Admit it, at least once you have peeked at your neighbors through the peephole. Each of us knows when they return from work and on what days guests come to them. But why are we so interested?
Hélène Leye, a philosophy teacher, psychoanalyst and author of the book “The Neighborhood,” argues that if a person were absolutely indifferent to what was happening before his eyes, it would be very strange.
According to her, neighbors are very close people. Since a person has eyes and ears, it is normal to peep at them. However, why are many people interested in the lives of people they don’t know?
Who is a sapiosexual?
Marriam-Webster English Dictionary
This word refers to a person who is
“sexually attracted to people with high intelligence
.
” Of course, we all love smart guys or girls. But sapiosexuals consider intelligence to be the main criterion for attractiveness and will not date people they consider “stupid.” You could say they are aroused by the other person's mind. Urban
Dictionary of English slang gives a more detailed explanation of the new word: A sapiosexual is
“ someone who considers another person’s thoughts to be a more attractive aspect of their personality than their physical characteristics
.
Sapiosexual comes from the Latin word "sapien"
, which means wise or prudent.
The word first appeared on dating apps OkCupid
and
Sapio
, which give users the option to define their sexual orientation as sapiosexual. And just recently, the famous British musician Mark Ronson admitted that he is a sapiosexual. The word, which began as a joke, has become incredibly popular, and more and more people are joining this group.
You could say it's something between sexual orientation and a fetish
. If you find talking about literature or science incredibly attractive, you might be one of them. But do sapiosexuals really only value human intelligence? Of course not. They love a sense of humor, kindness and good looks. Physical attractiveness is as important to them as it is to other people. But although they are attracted to other personality traits, intelligence is the most important quality they look for in their partners. It’s quite possible that you love smart blondes or tall nerds. However, it is very common for sapiosexuals to date other sapiosexuals because they are attracted to each other's intelligence.
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This explains why Medhi admits with a half-smile that from time to time she looks out the windows of a nearby hotel, hoping to see a pretty girl.
And, according to Hélène Leilleux, there is no doubt about gender or social status: the closer we are, the more we will spy on our neighbors.
Controversies
Attractiveness
is the most mysterious and obscure area of human behavior.
It has been practically unexplored by scientists. No one can answer the question: what makes another person likable? And although we tend to believe that there are “universal” standards of beauty, different people find different personality traits or appearance attractive. Very often we cannot understand what we find in another person. But we must admit, attractiveness is rarely limited only to physical features
. We choose our soulmate based on many criteria, and appearance is only one of them. Scientists have yet to figure out this mysterious problem. But it looks like the new term is here to stay. Today it is fashionable to be an intellectual. Perhaps this is further evidence that traditional ideas about attractiveness are becoming a thing of the past, and we are beginning to value a person's intelligence. We are also talking more and more openly about sexuality. And of course, this influenced our ideas of attractiveness.
At the same time, the new word has many critics who believe that this term cannot be considered a “real” sexual orientation
.
Other people believe that the word simply does not fit into the binary gender system
that we are accustomed to.
Some critics of the new term believe that using intelligence as a criterion for attractiveness could create problems in the future
.
Finally, many scientists believe that it is impossible to name the criteria for a “smart” person. Sapiosexuals date people they consider "smart." And for many people, the new trend looks like a declaration of their own superiority. Therefore, they are very often considered snobs. Of course, few people can enjoy intellectual superiority. But we must admit, there have always been people who valued intelligence above other qualities. This is not just a fashion of the moment or a new dating trend. We can find many examples of similar behavior in culture. For example, Jason Schwartzman's character from the film Rushmore Academy
(1998). Obviously, Max Fischer is attracted not by his appearance, but by the possibility of intellectual communication.
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My neighbor looks like me, but not exactly
From his kitchen, Vincent sees a giant screen in the house next door. He says that the guy who lives there watches something every day. And the man tries to guess what every night. This is his little evening ritual!
In modern cities, everyone wonders how others live in this common environment, in this area, in an apartment similar to ours. So close and so far. It happens that in two adjacent rooms, diametrically opposed realities are hidden.
This applies, for example, to Matthew and his neighbor below. One time, a neighbor came up to Matthew because he and his friend were making too much noise, and the young people tried to convince him that they had nothing against him. According to Matthew, the man in his eyes looked different from everyone else. Out of curiosity, they typed his name into a Google search and discovered his blog with articles. It turns out that the neighbor was filming a movie! Now Matthew, simply out of curiosity, continues to observe whether he has new works.
Hélène Leye explains that this is all a mystery of the human condition. A neighbor sometimes thinks he has been caught watching through a peephole. And there is only one thought in my head: “For what reason is someone so much like me and at the same time completely unknown?” And the search begins for differences, why one person’s life turned out this way and a neighbor’s life turned out completely differently. Even if they live so close.
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That is why there is also some hatred in this observation. Because everyone wants everyone to be just like him, but at the same time feels irritated when this is the case.
They love serious conversations
Talking about the weather or Miley Cyrus's new album is not suitable for sapiosexuals. And small talk makes them bored. They love serious conversations and intelligent interlocutors. Science, literature and politics
- these are their favorite topics. Moreover, such conversations literally “turn them on.” They adore people who share unusual thoughts and are always ready to carry on a conversation. They are attracted to people with an unusual view of the world who are not shy about sharing their ideas. You can say that they are ready to talk for hours if they are interested in the topic. Or they immediately become silent when it comes to things that are not interesting to them.
