Origin of the term
It is believed that the term was introduced by two scientists: Vladimir Mikhailovich Bekhterev and Friedrich Anton Mesmer.
The term was originally used in physics in the 18th century, from where it was borrowed. The word itself is of French origin and means “to return.” The first meaning of the term differed from the modern one, denoting contact between several people, which resulted in a surge of fluids, which, in turn, helped heal the body and restore strength.
Examples of rapport
The close interconnection of people is observed in various spheres of life activity.
To understand the concept of rapport, consider the most common cases:
- Teacher and students
. The latter, as a rule, trust to a greater extent the mentor who has been in contact with them for a long period of time, with whom a close relationship and trusting relationship have previously been formed. - Doctor and patient
. Establishing rapport can improve the effectiveness of treatment therapy, minimize irresponsibility, speed up the recovery of health, and sometimes reduce the dose of pain medications. - Man and woman
. Reliable, constant rapport can improve and establish complex relationships, but its insufficiency can completely destroy even a very strong relationship.
Examples of rapport can be created endlessly.
If you observe people who are in close relationship, you will notice that their movements, breathing rhythm, postures, and other characteristics coincide. It is no secret that as a result of long-term cohabitation, a wife and husband become similar to each other. Some people can easily create rapport with completely random interlocutors. But there are also those who find it difficult to contact people. There is a belief that the ability to quickly find contact is an innate quality. Based on a different opinion, such a useful skill can be mastered and, if necessary, applied in life.
Speech as a means of communication
Areas of application
Currently, the term “rapport” is used in psychology, psychoanalysis, hypnosis, and NLP. These areas of knowledge are associated with the restoration and harmonization of a person’s mental state. Rapport in psychology is the establishment of such contact between people in which they are able to influence each other’s behavior.
Rapport leads to different forms of influence. Thus, in the process of hypnosis, this phenomenon has a unidirectional effect, when the specialist dominates the patient. Psychoanalysis involves two-way contact, during which the psychoanalyst helps the patient solve his problems. The use of rapport in NLP is one of the methods of manipulation, when one partner deliberately creates conditions for establishing trust on the part of the other in order to achieve their own goals.
A striking example of the phenomenon can be called the story “Olesya” by A. I. Kuprin, in which a girl copies her partner’s step, tuning in with him on the same wavelength. The moment contact is made, she stumbles. Her interlocutor stumbles after her. This phenomenon is called rapport in psychology.
Where is rapport used?
Establishing trusting relationships is widely used in psychoanalysis to increase the effectiveness of interaction with the client. It helps remove many of the barriers that prevent him from relaxing during the appointment. In Gestalt therapy, rapport helps a specialist to study a person’s problem deeper and better convey options for solving it.
Separately, it is worth noting the role of rapport in the use of hypnosis. Establishing such contact involves immersing a person in a special sleep, during which a general inhibition of the cerebral cortex is observed. The person stops responding to any stimuli other than the hypnotist’s voice. There is only one source of excitation left for its perception. From a physiological point of view, it is considered as a zone or point of rapport.
Adoption
When using this method, a special role is played by facial expression, tone of voice, manner of speaking, and physical distance between people. The face should show interest in the partner, his problems, and interest in helping. The facial expression should be sincere and open, the tone of voice should be soft and sympathetic. The volume of the voice should correspond to a confidential, calm conversation, without loud notes with attempts at coercion. The distance between partners is considered optimal for achieving friendly interaction when it is slightly greater than arm's length.
Every little detail in the interlocutor’s posture, the position of his hands, and gestures will be important here. All details should express a friendly attitude and a sincere desire to help. In a situation where, as the distance between the interlocutors decreases, the partner moves away, one should not be persistent. With patient use of the remaining elements, the result will be achieved.
Signs of rapport
Have you noticed that people who enjoy mutual communication often use the same words or phrases, dress similarly, or have similar body language? For example, when observing a group of teenagers, you may notice similarities in their clothing, choice of words, and the way they walk or sit. Have you noticed that people who do not have rapport between them demonstrate different postures, gestures, voice intonations, and also avoid eye contact?
The next time you're in a restaurant, for example, take a closer look at the people around you and you'll find that people who enjoy each other's company exhibit similar postures, gestures, and voice intonations.
From the above we can conclude: the more similar you are to another person, the more you like him.
Adjustment through postures and gestures
The method is based on experiments by scientists in which subjects argued among themselves while in identical or mirror positions. As a result, it was concluded that it is difficult for people to argue with someone who is in the same position. Based on this conclusion, a method of physiological adjustment to the interlocutor has been developed, in which the partner’s actions are recorded and copied directly or mirrored.
