The guy is cheating... What should I do? “Execution cannot be pardoned...”

When a loved one cheats on you with a friend, it hurts incredibly. The soul is torn, the body wants to forget, and the consciousness rushes around in search of an answer to the question: Why did this happen?

The two people you love most have betrayed you.

He is the dearest one to whom you were ready to give everything. And she gave when circumstances required it. And, most likely, she would give her life if necessary. You planned the future together, set a budget, and most importantly, you were ready to give birth to his child. And then it turns out that it was all a myth. This is a completely different person who, it is unknown when, began to pretend (or has always pretended). She - she stood on your other hand. She is also close to you, only this closeness is different. You ran to complain about your mother, about HIM, about various kinds of doubts. Not a day went by that you didn't talk on the phone. She knew your whole life: both day and night. And at one point it turned out that she turned all your stories against you. She took your man. And this is so scary, because before you were always protected by these two. You could come to them for advice and ask for help. You always felt their breath behind your back. And when you found out that they were cheating on you, you suddenly realized that now you are absolutely alone. There is no one to complain and cry to.

How could they do this? And why do men cheat most often with their girlfriends?

Always remember that men are polygamous. Mother Nature so decreed that they look at other women, want them and fantasize alone. Everyone does this, so don’t entertain the illusion that your man is unique in terms of fidelity. We are not saying that all males are traitors, we are saying

that all men stare at sexy beauties. Another thing is that some go further, while others are able to restrain their impulses, limiting themselves to watching videos and simply looking at girls in short skirts on the streets of the city. Therefore, it is quite possible to seduce a guy or at least persuade him to have sex. We are not trying to justify your former chosen one, we just want you to understand that in any case he will look at other girls, including your friends, whom you yourself introduce into your family. But the cheating friend did everything on purpose. She is a woman, which means she knows how to cope with her desires and emotions. She herself chose your half as her lover, realizing what she was doing. She did this on purpose, with a clear goal - to take your man away from you. Remember, there are a lot of reasons for male infidelity, but the reason why men cheat with their girlfriends is most often one: because you yourself brought them together.

Fear that a friend will not forgive silence

Very often, women who decide to present such unpleasant news justify their decision by saying that they cannot offend their friend by remaining silent. In such situations, they begin to feel like conspirators who are on the side of their spouse.

In fact, it is rare that the fact that you were silent comes up. If the husband's infidelity is revealed, the spouses first of all sort out the relationship between themselves, and do not try to clarify who knows about it and who does not. In the future, if a friend decides to share this problem with you, only you can say that you knew everything and thereby offend your friend.

In order not to harm anyone with your hasty actions, having decided not to tell your friend about your husband’s infidelity, do not tell your mutual friends about it. By keeping this fact silent in the future, you will be able to maintain your future relationship with your friend and support her if she decides to tell you about her family problems.

And the most important question: who is to blame for this?

Unfortunately, only you! Life goes on and someday you will fall in love again, but you need to learn from this situation. We all need people next to us who are ready to help at a certain moment, and if necessary, to save. A man, a close friend, a mother - these are all components of a woman’s happy lot. Each of these people has a specific purpose in your life. Mom is pity, compassion and sincerity in every word. A friend is a pillow you can cry on about anything. Your husband (or boyfriend) is your half who will be with you all your life. And it is you who let each of them into your life. And when you devoted her, your bosom friend, to all the details of your life, you created real conditions for future betrayal. She is with you on all holidays, you tell her what gift he gave you, you told her about his preferences in food, you even let her into your bedroom, telling her what he likes in sex and what he doesn’t like. Agree, you left them alone without fear. She knows everything because you couldn’t understand in time that you don’t need to make her a member of your family, she should have her own life. Therefore, do not share your feelings and experiences so zealously with a girl who may even have been with you in kindergarten. Life is incomprehensible, so it is unknown what will happen next. Husband, your differences and intimate life should always remain within the family.

My boyfriend cheated on me with my “best friend”

We decided to go to the lake for the weekend. I was driving and loaded as many as 9 people into the car (risking their licenses, they are still not superfluous). We arrived at the lake, everything was fine - we swam, drank strong drinks, and took a tent with us. Everything was arranged in our own way. I’m 18 years old myself, I dated 10-12 years older than him, and this one was only 15 (just turned), but I really liked him (handsome, he could do everything, but still stupid in relationships, and I myself taught everything). There were only two couples in our company: me with “my” boyfriend and my “best friend” with her boyfriend too. The other five (one girl and four unmarried guys) were just having fun.

