What is shyness and 6 ways to get rid of it

People are divided into two categories: they are shy either in front of themselves or in front of the public

Shy people are divided into two types: those who are shy about themselves, and those who are shy in front of people around them.
According to research by Paul Pilkons, the former are more concerned with how to avoid unpleasant sensations, the latter - with how to avoid wrong actions. Personality researchers are convinced that shyness is hereditary, just like intelligence or height. For example, scientist Raymond Cattell is confident that a person’s personality can be determined by his answers to test questions, which are then compared with the answers of parents or children.

Who is a shy person?

A shy person is someone who is uncomfortable communicating with other people, does not like meetings, parties, is secretive, prefers loneliness, and often has low self-confidence and fear of a certain group of people.

Such traits as seriousness, modesty and restraint are often inherent. They are positively assessed by other people. They also tend to select loved ones more carefully, which forms a reliable circle of partners and friends.

Shy people are good at making important decisions because they have time to think things through alone. But everything else leaves negative imprints: on relationships, communication and in life in general. According to statistics, 85% of such people want to free themselves from annoying feelings, there are such ways.

The Nature of Shyness

To the question: “why are we shy?” Different experts put forward different answers:

• Personality researchers (such as Raymond Cattell) believe that shyness is heritable, just like intelligence or height. The modern version of the theory of innate shyness belongs to Raymond Cattell. He is confident that an individual's personality is made up of a set of basic qualities that can be determined by systematically analyzing a person's answers to test questions. The answers are correlated, then they are compared with the answers of the parents or children, and thus it becomes clear whether the trait is “inherited” or not.

In a moment of embarrassment

Excitement from embarrassment can come suddenly. It manifests itself in rapid heartbeat, tremors of the limbs, and wet palms. A person’s thoughts become confused, he gets lost, and begins to have trouble navigating the situation. This behavior occurs due to the intense anxiety that shy people experience when interacting with strangers or speaking in public.

Nervous tension prevents a person from behaving adequately and answering questions. In a moment of embarrassment, you need to behave correctly in order to calm anxiety and begin normal communication. To do this, 3 techniques are used:

• breath;
• abstraction;
• switching attention.

Breath

Proper breathing will help you relax and stop being nervous. To do this, at the moment of an unpleasant and exciting situation, you need to inhale deeply and exhale slowly through your nose. Take your time; during exercise, breathing should be even and calm. It is important to inhale and exhale 10 times to completely relieve nervous tension and come to your senses.

Abstraction

During times of extreme shyness, you can mentally escape the situation by hiding in a safe place. Imagine yourself where you feel protected: home or favorite vacation spot.

Another way is through games. Mentally stay close to the potential threat, but imagine yourself under a magical cloak that will protect you from danger. This will help you calm down and feel confident.

Switching attention

At the moment of excitement, think not about the object that causes panic, but about those details that will help reduce anxiety. If a person is causing you concern, then turn your attention to the details of his clothing and accessories. You can start to look at your surroundings.

Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .

When concentrating on distracted objects, tension will subside, breathing will level out, and your hands will stop shaking.

Visualization

When communicating with a group of people or speaking in public, a feeling of anxiety arises. This happens due to the unknown reaction of others. To reduce anxiety, you should mentally imagine the possible emotions of your failure. They are not as scary as they seemed at first.

Visualization helps the communication process. It is necessary to work out in detail the behavior and topics of conversation. There will be much less anxiety when meeting.

Shy men voted best lovers

Experts from the University of California conducted a study in which 252 children took part; their development was monitored from birth (1928) to adulthood. And the experiment showed that girls are more shy than boys. Moreover, if girls are the first children in the family, then they are more shy than girls who are younger children. In first-born boys, shyness disappeared by the age of 14.

Women experience more pleasure from intimacy with men who behave shyly and are considered modest. According to a study by scientists, such gentlemen show more attention and affection towards their partner than “walking testosterones”.

How to get rid of shyness

It should be remembered that isolation is not a vice. Young girls are much more attractive when they have a blush on their cheeks and a slightly trembling voice. However, if such a feature prevents you from fully existing, you need to get rid of it.

