Parent-child relationship
From the name it becomes clear that this model is based on the fact that one of the partners behaves like an adult, and the other like a schoolboy. Parent-child marital relationships most often occur in couples where there is a large age difference (10-15 years). Or, for example, between a strong woman who always has everything under control, and a dependent, weak man. Quarrels in such couples arise in two cases:
- The “parent” gets tired of being in charge and keeping everything to himself. Then he begins to make claims to his partner. And he, in turn, does not understand what is happening, because before everything suited everyone.
- The “child” gets tired of being under constant control and care. He strives to become independent. Of course, the second partner does not agree with this state of affairs.
And, in principle, there are a lot of conflicts in marital relationships with this model of behavior. The “parent” constantly fulfills the various whims and demands of the “child”. He, in turn, gets offended if something doesn’t go according to his plan. A strong partner, as a rule, complains that his spouse is weak and spineless. At the same time, he himself constantly controls him, fulfills his whims and directs his life. Sometimes the “parent” does not even understand that he himself is maintaining such a model of relationships.
First of all, you should change your attitude towards the “child”. Do you want him to grow up? So let it happen. Of course, not everything will work out for him at first. The “parent’s” task is to support his partner, but the right to choose should still remain with him. Let him try to prove himself, and you just watch it from the side. Sometimes you really want to give advice and insist that it be listened to. But by doing so, you will only strengthen the parent-child relationship. Believe in your partner. He may well be independent if you deprive him of your care.
If you are in the role of a “child” and feel that you have grown up a long time ago, start acting. First of all, carve out some personal space for yourself. Sign up for courses or educational trainings, get a job, find a hobby you like. You must distance yourself at least a little from the “parent” and show that you are also worth something.
However, don’t do everything too radically. It is worth refusing help, but at the same time consider the interests of other people. Try to find a compromise with your partner so that he does not feel that he is suddenly losing his “child”. Of course, you should talk to your significant other as much as possible. Ask what your loved one really wants, and be sure to tell them about your plans and dreams.
Try not to be offended. His care is a manifestation of love and care for you. At the same time, explain to your other half that you don’t feel like an individual, that you want to develop, that you are ready to “grow up.” And even if the partner is initially against it, over time he will see that next to him is no longer a child, but a real independent person.
The main phases of development of relations between spouses
Man is a child of nature, and in nature everything exists in a certain rhythm. It also exists in relationships between spouses. Even the happiest families go through relationship phases. In psychology, it is customary to distinguish seven phases.
Chemistry of love
In the first phase, the partners are deeply in love. They constantly think about each other, wait for a call and a meeting, and pleasant memories cause a storm of feelings. The initial phase can last up to a year and at this time you should not make serious decisions (cohabitation, marriage), because soon addiction and a period of slight cooling in the relationship sets in.
The first phase of a relationship lasts approximately 8–12 months
Satiation
In the second phase, spouses more often remember not the image of their loved one, but his shortcomings and mistakes, which is why not the most pleasant feelings towards their partner appear. For example, a wife remembers that her husband forgot to fix something, and he criticizes the woman’s culinary abilities. The relationship becomes somewhat indifferent, but at the sight of a partner, feelings flare up again. The phase can last several months or a year.
Satiation is the stage of an even attitude when feelings are pacified
Rejection
We can talk about the onset of the third phase when partners begin to quarrel over trifles and doubt the correctness of their choice. Spouses ask questions: where did the love go and how to get it back. At this phase, their consciousness is completely taken over by a negative attitude. There is a feeling that the partner is doing everything wrong. Husband and wife look at each other through dark glasses. In their opinion, all actions have some kind of evil intent, and then regret about the marriage begins.
If one of the partners does not want to improve the relationship, then the marriage breaks up and the search for a new life partner begins. But the new relationship will also end in the third phase. Unwillingness to move to a new stage of relationships will lead to the fact that a person will spend his whole life looking for the “ideal” person. Some couples return to the first after the third phase. They swear, get offended at each other, stop communicating, and then make up and their old passion and love returns to them. However, such relationships most often end in breakup. Others maintain relationships because of children or an apartment, but such a union can hardly be called marriage.
If the spouses show patience and are ready to accept their partner with all his shortcomings, then they will move on to the next stage. At the same time, it is useful to change something about yourself, for example, update your wardrobe, change your hairstyle, or find a new hobby.