In the midst of the fun, they decided to drive the car closer to the shore, and it got stuck. As a result, we gathered all our friends from all over the beach and simply lifted the car. Okay, we pulled him out with grief in half, and everyone went to continue walking in the same group. I sat and talked with the company, everything was fine. When I suddenly noticed that my best friend was sitting and crying. To my question: “What is the problem?” she replied: “I need to go home, I had a fight with a guy.” I realized that she just got drunk, the guy was tired of her (she’s very stupid - she’s only 15), and the fact that they only let her go until she was 12, I kept silent (I thought that when I saw her tears I’d take her 50 km home). I just called her mother, gossiped that she was tired, cold and was sleeping in the back seat of the car, and that everything would be without incident, but lied about myself that I had been drinking and wouldn’t drive (in short, I helped her out).

My Dimka didn’t leave my side all evening, he kept kissing me, stroking me, declaring his love once again. I was so happy((((. At 3 am, her boyfriend and I were one of the few left in the company. I went to look for them. When I approached the tent, I heard oohs and sighs, at first I thought that she was there with her boyfriend, but I felt something was wrong and asked to leave, to which she answered me: “I can’t, I don’t want to, and, in general, I’m undressed.” Well, when her boyfriend approached the tent, I started to really panic, I was just confused, I started crying. -I didn’t expect such betrayal.

Her boyfriend hit her - now she has a black eye. I, too, could not stand it and also gave my boyfriend a black eye and beat him pretty badly. At the moment, this creature continues to blatantly lie, talk all sorts of nonsense about me and deny everything (although I heard everything), but my boyfriend (already ex) asks for mad forgiveness, almost roars and says that someone like me is for him can't be found anywhere. I heard from mutual friends that he suffers a lot and is always at least thoughtful. Question: can he be forgiven??? He claims that he doesn’t need her and that these are all animal instincts (((

Why do guys cheat: how to understand that he has cheated

1. The guy somehow begins to change in the relationship - he either stops paying attention or, on the contrary, begins to actively court and give the girl gifts and surprises.
2. When a guy starts staying late at work very often, it’s most likely that he’s just cheating.
3. Excessive grooming of appearance - the guy spends a lot of time in front of the mirror or often takes a bath.
4. When a guy's sexual relationship changes very dramatically, this is also considered a reason for cheating.

What to do?4

Psychologists say that, by and large, it doesn’t matter whether the wife cheated with a friend or with another man. The fact of betrayal is obvious. And only the husband can decide what to do with the current situation. Of course, you can proudly turn and walk away, and then talk about the cruelty and infidelity of the entire female race. Or you can understand the situation and try to level it out.

Dos and don'ts:

• Be sure to talk first. It is impossible to correct the situation if it is not clear which way the wind is blowing. It may happen that this step will be decisive. It is important for a woman to be heard and understood. When this is achieved, the problem is easier to solve. And if both agree to work on repairing the family boat, success is guaranteed;
• In any case, a man needs to do everything to quickly get out of the state of shock and stop suffering. It is especially dangerous to remain in a stressful state for a long time, as this has a negative impact on health;
• if the situation is complicated with the inclusion of homosexual inclinations, it is better to let go of your ex-life friend and start a new page in your biography;
• maintain your own dignity in any case. Establish the reasons, but do not stoop to scandals and showdowns, do not discuss with friends and strangers, do not brand with shame on every corner. Otherwise it will be difficult to be called a man;
• think constructively. This means doing everything to solve the problem, and not stroking your ego;
• do not try to hold on, do not beg to return or stay, do not blackmail with children. A priori a losing strategy, nothing will be achieved;
• don’t wait for him to come to his senses, but start to improve his own life. Do what you love, communicate with other people, earn money;

• don’t decide for her, don’t come up with ways out of the situation. It is better to accept the situation and allow the wife to do as she wants;
• accept as an axiom that half the blame for what happened lies with the man. Having understood this, change, at least so that the situation does not repeat itself. And in general, decide for yourself what you want and don’t want. This will help you decide on a strategy for a happy life;
• but there is no point in trying to direct your ex-wife to the true path, it will only have the opposite effect;
• if you still want to get your wife back, you need to understand what her aspirations and desires are, what thoughts and emotions forced her to cheat, and change the situation, give your wife what she so lacked - care and attention;
• some experts advise to act tough. They claim that for the wife it is all a game. When he's played enough, he'll come to his senses. To make this happen faster, you need to limit her in finances, communication with children and other help. This will make you sober up and return to your family. Of course, you can follow the advice, but the result is difficult to predict.

