How to make peace with a friend after a strong quarrel if I am to blame?

How to make peace with a friend? Moments of thinking about how you can make peace with a friend happen in everyone’s life, and these thoughts are heavier than the resumption of a male-female relationship. Contrary to numerous jokes and sarcasms about the lack of female friendship, it may represent the most significant relationship for many women.

Men can be, or they can quit, work appears and changes, and the person who goes through all these episodes with you becomes more and more expensive. Often these relationships resemble warmer and stronger ones than family ones, because you can come to your friend drunk at dawn to drag her out onto the roof and complain about how you didn’t get along with someone, without fear of hearing morals and reproaches about your condition. As in any close relationship, in friendly relationships, misunderstandings and friction arise, scandals arise out of nowhere and silent grievances. The task of every mature person is to develop the ability to improve and restore relationships, resolve conflicts, without slipping into the kindergarten style of taking their toys from the sandbox.

Is it worth putting up with your girlfriend in principle?

So, let's assume that there is a conflict between you and your friend, and now you are thinking about how to make peace with her. And perhaps the thought creeps into your head: “Should I put up with her in principle? Maybe it’s easier to leave everything as it is?”

Oddly enough, both options can be reasonable in different cases. In general, to make a final decision, you can use the following tips:

Leaving everything as it is after a strong quarrel makes sense if the conflict has revealed serious contradictions in your life positions. It’s sad, but people change with age, and sometimes those who a few years ago understood each other perfectly now speak different languages. Such a relationship will give both sides nothing but misunderstandings and constant quarrels based on fundamental differences in views. In a case like this, no matter how painful it may be, it may make sense to use the argument to end the friendship. But of course, you must analyze the situation very carefully to make such a serious decision.
If there is at least some chance that you will continue to be able to communicate interestingly and productively, then, of course, it is very necessary to make peace with your friend. Friends are wonderful gifts of fate, which definitely should not be abandoned because of an absurd quarrel that does not indicate the meaninglessness of your relationship as a whole. Even if it’s difficult, painful, or you have to step on the throat of your own song, strong friendship is worth such efforts.

Become a mediator between friends

Some quarrels end in the first stages, when the question of how to reconcile friends among themselves is decided by the guys themselves. But if the unpleasant situation drags on, it’s time to move on to more complex methods:

Find a place to meet friends. Let it be a quiet area where you can talk to the guys or they can chat with each other.
Please note that if one of your friends is in a bad mood, the idea will have to be postponed. Try to find a time when both people are positive. You can play your favorite song for your friends before the meeting or ask them to calm down by breathing deeply.
Ask friends to speak in first person. There is no need to blame someone: “I’m tired of you with your nonsense!” This will make it easier for the interlocutor to insert an argument or some kind of argument. Say: “I’m tired of this nonsense!”
If friends quarrel again, then help resolve the conflict. Defuse the situation and don't let them fight again.
Is there anything unclear to you? Ask your interlocutor. It is possible that incomprehensible facts arose in the dialogue, which led to a quarrel. The faster you find them, the easier it will be to end the dispute.

This was the first way to reconcile friends.

How to make peace with a friend if the cause of the quarrel is a man?

Probably every second woman who had a fight with her friend did it because of a member of the opposite sex, directly or indirectly. Of course, a lot depends on the situation, but you still need to understand that the relationship between you and your friend and the relationship between you and other people are different things and not very interconnected. Accordingly, try to both realize and discuss the following points with your friend:

The personal life of each of you is something separate from your friendship. Even if your interests in this area intersect.
Every man and every woman strives to find a couple that suits them best. And it’s normal if two women liked one man, and he chose the one with whom he feels better. This only means that they have a greater chance of building a happy relationship, and in no way humiliates the “losing” party. She should also wait for someone with whom they will be perfect for each other.

In other words, it is very important here to talk specifically about you, about your connection, and not slide into the division of the stronger sex. Don't let jealousy cloud your judgment; respect both yourself and your friend.

What should you definitely not do?