The state of rejection occurs when the “chemistry of love” no longer works
Patience
In the fourth phase, the spouses understand that something needs to change in their relationship. It is necessary to work with your own egoism and see the individuality of your partner. A tolerant attitude towards your loved one will help with this. Quarrels in the couple continue, but they are no longer so large-scale, because the husband and wife already understand that after a quarrel the relationship is restored. You must remember the rule - “if you want to change something, start with yourself.”
Most often, families with children reach this stage.
Service
At this stage, partners see each other as individuals with their own preferences, needs and habits. The virtues of your loved one come to the fore, but the shortcomings in yourself become visible. Spouses stop thinking about what their partner owes me. On the contrary, they want to do something for him. This is how respect is born between a man and a woman.
At the service stage, partners see each other as individuals with their own needs and habits
Respect
At the sixth stage, the spouses begin to have a heart-to-heart talk. They become reliable friends for each other, who can always listen and support. Trust grows between partners, and they easily share their feelings and emotions.
At this stage, the spouses can already have a heart-to-heart talk.
Love
The long-awaited phase of relationships begins for those who have learned patience and mutual understanding. At this stage, the spouses understand each other perfectly, and communication brings them true pleasure. True love arises, which is beyond sexual attraction.
Love is the most long-awaited fruit that has ripened as a result of patience, understanding and care
Codependent relationships
Some people like to act as an altruist. “Just look how selfless I am,” they shout with all their appearance. Such individuals choose partners with certain problems or addictions. And then for many years they struggle with it. With this model of marital relations, not only the “altruist” suffers, but often also the children, who are also forced to struggle with the problems of the second parent. This is an especially difficult case if the partner drinks, is rowdy, or even beats up his family members.
This model of behavior is very similar to the previous one. Only here a person with his own addiction plays the role of a child. He is like a baby and requires constant monitoring and attention. Such relationships are comfortable for only one person. But is this true love?
If you find yourself in such a situation, then you urgently need to reconsider your views on life. Altruistic tendencies are great, but why do they affect only one of your family members, who may not even appreciate it? If you've been trying to cope with your significant other's addiction for years, and she doesn't want to change, then such a relationship is doomed.
Rules for creating functional relationships
Psychologists studying family psychology have developed a number of rules, the observance of which can promptly suppress emerging confrontation. What are they:
- mutual respect, as well as the respect of the partner’s close people;
- attention, gratitude to the partner;
- willingness to compromise and forgive;
- lack of emphasis on the partner’s disadvantages, especially sexually;
- ability to listen and jointly find a compromise solution to a problem.
But following these recommendations is not a guarantee of maintaining a functional relationship. Physical contact plays an important role - a lot can be said through touch. The creation of intimacy in a relationship is facilitated by the presence of common goals and their joint achievement.
“I’ll ask my mom now.”
This model of marital relations is usually associated with the parents of the spouses, who are very fond of giving advice. Interference in family life further fuels conflicts and scandals. Of course, parents worry about their already adult children, but even despite this, they must be able to keep their distance.
Parental advice can often lead to quarrels in the family. And you need to be able to resist them. First of all, there is no need to complain about your significant other. When a mother hears that her child is being bullied, of course, she begins to rush to help. Try to consult with your parents as little as possible on the topic of family relationships, and even more so, you should not involve them in resolving conflicts.
Buddy family model
In such a family, spouses will strive to improve their life and relationships with each other on the basis of common interests and hobbies. Spouses will responsibly and without emotion perceive and carry out household duties and deal with issues of raising children. The main connecting element of a marriage relationship will be common interests and social circles.
In the friendly model of family relationships, the husband or wife is often actively engaged in building a career, trying to achieve the heights of financial well-being, while the second spouse provides a reliable rear. In any case, such a family works as a well-coordinated mechanism, representing a harmoniously formed unit of society.
Tug of War
If both partners are quite ambitious and strong personalities, it can be difficult for them. Each of them wants to take a leading position and prove themselves in family relationships. And what is most interesting is that from the outside it is not always possible to say for sure who is in charge in the family. In fact, in psychology there are two concepts of leadership: hidden and explicit.
