Most women define “online flirting” as communication between a man and a woman based on sexual attraction. That is, as we all understand, flirting is a kind of communication game based on the manifestation of sexual feelings. And an intellectually friendly conversation based on interests is clearly not included here.
Why did your husband start this double game and look for such acquaintances on the Internet, and what should you do? Most likely, you, like most other women, are asking the same question: “doesn’t he understand that he’s hurting me?!” Hmm, in fact, this is a rhetorical question, since, as practice has shown, not a single man has yet given an adequate answer.
Why does my husband meet people on the Internet?
So, one wonders, why don’t they, men, live quietly, calmly, next to their darling wife? And always at your side: flirt, I don’t want to! But no, he’s still pulling to the side. This begs the second question, why do they do this? There could be many reasons for this. Again, members of the forum shared with us their opinion on where such a situation comes from. Here are some women's views on the current situation. Some are inclined to believe that every man is polygamous by nature. And such online correspondence with other girls helps him assert himself. That is, to believe in your ability to please women, even while in a relationship (but they carefully hide this fact from their Internet girlfriends!), and thereby amuse your male pride.
Anna, 33 years old: “My husband constantly corresponds with someone on the Internet. That's how men are - they always need to assert themselves. I know there are a lot of women there, but I don't have time to worry about it. Because a person needs to communicate not only at work and at home. And certainly not only with my wife. If he wanders off somewhere after work, and then maybe... when he comes home - this is stressful! And so, well, let him communicate. Well, he’ll flirt a little, won’t you get his attention?”
Sasha, 24 years old: “For several years now I have been experiencing a similar situation, frivolous virtual communication of my beloved with other women, which does not turn into physical... The problem arises, then is solved through experiences and a bunch of emotions, then arises again... In my opinion, men are so constructed that they want to be “Don Juans” in the eyes of many women. Thus, self-affirmation of one’s own male self occurs...”
Tanya, 34 years old: “And this is his way of entertainment. We corresponded, laughed, reminisced and that’s it. I also sometimes correspond with exes, nothing serious. This should be regarded as how old acquaintances met in classmates and that’s all. I don’t think you don’t communicate with your (male) classmates, your husband can also come up with something…”
Lydia, 35 years old: “I’m not married, I’m looking. I often come across married people on the Internet who just want to be friends, but are constantly peeing on something. I can only say one thing, they all have one common problem - unhealthy relationships in the family. Either the wife doesn’t care, and in fact they don’t live together, or they don’t care about the wife, and she alone is simply not enough for them. That's
It turns out that if I want, all I have to do is whistle, and they would all jump with me, dropping their slippers, on a date...”
By the way, psychologists are inclined to believe that it is family problems that push men to online flirting. Often unresolved and even undetected. Experts in the field of family relationships say that if your husband is chatting with other women on the Internet, and this is bothering you, then you should first take a look at your marital relationship.
How to understand that your husband is hiding communication with another girl
You can understand that your husband is chatting with other girls on social networks based on certain signs:
- Behavior will change. He will behave more aggressively and irritably, as if he is uncomfortable being around his family. It happens on the contrary, a man becomes affectionate and gentle, but rather a feeling of guilt weighs on him and, thus, he tries to make amends for his affair on the Internet.
- Most of the time, the husband is on the phone or at the computer, and while he is online, notifications about the receipt of a new message are constantly beeping.
- Observe his facial expressions: he smiles periodically, giggles from time to time, his eyes begin to glow, his gaze is engaged in the screen.
- When he is not texting with anyone, he is constantly distracted by his phone, waiting to receive a new message, while the phone is always next to him.
- Most women notice a correspondence with another girl by accidentally seeing a message. Passing by, taking a quick glance at the phone screen and noticing a piquant phrase taken out of the context of the message. On your computer, when a notification pops up, you can see part of the piquant message.
Why do men communicate with women on social networks?
