How to understand that a man is using you and how to use a man yourself

Many women are offended at themselves, at life, at a man if he starts using her. But if a man doesn’t use a woman enough, then she also gets offended by him. This is a vicious circle from which there seems to be no way out.

But in reality everything is much simpler. Men by nature can, know how and want to use women. But they don’t know how, don’t want and can’t.

But there is a certain category of women who use men, and they are usually called “bitch” or “bitch.” This topic will not be very interesting to them, so let's talk about those women whom men use in every possible way, and figure out where their legs come from.

How to determine if a man loves or uses: 12 signs

A man can use his lady for a variety of purposes:

Available sex.
Cash assistance.
Her connections in the community.
Opportunity to advance your career.
Household amenities (when a man lives in his partner’s apartment or she takes on all the housework and turns into a free housekeeper).

How can you tell if your man loves or uses you? It is extremely important to determine this, and as early as possible. This will allow you not to waste your precious time and energy on an individual who does not value you at all, but only plays with your feelings.

Does he use it?

Of course, every man has his own character, temperament and knowledge of the rules of etiquette. However, there is a general tendency of behavior by which one can determine whether a man is loving or using.

Let's list 12 main signs that a man does not love, but uses:

Indifference to your problems. If a man prefers to date you only when everything is good in your life, and refuses you help and support when you need it, this is a clear sign that he is not interested in your difficulties and problems, that the man does not love, but uses. The person you care about will always help you and be there in difficult times.
Sudden disappearances and equally sudden returns. The gentleman disappears from your life without warning, does not answer your calls and messages, and then a few days later, as if nothing had happened, appears again. At the same time, he finds a lot of good reasons to justify his behavior. And he may even be offended if you suddenly start reproaching him. If such disappearances of a man are regular, think about whether you need such an unreliable person.
Failure to keep promises. The gentleman promises you mountains of gold, but does not fulfill even the simplest obligations. He is simply deceiving you, as they say, “hanging noodles on your ears.” Such a person cannot be trusted, and it is unlikely that it will be possible to build a normal relationship with him.
A man does not hide his bad mood and irritability in your presence. Of course, situations are different, and in every person’s life there is a difficult period when you don’t have the strength to pretend that you are having fun. However, if a man on dates is always in a critical mood and does not try to hide his irritation, then he doesn’t care how you feel about it and what you think about it. Some girls explain the rudeness of their loved one by his fatigue. However, you should not be deceived about this - a man does not love, but uses you for his own purposes.
Reluctance to introduce you to their friends. If a man needs a woman only for certain purposes (for example, for sex), he will keep his distance and will not introduce her to the circle of people dear to him. For what? After all, he doesn’t need a close relationship with her. You shouldn’t justify this circumstance by saying that you haven’t been dating for very long. It doesn't take long for a man to decide how much he likes a woman to let her into his life.
Persistent calls for sex. Did your courtship period end very quickly? The young man has stopped showing signs of attention, but is only too persistently hinting at bed? This means that he is only interested in you sexually, he does not love you, but uses you. And how you spend your time together can also tell about such an attitude. How often do you go out with your admirer? Do you go to the cinema, to exhibitions, to cafes? Or do you spend all your free time only at home in bed?

Calls for sex
Flirt with other girls. The man is not shy about flirting with other young ladies in the presence of his passion, and his pages on social networks are full of messages from numerous online girlfriends. In response to your comments, he declares that he is a free person, and there is nothing reprehensible in his behavior. In fact, he simply doesn’t care how you feel and how unpleasant it is for you.
Constant financial difficulties. If a man uses you for mercantile purposes, he will regularly ask you to top up your phone account, pay for dinner in a cafe, or borrow small (or large) amounts of money. He will come up with a variety of reasons: he forgot his card at home, his salary was delayed at the company, his car broke down and the money was spent on repairing it, and the like. Check your boyfriend - refuse to pay for him. If in response he begins to get irritated, then this means that the man does not love, but uses.
Extremely busy. The young man meets with you only on weekdays, and on weekends he refuses to meet with you under the pretext of having many things to do. There is reason to think seriously here. It is likely that a man only dates you when he has nothing more interesting planned. And he spends his weekends at various entertainment events, where he feels good without you. Another sad reason is possible - your boyfriend is married and spends weekends with his wife and children.
Reluctance to leave you on their territory. Did you stay overnight at your man's house? Or does he immediately send you home after sex? This is a serious reason to doubt the sincerity of his feelings. After all, a man only allows a person in whom he is completely confident to spend the night in his house.