This method is used in films, usually comedies and intended for teenagers. Two girls (or guys, according to the plot, such options are possible) who are offended by each other are pushed together, when emotions are still boiling, and forced to talk. Possible options for implementing this method: lock quarreling friends in the same room, provide them with alcohol, or push them together in public, for example, at a party.

Why shouldn't you do this? In films, the goal is achieved. That's the thing: movies, with their carefully crafted plots, are different from real life. And if emotions have not yet cooled down, resentment and anger are still bubbling inside, will there be a fruitful conversation between two people? The answer will most likely be negative.

It’s worth making a reservation: sometimes in reality the cinematic method works. But both sides need to be prepared for reconciliation.

Universal rules of reconciliation

Successful reconciliation with an offended friend, in general, is subject to several universal rules, regardless of the cause of the quarrel. Additional mental work is worth doing only when a conflict arises, as we wrote about above. And the main tips on how to properly make peace with your girlfriend after a strong fight can be summarized as follows:

Find out what is causing the quarrel. Moreover, it is the reason itself, and not its outer shell. For example, an unpleasant word accidentally dropped is a form of reason, and resentment because a friend considers you unattractive is its essence. Lateness is a form, lack of attention, care and respect (even if contrived) is the essence. And so on. Get to the root of the problem, no matter who is at fault.

Find a solution to the identified problem, and be prepared to make compromises and concessions in order to make peace. Of course, it will be very good if your friend is also ready to compromise, but you can only answer for yourself. If we are talking about an insult, you need to be ready to apologize. About insufficient care - promise to be more attentive in the future. About different positions in looking at something - agreeing to recognize someone else’s point of view as no less valid and worthy than your own (at the same time, your opinion may well remain unchanged - we are only talking about respect for other people’s views).
Don't be shy, don't be lazy and don't be afraid to talk about your feelings. Instead of putting yourself out there, try telling your friend that she is important to you, that you love her no matter what, and that you would really like to sort out the conflict so that you can continue to communicate with her. If your friend also values you, then after such a recognition she will be more likely to engage in a constructive dialogue.

How to get your girlfriend and old friendship back

If I'm offended

In this case, wait until your friend initiates contact. Although it is important to understand that this is only appropriate if your grievances are completely justified. Otherwise, it is possible that your friend is also offended, and, like you, is waiting for initiative from the “offender.”

If my friend gets offended

If your friend is offended by you, then it is important to react correctly. Some people need time to “cool down,” and trying to make peace right away won’t help. Other people “wind up” themselves even more if the conflict is not resolved in a timely manner. Therefore, it will be better if you try to immediately bring your friend to a conversation for reconciliation. If the attempt is unsuccessful, then it makes sense to wait a while.

If I'm to blame for our quarrel

There can only be one option - to apologize to your friend. If you realize your guilt, then there is no point in remaining silent, thinking that over time everything will be forgotten. Some girls are so afraid to admit their mistakes that they would rather be left without a friend, but will not apologize. Perhaps you also hope that everything will be resolved by itself, and by doing so you push your friend away from you even more. Put yourself in her place and think - would you like this behavior!?

If the culprit of the quarrel is a friend

In this case, wait until she realizes her guilt and gets in touch with you. However, as already mentioned, it is very difficult for some girls to admit their own mistakes. Perhaps your friend regrets what she did, but at the same time it is morally difficult for her to call you - she is afraid of your reaction. If you value your friendship, then try to take the first step. Call her and calmly ask her if she thinks you need to talk. Based on her reaction, you will understand whether she has realized her mistakes and whether she needs this friendship as much as you do.

If the guy was the reason

There are nuances here. If we are talking about a guy who is not in a relationship with either of you, then ask your friend to forget about this situation. Of course, if one of you is truly in love with him, then the other one should back off. Are they both in love? Agree to let the guy decide for himself which of you is more interesting to him. Although, this is a very sensitive topic. Girls whose quarrel is caused by a guy are unlikely to have ever been true friends.