The fact that a husband communicates with other women on a social network is commonplace in the modern world and there are enough reasons for this. Speaking as a psychologist, there are 13 events that cause a man to start communicating online with another woman:
- The spouses do not communicate within the family, since all the time is spent on everyday life, work, and the child.
- The desire to live a life unencumbered by everyday life and material problems.
- Take a break from raising a child, which takes up all your free time.
- The desire to feel the romance that has long dried up in the family.
- There is no complete satisfaction in intimate life.
- Increased irritability towards a partner.
- Lack of common interests and views on life, no common topics for conversation.
- The couple stopped being interested in each other's lives: How was your day? What are your successes at work? What did you snack on today?
- Because of the routine, you want new sensations and emotions.
- I want female attention, but I don’t want to cheat.
- The spouse does not have friends with common interests or those with whom he could have a heart-to-heart talk.
- Increased curiosity for everything new, as well as meeting new people.
- Internet addiction: virtual life.
This is a basic, but not complete list of reasons why a man might start communicating with strangers on the Internet.
An anonymous survey was conducted in Russia where married men were asked why they initiate virtual communication with the opposite sex, to which the following answers were given:
- Search for new emotions;
- The girl wrote first;
- Desire to flirt;
- Increased self-esteem;
- The desire to find a partner for the evening, due to problems in the family;
- Feelings for another woman;
- When there is absolutely nothing to do.
Why a husband corresponds with another woman and what to do in such a situation can be determined by talking with him frankly or by seeking help from a family psychologist. In some situations, a psychologist can maintain harmony in relationships.
Wow, what a one!i
The “boredomed” guy was wandering through the pages of his acquaintances and unexpectedly came across the profile of a former classmate. Wow, as a child she was an ugly duckling, and years later she blossomed like the Swan Princess. Instead of thin braids, the beauty’s shoulders are shrouded in snow-white curls, and her plain eyes, under the hand of an experienced makeup artist, shone with new colors.
The man remembers that during his school years a girl was in love with him and his interest in the young lady grows. He writes a greeting, she replies, and the innocent correspondence begins to gain momentum. At night before going to bed, hugging his other half, the guy recalls her new appearance with interest and plans to update her avatar so that the interlocutor will show mutual interest and awaken old feelings.
What to do if you notice that your husband is texting someone else
The psychologist's advice on this issue will be as follows: You should not immediately arrange a debriefing. Under the influence of emotions, most likely, you will quarrel strongly and put yourself in a losing position. The conversation should begin when your emotional state is stable.
The conversation should be based on calm tones, without reproaching anyone. It’s best to start with the question: “What interesting things are they writing?”, “What is Andrey writing, is he calling for a drink again?”
Having received an answer to such a question, you will be able to understand whether the correspondence is really harmless or whether you should worry:
- Ex-wife. When your ex-wife, whose children are connected with your man, writes, you should not interfere with their communication. Better offer your help.
- Colleague. Most of the correspondence is about work issues that were not resolved during the day or need to be completed in the near future. You can ask a direct question, “Did something happen at work?” and then look at the phone screen. If he starts hiding it, something is most likely wrong. When there is nothing to hide, a man will ignore your intrusion into correspondence or mutter that everyone has gotten him out of work and calmly demonstrate the correspondence. Try to make a joke by ticklishly asking if he texts with all his colleagues or only with beautiful girls.
- Another woman. You shouldn't expect a truthful answer here. It is unlikely that someone will admit to a virtual affair. In most cases, the girl will hear that this is just a friend who has questions and is trying to help her. You shouldn’t pay much attention to the words, watch his behavior. A man may begin to get nervous, he will speak hastily or, conversely, slow, thinking about every word, nervousness, and an attempt to change the topic of the conversation.
If a man begins to react aggressively or irritably to a calm question, he exhibits a defensive reaction. It’s not for nothing that there is a saying “the best defense is an attack”, so a man defends himself in this way. A woman may be surprised by the current situation, and she may begin to make excuses for her question, and he will calmly get out of the awkward situation.