There is a way out of any situation, the main thing is that there is a desire and desire to reach the end.

Test.

To help you make your final decision, we've created a test. Go through it, giving honest answers, the result will speak for itself.

1. What kind of betrayal?

2. Does he regret cheating?

3. Do you want revenge?

4. Do you love him?

5. Is there criticism from loved ones regarding the fact of his betrayal?

6. Assess your readiness to maintain the relationship:

7. Did he show himself with dignity before the betrayal?

8. Length of betrayal:

9. How often did you notice lies on his part?

10. How did you find out about the betrayal?

If you have any questions, you can write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!

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What to do if your beloved guy cheated on you by accident?

We told you how to behave if your loved one cheated. Next, let's consider a separate situation where a girl does not know what to do if her beloved cheats, as he says, by accident. Perhaps this is the first time, but it is not a fact that it is the first for you; the rest could be carefully hidden. The lion's share of stories where the young man does not consider himself guilty:

• The betrayal took place while drunk. Boys often use this excuse, naively believing that the girl will judge by herself, because girls need less alcohol to lose their minds. Young people are physically incapable of close contact when heavily intoxicated - “the engine won’t start.” Conclusion: this justification is absurd to believe;
• With increased euphoria (graduation, bachelor party, meeting night). More often than not, young men cannot explain the sudden influx of feelings towards a third-party object, so they decide to keep this fact a secret, but when caught, they try to lower the bar of their guilt as much as possible.

No matter how you look at treason, circumstances do not clear it of the “sin”, as in criminal liability - “He who does not know the punishment will not escape responsibility,” because a person is responsible for the physical action. One cannot do without condemnation if he wastes his precious time on useless and anti-moral things and deeds.

The first thought that should arise in a girl the moment she finds out that her beloved is cheating is: “What do I want? What kind of future awaits me with this person? Is he worthy of my love, affection, tenderness? Will I be able to rely on him?”, while any prospect should be denied, since it does not have clear grounds or confirmation.

Read:

• Should you forgive a guy for cheating?
• How to take revenge on a guy for cheating?

What to do if a guy cheats on you?

What to do if a guy cheats? Unfortunately, many girls ask this question. Betrayal is not easy to survive. Having learned about the infidelity of a young man, girls are overcome by many doubts: to say or remain silent, how to behave now, stay with him or leave, how to live, sleep, eat... However, as practice shows, all the girls who asked these questions were eventually able to live on, slept well and ate well. Life doesn't end there. The main thing is not to panic and choose the right strategy of behavior. So what should you do if your boyfriend cheated on you?

The most important and categorical thing is not to remain silent. You cannot silently accept the fact of betrayal. Do you want respect and love from your boyfriend? How can you demand this from him if you don’t love and respect yourself? Once you find out that a guy is unfaithful to you, you should talk to him. Let him know immediately that you are aware of his vile act.

Step 1: Find out all the facts about cheating.

Someone told you that a guy is cheating on you, or you yourself caught him red-handed by reading a love SMS on your phone - it doesn’t matter. You need to know all the facts. This will help you decide what to do next if your boyfriend cheated. So first, talk to him. Someday this will still have to be done, and it is better at the very initial stage. Then you will have complete information and avoid mistakes when making a decision. During the conversation, find out the following: when the betrayal occurred, did it happen once or lasted for a long time, what kind of relationship does the guy have with his mistress at the moment, why did he cheat and whether he repents.

Important!

Until you decide whether you want to forgive the betrayal and continue building a relationship with the guy, find out whether his sex with his mistress was protected. It will be unpleasant to ask about this, but the information is necessary if you decide to stay with him. If the guy did not use protection, it is worth making an appointment with a venereologist.

Step 2: Give yourself time to think.

Don't make a decision rashly. You found out about the betrayal, extracted details from the guy, your emotions are off the charts. It may immediately occur to you to leave him and never remember him or, on the contrary, you will feel an urgent need for this person. Wait. You need to cool down and weigh the pros and cons. After the conversation, ask the guy to give you time to “think.” Don't meet for a week or two, be alone with yourself. It is better to focus all your efforts on recovery - emotional and physical. Go on vacation, get enough sleep, eat right, let out your emotions, for example, in the gym. You should take special care of your health during such a difficult period.