If you publicly disgraced or slandered her (she)

It is possible that in this situation the friendship will come to an end. However, it is worth clarifying an important point: you or your friend did this on purpose or it happened by accident. Be that as it may, you should explain yourself to each other.

If your friend doesn't pay back the debt or you owe money

If your friend does not return your money, then assess the situation from the outside or ask her personally why she is doing this. If she really has no opportunity to do this, and at the same time she feels guilty, promising to return everything at the first opportunity - be more lenient with her. If you understand that she simply does not want to return the money, then it is better to forget about such a friend. Do you owe money? Then find a way to repay the debt! You understand that otherwise you can earn a bad reputation, and you are simply acting dishonestly towards the person who once helped you. Are you unable to return the entire amount at once? Invite your friend to return it at least in small parts.

If the reason was inattention or jealousy towards other friends

In this case, a sense of ownership rose up in you. Realize that your friend does not belong to you, and she may well communicate with other girls. If you really care about her, just maintain your friendship, and over time everything will fall into place. It was not you who showed jealousy, but your friend? Treat this with understanding - she is most likely just afraid of losing you. If this person is dear to you, try to give him more attention and time, and the situation will improve.

Features of reconciliation if the friend is to blame

As we have already said, you can only be responsible for your behavior, your words and thoughts. We don’t know what the friend will do and say. Therefore, if you think that she is to blame for the quarrel, but she does not take the first steps towards reconciliation, start from your feelings, thoughts, and the significance of this friendship for you.

If you are suffering because of a quarrel, want to make peace and believe that your relationship has potential, approach the guilty friend first. Tell her about your feelings, arrange a meeting, demonstrate your willingness to compromise. And don’t expect her to fall on her knees in front of you and tearfully beg for forgiveness: in the end, everyone has their own truth. Not to mention the fact that some people basically don’t know how to apologize. If you know that your friend is one of them, and you still love her, perhaps you can feel her regret through some other, non-verbal signs, and still make peace.

How can you apologize to your girlfriend?

Admit your wrongs and mistakes

Having realized your guilt for the conflict, you, of course, should convey this fact to your friend. Don’t expect her to take the first step if you understand that it was you who were wrong in the current situation. If we are talking about real friendship, then your friend is undoubtedly waiting for your initiative and hopes that the relationship will be restored. Choose the best time for a frank conversation. You can call her and invite her to a meeting at a time convenient for her. You can also start with a frank letter in which you admit all your mistakes, tell her what prompted you to commit them, and after that offer to discuss the current situation in a personal meeting. Having realized that you admit that you were wrong, your friend is unlikely to refuse further communication.

Tell your friend that you care about her

An apology alone may not be enough; more precisely, a sincere apology will probably still help you make peace, but it will be much better if you confess to your friend that she is a truly dear person to you. In this way, you will be able to smooth out all the misunderstandings between you, because ordinary apologies will most likely simply return everything to the way it was before, and such confessions will make you even closer.

Remember all the pleasant moments of friendship

Send your friend photos of you together that capture the pleasant moments of your life. Write to her that having come across these pictures, you realized how much you do not want to lose your friendship with her and how dear the memories of spending time together are to you. Most likely, such a message will help you establish a connection with your friend.

Arrange an unexpected surprise

Do you understand that your relationship with your friend is quite strained and you want to fix it? Try to give her an unexpected surprise that she will probably enjoy. You can order a bouquet of her favorite flowers by sending it by courier. Place a note in the bouquet: “Let’s forget about all the differences! You are very dear to me!”, do not forget to add your name at the end of the message. Of course, the text of the note may be different - whatever you consider most appropriate.

You can organize a surprise of a different kind. If you have enough money and soon there will be a musical group in your city that your friend likes, then buy tickets and invite her to the concert. Say that you want your relationship to improve, and propose to start a new page of your friendship with a grandiose event.

Surely, you are well aware of your friend’s tastes and preferences, so if you really want to, it won’t be difficult for you to pleasantly surprise and impress her.