Is this love
Secrecy and excessive secrecy . The young man is surrounded by various secrets and riddles. He doesn’t say anything about himself, and when asked the most innocent questions about work or his family, he clearly avoids answering and moves the conversation to another topic. If he receives a call on his mobile phone in your presence, he looks to see who is calling, but does not answer. A worthy man, committed to a serious relationship, will not hide anything from his beloved.
Indifferent attitude towards your desires and preferences. Think about how often you choose to watch a movie together that it is he who wants to watch, and not you. Or you order dishes in a restaurant that he likes, not you. If the situation is familiar, it means that the man does not love, but uses you, and he is indifferent to you. A loving person will definitely try to remember what wine or type of ice cream you like, what kind of relationship you have with your colleagues, what project you are currently working on. But if a man meets you only for the purpose of using you, then he will not bother his head with such things and be interested in what is important to you.

He does this out of love for you

Yes, this is the most ideal option. When your man wants you to do what you love. He may see more potential in you than you do and be open about it.

Not because he feels bad or you nag him, or he wants you to provide for the family. In this case, the work does not involve plowing - only creative realization.

He doesn't think about whether a woman should work. Such a man thinks how it will be better for her. If you have so much energy and ideas, why stay at home? Go to work that fulfills you!

A man loves or uses: how can you tell by his behavior?

In addition to the main signs listed, there are also less obvious behavioral features that indicate that a man is not striving for a serious relationship. After reading, we hope that it will become clearer to you whether a man loves or uses you.

He doesn't plan your future together. Talking about future life plans irritates him. If you have been dating for quite a long time, but have not moved forward in your relationship, then most likely you are a temporary option for him.
Uncivil behavior . The gentleman does not pay attention to his manners and speech: he uses swear words, does not consider it necessary to offer a hand, open the door for you, or help you take off your coat. These are all signs that the man is not even trying to look better in your eyes. This means he is not interested in your relationship. When a man is interested in a woman, he shows gallantry and tries to demonstrate his best sides. A loving person will not be shy about showing his feelings towards you. Even in the company of friends and relatives, he will look at you with tenderness and show signs of attention.
Preaching "free love". A man dates and sometimes even lives with a woman for a long time, but refuses to formalize the relationship. The arguments he gives are very different: “the stamp doesn’t change anything,” “times are different now,” “love doesn’t need official confirmation,” “we already love each other,” etc. In fact, such a specimen simply settled comfortably, receiving regular sex and female attention without any responsibility on his part. He believes that you can live with a girl for many years and it is not at all necessary to marry her, and when you get tired of it, you can easily and simply break up with her.

Analyze behavior

Indifference to your interests. This can be determined by his behavior: when you start talking about yourself, about your work or about what is important to you, the gentleman begins to get bored or moves the conversation to another topic. This means that he will never be interested in what you want or whether you are comfortable in a relationship with him. A loving man will not think only about his own well-being. He will always take care of whether his woman is comfortable, how she feels and what needs to be done to please her.
Greed. A man who cares about his lady spares no expense on her: he buys flowers, cute trinkets, takes her to a cafe or theater. But if he does not want to spend his money on you, then it is likely that he does not consider the relationship with you as long-term.

If you notice warning signs in your boyfriend's behavior, assess the situation soberly. Do not tolerate disdainful attitudes toward yourself. Evaluate not the fan’s beautiful speeches, but his actions. They are the ones who demonstrate how your man treats you - whether he loves you or uses you.

Communication at work

Housewives often suffer from a lack of communication. The main interlocutor of such women is their husband. When a man comes home from work, his wife, who has been waiting for him all day, begins to ask how her husband’s day went, telling in detail all the events that happened to her. At this time, after a working day, the husband usually wants to be quiet and relax a little. If both spouses have recently returned from the office, they are in approximately the same emotional state, and they do not have to explain to each other that silence after work is dictated by fatigue, and not indifference.

A husband loves or uses his wife: how to understand?

Often a woman herself, at a certain stage of a relationship, takes on a large burden of responsibilities. Over time, her husband begins to take this for granted, stops appreciating her efforts and uses her to the fullest. At the same time, he himself does not want to make any important decisions, do anything for the family, or take responsibility. A man gets used to the fact that his wife does all these things for him.

In a harmonious relationship, a woman and a man invest strength and energy equally. But if only one party invests in the relationship, then we are talking about use.

Even my husband can use it

The main signs that a man does not love, but uses:

Manipulation , when a spouse uses blackmail or threats to get what they want. And the wife is forced to do what her husband wants. It is important to understand that it is not the manipulation itself that is dangerous, but what it is with the help of this manipulation that the man is trying to impose on the woman.
Alternating periods of indifferent and cold attitudes with warm and gentle ones. At the same time, sometimes a man explains what exactly he was offended by, and sometimes he does not consider it necessary to do this. The wife begins to be at a loss and is very worried. And the husband simply plays with his wife’s feelings so that she always feels guilty and pleases him. The use in this case is that a woman, being in a state of anticipation of a “warm” period, tries to improve the relationship by fulfilling the whims of her half.
Treating your spouse like property. Her husband demands an account of everything from her, takes away her salary, and does not allow her to communicate with her friends. Believe me, the point here is not that he loves and is jealous of his half. It’s just that such a man is sure that his wife is obliged to fulfill exclusively his desires and whims.
Constant baseless criticism. This is a sure way to lower a woman's self-esteem. Often a man uses this method to assert himself at the expense of his wife, to feel smarter and more talented compared to her. And also in order to impose on a woman her own life concepts and principles (especially if she does not initially share them).
Reluctance to work . There are two possible options here. In the first case, the man simply does not work or regularly changes jobs (he often quits, cannot find a job in his specialty, etc.) and sits on his wife’s neck. In the second case, he works in the simplest and easiest job possible, where he earns pennies, and does not want to learn something new in order to take a better-paid position.