Method No. 1. Chat with strangers

1. In most cases, people become shy well in advance of interacting with strangers. Such behavior is wrong, because you cannot baptize your children with these people.
2. Accept invitations from friends to attend all kinds of parties, concerts, and cinemas. Make it a habit to meet at least 2 new people a month.
3. At first, you can smooth things out by making friends through social networks. Start with VKontakte or Odnoklassniki, then make an appointment yourself when you're ready.
4. Go out into the world more often. Visit crowded cafes and restaurants, crowded places. Stand in line, pay utilities, communicate.
5. Engage in solving pressing issues on your own. This applies more to visiting authorities and other serious offices (passport office, housing and communal services, tax office, etc.).

Method No. 2. Find new friends

1. Visit social groups or join forums where people share their doubts. Find someone who has the same problem. Discuss the topic with him: “How to overcome shyness.”
2. It is also recommended to find a person using the “nasty” method. It is important that a new acquaintance does not have complexes and shyness. Such a person will constantly pull you out of your comfort zone. This will promote emancipation.
3. Every person comes into your life for a reason. Choose your social circle so that it includes people from all social groups. Of course, you shouldn’t get involved in crime.
4. If possible, communicate only with successful people. Create an idol for yourself, follow his path. Don't be afraid of your own mistakes, they are required for experience.

how to stop being shy about girls

Method No. 3. Do daring things

1. Analyze your life. Highlight actions that you could not decide on for a long time. Have you been planning to jump with a rope or parachute for a long time? Go for it!
2. Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, take a closer look at motorized vehicles. People on two-wheeled iron horses look bold and confident. Study for category “A”, buy a sports bike and equipment.
3. Actions that can overcome shyness include participation in television programs (in particular, extras), beauty contests and other public appearances. Expressing your thoughts to the public will liberate you, the main thing is to prepare thoroughly.
4. If you're a girl, wear an extravagant petite top or high heels. Reconsider your image, dye your hair a bright shade. Visit a fetish party, attend a charity event, or become a volunteer.
5. People who have long-term sympathy for the opposite sex should ask the person on a date. Take courage and dare, live for today.
6. In all of these actions, it is important to know when to stop. Don’t jump right off the bat, think about your own safety and morale. Don’t run into trouble, carefully plan and predict all your actions.

Method number 4. Gain confidence in yourself

1. In most cases, people become shy due to complexes that appear over the years or stem from childhood. To get rid of shyness, it is necessary to eliminate uncertainty in all possible ways.
2. If you don't feel comfortable because the weight class is over the top, go for it. Join the gym, get rid of cellulite, go on a diet. Buy clothes that hide imperfections.
3. Reconsider your image. Get a new haircut, change your hair color, go for a manicure and pedicure. Take a make-up course, find “your” cosmetics, and don’t go out without makeup.
4. Get rid of the "junk". This includes old clothes with pilling and elongated knees, shabby shoes and bags, old jackets. Replace every discarded item with a new, more stylish and unusual one.
5. Assess your capabilities regarding your current profession, develop in your career, and increase your earnings. Try to communicate with people who have already achieved heights. Find out their secrets of success and share your own experience.
6. Love motivates you to do more, find a gentleman or life partner. Dress up for the sake of your loved one, make each other happy. A stable personal life adds confidence.

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Method No. 5. Describe yourself

1. Prepare a notebook and write down your positive aspects in it. Be sure to check not only about mental and physical abilities, but also external data.
2. For example, you can write that you are positive, brave, successful. It is advisable to clarify the ability to achieve goals and objectives, responsive character, kindness.
3. If you are experiencing difficulties regarding your characteristics, contact your relatives or friends. Draw up a psychological portrait together.
4. You need to indicate as many positive qualities as possible. Number them for clarity. Hang the list on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror. Re-read every morning and believe in what you wrote.
5. It is important to remember forever that a person is made up of his own thoughts and beliefs. Think about yourself in a positive way, never doubt your own capabilities.

Method number 6. Develop materially and spiritually

1. In the near future, you need to communicate more with diverse people. This method will improve your communication skills and relieve you of shyness.
2. To become an interesting conversationalist, develop spiritually. Read books, attend seminars on personal growth. Study your social circle, remove those who drag you down.
3. Money plays a big role in the modern world. People who say otherwise are deeply mistaken. With the help of finances, you can provide yourself with a decent life, travel, and be confident in the future.
4. Isn't this what eradicates shyness?! Look for a more profitable profession or ways to earn additional income. Never stop. Make it a habit to raise your salary by at least 10% per month. At the same time, learn to postpone.
5. If you don't yet know what you want to become, it's time to correct the situation. Analyze what you are most drawn to. Perhaps to mathematics, art or other creativity? Do you like to work with your hands or your head? Mold yourself based on this.

