Psychophysiology: Dissatisfaction with life. Can't stand treatment?

And there seems to be no particular need to run to psychologists. This is not even depression, which needs to be fought sparing no effort and resources. This is quite a variant of the norm. Only a little less bright than we would like. A little more nervous. It’s not that I’m not happy with something specific, but somehow I’m just periodically sad for an unknown reason. Something inside itches, aches and asks for something unknown. Where does this constant dissatisfaction with life and dissatisfaction with oneself come from? Most likely, somewhere we are preventing ourselves from enjoying life, cutting off the oxygen to our own song. And the subconscious signals us about this. So far it is quiet and faintly visible. But if you ignore it, it can, of course, make more noise. Let's deal with him while the case is not yet started

Dissatisfaction is a sure sign that it’s time to change something. Gerard Butler

Are you missing something?

How many needs can a person have?
The classic of psychology Abraham Maslow once identified five groups: physiological, the need for safety, social, the need for respect and self-expression. When some are successfully completed, others make themselves known. Perhaps the mind is quite satisfied with prosperity and professional demand, but the soul asks for more spiritual communication? Or do creative abilities do not want to stand idle and require implementation? Listen more closely to your desires. You can even remember childhood fantasies. What might you be sorely missing right now from the point of view of that thoughtful girl? Maybe you desperately dreamed: “When I grow up, no one will limit me anymore - I can go to Africa to look at live wild giraffes!”, but you never realized this great idea?

Preface to the fourth edition

17 years have passed since the publication of the first monograph in the USSR and Russia by famous specialists - doctor Edmond Georgievich Eidemiller and psychologist Viktoras Justitskis “Family Psychotherapy” (L.: Medicine, 1990) and 8 years after the publication of the second revised and expanded edition entitled “Psychology and family psychotherapy" (St. Petersburg: Peter, 1999).

During this time, radical changes, both positive and negative, took place in the life of our country: the Soviet Union collapsed, a “parade of sovereignties” took place; some people gained wealth and were able to realize themselves; others became beggars; and many thousands of children became orphans and street children. Every family in Russia has gone through a crisis, from which some families emerged transformed, with new family rules, a renewed structure of family roles, while others lost what little they owned.

In Chinese, the word "crisis" is made up of two characters: one meaning destruction and the other meaning hope. This fully applies to all spheres of life in our society, including medicine. 1990 was a turning point in the development of domestic psychotherapy: in conditions of increasing demand among the population for psychological and psychotherapeutic services, many specialists - psychotherapists, psychologists, psychiatrists - began to discover methods that almost no one had previously mastered in Russia.

We are talking about different models of group psychotherapy, analytical psychodrama, gestalt therapy, cognitive behavioral psychotherapy, including neurolinguistic programming. From that moment on, in the curricula of postgraduate education in psychotherapy, carried out at the course of child and adolescent psychotherapy, and starting from July 2, 2002 - at the Department of Child Psychiatry, Psychotherapy and Medical Psychology of the St. Petersburg Medical Academy of Postgraduate Education of the Russian Health Service (SPbMAPO Rossdravda), cycles of thematic improvement in family psychology and psychotherapy, which immediately became popular among doctors and psychologists.

The authors of “Psychology and Psychotherapy of the Family” - the fourth, expanded and revised edition of previous books - retained the commonwealth, as a result of which this monograph was written.

The formation of E. G. Eidemiller as a scientist and psychiatrist took place under the guidance of famous psychiatrists D. S. Ozeretskovsky, V. K. Smirnov and A. E. Lichko, thanks to whom his own professional style was formed, characterized by high demands on himself and desire explore related areas - psychiatry, psychotherapy and medical psychology in the ontogenetic aspect. Subsequently, he improved himself as a psychotherapist and teacher in the department of neuroses and psychotherapy of the Institute named after. V. M. Bekhterev and at the Department of Psychotherapy of LenGIDUV - SPBMAPO Roszdrav under our scientific leadership.

Currently, Professor, Doctor of Medical Sciences E. G. Eidemiller heads the department of child psychiatry, psychotherapy and medical psychology of St. Petersburg Medical Academy of Postgraduate Education, and is a major authority in the field of group and family psychotherapy, psychotherapy and medical psychology of children, adolescents and adults.