Step 3: Make a decision.

So, you have waited the necessary time, returned to normal and feel your emotional stability. It's time to make a decision. For some it comes easily and simply, for others they plunge into deep doubts, but both still need to make a decision. Decide what you want: to understand and forgive or say goodbye and leave.

Evaluate what the guy told you during your dialogue. What reasons does he see for the betrayal, how often did he cheat, does he repent, and so on. Next, evaluate whether your relationship is worth saving. Perhaps you haven’t felt loved for a long time, you don’t see a future together with your boyfriend and you know that you deserve better. Then feel free to say goodbye. If the relationship was reverent, sensitive and strong, it’s worth thinking about. However, on the other hand, if a man loves, respects and values ​​a woman, he will not hurt her under any circumstances. But in any case, it’s up to you to decide.

Important!

The most important thing is to honestly answer yourself whether you are ready to sincerely forgive the betrayal. From the moment you forgive, you will not have the right to reproach the guy for his mistake, or to remember it at every opportunity. Forgiveness is a difficult step. If you are not ready for it, you should not torture yourself or the young man.

Step 4: State your decision calmly.

Don't make scandals. You will not change the situation with your screams, but will only waste your own emotional resources. A waste, isn't it? Communicate your decision in a calm atmosphere, explain why you made this particular decision (this will help get rid of unnecessary questions later), and just walk away proudly, without regretting anything. Unless, of course, you wanted to leave. Stay if you decide to stay, just the same - without doubt and pity.

How to behave if you decide to leave:

1. Don't look for meetings with your ex. Yes, the first time after the breakup will not be easy, you will feel out of place, the world will seem unusual, not the same as before. And here you need to overcome the desire to return to your comfort zone. Do not look for meetings with your ex-boyfriend, do not call or write, even supposedly “by chance.” Over time, you will get used to the idea that you are now free, but for now you need to be patient.
2. Don't take revenge. Not for myself, not for my ex-boyfriend, not for his mistress. This is another useless waste of our own resources. Your relationship cannot be returned, the situation cannot be corrected, and even revenge will not help to do anything about it all, but will only put you in an unflattering light and demonstrate your weakness. Only you can help if you control yourself and maintain composure. And your loved ones can also help you.
3. Take a break. Meet friends, go shopping or go to the movies. Try to switch from negative to positive more often. The best thing to do is spend time with close friends or family.
4. Don't become apathetic. Often, betrayal as a difficult emotional test affects a person in such a way that he becomes unrecognizable. For example, he stops taking care of himself, is not interested in the world around him, in general, he does not live, but exists. Don't let this happen to you. Life moves on. Treason is only a very high step: it is difficult to step over it, but it is possible if you strain your legs.
5. Don't look for flaws in yourself. It is not your fault that the young man acted disgustingly. You may have done something wrong, but remember that everything could have been resolved through constructive dialogue. So don’t shift the blame onto yourself, cheating is solely the guy’s responsibility.
6. Forget the grudges. They will only drag you down emotionally and physically, and perhaps provoke various kinds of illnesses. Let go of the situation, move past this stage of your life and move on.

How to behave if you decide to stay:

1. Control yourself. You were given time to think things over and calm down. Don’t take it out on your boyfriend, don’t make scandals. Express your emotions differently, keep a diary, for example.
2. Get ready for changes in your sex life. In this area of ​​relationships, each partner will experience pressure, and, willy-nilly, sex will change. This fact will most likely have a serious psychological impact on you; you need to be able to control yourself and resolve this issue through dialogue. After some time, of course.
3. You have the right to some control, but do not forget about your partner's personal space. Once he betrayed you, and therefore you can slightly oppress his personal space: sometimes check the phone or answer calls. But don't become a real spy.
4. Take the circumstances of the betrayal into account and improve your relationship. If the reason was that the guy didn't feel enough support from you, give it to him. Did you lack common interests? Look together for something that will be interesting to both. Fill in the gaps using new knowledge and thereby eliminate the possibility of repeated betrayal.
5. Consult a psychologist. The professional opinion of a specialist has never bothered anyone. Perhaps it is the advice that the psychologist will give you that will solve the problem that has arisen, because he will assess the situation from an outside perspective and will not be biased in his recommendations.