Method No. 7. Play sports

1. Decent physical fitness improves self-esteem and morale. Many people visit gyms, so it is often impossible to do without contact with them. Don’t be shy, ask how to use certain exercise machines. Look for new acquaintances.
2. Agree with your friends that you will lose 5 kg. and pump up your buttocks, abs, and arms. Limit yourself to specific limits. Start running, jumping rope, squats.
3. You don’t have to spend exorbitant amounts of money on a subscription. Enjoy summer and winter sports without spending your hard earned money.
4. If you still decide to visit specific sections, consider Pilates, water aerobics, stretching, yoga, dancing of all types, kickboxing, cross-fit.
5. In clubs you will be taught to behave in a relaxed manner. The trainer will tell you how to get rid of shyness and will do everything to ensure that you achieve your goals. Particularly shy people should contact a professional instructor in a particular sport.

Method No. 8. Make your loved ones happy

1. Learn to give joy to your relatives and close friends. In return, they will show you gratitude and give you compliments. In this simple way, you will gain confidence and stop doubting yourself.
2. Stop conflicts, do not harbor anger and resentment. They will eat you from the inside. Communicate with people politely, give tenderness and love to those who deserve it.
3. For your own peace of mind, keep a calendar. Indicate in it significant dates, birthdays of your friends and relatives. It is important to understand that without social communication a person fades.

Identify the causes of shyness and eradicate them in a short time. Constantly work on yourself, don't stop there. Find passive income, climb the career ladder. Reconsider your wardrobe and your overall image. Play sports, look for new circles of acquaintances, travel. Take the initiative in communicating with friends, improve your personal life, make your loved ones happy.

how to meet a girl if you're shy

Internet and new information technologies as a cause of shyness

The widespread, extensive and frequent use of the fruits of high technology leads to the fact that people see and communicate in person less and less. It is much easier to send an SMS or e-mail than to even make a call. Psychologists and scientists claim that listening to portable digital players, SMS, email, MMS, social networks have become the cause of an epidemic of shyness.

Psychologist and science commentator at Harvard Business School Robin Abrahams says it's all to do with technology and the Internet. In the past, only 40% of respondents complained that they felt shy and awkward in communication and social situations. And now this figure has increased to 60%. This especially affected Japan, and least of all Israel.

Human psychology is built on certain postulates. For example, the less we do something, the less we want it, the easier the method or type of something, the faster we get used to it, but in the future it becomes more difficult to return to the old way than usual. Society is changing and developing so rapidly that it becomes more and more difficult to navigate every day. Technology gives us the ability to cut out unnecessary meetings and avoid difficult interpersonal situations, and people are becoming increasingly detached.

Ways to fight

Shyness appears in childhood during the period of socialization. Therefore, it is easiest to prevent the development of this condition at this time. Parents must raise their child correctly. Need to:

• do not compare with other children;
• encourage initiatives;
• do not scold for minor offenses;
• praise for actions;
• do not criticize mental and external shortcomings.

With such upbringing, it is important not to spoil the child. It is necessary to explain in accessible language what to do in a given situation in order to avoid mistakes. The example of parents is an important component of the learning process. The child must understand that he is no worse than others, there is nothing to be afraid of when communicating with others.

If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .

There are ways for introverts to stop being silent, shy, and mature.

Read more about how to stop being silent →

These include:

1. New image. Changing your style helps you feel more confident. The main thing is that the person feels comfortable in it.
2. Let go of the past. Shyness may be based on childhood grievances and conflicts. In adulthood, you need to return to them again, carefully comprehend and let go.
3. Acting courses. Acting classes will help you become more confident and overcome your inhibitions. They will teach you not to be afraid of speaking in public.

These methods will reduce the manifestation of shyness. The main thing is to realize that timidity prevents you from living fully.

Read more about how to get rid of shyness →

What to give up

Improper behavior can aggravate shyness. You should be wary of:

1. Excessive self-criticism. You can't be too hard on yourself.
2. Parties. Trying to eliminate shyness by visiting these places may end in failure. You will be even more uncomfortable there.
3. Alcohol. Timid people think that alcoholic drinks help them become more confident. They relax only temporarily, dulling the senses. Frequent use leads to alcoholism.

The above must be approached with caution. They are unable to help in situations of excessive timidity.