The main rule here is natural behavior so that the interlocutor does not take such behavior as a mockery and does not move away even more. Those starting to master the technique are advised to start using mirror copying as it is less noticeable. You should copy basic movements, such as head tilt, volume and tone of voice, gradually adding smaller ones. After mastering these points, they move on to achieving rapport in breathing. The technique is considered quite complex, suggesting that you adapt to the breathing rhythm of your interlocutor, thereby entering into resonance with him.
What is rapport?
Rapport translated from French means message, attitude, connection.
Rapport is the basis of all intelligent communication between two or more people - be it communicating with a customer, business negotiations, exchanging information with a co-worker, briefing a subordinate, reporting to a boss, talking with a family member, etc.
Rapport is the creation of an atmosphere of trust, understanding, respect and safety that gives a person the freedom to fully express their thoughts and concerns, knowing that the other person or people will receive it with respect. Rapport does not mean that you have to agree with everything that other people say and do. Rapport involves respecting other people's points of view and their models of the world.
When you enter a state of rapport with another person, you have the opportunity to enter his world and see things from his point of view, touch his feelings, understand the motives of his behavior, thereby harmonizing your relationship with him.
Adjustment through speech and thinking
The method of adjustment through thinking is the most difficult, but the result of this technique is superior to the previous ones. The contact established at the level of thinking remains stable for a long time and does not depend on distance. First of all, the technique requires analyzing the interlocutor and determining his thinking style. There are three types of the latter: auditory, visual and tactile.
To determine this, speech analysis is used for the presence of markers - words that characterize the type of thinking. Thus, the use of words associated with sound speaks of the first type. The use of visual words in speech (for example, bright/brilliant prospects) indicates the same type of thinking. Accordingly, a person with tactile thinking uses words that characterize sensations (for example, firmly confident). Further technique comes down to adapting your speech to the thinking of your interlocutor, introducing the same notes.
In addition to the listed techniques, the following methods of rapport in psychology are distinguished:
- Adjustment on neurological levels, including tuning into the wave of the interlocutor’s values, beliefs, identity and goals.
- Personal adjustment based on the acceptance of the social role of the interlocutor.
- Metaphorical adjustment.
Cross copying and detaching
Cross copying is the copying of some types of human behavior by corresponding other types of behavior. For example, if another person's breathing rhythm is outside your comfortable breathing range, you can copy that person's breathing rhythm with your movements, such as wiggling your foot or finger. Cross copying is useful if you want to establish rapport with someone who is depressed and unwilling to deal with it.
Disconnecting is a useful skill to master. Sometimes the rapport with another person is so strong that you can make a decision under the influence of that person. In this case, you need to break the rapport to think about the situation alone. To do this, you need to disconnect. This can be done in various ways. You can break eye contact by looking at your watch or brushing imaginary fluff off your arm. If you are both sitting, you can stand up. Disconnection can also be caused by using your voice, speaking faster or louder, or using predicates that your interlocutor does not use.
Metaphorical method
The metaphorical method is very interesting and unusual. He offers one of the metaphors: relative, bridge and lotus. The essence of the method with the “relative” metaphor is to imagine the interlocutor in the role of a close relative and communicate with him in the same way. Taking on the role of a relative will not allow insincerity and pretense to appear, building trust and emotional contact with the interlocutor.
The “bridge” metaphor is expressed in the visualization of a beautiful bridge between the chests of the interlocutors. Along this bridge, during visualization, you should imagine how the partners move towards each other and have a friendly conversation.
The lotus is also associated with visualization. The flower is represented as blooming in the chest and enveloping all interlocutors with its fragrance.
In addition to all of the above, there are various mixed models that affect certain qualities of the interlocutor and copy them in the behavior of the partner to achieve the goal.
Contact through empathy
Another, less common and more complex form of establishing rapport is achieving empathy with the interlocutor. It is usually developed through many years of experience and is characteristic of high-level specialists:
- doctors who can influence the emotions of patients;
- teachers who can force themselves to listen;
- managers who wisely manage the team;
- politicians or scientists whose speeches are remembered;
- artists whose performances penetrate the soul.
Naturally, they master this method within the limits of their competence, but they often use this skill in everyday life. This skill is acquired by penetrating a person’s emotional state. The interlocutor turns out to be defenseless in front of him, so some teachers or doctors can hurt painfully and cause severe mental trauma. And politicians and artists have to convince their viewers of what is “ordered” by employers and mislead the people.