And the first one is not always visible from the outside. The hidden leader can be anyone, including the mother-in-law. They can dictate their laws, manipulate and even create problems in marital relationships. At the same time, for example, the husband thinks that he is the head of the family, although in fact he only acts as his mother wants. It is not necessary that the hidden leader will act only for his own benefit. Some families, where a smart mother-in-law or mother-in-law plays this role, are much stronger than those in which there are no hidden leaders at all.
How to understand what is happening in your family and what it needs? First of all, analyze who is the initiator of the “brilliant” ideas. Most likely, this person is the hidden leader. If all issues in your family are resolved through scandals and quarrels, then, most likely, there is no main thing in your family at all. Or, conversely, each family member considers himself a leader. Such a struggle usually drags on for many years until one of the spouses gives up.
The behavior of the wife plays an important role in this matter. Men in 80% of cases always strive to be in charge. And it is easy to understand that this is due to their nature, which is difficult to change. On the other hand, the male brain cannot solve 50% of family issues. This is where his wife should come to his aid, not as the second head of the family, but as a hidden leader.
Peace and silence will reign in such a family. The husband believes that he makes important decisions and is the head of the family. At the same time, in ordinary everyday matters, the wife submits to her husband, does not object to small things and supports his supremacy. When solving important problems, the wife’s task is to present her solution in such a way that the husband thinks that it was his idea. Then it will not hurt his ego, but at the same time the issue will be resolved as quickly and efficiently as possible. This should not be considered meanness or cunning. In many families, it is absolutely normal for the husband to be the “head” and the wife to be the “neck.”
Readiness for family life
When planning to start a family, a couple should have a general understanding of the psychology of family and family relationships. This knowledge will protect you from mistakes in the future and will help you assess your readiness for family life. It is a mistake to assume that puberty is enough for harmonious relationships and creating a family. The psychology of family relationships focuses on three criteria for a couple’s readiness to start a family: physical and mental maturity, social maturity, as well as ethical and psychological readiness for family life together.
Mental maturity implies a person’s ability to self-realize, look soberly at the existing state of affairs, and the ability to find a common language with people around him. Future spouses understand that they will have to share everyday and financial difficulties in half and are ready for mutual assistance.
Social maturity implies having an education, a job, and the ability to support oneself and family.
Psychological readiness implies the presence of common interests, spiritual values, views on raising children and awareness of the concept “WE”. At the same time, the personal “I” of partners should not be infringed.
Understanding the psychology of the relationship between husband and wife in marriage will protect young people from making hasty decisions and rashly entering into an alliance.
Perfect option
The issue of power and leadership in the family is so large-scale that a book could be written about it. But omitting all the nuances and types of marital relationships, one can come to only one important conclusion. In order for peace and tranquility to reign in the family, each partner must have his own piece of power. In other words, his own area in which he can feel important, necessary and competent. It is important to be able to adapt to situational changes and redistribute responsibilities in a timely manner.
Problems related to children and their upbringing
Despite the types of marital relationships, in almost every family conflicts arise that affect the interests of children. Initially, it should be noted that conflicts arise precisely because each parent has their own model of upbringing. And most likely, it has its origins in childhood.
For example, when my wife was little, her parents were too cruel to her. She was not allowed to go out with friends, she was punished for trifles. Even then, as a little girl, she promised herself that she would never be as cruel as her mother. My father had a different situation. Few people did it. He did what he wanted, found himself in various unpleasant situations. And now, having become a father, he decided that his child would be under total control.
So it turns out that one parent is trying to pamper his child, while the other, on the contrary, is trying to keep him within strict limits. But parents are unlikely to understand that such multidirectional upbringing is not suitable for a child.
In order to resolve the conflict, you need to discuss child-rearing models in a calm atmosphere (without the presence of the child). You should understand that your childhood and your baby are absolutely not related to each other. Trying to heal your psychological traumas may cause harm to your child. It is necessary to discuss in advance with your spouse the direction in which your baby will be raised and strictly follow it.
Family counseling
Knowledge and the ability to put into practice the rules discussed and psychological recommendations do not guarantee the preservation of a marriage. In this case, it is necessary to seek professional help.
Joint counseling helps to understand the problem and find a solution. Family psychology provides general information about disagreements that arise in a marriage. But similar difficulties in each family are perceived, assessed, and experienced differently. Many couples without professional psychological support cannot cope with the crisis, despite the presence of feelings for their partner.