On July 2, 2007, the staff of the department celebrated its five-year anniversary, in connection with which we congratulate all employees and wish them creative success.

V. Justitskis began his career as a sociologist, and later worked as a psychologist, dealing with psychological correction of delinquent behavior of adolescents. For many years he was a psychologist in a juvenile correctional facility. V. Justitskis has undergone multiple internships at the Institute. V. M. Bekhterev, collaborated with Professor A. E. Lichko. Developed a number of original methods of psychological research. Currently, V. Justitskis is a professor at the Department of Psychology, Faculty of Social Policy, University. Mykolas Romeris (Lithuania), known throughout the world as a leading specialist in the field of legal psychology and victimology.

“Psychology and Psychotherapy of the Family” covers all the diversity of the psychology of family relationships. The book describes in detail the so-called “horizontal and vertical stressors” in family life, “the stages and mechanisms of pathologizing family inheritance.” The last term is new to psychological and psychotherapeutic literature and was introduced by the authors.

The monograph exhaustively covers the main directions of family psychotherapy: psychodynamic, systemic, structural and strategic, behavioral and eclectic. The authors paid much attention to covering postmodern methods of family psychotherapy, including the original model of analytical-systemic family psychotherapy developed by E. G. Eidemiller and N. V. Alexandrova. But the most important thing is that the authors widely use their practical material: clinical examples, transcripts and video recordings of psychotherapy sessions. They developed new psychological tests and modified a number of previous psychological research techniques. In particular, they created a new projective test “Age. Floor. Role" for the study of gender-role identity in children, adolescents and adults.

Finally, I would like to note that E. G. Eidemiller illustrated the main phases of the family life cycle with his original drawings.

All of the above allows us to consider that the monograph “Psychology and Psychotherapy of the Family” is a major contribution to the development of psychotherapy in Russia.

B. D. KARVASARSKY,

Professor, Doctor of Medical Sciences, Honored Scientist of the Russian Federation,

Head of the Federal Scientific and Methodological Center for Psychotherapy and Medical Psychology of the Ministry of Health of the Russian Federation,

Head of the Department of Neuroses and Psychotherapy, St. Petersburg Psychoneurological Research Institute named after. V. M. Bekhtereva

You 'need it most'

Your requirements for yourself and for life are significantly inflated, and with the implementation of each point they are inflated higher and higher.
You, like that famous cartoon character, will always and in any conditions “not be enough!” Any imperfection sincerely upsets you, and again and again you strive to storm the peaks - and try to drag your neighbors along with you. Psychologists call this phenomenon the beautiful word “perfectionism” and unanimously warn that it can ruin life thoroughly if it is not tamed. After all, perfection is truly not observed in nature. And if you sacrifice all human joys and weaknesses to this mythical deity, then you will not achieve your goal (after all, it will forever remain somewhere at the zenith), and you will forget how to enjoy life. Well, you also torment your neighbors with eternal nagging. Until this happens, it is necessary to instill a realistic approach, forgive the tautology, to reality!

Comparisons haunt you

Why, in the era of victorious socialism, did a person who rarely saw smoked sausage feel calmer than now a person who rarely sees crabs?
Well, back then there were few people to envy in this sense! Relatives and neighbors stood in approximately the same clothes and stood in the same lines. Now the division has become much deeper and more obvious. And not only directly by the number of banknotes per kilogram of live weight. Here is a former employee who founded his own production center, and his satisfied face smiles from banners advertising the lifestyle of the especially powerful and influential. The ex-boyfriend was offered some kind of lucrative contract, and he is now chilling in warm California. And a former classmate has become a star and is a member of some kind of club for the especially privileged. And there are more and more such lucky people around. Surely someone will get something nice that we are deprived of! When an individual feels “pretty good” and those around him “very good”, you inevitably underestimate the value of what you have. Even if you learned in childhood that envy is bad, and you don’t allow corresponding thoughts, all the same, when you observe someone’s successes, you feel somehow uneasy—embarrassed for your modest achievements.

No, there is no need to push the discomfort deeper

! You can “openly” think about how many accompanying difficulties (from the long working hours of a producer to the eternal publicity of an actress) this is “very good” for them. And give yourself every right to calm down and live your own way.