Empathy is knowledge of human problems, in response to which a person opens up and helplessly awaits their solution by a stronger, wiser, more competent subject. This level is deeper than trust. And anything can happen here.
For example, when a doctor announces a patient's diagnosis, he can encourage him, instill hope, or create humility. And sometimes it can deprive you of hope and even lead to suicide.
The same goes for teachers who have unlimited access to the hearts and minds of their students. The teacher knows that the student wants to get an excellent, good or satisfactory mark and avoids failure. Knowing these basic things makes him practically omnipotent. But if you don’t scare students with marks, the manipulation mechanism stops working.
The list of examples can be continued almost endlessly. It will also include such precedents as gypsy hypnosis, occult influence and the curse of an evil old woman. It is also used by medical scammers, intimidating their victims with fictitious consequences of fictitious diagnoses. The same technique is adopted by “black realtors” and other unscrupulous persons.
That is, a method is just a method. In itself it is neither bad nor good, the main question is how it was used.
Purposes of using rapport
The importance of rapport in psychology is quite great, since friendly emotional contact largely influences human behavior.
Not everyone will want to become psychoanalysts, who need rapport from a professional point of view. But this phenomenon helps not only in psychology, but also in any other field that involves interaction with people.
If a person does not want to be a manipulator, then one should not refuse to know the details of establishing rapport, because no one guarantees that others will not want to make him an object of manipulation. Knowledge of the mechanisms will allow you to understand the interlocutor’s intentions in time.
Rapport in psychology is also used for a person to work with himself, to accept himself, to realize his own goals. In a situation of low self-esteem and a conflictual attitude towards the world, it is advised to start a metaphorical rapport in relation to yourself and the world, thus tuning into a feeling of unity with everything around you.
NLP. Rapport and adjustment
How to inspire trust and achieve understanding when communicating with people.
I'll explain in Russian.
This material can be used for both educational and educational purposes.
Relationships between people are based on psychological mechanisms that have been developed over centuries, the knowledge of which allows you to manage the process.
You started communicating with another person.
His attitude towards you and what you say can be described by two groups of criteria:
- Confidence.
- Attention.
- Agreement.
- Openness.
- Willingness to learn.
- Astonishment.
- Joy.
- Adoption.
- Doubt.
- Distraction.
- Dispute.
- Stealth.
- Desire to teach.
- Contempt.
- Fear.
- Rejection.
Obviously, we want to communicate with people who fit the first category.
Sometimes we meet them, sometimes others.
Before studying NLP, we said in both cases something like this - well, that’s the kind of person he is, what can we do / and that’s great.
In other words, we thought that his attitude towards us depended on some circumstances in the world around him, and we had almost no influence on it.
We came across a client from the second category - he was like, what can we do?
Or, there was a person who was always in communication with us from the first category, but today he somehow moved more into the second. Well, apparently he's having that kind of day.
We didn't control it in any way. Although I don't insist.
Let us allow ourselves a small digression into neurophysiology.
Our brain is simply strewn with special cells called mirror neurons.
What are they mirroring?
Scientists have found that these neurons began to appear in monkeys at the time when they began to use simple tools.
For example, a stone that can be used to crack nuts.
Unlike the ability to climb trees, move around, grab fruit, peel and eat it, hide from predators, feed a baby, wielding a stone is not an innate skill that has been used by hundreds of generations of ancestors.
In order to learn this from another, you need to exactly repeat his behavior.
And here mirror neurons come to the rescue. They allow you to copy behavior during the learning process.
Today, human mirror neurons have two more functions:
- Empathy is the ability to feel what is happening to another person.
When a loved one is upset, you not only understand it, but in some cases you feel upset.
- Guessing intentions is the ability to understand, based on certain elements of behavior, what a person will do next.
If he is next to a pile of firewood and grabs an ax, he will most likely chop it down.
Thus, the work of mirror neurons is associated with learning, copying and understanding another person.
It is also important to say that most of these neurons are turned off, otherwise we will uncontrollably feel all the time what those around us feel and repeat after them. This means that mirror neurons can turn on and off.
Now let's return to our friends from the two columns.
Each person has a unique model of the world.
This is a set of rules and laws of this world with which a person agrees and believes in their truth.
In NLP this is called a map.
The map contains everything we know and think about ourselves, other people and the world in which we live.
One person's map is very different from another's. But they also have similarities.
One of them likes to walk in cloudy weather, the other does not.
But both believe in life on Mars.
It turns out that if we start communicating with a person, and in the first minutes we somehow present similar sections of the map to each other, then our states begin to tend to the criteria from the first category.