IMPORTANT! Informational article! Before use, you should consult a specialist.
Sexual problems
Violation of marital relations can also occur due to misunderstandings in bed. Usually problems begin to arise after 2-3 years of marriage. Quite often, the reason for this is the appearance of children. The young mother is very exhausted with the baby, and there is neither time nor desire for sex. The same goes for my husband. Now he has to work more to provide for his family. Sexual problems can be completely different. But if because of them there is a violation of marital relations, the problem must be urgently resolved. And the most important thing in this matter is not to be shy and speak frankly with your significant other.
Problems of sexual relations in the family: male infertility
Speaking about the role of sex in family life, one cannot help but touch upon such an important issue as the importance of the prostate gland, the “second heart” in the life and health of men. Temperature discomfort in the groin area in childhood after 5-7 years, tight clothing, phimosis (when the foreskin covers the head of the penis), smoking, alcohol, etc. - all these are causes of male infertility. You can often hear that the cause of infertility lies only in the woman, this is not true, unfortunately, men are also to a large extent to blame for this. In addition, a sharply deteriorating environmental situation has a much greater impact on sperm than on eggs, which further leads to decreased sperm activity. With age, after 40 years, the number of damaged or low-value sperm increases, as a result of which children can be born, with rare exceptions, weak, frail, with reduced resistance and with congenital defects such as Down's syndrome.
What is the prostate gland? This is a non-hormonal organ, the main function of which is to produce a secretion that stimulates the functioning of the testicles, in which sperm live after ejaculation. It turns out that in small doses the secretion of the prostate gland stimulates, and in large doses it inhibits the secretion of the testicles. I.M. Porudominsky explains this by saying that during frequent sexual intercourse, a lot of prostate secretion is released along with the ejaculate and only a small amount is absorbed into the blood. Abstinence and decreased sexual activity lead to an increased flow of prostate secretions into the blood, which, in turn, inhibits the activity of the testicles.
The prostate gland is located under the bladder, between the symphysis pubis and the rectum. The urethra passes through the middle of its anterior section, into which its ducts enter. It is the size of a chestnut, and its shape is in the form of two bunches of grapes. The prostate gland, as a delicate organ, can be “offended” by anyone, be it an inflammatory process in the rectum, bladder, constipation, the presence of fecal stones in the ascending part of the large intestine, constant overflow of the bladder due to a sense of false shame for timely removal. emptying, etc. Changes in the prostate gland are a closely related neuro-hormonal process, which involves a complex chain of spinal centers associated with erection and ejaculation.
Functional disorders or inflammation of the prostate gland - prostatitis - is difficulty urinating, defecating, shooting, short-term or constant pain in the perineum, causeless irritability, uncertainty about the possibility of contact, intimacy with a woman, etc.
Adenoma. A careless, frivolous attitude towards such a seemingly small but important organ - the “second heart” of a man - is costly: it is almost impossible to cure it with the means recommended by official medicine (adenoma can only be treated surgically), and this means a loss of joy in life, a decrease in working capacity, impossibility of intimacy with a woman due to pain.
The prostate gland is part of the overall system of the body, and therefore its disease is better to prevent than to treat. You just need to know what the prostate gland does not like: abuse of alcohol, fried, fatty, spicy, salty foods, smoked foods, products made from fine flour, restriction of movements, etc. We can also add that prostate diseases can be treated well without chemical medications medications and surgical interventions while maintaining a healthy lifestyle and following the recommendations of doctors.
Financial difficulties
Here is another common reason why conflicts arise in family relationships. And it’s not even that the spouses earn little. In this case, the problem lies in dominance and leadership. Men often reproach their wives for earning less than them, but at the same time they do not allow them to fully develop and work. Of course, if the wife suddenly begins to earn more, the husband’s leadership may become questionable.
There is a solution to the problem. The whole family needs to be oriented in the other direction. Money should not be the goal. This is just a means to help you survive. In family relationships, love, care, and respect for each other should come first.
When dealing with financial conflicts, try not to get nervous. The calmer and more balanced the tone of at least one of the partners, the less likely it is that a quarrel will break out. Also, try to explain to your partner that in order to earn a lot of money, you need to be strong and resilient. Conflicts, on the contrary, exhaust the nervous system, increase fatigue and provoke depression.
