As they say, friendship is a sacred thing, and happy is the person who has a true friend. But for some reason it is generally accepted that when we talk about friendship, it means male friendship. No one denies that men are very different from women in essence and, accordingly, men's friendship is different from women's. Some people believe that “there is no such thing as female friendship.”
However, female friendship still exists. And of course, like everything that concerns women, it has many facets and shades. In practice, relationships between women, girls, girls, such a courageous word “friend” is replaced by another, more generalized word “girlfriend”. As you know, for men, a friend is a person who is close in spirit, with whom he goes through thick and thin. And for us girls, a friend is a friend. That is, a friend, a vest, my other self, and the keeper of my secrets. But sometimes it’s just an acquaintance or even a rival. Let's try to understand the psychology of relationships between friends.
We all come from childhood,
and all our relationships with different people begin to form in childhood. Each of us remembers how carefree we played in the sandbox with other children in the yard or kindergarten. But among this noisy flock, we gradually developed a closer relationship with one girl. And now other children no longer matter: we go for a walk when our friend is walking, we play those games that we both like, we get bored when we can’t talk to her. This is how female friendship is born. Some people manage to carry it through their entire lives, while others outgrow it. Relationships between friends are tested by time and circumstances. And this is all good because by meeting and communicating with new people, we better understand ourselves, evaluate our new and old friends and our friendship.
The destructive consequences of communication
Noisy parties, under certain conditions, can leave behind a hangover, shame and embarrassment. You can experience this once and use the bitter experience to control yourself in the future. But if your health and self-esteem are destroyed every time you meet a friend, this should be cause for concern. A good friend will not undermine your well-being. On the contrary, he will make sure that after communicating with him you feel inspired and energized. Different people have different resources: some people easily experience a hangover and can control their behavior after drinking a few cocktails. Some people only need to drink a little to become a laughing stock in the eyes of other people. If you love your friend and condemn her antisocial lifestyle, try to set her on the right path.
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Why are we friends? “Even though I don’t have a sister by blood, I consider you my sister.”
Friendly, close relationships do not always arise between sisters. At the same time, reliable, almost family ties are established between true friends. Friends have something that unites them, something that creates the preconditions for friendship. It is important for them:
- Have common interests. In order for girls to become friends, they must have common interests. As they say: tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are. If they look at the world in the same way, if they have the same life values and priorities, if their character suits each other, then such friendship can be permanent and successful. We girls, for the most part, are very sociable and therefore we have many girlfriends. But still, among everyone there is one single best friend, the most reliable and faithful. It often happens that one of the friends takes a leading position in the relationship, that is, she is more active and efficient by nature. If the other friend is happy with this, then there will be friendship. If not, then there is no friendship.
- Communicate. It is very important for girls to communicate. The slightest impression or news is discussed with your best friend or in a circle of friends. And girls really need to gossip, or just chat about “nothing.” Even being among friends without taking an active part in the conversation is also a certain thrill, a kind of ladies’ meditation. Well, talking about fashion trends or romantic adventures is generally a barrel without a bottom.
- Share secrets. Naturally, no one will share what is in your heart with just anyone. This question implies closer contact between friends, mutual trust, tested by circumstances and trials. If one of the friends does not know how to take care of other people’s secrets, then the friendship collapses forever according to the principle of a broken cup: you can glue it back together, but it’s not the same...
- Consult. Girls love to give and, in turn, listen to someone’s advice. In any situation, both simple and complex, we need an outside perspective to make a decision. Of course, the authoritative point of view for us is the point of view of a friend, as a person who knows us well, loves us and is ready to help, suggest, push us to a decision.
- Spend time together. This is one of the most important prerequisites for relationships between friends. After all, shopping, relaxing and walking together is a necessary and irreplaceable part of every girl’s life.
What is the difference between female friendship and male friendship?