Doesn't want to work or help

Lack of help. A man firmly believes that a woman's job is to wash, clean and feed her husband. He doesn’t help his wife around the house, doesn’t go shopping, doesn’t pick her up from work. He's just using her as a servant. A loving man will never refuse to help his wife with housework: clean the apartment, go grocery shopping, wash the dishes.

I dream of taking care of only my home and family, but how will this affect my relationship with my husband?

You want to try to stay at home, and your family’s financial resources allow this. However, is it worth it - will your husband understand you ?

Of course, I don’t know your husband personally, and I can’t predict his reaction! There are husbands who can respond to their wife’s desire not to work with a categorical “no.”

However, if the “no” is not categorical, and you understand that your husband may well agree to your proposal? Then I advise you to try it !

Surely the husband will see that his wife is no longer tortured, tired and irritable, and at home he is greeted by a delicious dinner and passionate sex with his wife, who missed her during the day! And if, moreover, you do not lose a wide range of interests and do not stop caring for yourself , this will probably strengthen your marriage, and your husband will not begin to consider his non-working wife just a “borscht cook”!

Why does a man not love, but use a woman?

Women's psychology is very different from men's. For the most part, ladies are firmly convinced that when you love a person, you cannot use him. And they mistakenly believe that men think the same way. However, the male sex by nature wants, and most importantly, knows how to use the weaker sex.

Both parties involved in the relationship are responsible for the relationship. It's a shame to realize, but if a man uses you, it means you yourself allowed him to do so. Perhaps you simply are not aware of exactly how you are sending the message to your partner to use you.

A man may behave differently

Several main reasons why a woman allows a man to use her:

A woman cannot defend her own boundaries due to low self-esteem.
The lady shows too clearly how much she depends on the relationship with her partner.
A woman who has been alone for a long time craves personal happiness so much that she often agrees to relationships in which the man does not even understand whether he loves or uses her.
The young lady endows her beloved with qualities that are not entirely inherent to him. Then she begins to believe in what she has invented for herself, and clings to relationships that are sometimes painful for her.

The listed female types try with all their might to fulfill all the whims of their partner, hoping to tie him more tightly to themselves. Men see this and willingly accept the rules of the game. After all, it’s impossible to use a woman who doesn’t need you.

However, living with a person who does not love you, but uses you, does not bring anything good. Sooner or later you will realize that years have passed, but you have not seen happiness.

Don't let yourself be used

What to do to prevent a man from using you:

Measure exactly what you give in a relationship and demand something in return from the man. Don't believe promises. He must do this now, and not in the distant and unclear future.
Never lend money to a man or pay for him anywhere.
Value yourself. If there is something you are not happy with in your relationship, clearly and clearly explain to your man what exactly it is. Perhaps he will think about it and the situation will change.
Don't always be available to him. Abstain from sex from time to time and see how your boyfriend reacts to it.

Think about it and be honest with yourself. Are you comfortable in your relationship with your partner? Do you feel happy? If you cannot answer positively, then it’s time to change something in your life. Sometimes loneliness is a much better option than a toxic relationship.

Does he love you?
If you find out that a man does not love you, but is only using you , then no matter how difficult it may be for you, it is better to break up with him. And the sooner you make this decision, the faster and easier you will get through the breakup. Believe me, you will find the strength to move on, and you will definitely meet your true love.

It benefits him

This topic applies to all the men you should avoid, but one has latched onto your life.

Alphonse, beggars, mama's boys - they are used to living at the expense of a woman. In addition to basic self-affirmation, they provide for themselves very well in this way.

Such people are always admired by your dedication to your work, your workaholism, they often voice that a woman is able to do more and work better than a man, due to her nature or something else.

And they find a million arguments in their favor. You need to jump off this hook. There are several options.

First: you like to suffer dramatically and publicly about what a scoundrel he is and does nothing while “you are everything to him.” A convenient way to attract attention to yourself and provoke others to pity.

And somewhere deep down in your soul you understand that you feel satisfaction in this situation, so you don’t change anything.

Another option is self-esteem. This is a version of the female victim. She does not consider herself worthy of male care, guardianship, and provision.

If such a man comes into your life, it’s time to WORK on your self-esteem.