Features of reconciliation if you yourself are to blame

Making peace with your best friend in such a situation is somewhat easier, because here everything depends, first of all, on you. Unless, of course, you yourself are the type of person who would rather jump out of a window than say a simple “Sorry.”

If you are well aware of your guilt, sincerely apologize and offer a constructive way out of the conflict that will minimize the likelihood of the situation repeating in the future. If you find it difficult to ask for forgiveness, try using other phrases to make peace:

"I'm sorry I made you worry."
"I'm sorry that my actions ruined your evening."
“I’ll try not to upset you over little things like that in the future.”
And so on.

In a word, do without “sorry” and “excuse me,” but make it clear that you are aware of your guilt. Here you can use an excellent technique to replace an apology for actions with an apology for the fact that you caused negative emotions. If your action itself was neither black nor white, but your friend was upset, ask for forgiveness precisely because you ruined her mood, and not for the action itself. This way your inner sense of justice will not be infringed.

What to say

You may be confused and don't know what to say to your best friend who you've offended. It is necessary to select the right phrases taking into account your specific situation and level of relationship.

Possible options:

“I’m very sorry that I offended you...”
"Please forgive me…",
"I won't make that mistake again"
“You are very close to me, tell me how we can make peace, I want to regain your trust,”
“After our quarrel, I really miss your communication,”
“Sorry for offending you...”
“Our friendship has been around for years, I don’t want it to end because of stupidity,”
“I’m very lonely without your communication, I really want to make peace.”

The main thing is to speak calmly, in a friendly voice. You must convince that the friendship is very strong and should not be ruined due to disagreements. It is important to try to find a compromise solution. Both sides must speak out and choose options suitable for resolving the current conflict.

What to do if your friend doesn’t even want to talk?

Reasoning about what to say to an offended friend in order to make peace will not help much if she does not want to talk to you at all. In such a situation, the most correct thing to do is:

Leave her alone for a while. Let him cool down, calm down and, perhaps, miss you and your time together.

Write her a message with an approximate text of what you would say to her in person. We have already talked about this above: this is an apology or recognition of the validity of someone else’s point of view, words about feelings for a friend and her importance, a mention of the willingness to make compromises and work on the development of your relationship. At the same time, the message should not be too long and annoying: after all, your friend does not want to talk to you. Therefore, express yourself accurately, but concisely. And limit yourself to one detailed message, and don’t overwhelm her with a bunch of letters, posts or SMSs.
Keep your mouth shut in the company of mutual friends. Under no circumstances should you badmouth your friend behind her back: if she finds out about this, then your friendship will definitely not be saved. Just wait.
Don’t forget to congratulate her on holidays and other significant dates. A quarrel is a quarrel, but celebrations are on schedule. A conflict should not become a reason for you to forget to congratulate her, for example, on her birthday.
After some time, offer to meet and calmly discuss everything. Perhaps your friend herself will not be happy that she was deprived of your company for so long, and you will be able to make peace and resume communication.

How to resolve a conflict over correspondence?

If you can only apologize by correspondence, do not miss this chance.
What should you write to your best friend on VK to make peace? If your friend is far from you and your communication is limited to correspondence, in case of a quarrel you have two options: write a message or remain silent. You should choose one or another option according to the same principle as if you were communicating in real life. If your friend avoids communicating with you, give her some time, and only after that try to invite her to dialogue. You can take a break in the relationship and analyze both your and her feelings and thoughts in order to come to a reasonable compromise.

Quarrel - destroys or strengthens

Reconsider your attitude towards quarrels. Most people perceive them as negative, don't repeat their mistakes. In psychology, this is a release of negative energy that accumulates from time to time when communicating with absolutely any person. If this does not happen, the consequences can be very dire:

depression;
anger, irritation, psychosis, nervous breakdowns;
development of complexes;
termination of communication without explanation.

Therefore, it is much better to throw out all this negativity from time to time, but in portions, restraining yourself within the bounds of decency. It turns out that a quarrel is a release of accumulated tension, and after reconciliation, the relationship will become even stronger. Think along these lines and don’t treat these conflicts as something destructive and negative.