Interesting! Shyness can be the reason for success. This is due to the fact that a shy person is constantly improving himself and trying to overcome his fears.

Shyness and birth order

A study conducted by University of California researchers showed that girls are more shy than boys. If girls are the first children in the family, then they are more shy than girls who are younger children. In first-born boys, greater shyness compared to younger brothers was noted only up to the age of 7; in subsequent years, the connection between shyness and birth order was not traced, and by the age of 14, shyness in boys disappeared. The study involved 252 children, and their development was monitored from birth (1928) to adulthood[3].

Is shyness modesty or cowardice?

When we talk about fears associated with shyness, another definition logically comes up - cowardice. Perhaps this is another factor that depresses painfully shy people; they consider themselves cowardly, but we should not forget that this definition is traditionally associated with condemnation, censure and is not justified by any circumstances.

If we select synonyms for the word “shyness,” then cowardice should probably be excluded from the list. This is an incorrect comparison of two apparently similar conditions. More appropriate synonyms are excessive modesty, shyness, awkward timidity. But what about cowardice?

Many shy people are quite capable of heroic deeds, of true courage. These are the fruits of a complex process in which a timid person makes a universal effort not to succumb to his weakness to such an extent that he forbids himself to leave the house at all. Even if the result is invisible to others, these efforts cannot be devalued.

Salvation for the modest - alcohol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mayaktv

For shy people, alcohol helps with communication and relieves mild stress. Therefore, having a drink or two on Friday in the company of, for example, colleagues, is a salvation for such people. To confirm this thesis, French psychologists from Pierre Mendes-France University went to a bar where they asked 19 drinkers (two-thirds of whom were men) to rate their own attractiveness on a seven-point scale. At the same time, scientists checked blood alcohol levels. The answers were predictable: the more a person drank, the more irresistible he considered himself.

Psychosomatic manifestations

If we consider timidity as a psychological problem, and not as a reprehensible defect, then we can get rid of one of the main reasons for this phenomenon. Getting rid of judgment is half the solution to the problem that is shyness. In psychology, this is considered one of the fundamental techniques when a value judgment addressed to a patient is absolutely unacceptable. However, in addition to psychological problems, a painfully shy person also has more pressing ones, namely psychosomatics.

If, due to shyness, profuse sweating, tremors of the limbs, disorientation in space and breathing problems begin, then we are talking about serious psychosomatic signals. Of course, it is worth ruling out the presence of a physical disease that gives the above symptoms, but everything in the body is interconnected. No wonder they say that all diseases are caused by nerves.

Psychosomatic manifestations block the path to salvation from timidity, and they must be fought to the best of one’s strength and ability. If the psychologist is unable to provide assistance, then the next step will be a referral to a psychiatrist who will prescribe a mild sedative. Of course, this dulls attention, but it also prevents you from worrying too much.

How shyness manifests itself, common signs:

• desire to avoid contact with people, reluctance to engage in conversation with strangers;
• the person tries not to look into the eyes of the interlocutor, is afraid to meet his gaze;
• embarrassment occurs when you need to start a conversation or maintain a conversation;
• Such a person is much more comfortable in solitude, it does not burden him;
• Shy people give short answers to questions and speak quietly;
• there are difficulties in the love front, the person is embarrassed to even approach;
• at the physiological level: sweating, heart palpitations, increased heart rate, and reddened skin may occur.

How does the condition arise and manifest?

Most people suffer from a disorder due to too low self-esteem and the inability to behave relaxed and at ease among others. As a rule, a person tries to find a way to overcome shyness and self-doubt, since such a condition causes certain discomfort and life problems. There is also a downside to such a harmless disorder - it can very easily develop into neuroses and severe depression.

Training

When a person enters an acting school, difficult challenges await him. On instructions from his teacher, he is forced to approach strangers and tell them complete nonsense. At first he feels ashamed and uncomfortable, but then it greatly helps him feel more relaxed on stage. This test can be transferred to our lives. Of course, you don't need to make an idiot of yourself and humiliate yourself in front of people. It is enough to simply ask passers-by for directions or time. In fact, it’s not so easy, especially when in front of you is a “cool guy” in his Mercedes.

You can also try to always take the initiative into your own hands. If you are in a company and need to resolve any issue, take it upon yourself . Talk on the phone, order a service, show the way. The more often you communicate with strangers, the faster you will get rid of shyness.