If we saw differences, elements of the second appear.
The complex of states and conditions of perception described in the first column is called Rapport.
Experienced psychotherapists intuitively came to the conclusion that they should not count on chance, and when communicating with the client they began to demonstrate similarities in the cards.
And this caused rapport.
Watching them, the creators of NLP noticed this trick and carefully studied this process.
The process of deliberately demonstrating similarity with the interlocutor is called tuning.
If you adapt to your interlocutor, rapport will set in, and he will begin to trust us, agree, and accept some of our ideas in the future, even if he previously denied them.
He will begin to show interest in us and our ideas, he will be surprised and delighted by the things we tell him, and he will be ready to expand his map - to learn something from us.
You have cases in the past when you heard from a trusted person something like - in fact... And after that you began to believe that it was so.
The fact is that all processes in our brain are bidirectional.
If we are having fun, we smile.
If we smile on purpose, after a while we will feel happy.
This is the trick that professionals use.
If a person learns from us, and his mirror neurons are active in relation to us, he copies us.
If we copy a person, then for his subconscious it makes no difference whether we copy him or he copies us. There is a fact of similarity that causes the triggering of mirror neurons and all related events. Rapport arises.
Great news. All we have to do is figure out how to adapt, and we’re on top. When communicating with any interlocutor, his state of trust or distrust now depends on our behavior.
You can adapt to behavior, or you can adapt to speech. Let's look at the main types of adjustments.
- Adjustment to body position.
If your interlocutor sits cross-legged and you also cross your legs, this is an adjustment.
This must be done unnoticed. Therefore I give a recommendation.
Change your body position the moment you start speaking.
It looks natural. Verbal activity appeared, and activity in the body also appeared.
If he is standing with his arm resting on the table, do the same and it will be an adjustment.
- Adjustment to voice.
You can adjust the speed, volume and height.
The most important adjustment is the speed of the voice. And it’s easier to control than height.
The fact is that our speech is the brain’s translation of internal images, sounds and feelings into words. Each person carries out this process at his own usual speed. Some are faster, some are slower. And this is reflected in the speed of the voice.
If you speak to a person faster, he does not have time to translate your words into images, sounds and feelings. If you speak more slowly, he becomes stressed by waiting too much for information. And if you speak at his speed, you not only demonstrate the similarity to his subconscious, thereby adapting, you also facilitate the process of his understanding, which causes positive emotions.
Moreover, the fast voice automatically becomes louder, and the slow voice becomes quieter, which provides adjustment to the volume.
If the voice is fast, sit upright or lean back in a chair; if it is slow, rest your elbows on your hips. This will make it easier to control the speed.
- Adjustment to perceptual systems.
This adjustment requires the development of a skill, switching to one of the perception systems.
Visual, auditory or sensory.
If your interlocutor speaks, pay attention to how clear the idea is.
I see we can agree - he clearly prefers to draw more information from the visual system. And if we know how to switch to visual perception and transmit information through visual speech, we adapt.
Or he says - I feel that this is a compelling argument. We should try to work together - this is sensual speech.
It is important not to start using words from another system in speech; it is important to switch yourself to the state of such perception of the world.
- Adjustment to beliefs.
When a person says, buckwheat porridge is not tasty. He expresses his conviction.
If we agree with him, it will be an adjustment.
Below I will describe how you can express consent in different ways.
— The weather today is so-so.
- Agree.
At the same time, try to behave as if you honestly agree with the interlocutor. Both in emotions and in voice acting.
- Adjustment to goals.
When a person states that he wants or desires something, we may approve of it, and then we will adjust.
- I want a house on the seashore!
“It’s a wonderful wish, I can imagine what a pleasure it is to live like this.”
The important thing is to show not that you like this goal, but that you want it too.
- Adjusting to the problem.
If the interlocutor talks about his problems, and we share that this is a problem, that it is really unpleasant or bad, we adapt.
— There have been fewer clients in the last month...
- This is definitely a problem. I have been in such situations myself and I understand you.
Don't just use adjustments like - great, good.
- Adjusting to objections.
It happens that a person expresses disagreement with our ideas or proposals.
We, of course, can prove to him that we are right, but before that we have to agree, then we will adjust.
“It seems to me that as you said here, we won’t succeed.”
“If I were you, I would react the same way.” I understand you perfectly.
The reaction after adjustment is usually followed by an argument that defeats this objection.
- But I have excellent experience, which tells me that with me you will succeed in everything.
- Adjustment to hobbies and interests.
People collect stamps, enjoy sports, cross-knit or walk in the park every day.