Harmony in marital relationships: how to bring sex back into family life
How to get out of this situation, which almost every family finds itself in? How to bring sex back into family life, overcome disharmony and prolong the period of full-blooded marital activity? Since the level of sexual interest of the partners changes, it means that the spouses must “swap” places in terms of initiative in the marital game. Having cast aside false shame, overcoming natural feminine modesty, the wife should become the initiator of love foreplay, sexual caresses, and the husband should loyally accept them and reciprocate. A wife should not be afraid to appear depraved and sexually unbridled to her husband. Only complete sexual disinhibition, relaxedness, and the desire to give her husband the most subtle and tender pleasure will be rewarded with reciprocal affection. Who said that the age of decline (after 50-60 years) should be deprived of the joy of sensual caress? She, naturally, visits her spouses less often during these years, but in all other respects, intimate intimacy should remain as full and vibrant as in her youth. Here it should be said that, unfortunately, there is a widespread belief among men in the truth of the so-called “Effertz doctrine”, according to which they are allowed 5,400 ejaculations throughout their lives (and this includes masturbation and wet dreams). It turns out that if a man has used up most of this reserve in his youth, he has nothing left for his old age; if he abstains, then he has saved himself. This is completely wrong. There is no strict program for the number of ejaculations for a lifetime for men. The number of ejaculations during a lifetime is variable and depends on many factors: congenital characteristics of the reproductive system, lifestyle, social conditions, etc.
Therefore, in determining the rhythm and frequency of sexual intercourse, a man should not rely on the mythical 5400 ejaculations. Sex in family life determines the voice of nature, the desire-call and capabilities of both partners. A man should be sexually active no less often and no more often than his innate characteristics determine, deviations in one direction or another are undesirable, especially overexertion, for each intimate relationship he must be ready to “ripe,” which women should know about.
Unfortunately, you often hear the opinion that “the less often, the better,” based on the fact that intimate intimacy depletes a person, undermines his vitality, reduces potency, and therefore, if possible, one should abstain from it. Such judgments are also unfounded. Sex is so important in family life that it requires regularity, which is determined by the strength of sexual desire, temperament, health, age and other internal and external factors.
Adultery
The development of marital relationships is impossible to predict. It often happens that the cause of quarrels and conflicts is a mistress or lover. On the one hand, the partner cannot forgive betrayal. On the other hand, he cannot let go of his other half. This is how they live with betrayal for many years. But in order to understand this issue, you need to determine exactly why your partner decided to do this. Yes, there really are people for whom one partner is not enough.
But, contrary to popular belief, only 8% actually are. The reason for other betrayals is constant quarrels and conflicts. When a man does not feel like the main one in the family, he subconsciously begins to look for a woman who recognizes him as such. The same applies to girls. It is important for them to feel beautiful and desired. They need to bloom for someone. When a man is too busy with work and does not pay any attention to it, the lady decides to cheat.
Married relationships do not always go smoothly, but there is no point in going to extreme measures. Try to pay attention to your partner, put him in his place. Does he feel comfortable in your family? To diagnose marital relationships, you can also consult a psychologist. There's no shame in this. On the contrary, several sessions can help you get to know your soulmate better and resolve many issues.
Types of marital relationships
It happens that at the beginning of a marital relationship, people transfer scenarios from their parents’ family into their family, or vice versa, an “anti-script”, but in the process of living together, and going through family crises, spouses change their behavior patterns, thereby moving into other types marital relations.
For clarity, we can give an example: a woman was brought up in a patriarchal family, where the main one is the father, and if she accepts this model, then in her family she will hope that many issues will be resolved by her husband. If her husband was brought up in a matriarchal family where the mother was dominant, and he accepts this, then his expectations will also be aimed at his wife resolving issues herself, and here a conflict of interests arises, each spouse initially expects what his husband cannot give it to him! And often people do not understand this due to age, upbringing or other reasons. Perhaps, over time, they will understand this and begin to rebuild their relationship, or they will figure it out by coming to a family psychologist for help in order to understand the nature of their grievances and dissatisfaction towards their spouse. In this article I would like to educate readers about what types of family relationships there are. Today there are many classifications, the following are close and interesting to me:
Classification of marriage according to Haley - Symmetrical, Complementary, Meta-complementary.