Reason No. 2. Loss of contact with the inner “I”

Each person has his own quirks that allow him to feel like himself. For one, this means going to the gym regularly. For another - cooking pies to the sounds of an old tape recorder. For the third, fish on Saturdays before dawn.

To restore the feeling of fullness and worthiness of life, identify: what exactly things were undeservedly forgotten by you? In this regard, we adults would do well to learn from teenagers. They enjoy doing what their soul dictates - playing the guitar, dancing, singing, drawing. When a person grows up, the burden of everyday responsibilities makes him forget about what he once loved. Memories of childhood or adolescence can give you hints about what exactly would allow you to reconnect with your inner self. Think about what activities you liked back then? What especially made you feel life more clearly? What kind of music did you like?

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You are 'responsible for everyone'

This “syndrome” haunts teachers and sometimes politicians more often than others.
And in general, representatives of professions associated with responsibility for other people. From time to time it begins to seem that you are thereby entrusted with almost a huge responsibility for the happiness and well-being of all mankind. Everything is fine with you, you were able to sort out your problems, but... How can you allow yourself to be happy when someone else is dissatisfied and unsettled? “Nothing will work out there without me!” With this approach, even if you do everything in your power, there will still definitely be a reason for despondency. After all, someone will certainly remain unhappy. Unhappy. Despite any help. However, this also happens for those whose activities are not related to social work. When the elongated, sad faces of those deprived by fate slowly gather around a successful person. Or it just seems that way to the person. And reflection begins: “I feel good, but my sister is depressed!”, “How can I be happy when my aunt is constantly sick?”

And so - you can do everything! Did you console your sister, did you run to the pharmacy for your aunt? Then it’s a matter of their desire and attitude. Firstly, you are not a wizard, and secondly, even wizards in fairy tales could not make everyone automatically happy - there were always some restrictions. As for professional responsibility for careless students or stubborn patients, it is useful to often remember the wise formula with them: “Do what you must - and come what may.”

Reason #1: Waste of time

It's easy to pretend to be busy with something. It's another thing to actually accomplish or create something worthwhile. We all constantly put things off until tomorrow. But if you do this constantly, then sooner or later such an unsuccessful strategy will become a habit.

Some people believe that in general a person is not obliged to do anything beyond what is required of him. For example, come to the office at 9 am, work the assigned hours and go home with a sense of accomplishment. But alas, simply meeting the requirements of society is not enough to be happy. Perhaps you work in a position that does not leave room for the realization of your abilities or talents. Or the work is interesting, but too much time is spent on social networks and empty communication with colleagues. In any case, you cannot avoid the feeling of irretrievably lost time.

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Having reviewed your life, it is worth determining what is right in it and what needs to be changed. Create a daily and weekly plan so that you don't waste a single minute. This, of course, is not about neglecting communication. The main idea is to understand yourself, your habits and how they affect your daily life.

You 'don't like anything at all'

I hope, of course, that this is not about you at all.
But it also happens: no matter what happens, a person does not like it. The dissatisfaction is general, global and insurmountable. Pessimist complex. If something is wrong (even in small things), he immediately blossoms: “I knew it!” If something turns out just right, he shrugs: “It’s an accident! And there’s probably something wrong here...” A chronic pessimist always firmly remembers one of the consequences of Murphy’s law: “When things are going well, perhaps you don’t notice something.” But he doesn’t always remember that these laws are jokes. Trying to really please such a person with anything is an extremely difficult, thankless task... and even dangerous. He may see something completely bad in this desire.

How do such comrades even manage to live and get by - and make anything of anything? Differently. Some stubbornly hold on to their peculiarity, since it gives, strange as it may sound, a certain uncertainty: after all, there is really nowhere to fall from the very bottom rung. Some people feel that this approach won’t get them far, but they can’t help themselves - and compensate for their eternal dissatisfaction with patience and a sense of humor. But the bravest ones still decide to try “in a good way” - and, although not particularly believing, they still go for a consultation with soul specialists. It’s good if these specialists do not belong to the type described above!

Dissatisfaction with life

Dissatisfaction with life as a personality quality is the inability, when realizing one’s life, to experience peace, calm and humility every time, to show positive emotions when mentally comparing one’s goals, desires, intentions, hopes with actual results, one’s current state with the past, weighing prospects for the future, comparisons your life with the life of your environment.