If a person has a hobby and we have the same one, we will accommodate by declaring it.
— Walking for an hour in the park every day is wonderful!
- Who would doubt that. Naturally this is so.
If you do not understand the issue well, you should not say that you are doing the same thing.
After a minute of talking about this, you will begin to feel lost from lack of information.
- Adjustment to values.
Family, friendship, love, self-development, self-realization, communication, comfort, health - these are our values.
Some are more important to us at a certain period of life, some are less important.
If we were able to identify the important values of the interlocutor, we can show that this is important to us too. And it will be a powerful adjustment.
“I would continue to talk with you, but I have to go to the kindergarten to pick up the child.”
- Children, despite all the difficulties, what happiness it is!
Identifying priority values is not a two-phrase process. A person can report the presence of children, but you still need to find out how he feels about this fact.
It is important to understand that adjustments should not take you out of a comfortable state.
Otherwise, you will ruin everything, including your mood and the result of communication.
If your interlocutor's legs are twisted in the way you can only twist them in yoga classes, you shouldn't do it.
That's why we have a whole arsenal of adjustments to choose those that are easiest to reproduce.
If it doesn’t work out based on your voice, adjust based on your beliefs and body position.
Now about what methods of speech adjustment exist, which we use in paragraphs 4–9
- Positive ratings.
Good, excellent, wonderful, true, great, great, yes, right, exactly, ...
— We are already working with a similar company.
- Wonderful. Let me tell you what unique things we can offer.
- Transition to the position of the interlocutor.
I understand you, I agree, if I were you I would think/say/feel/do the same.
- It is expensive.
- Agree. And I will now explain to you why.
- Similar situation.
The general idea is this: this happened to me.
- So today I was pestered with calls from advertisements.
- Oh, I recently had such a situation. 5 times in one day different companies came to the office and offered insurance.
It is important that in this adjustment strategy we actually select a similar situation, and not the exact same one. If they called him, they came to us. If it has advertising, we have insurance.
- Repeat.
We repeat the key phrase that the person said.
- It is expensive!
- It’s expensive... [thoughtfully, as if this was an internal dialogue accidentally spilling out]
or
- I don't like the appearance.
- Soooo, you don’t like the appearance... [intonation of stating a fact, as if reminding yourself]
Of course, there are more ways to adapt in NLP.
You can adapt to your emotional state, although not with all emotions—it’s just mirroring. It can be to meta-programs, it can be to an archetype, it can be to the pitch and volume of the voice, to habitual strategies, to bodily signals, to the environment, to the leader of the group...
But, during training, you can switch to the state of an aikido master, who first reacts with acceptance to every step of the opponent, and then uses his behavior to perform the technique.
You will feel the desire to agree with the person and hear absolutely everything he says.
You will feel grateful that he is not silent, but gives you material to influence himself.
When this starts to happen to you, the techniques described above will be more than enough to establish rapport.
The adjustment is based on the idea that the map is not the territory.
That each of us may have a different perception than another, and that difference in perception does not indicate right or wrong.
Both people play successfully in their own way in life, but their cards differ in many ways.
When we think this way about others, we respect their thoughts, ideas and strategies.
And we simply cannot say no when they say something that goes beyond the boundaries of our map.
We say - great!
And then, when rapport is established, we take the person to another reality.
I wish you success in mastering the strategies of geniuses in practice.
Acceptance technique
This method of achieving rapport is often adopted by psychologists as an aid in relaxing the patient, establishing a confidential dialogue with him, and subsequently accepting help from a specialist. But its use is not limited to such cases. It can find application and be very useful in such areas as: child-parent relationships, romantic feelings, friendship.
The technique of acceptance, of course, is applicable as a way of influencing another person, but the effectiveness in this case will leave much to be desired. But its timely use will allow you to find contact with a person, establish reliable contact based on sympathy, and subsequently apply deeper methods of influence.
In order to achieve rapport using the technique of acceptance, three important elements will need to be applied:
- facial expression;
- voice characteristics;
- distance between interlocutors.
Practical recommendations
To establish rapport in psychology, you need to choose the right adjustment method.
The latter depends significantly on the initial proximity of the participants, the situation and the communication tasks. The personalities involved in rapport also play a significant role. Each method has its own disadvantages and advantages. To achieve the desired result, it is sometimes necessary to use several adjustment methods or a combination of them.
It’s interesting how difficult it is for the average person (without innate communication skills) to learn to establish rapport to achieve certain goals. Please share your experience!
Mozhaeva Taisiya Nov 29, 2019