Example from practice. The two girls, college students, had been friends since elementary school and were inseparable. Upon completion of their studies, one of them was going to go to work in her specialty, the second was going to study further at the university in her field (teachers and parents insisted on this). However, a friend dissuaded her from this because she knew that she was doing this to please adults, although she herself had dreamed of a different profession all her life. They constantly had quarrels about this until the relationship broke off forever.

Everything ended well: the second girl realized that her friend discouraged her from going to university not out of envy, but because she wanted a better life for her. Thanks to her support, after college she was able to retrain for the profession in which she saw herself and become successful. This is one example of how a quarrel between best friends carried not a destructive charge, but a positive one. According to statistics, in 85% of cases this happens in women, it’s just that not everyone understands it.

Mediation is the best way to reconcile two friends

Mediation, or mediation, is a tactic used by practicing psychologists to resolve conflict situations. It is used by both company executives who are interested in the result when a conflict arises at work, and parents who are savvy in raising children when their kids quarrel over a toy. It is also suitable for the case we are considering.

Your role as a mediator is to help the two conflicting parties reach mutual understanding and guide them towards finding a constructive solution that will satisfy both. Perhaps one of the girls, or even both, will have to make concessions. Your task is to make them understand that this is not a loss, but specific actions that need to be taken for a high goal, to maintain friendship. After all, the girls have a lot in common, and if they quarrel, one will no longer remind the other how they rocked it at prom, and the second will not say in response that the last New Year’s corporate party was also fun.

There is also an algorithm for the behavior of a mediator in resolving conflicts. So, two friends are sitting opposite each other and are ready to enter into a dialogue. What should the third one do?

Adviсe

While in a calm state, determine for yourself why you are friends with this person, remember his good qualities. Memories of pleasant moments of your friendship should give you courage and determination to take the first step towards reconciliation.
If you want to have a heart-to-heart talk, find a quiet place.
If you decide to write a message, do not blame your friend for what happened. Even if it is his fault, behave with restraint, do not prove that you are right, otherwise the quarrel will only get worse. Reconciliation will be impossible.
During a personal conversation, maintain eye contact.
Be sincere and remain a good listener. Let the friend also share his feelings.
If you notice that your friend is not yet ready for reconciliation, do not put pressure on him. Show your understanding, let him have more time to think about the situation.
Do not let other people know about your problems and relationships with your friend.
During reconciliation, do not raise your voice or reproach your friend.
You should not bend to your friend’s demands and desires if they differ from yours. Even if you are to blame for the quarrel, you do not need to indulge because of the feeling of guilt. It's better to compromise.

Now you know how to make peace with a friend. Sometimes the cause of a quarrel lies in constant tension, an accelerated pace of life, which adds unnecessary aggression and causes a lack of time for normal communication. Remember how dear this person is to you, how important his opinion, presence and communication with him are to you. Restore your friendships and try to avoid situations in the future that could break your friendship.

Should you give a gift as an apology?

People have mixed opinions about gifts. Some say that a gift is an excellent reason to return friendship, while others consider it an imposition of obligation.

There is nothing wrong with the gift itself. It will be especially relevant if there is no serious discord between you. In this case, you can simply show up in front of your friend’s door with her favorite fruits, sweets, wine, a ticket to the show and solemnly wave your hand and a rattling bag through the peephole.

If the quarrel was serious, then the gift will be appropriate only in certain cases:

if it is inexpensive (to eliminate the friend’s feeling of guilt);
if the gift is chosen according to its meaning (according to the friend’s character);
if between you it is permissible to give gifts to each other.

If the above points are taken into account, then a gift may well smooth out some awkwardness. Give something that your friend will definitely like - her favorite lipstick, a fresh bouche, a collection of stickers, a balloon. The main thing is not the price, but your attention and effort!

Remember that a gift itself cannot smooth out rough edges and say unsaid things. It only acts as an accompanying detail, but without constructive dialogue it is impossible to make peace.