- Symmetric. In such a marriage, both spouses have equal rights and responsibilities to each other and loved ones. None of them is subordinate to the other. All problems that arise are resolved jointly, through an agreement or compromise.
- Complimentary. In such a marriage, one of the spouses dominates, reserves the right to decide everything, and gives orders. The second spouse is a subordinate and carries out orders. And such a union can last until the partner changes and wants more freedom and independence in his life.
- Metacomplementary. In this marriage, the leading role is played by the one who realizes his own goals by emphasizing his weakness, powerlessness, and cleverly manipulates his partner. They often use various imaginary illnesses, their “inability” to take and do something. Such an alliance can last until the partner understands that he is being manipulated, and he wants more freedom and other relationships.
Any of these types of marriage occurs in life, and perhaps many people understand and accept this, live like this, and teach their children one model.
I would also like to introduce readers to some more species that are found in family relationships.
- Closed family. Jealousy, strong feelings and emotions dominate at the beginning of marriage, and both like it. But then comes the “destruction” of relationships through hysteria, cruelty, misunderstanding, and selfishness. “Being jealous means he loves, and hitting him means he loves!”
- Sadomasochistic family, "Oak and Ivy". One “extracts” the strength from the other, one is always “weak, sick,” the other pulls everything on himself. Constant fatigue leads to divorce when people want change and become different.
- Family of wrestlers. The constant struggle to be first, there are no rules of the game, all means are good: humiliation, suppression of each other. It can last for a long time, it gives a “drive” from the struggle, that’s the pleasure. Without respect, there is no future when one gets tired of this struggle - divorce. There is no special love for each other. “I’m always right, I’ll teach you!”
- Independent family type. Where everyone leads their own life, everyone has their own hobbies, pleasures, without suppression from the other. A long relationship is possible, not a family, but simply living together. This is how the French often live.
- With supporters. Strong, sober mutual assistance, based on calm love, respect, responsibility for the partner. Family-friendship. They help each other, without suppression they give each other the opportunity to develop. A good, stable marriage.
- A type of family based on love, with a long period of life (for life). A very rare marriage. According to statistics, only one person out of ten thousand knows how to love. To love is to give, receive, and receive a lot of positive emotions, to rejoice and enjoy, and at the same time preserve it for a long period of life. Love is an extraordinary gift, a talent, few people have it, the rest love for something.
Any marriage can be brought to the better when people become associates and close friends. And they begin to appreciate and understand themselves and the needs of another person. You can even leave the “Oak-Ivy” type of family when a person begins to grow and helps his partner in self-improvement, goes beyond the boundaries, changes, becomes a little different. The family, like a flower, constantly needs care. Watering - attention, tenderness. Fertilizer – help, care. Loosening – new sensations, bringing a “spark” to a relationship.
I have heard the following phrases: “The institution of marriage has outlived its usefulness” - and more often this was said to me by people who were married 3-4 times, and were constantly looking for something, were not happy in their marital relationship, and were always looking for someone to blame for this . Every person has the right to defend different views on family, and I am a supporter of family! And if you have problems in family relationships, then solve them together, together! Being together in a long-term, good relationship means work, joy, and sometimes grief, but it’s still happiness when your most beloved and closest people are with you! Without illusions, you love them and accept them for who they are!
After reading all of the above, I hope every reader will take something interesting and important to note. And I suggest you do a simple exercise to better understand your relationship with your spouse. Take a sheet of paper and divide it into 2 parts. In the first part, write the questions: “What is your relationship based on? What do you expect to receive in your family, and what models and stereotypes are taken from past experience? And what type of marriage do you consider your marriage to be?” Write your answers below in a column. In the second part, write the questions: “What and how can you change in your relationship? What can you and your partner do to improve your relationship? What can you change in your expectations and requirements, what can you agree on with your spouse?” Write your answers below in a column. Next, read the questions and answers out loud. I hope after this exercise, you will understand a little about yourself and your relationships with loved ones.
Understand your strengths and weaknesses, understand and accept all these sides from your partner. Adhere to similar views on life and raising children, have common values, have your own positions and be flexible in making decisions, trust and help each other, engage in self-development and make an equal contribution of each spouse to the family! And it is also important to build your life based on the realities of today, to rejoice, make joint plans, value yourself and respect your loved ones! All these components give good results in marriage, make people happy, stress-resistant and have a positive outlook on the future. A good, reliable rear gives a person great confidence in the future!