What is the basis of female friendship? As a rule, mutual outpouring of accumulated problems to each other. A typical female conversation in such a situation: “What did he say?” - “No, just think what I went through!” etc. Girlfriends share their secrets, talk openly about the most painful, suffered, tormenting each of them. They talk excitedly, interrupting each other, getting more and more excited by the topic under discussion... Complete mutual understanding! Physicists would call this phenomenon “induction”...
Psychologists would warn about installing an “anchor” in the subconscious of both women. What does it mean? The fact that the interlocutors develop a specific reflex to a certain topic of conversation, to the corresponding mood, to the surroundings of the conversation (coffee, cigarettes, postures, etc.). That is why, if everything suddenly changes for the better for one of them, the old friend “accidentally” turns out to be out of place. The fact is that with the familiar atmosphere of get-togethers, the topic of conversation and even the intonations, one or the other involuntarily returns the current lucky woman to the old days, “when it was so bad that I don’t even want to remember.” Simply put, the performance has changed - it’s time to change the scenery.
For men, things are a little different. Unlike fleeting female friendships, tied more to love likes and dislikes, male friendships can last for years and even decades. If only because the “stronger sex” was generally brought up differently. Paradoxically, a man is more worried that he does not have a single friend than because he does not have a single girlfriend (or, for example, that he is not married at all). And besides, their interpersonal communication is of a completely different kind: as a rule, it is not as intensely emotional as that of the other half of humanity. Male friendship is usually based on spending time together, common interests and even political views (you must agree that values of this kind are more stable over time). Communication between men consists more of general conversations about politics, work, sports, hobbies, etc. They do not converge so quickly and are not so closely “intertwined” with each other with their “sores.” As a last resort, to solve a specific problem (family discord, dismissal from work, illness of someone close), they state a certain fact and make a request, nothing more...
Seven colors of the rainbow of relationships between girlfriends
Friendship between girls can arise at any age and under any circumstances, but relationships develop in different ways, and, unfortunately, not always rosy. In life we come across different people. Some of them can become our true friends, and some teach us lessons about false friendship. How to figure this out? The psychology of relationships between girlfriends determines some common features.
1) Friend for communication
Each of us has a friend with whom we can go somewhere from time to time and chat about something. But friendship does not become close, we do not miss each other, do not worry about each other, do not share secrets. There is not yet the necessary degree of trust. This feeling will either develop over time, or it will not exist at all.
2) Friend by coincidence
Such friendship arises when we find ourselves in a certain place for a while. For example, during vacation, vacation, business trip or while studying in another city. Under such circumstances, we have new friends with whom we can go through life together, or we will separate at the end of our time together. Friendship can be both strong and superficial, we can share problems and secrets, and be like water. Over time, time takes us to different parts of the world, we still correspond and call each other for some time, but then, unfortunately, all relationships dry up.
3) Friend-rival
And there are such dark sides to female friendship. They appear in cases where a guy appears in a circle of friends that they both like, or one of the girls dates him. The situation is explosive! Sometimes you have to choose: either a girlfriend or a boyfriend. The only positive solution is to introduce your friend to another guy she likes. Otherwise, rivalry will destroy friendship.
4) Envious friend
Sometimes among our friends there is such a girl. If we are good at something, or we are lucky in something, then a friend, unfortunately, does not rejoice at our successes, but tries to belittle them. “Just think,” “nothing special,” “nothing worked out for you,” and other similar exclamations disappoint us and deprive us of self-confidence. And even if everything was “ok” between you before, you should think about whether you need such a friend.
5) Gossip Girlfriend
This option in relationships between friends is also possible and no less unpleasant than the above. Imagine that a secret that you entrusted to only one person became known to many. Terrible condition! It becomes clear that the friendship has come to an end. But this is also your fault - before you trust, you should get to know the person well. Learn a lesson for yourself.
6) Manipulative girlfriend
If in a relationship between friends one of them is the leader, then this is probably not a bad thing. However, it happens that one friend suppresses another with her authority, conceit, and narcissism. And this is no longer friendship, but ordinary manipulation. You should notice this behavior of your friend in time so as not to become dependent and get out of this situation in time. Have your own opinion, be able to insist on your own, and maybe everything will work out. Otherwise, we ourselves have a mustache...