Whatever the outcome, it is necessary to intervene in the correspondence so that the affair on the side ends, even if it is virtual. After all, if you leave everything as it is, such behavior may drag on.
Attention to screen2
Every time a man returns from work, the first thing he does is rush to the computer. He speaks fluently to his beloved and absentmindedly answers questions. His attention is riveted to the monitor: what did she answer? what did you write? ... The partner notices unexpected changes in the sweetheart, asks questions, glances sideways at his correspondence, and this behavior begins to irritate the man.
Unobtrusive communication is gradually being squeezed into personal life and takes a dominant place in it. The guy spends his everyday life waiting for an answer from his interlocutor, her reaction to his phrases or photographs.
How to save a relationship
To begin with, a man must understand that texting other women while in a relationship is prohibited and is comparable to betrayal. Only after awareness will it be possible to correct the situation.
Remember. Relationships are maintained by constant work on them by both partners. If one of them is missing, it will not bring the desired results. The man needs assistance in resolving the problem situation. The skill of finding a compromise is very important.
Read the correspondence
This is done at will, not a mandatory procedure. This proposal is aimed at women who like to come up with different scenarios of events that do not exist in reality. It is precisely these young ladies who should familiarize themselves with the real correspondence, so as not to overwhelm themselves with assumptions.
Ask the man to show the correspondence and calm down. This will help determine how strong the offense was on his part:
- Friendly dialogue with hints of flirting, initiated by the girl;
- Virtual sex, diluted with piquant photographs of naked bodies, conversation about possible meetings in the future, active support of flirting on the part of the spouse.
Having learned the severity of the offense, you can already determine how to proceed.
Reasons for correspondence
In a calm conversation, ask why he communicates on social networks with other girls, what pushes him to do this. Why does he maintain communication with them? What he lacks in his relationship with you is that he is interested in others.
In most cases, a man will answer that this is ordinary curiosity and he likes to communicate with people, as he receives emotional nourishment and dilutes the dull everyday life.
Above, I have already written 13 main reasons that push men to correspond with other women. It’s better, anyway, to listen to your husband and not be offended if you hear criticism addressed to you. Try to figure out why he got so angry. This knowledge will help you cope with the situation.
Explain that this is not pleasant for you
Explain your feelings to your spouse. Focus the dialogue on your experiences, and not on the fact that he is doing something wrong.
Examples:
- “The moment you communicate with other girls, it seems to me that you are deceiving me.”
- “The fact that you are communicating with this girl, I am afraid that our relationship will be destroyed because of this.”
- “When I learned about your correspondence, I didn’t know how to react, I’m worried that you decided to leave me.”
- “When you ignore me, I feel very sad and scared for our relationship.”
Such dialogues are necessary when the spouse does not want to admit his wrongdoing. You must convey your feelings and experiences to his mind. After all, today he flirts on the Internet, and tomorrow he will start in reality.
Spend more time together
By communicating in real life, you can distract him from virtual life. Find common ground, common movies, sports, a picnic. Remember what you did together with a smile on your lips. Renew the bright moments of your life in reality.
Make it a rule: you devote your weekends only to each other, no electronics. Go for a walk, have a romantic dinner, play board games...
If you have children, send them to visit their grandparents or friends, and spend time with your partner.
You deserve more
Friendly relationships, full of mutual understanding and sympathy, have the ability to develop like a romance between a couple in love. Virtual interlocutors are interested in each other's personal lives, look through photos of husbands and wives, and experience some germs of jealousy. “You know, your Fedor is not as good as you wrote about him” ... “Is that blonde on the left your Natalya? You said she was beautiful! ..."
The desire to play a major role in the life of a virtual interlocutor takes over, giving rise to unpleasant dialogues and emotions. Being in a state of complete secrecy, the guy complains about his girlfriend’s shortcomings, and the girlfriend “on the other side of the monitor” expresses grievances about her friend.