Recipe for family happiness
Is there a perfect piece of advice that can help solve marital problems? No, because the characteristics of marital relationships depend on the spouses. What helps in one case will be ineffective in another. It is for this reason that you should not listen too much to the advice of friends. Every person has a certain experience, but is it useful in your case? There is such a possibility, but it is very low. The same applies to advice from relatives. Remember what your parents' marital relationship was like. Are they similar to yours? There will definitely be similarities if you use their relationship model.
Everyone has their own recipe for family happiness. This depends on many factors and in most cases on the characters and views of the partners. There is no need to look for a magic recipe to ensure that marital relationships in the family are impeccable. There is no such thing. Just try to understand and feel your soulmate, then many problems will be solved by themselves.
The main problems of sex in family life: alcohol
When considering the harmony of human relationships, one cannot help but touch upon such an aspect as the use of alcoholic beverages and their impact on the sexual sphere of life. It is widely believed that alcohol is a potentiating agent that enhances sexual function. When drinking alcohol, the emotional sphere is disinhibited and the higher forms of mental control are partially blocked, sexual desire is activated, the level of moral and ethical barriers is reduced, and sexual contacts are facilitated. At the same time, erection and duration of sexual intercourse increase. Thus, the impression is created of the stimulating effect of alcohol, but this impression is deceptive.
Alcohol, like a two-faced Janus, on the one hand, enhances desire, on the other, makes it difficult to realize. Alcohol abuse is one of the main problems of sex in family life. Many men, already in the initial stages of systematic alcohol consumption, at least in small doses (a mug of beer, a glass of wine, 100 ml of vodka, etc.), despite a slight increase in sexual desire, experience a weakening of erection, dulling of voluptuous sensations, difficulty in achieving ejaculation and orgasm, loss of ability to re-act. According to various authors, impotence in men and frigidity in women occurs in 50-80% of systematic alcohol drinkers. Sexual intimacy is the final chord of communication between two souls, the harmony of which is impossible without a preliminary spiritual, psychoerotic attunement.
The rudeness, primitivism and cynicism of an alcoholic in the process of intimacy negatively affects the emotional sphere of a woman, infringes on her dignity, and suppresses the spiritual side of the relationship. Against the backdrop of constant alcohol consumption, personality degradation occurs; Out of disgust and contempt for her husband, the wife develops psychogenic inhibition of sexuality, which, in turn, leads to frigidity. Alcohol is a powerful destructive factor for families. According to various authors, the husband’s drunkenness is the reason for divorces in up to 40% of the total number. The situation is even more dramatic when a woman gets used to alcohol; here personality degradation occurs at a deeper level, and even treatment for alcoholism is more difficult for them. The tragedy also lies in the fact that drunkenness ends disastrously not only for the health of the drinkers, but also for their children, who, as a rule, are born to such parents as mentally retarded, mentally ill, and deformed.
True, sexologists believe that during sexual intercourse, a moderate amount of alcohol will allow you to relax, reduce indecision, help you forget about shyness, and lead to some kind of liberation, but this is the maximum permissible dose for a person weighing 80 kg - half a gram! pure alcohol. Drinking more can lead to fewer love opportunities. Therefore, in this matter everything depends on the measure. Therefore, alcohol should not be considered as a means of improving potency. For many men, it is this substance that leads to impotence, and especially its use in unlimited quantities. By the way, for the information of beer lovers: the hormone contained in beer reduces sexual desire.
Sexologists allow a glass of good wine, and only if you are not planning to conceive a child. This can lead to pathology in the development of the fetus, which is why in the old days newlyweds never drank before their wedding night. Alcohol should not be the rule for sex.
And one more misconception of our men: to maintain male strength, you need to eat meat. By the way, foods containing large amounts of fats and carbohydrates, alcohol and fried foods have the opposite effect on desire and sexual performance - they negatively affect blood circulation, which makes erection difficult. Products that promote love attraction, the so-called aphrodisiacs, have long been known in the world. Here's a tip from Ayurveda: use pumpkin seeds as an aphrodisiac an hour before sexual intercourse by frying (over low heat) a small amount of seeds for 15 minutes with 1 teaspoon of ghee and a pinch of salt.
