgot about me, didn’t even call. I missed her, because I always shared everything with her, even the most intimate, but now I’ve somehow gotten used to it, but still, I would only be glad to communicate and see her, but this won’t happen anymore, we hardly We communicate, even though we study at the same institute. At the institute I made a friend; I thought we were studying in the same group. We weren’t very friendly during the first year; we more or less started from the second year. But then I found out that she was talking about me behind my back, I didn’t tell her anything, I just started telling her less... in principle, she will always help, she won’t refuse, and I like that, but in terms of personal communication I stopped trusting her , I don’t share my secrets with her. After she broke up with her boyfriend, she started hanging out with different guys. We live in different areas of the city, so we rarely saw each other. But then I got a boyfriend, I spend all my time with him, and she goes out. I'm not at all like her by nature. She walks at night, and this is normal for her. I’d rather stay at home, I generally don’t like clubs or night outs, and if I have a choice, I’ll spend time with a guy. She began to show off the fact that other guys were paying attention to her, she constantly talks about this, and I already have the feeling that she is lying to me, she wants to seem better.. I corresponded with her very rarely in the summer, we only went out a couple of times.. I’m not interested in her stories about guys and her parties, we have different interests. Sometimes I am so sad to the point of tears that I don’t have a truly good friend who is easy to communicate with, doesn’t show off, doesn’t wish harm, doesn’t envy, but always helps and supports, with whom I could discuss everything... but for me I also want to have a best friend, because you can’t tell a guy everything, although at the moment he replaces all my friends. But when the school year starts, I’ll have to communicate with this classmate, whom I considered a friend, although it’s not very pleasant anymore... because there’s no one else with me, and I can’t be alone, I need communication... now I understand what’s closest to me there was that friend with whom we had been friends since childhood. But if it weren’t for her boyfriend, we would have communicated and been friends further, I regret that she disappeared from my life, but nothing can be returned .. please tell me what to do, how to continue to live without friends?

Question author: Alena Age: 20

Psychological diagnosis of the 30-year-old crisis in women

More often, disorders go away on their own, without qualified help from doctors or a psychologist. In rare cases, if complications occur (depression, persistent deterioration of the condition), a person requires therapy, the selection of which helps to diagnose the disease.

A clinical conversation allows us to identify a midlife crisis in women. During the diagnosis, the psychologist notes unstable emotions and irritability in the patient. The woman does not see the meaning in the events taking place; she is dissatisfied with her marriage, family relationships and professional activities.

If there are complaints indicating serious depression or the development of other neurotic disorders, a comprehensive examination will be required. Special studies of the emotional and personal sphere are used, where questionnaires and projective tests are used (drawing of a person, Beck Depression Scale).

Prevention of the crisis of 30 years in women

No one is immune from drastic changes in their lives, but many representatives of the fair sex manage to prevent them.

Psychologists recommend remembering simple rules for preventing a crisis in 30 years:

Psychologists recommend developing stress resistance and looking positively at the world around you. In most cases, a midlife crisis is aggravated by emotional burnout. Stress resistance will help you recover and not fall into the trap of pessimistic thinking.

Treatment methods for the 30-year-old crisis in women

Therapy in each case is individual, since to select remedies, the psychologist takes into account the symptoms of the crisis, the woman’s condition and the provoking reasons. If there is increased irritability, for example, the patient is prescribed sedatives.

Medications

The medications are selected by a psychologist, taking into account the patient’s condition and the degree of the midlife crisis. You should not take medications on your own, as many of them have side effects.

Additionally, the psychologist prescribes B vitamins, which help strengthen the central nervous system. They improve performance and increase the body's endurance.

Traditional methods

The crisis of 30 years in women (symptoms will help the doctor establish a preliminary diagnosis and select safe treatment) can be overcome more easily using not only medications, but also unconventional recipes from witch doctors and healers.

Aromatherapy and soothing baths lift your mood, allow you to relax and get rid of negative thoughts.

Psychotherapeutic methods

A midlife crisis is a painful and painful condition during which it is difficult to live fully. Therapy includes numerous methods to combat depressive disorders.