They love to study
Such people are offended by everything that broadens their horizons. Staying at home and watching a new documentary about the structure of the universe is the best entertainment
. They love everything that allows them to learn and develop. And of course, they love people who value knowledge. You can meet such people in Chinese or calligraphy courses. For them, knowledge is the fuel that is needed for the functioning of the mind. They are obsessed with new knowledge and quickly get carried away by unusual and interesting theories. The best way to attract such a person is to tell about a new scientific discovery or invite you to a lecture on physics.
They are attracted to interesting thoughts
For them, the way of thinking is the most attractive thing in a person. Such people look for partners with an unusual view of things.
They look for people with whom they always have something to talk about. They often pay attention to a person's intelligence than to their appearance. Of course, appearance is important, but nothing can replace an interesting conversation. They find smart people exciting and inspiring. Their main characters are famous scientists and writers about whom they know almost everything. And of course, they cannot imagine a life partner who does not possess these qualities.
Neighbors know they're being watched
Without realizing it, neighbors stimulate human curiosity. They provoke other people to watch them. It's like they have a serious secret and want to hide it. It seems that this is a whole detective story, like in the stories of Arthur Conan Doyle. No one is going to kill anyone, but everyone expects the neighbors to put on a real show.
A man named Anais told Helen a story. When he was younger, he would go out onto the balcony to listen to his neighbors, who were always talking by the window. They were real gossips and told each other all the secrets of the residents of this house. Then he returned to the apartment and reported all the details to his parents.
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They hate grammatical errors
They hate grammatical errors and incorrect emphasis on words.
And of course, they stay away from people who cannot speak or write correctly. They are attracted to people who can speak beautifully and correctly. A rich vocabulary is what can attract such a person. They love to read and know a lot of foreign words. In addition, they do not hesitate to make comments if other people make a mistake. Such people react very painfully to slips of the tongue or errors in texts.
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But do people like to be in a different role?
It is worth noting that the people themselves, who often sin by spying on the lives of other families through windows with the lights on, do not like to be in the role of those being watched. They carefully take care of their own privacy, not forgetting that home is a fortress.
Such individuals treat the safety of their home with great trepidation: they prefer thick curtains or roller blinds, install good double-glazed windows and very rarely buy apartments on the lower floors.
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They are good listeners
But you shouldn’t think that such people always want to be the center of attention. They appreciate interesting interlocutors and know how to listen carefully. They love
interlocutors who can teach them something and broaden their horizons.
They are fascinated and fascinated by people who say exciting things. They love interesting storytellers and always strive for them. Such people can spend hours listening to an interesting lecturer or a person with an unusual view of the world. Unusual ideas attract and fascinate them. You may notice that such people are often silent and listen carefully. For them, this is another way to get to know their significant other better.
Psychologists' opinion
According to psychologists, the habit of looking at other people's windows with the lights on is typical for people who lack home warmth and family comfort.
Very often, young girls whose personal lives are not yet settled, and older people who spend most of their time alone have this tendency. Looking through someone's window, they subconsciously dream of warmth and communication, which they so lack. As for young people, many representatives of this group of society are often busy building a career and looking for their place in the sun, but the subconscious, wanting the warmth of home, involuntarily forces a passerby to glance at the window in which the light is burning, in order to at least look at how someone else lives family.
Human nature is designed in such a way that people love to look at what they themselves do not have and what they want to get. So, for example, a single woman will watch the life of her family with interest, and a person dreaming of a new renovation or other housing will look at the interiors of other people's apartments.
They love to argue
Such people are not afraid to challenge themselves in debates and boldly participate in all disputes. At the same time, a sapiosexual is not afraid of defeat and is ready to admit his own mistake, because “the truth is most important.” Arguing is a favorite pastime of sapiosexuals.
They believe that the only way to get to know another person is through conversation. You can meet such people in discussion clubs. And of course, they value oratory skills. For them, a dispute is not a fight or even a rivalry. They need to argue in order to better understand other people.
Boredom
Some people who abuse peeping into the windows of other people's apartments admit that they do it out of boredom. For example, one woman admitted that every evening she goes out to walk her dog and watches the windows of other residents of the house, appreciating the renovation of the rooms, the beauty of the chandeliers and other little things.
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They love to quote
Such a person always has quotes for any occasion in life.
The sapiosexual will bombard you with quotes from books and movies. They are attracted to unusual ideas. And of course, such people love to collect paradoxical thoughts of famous writers or scientists.
Sapiosexuals are considered pretentious and arrogant, but they can be excellent communicators and listeners. They know how to support any conversation and please you with an inspiring quote from your favorite book. Such people can be wonderful companions if you are on the same page. They know how to value other people's feelings and ideas, which is extremely rare. Of course, sometimes their snobbery can be a little annoying. But they understand their soulmate perfectly and always know how to behave. Many people consider them arrogant and pretentious. However, it's nice to see that people are increasingly interested in feelings, and not just appearance.