7) Girlfriend guardian angel
Finally we have reached the finish line. That is, we have reached real, unselfish, true friendship. Often in life you meet different friends, but only the one (or those, in rare cases) who are real remains forever. How to determine this? Yes, each of us knows how, especially since the answer is in the title: guardian angel. Therefore, take care and love such a friend, if you have one. And if not yet, then try to find it. To do this, become both a true friend and a true friend.
You should also remember that you need to work on any relationship, improve it, learn to take with love and give with love. And then everything will be fine with you!
Was there friendship?
Sometimes we mistakenly mistake for friendship an ordinary community of interests with another person: territorial (dormitory, communal apartment, etc.), professional (one place of work, study, etc.), leisure (single company, disco, etc.). ). New circumstances arise and the connection ends. And it also happens: one person considers himself a friend of another, and the other classifies him only as one of his circle of friends. Or one person is only interested in another’s position, position, money, connections, etc., that is, only what this person owns at the current moment in time, but not the person himself as a person. In such cases, of course, disappointment in the “friend” is inevitable. Some call it betrayal. Or maybe it just wasn't friendship? After all, she can do without evidence for a long time. Moreover, hypocrisy in friendship is generally a common occurrence (in love, such a trick will not work: words alone are not enough; you also need to act). In true friendship, there is initially mutual interest. Only such friendship can withstand the test of strength by time, place, and a tangle of well-worn intrigues! Through separation, through the pain of misunderstanding, friends find each other again, as if the years had never passed... The “traitor” was just a temporary companion on someone’s path in life. Gone? And thank God! As they say, you shouldn’t go on a long journey with a lame mare.
Most likely, the true reason why this or that person “betrayed” another will never be known to the victim of someone else’s treachery. And why? As a rule, any action has several motives, and everyone has their own truth. As an expert in other people’s secrets, I can say one thing: “Sometimes it’s such a small thing that you’re amazed!” For example, one friend divulged the secret of another only because her husband once in bed accidentally mentioned the latter’s name in an inappropriate way. Women in general often break off friendships due to various kinds of love misunderstandings (relationships with their beloved man are sometimes an order of magnitude higher for them than all their friends combined).
But the most interesting thing happens later... After some time, a person who has committed an unseemly act (and knows about it himself) ultimately justifies his meanness! Psychological defense mechanisms are triggered. This could also be a sincere denial of the action, for example: “Nonsense, I didn’t do it!” Someone simply projects their actions and intentions onto another person (“Do you know how he treated me?”) or rationalizes their own actions (“I did it because she deserved it”), etc. then he generally denies everything, acting on the principle of reactivity: “Everything was completely different.” Believe me, no one wants to be Judas! Living with a guilt complex is a heavy, and for some, an unbearable burden. It’s easier to throw mud at someone else! Which is what everyone usually does.
You can commit meanness if you have already done it, but it is completely vile to regret it later. S. Maugham
Of course, it is not easy to forget the person who betrayed you. The wound aches and makes itself felt every time someone casually mentions his name. But not everything is so hopeless...
Friendship no longer makes you happy
It happens that friendship simply exhausts itself. And it’s even impossible to find a reason. It seems as if nothing bad happened between you, there were no quarrels or misunderstandings, but the thought of communication began to tire you. You don’t want to meet your friend, although meetings used to make you happy and you enjoyed spending time together.
It happens. It is possible that you have changed, have outgrown this stage of your life, changed your views. Pay attention to how the prospect of a meeting makes you feel. If this is a reluctance to see each other, then this is a reason to think about it.
Friendships can simply fizzle out without any reason.
You notice manipulation and controlling habits
Try to analyze your relationship. Do you feel like you can't be yourself? If you notice this, it's all about the toxicity of the relationship. Consider whether you are being manipulated in your friendships and why this is happening. In healthy relationships, people share their emotions rather than exploit each other.
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