Simple but effective advice from a psychologist has a positive effect on a person during a midlife crisis. But if all efforts turned out to be useless, then you cannot do without the help of a qualified psychotherapist.

Recommendations

I want to start with the fact that it doesn’t matter how old you are. The inability to fall in love or meet exactly the person you want to be with is not due to age. Namely, from the unpreparedness of the individual, fear of intimacy and because of a host of other reasons, indeed sometimes unconscious.

Expectations

Sometimes a person may have too high expectations from a partner. Therefore, it is not surprising that failures follow one after another. After all, as we know, unicorns do not exist. Ideal people too.

Therefore, write a list of characteristics that your desired partner should have. And then try to rationally approach each point. How realistic do you think it is that you will meet such a person? And can you also interest me?

I don’t know about you, but quite often it happens that in pursuit of an invented image, people simply do not notice each other. Someone who is quite real and exists now, but does not correspond to ideas a little.

When even the slightest mistake is not forgiven, or the created image that must be conformed to is so rigid and uncomfortable that a person cannot stand it, even if he tries very hard and “tryes it on for himself.”

Stop the alarm

If you “grab” at any opportunity to get acquainted, start dating. And in almost every person of the opposite sex you see your companion - stop. Otherwise, you will make a lot of mistakes from anxiety.

Running in circles will not lead to anything good. And your fear of loneliness and uselessness may subconsciously “count”, scaring away truly worthy partners.

Often a similar situation can be observed in women. When a certain period comes and they understand that they urgently need to give birth, since a lot of time has been lost. Why do they see every man as a potential father of their children, which causes them horror? Which, in principle, is quite logical.

So, if this text resonates with you a little and you realize that you are simply doing a lot of actions in the race for happiness, I beg you, stop.

Only then will you be able to notice yourself, the other person and understand where to go next. The more you rush around, the more immersed you will be in the experience. Like in a swamp.

And the worst thing is that you risk finding yourself next to someone with whom you will not be happy, since you chose it blindly.

Awareness

I think you know that nothing just happens. And if you were unable to start a family, given that you wanted it, then there are good reasons for this. And the time has come to discover them, to honestly admit something to yourself.

Or secondary benefits. For example, if there is no wife, there are no extra expenses, you can spend your free time as you want. The absence of a husband also gives freedom of action. Take household chores, for example, you can calmly do a manicure in the evening instead of cooking borscht, baking pies, etc.

You know, it may well be that you are actually fine being alone. But the desire to meet the expectations of parents or friends who have had husbands, wives and children for a long time pushes them to search for the one and only one.

With men, for example, it happens that according to their status, it’s appropriate. You must have a beautiful wife, otherwise your partners, clients and subordinates will begin to suspect something. To the point of allowing doubts about his professionalism.

So, get alone and honestly answer the question: “Why am I alone?”, or “Why is this happening to me?” For example, someone is trying to take revenge on their parents in this way. Yes, there are such cases. When they go against the system to prove something, defend their opinion, etc.

Take action

When a person isolates himself or, for various reasons, has little interaction with other people, it is very difficult to create a family under such conditions.

How do you search and generally take at least some action to meet an interesting person for whom you will have feelings?

There is no need to repeat scenarios from your favorite fairy tales, in which princesses sleep for centuries, as if expecting that the prince himself will figure it out and come to rescue them from captivity. Be sure to defeat the terrible dragons.

Go for walks, agree to attend holidays where you are invited, and finally register on a dating site.

I don't know what exactly suits you and what doesn't. Try to determine it yourself, the main thing is not to hide, but to take the initiative.

And when you are among people, learn to notice them, instead of being completely immersed in your own experiences.

A lot of fateful meetings happen completely unexpectedly, for example, in a store someone smiled at someone, or even stepped on someone’s foot. And if you don’t notice what’s happening around you, of course, you can miss a lot.

Settings

We take a lot from our parents, even if we really don’t want to and do the opposite. And if a child saw how his mom and dad were unhappy together, but tolerated each other for the sake of some great idea, then subconsciously he will then do everything just not to get into a similar situation, not to repeat their mistakes.

Do you know how? Making choices that lead to failure every time. When problems are a screen to hide behind.

There is such a defense mechanism as introjection. These are the attitudes that we received, so to speak, as an inheritance, from someone. And sometimes they do not reflect reality at all, but are a limiter that does not allow you to realize your desires.

This is why it is so important to write down the attitudes that you have. To understand who they really belong to.

Whose voice appears inside every time you try to create something new and beautiful? Maybe, mom, at the moment when the suspicion creeps in that things cannot always be good and that the chosen one is definitely hiding something? Or dad, warning that women only take advantage of men and can betray at any moment for something better?

Analyze what you generally associate with the words “family”, “love”, “close relationships”. Brainstorm, writing down every thought that comes to mind on a piece of paper.

What did your family tell you, what did they teach you? What attitudes did you develop as a result of what you observed as a child? Be sure to record your thoughts on paper.

Perhaps some phrase will contain the answer to your question why you are still single. Then it will become clearer what to do.

Guilt

The reason may be guilt. For example, in front of parents, who will receive less attention due to the appearance of a partner in life. Or in front of a child, whom you feel like you are betraying by letting another person into your heart. Especially if he is “on the side” of mom or dad, with whom your relationship ended.

In general, if you understand that guilt is the main enemy on the path to starting a family, follow this link. There you will find the necessary information on how to deal with it.

Depreciation

If you tend to devalue everyone around you, then most likely, until you learn to notice the good in others and appreciate it, you will remain alone.

Because it is very difficult to fall in love with the opinion that “men are goats” and “women are materialistic and stupid.”

Start changing your worldview and attitude towards people around you.

Take a piece of paper and write down the shortcomings of some person you know well. Let's say a fan you don't take seriously. Then, next to each item, indicate its advantages, which will “eclipse” the negative aspects. For example, there is no housing, but he is hardworking and is quite capable of acquiring it over time.

Negative experience

If in the past you had to deal with treason, betrayal, or, even worse, violence, it is very difficult to trust people in the future. Psychological traumas, especially if you are not aware of them or do not try to deal with them, will interfere with living a full life.

It is necessary to work with the injuries received, restore trust, etc. The best thing, of course, is to go to a specialist.

Live here and now

Answer the question: “Why do I need a husband (wife)?” Is this what you will have, or vice versa, will not have if you have a permanent partner?

For example, there will be fewer problems because it will help solve them? Or will life be more fun, more interesting?

List everything you think you'll get if you finally meet the one. And then think about which of the above you can easily live now? Closeness, a feeling of acceptance? Maybe you have a friend who makes you feel warm and happy? After all, being married, people do not always know what intimacy is.

Want to add brightness to your everyday life? Go on a trip or sign up for some courses that interest you.

The point of this exercise is to try to realize your needs in the present, in other ways, without fixating on the suffering of not having a soulmate. Believe me, you can feel the fullness of life without it. And then, having met her, when the time comes, do it together.

Affirmations

Try influencing your subconscious with positive affirmations. These are short statements that can program the subconscious to make changes, exactly those that you want to bring into your life.

How to use them and what exactly needs to be said, you will learn from this article. There are examples there from which you can build on when creating your own affirmations.

Possible complications

More often than not, the midlife crisis goes away on its own or without serious effort, but in some situations there are tangible consequences:

1. Depressive state.
2. Development of feelings of melancholy, hopelessness, meaninglessness.
3. Disturbed sleep (insomnia or increased sleepiness).
4. Lost appetite.
5. Worried about anxiety and irritability.
6. A persistent feeling of guilt is more common.

The diagram shows ways to ease the crisis of 30 years in women.
A woman not only gives up her favorite activities, she loses interest in everything that brought pleasure (sexual relationships, hobbies). Menopausal symptoms (headache, increased sweating, disturbances in the respiratory and digestive systems) are increasingly appearing.

In a difficult situation, the patient experiences suicidal thoughts, leading to suicide.

It is impossible to avoid a crisis for 30 years. Women face it against the backdrop of numerous problems. But the right approach and an optimistic attitude will help alleviate the symptoms of an unfavorable period. An interesting pastime with friends and loved ones, a good attitude towards yourself will lead to relief, life will be restored, it will return to normal.