— Why do many people fail to achieve enlightenment? - they asked the Master. - Because they consider what is actually a gain to be a loss. Then he remembered his businessman friend. His business flourished and there was no end to his clients. When the Master congratulated him on his successful business management, he sadly replied: “Let's take a realistic look at life. Look at these doors. If crowds of people pass through them, we will soon have to change the loops.”

Dissatisfaction is an inherent attribute of the mind. He is never satisfied. Suffice it to say that the mind is called upon to control the senses - sight, hearing, touch, charm and taste. Feelings by their nature are insatiable, their pressure on the mind is so strong that it is sometimes difficult to cope with them without the support of reason and conscience. The very realization that the basis of dissatisfaction with life lies in the nature of the mind and feelings prompts a reasonable person, whether he wants it or not, to control the “chatter” of the mind, changes in feelings and a cascade of desires. Otherwise, you can turn into a weak-willed appendage of your restless, pleasure-hungry mind. Aristotle stated: “The nature of desire is dissatisfaction, and most people live with only this feeling.”

Sometimes the mind, which loves to chew on the past for the hundredth time, looks back and begins to lament how few roads have been traveled, how many mistakes have been made. Iain Banks, in his book “Despair Street,” begins with the very first line on an “optimistic note: ““Two days ago I decided to commit suicide,” writes: “Everything that happens to me seems to take the right amount of time - in that time, but later... Lord, where did it all go? Sometimes you look back and think: did I really do all this? And in other cases you think: this is all? Is this really all I managed to do? We are never satisfied. We don't even know what that word means."

An uncontrolled mind provokes manifestations of dissatisfaction, and from it it’s a stone’s throw to dissatisfaction with life, God, oneself and the people around you. One man, having visited Starchik, began to complain to him about the heat and kept saying how good it would be if the cold came sooner. The old man turned to the students: “Listen, little falcons,” he said, “it is common for most people to think in this way: in the summer to dream about winter, and in the winter about summer; or during illness, strive for health, and when healthy, go to great lengths... There is no end to such examples. Therefore, I tell you: do not be like the owner whose house is on fire, and at that time he is thinking about how he will earn money, buy new furniture and furnish the living room with it.

Having the functional tasks of the mind as the underlying cause of its manifestation, dissatisfaction can arise on the surface level in all sorts of forms. In particular, the reasons for dissatisfaction with life can be the lack of conscious goals, financial distress, poor health, family troubles, dissatisfaction with others, the desire to meet the expectations of other people, living according to the stereotypes of the parental family, inadequate self-esteem, doing something that is not your own business, that is, work that does not correspond to life. the purpose of a person, his talents and inclinations.

Having tamed the mind and curbed the feelings, a person, it would seem, can breathe a sigh of relief - dissatisfaction has been defeated. But it was not there. It turns out that in order to overcome dissatisfaction with life, you need to satisfy the soul's needs for eternity, comprehensive knowledge and happiness. Inside every person there lives a desire for an eternal state, that is, a person wants what material nature is powerless to do. Only human consciousness, as the main attribute of the soul, reasonably strives for eternity.

The second need of the soul is to obtain spiritual comprehensive knowledge, which is fundamentally different from ordinary worldly knowledge aimed at material goals. Spiritual knowledge goes far beyond the limits of everyday reality and is aimed at resolving the questions of what is the meaning of life, what are the highest and most important goals in life, how to build relationships with God, how the fair laws of the universe operate, how to live correctly in order to fulfill one’s life function, your purpose. It is precisely this kind of intimate spiritual knowledge that the soul needs, first of all.

When a person cannot obtain true spiritual knowledge, no amount of material “gums” will eliminate his dissatisfaction with life. Sex, alcohol, drugs, a luxurious life do not make him happy. For example, the fewest suicides occur in Egypt, Haiti and Jamaica - in these countries the suicide rate is close to zero. Positivists live not in Sweden, Finland and Denmark, but in India, China and Japan. In general, the more developed, richer countries of the world have a much higher reported suicide rate than the poorer ones. The main reason for suicide is dissatisfaction with life, the meaninglessness of existence. It would seem, what is missing from the highest standard of living, with all the social guarantees, opportunities, comfort, and material pleasures? Everything material is there, but people fall into depression and experience an internal crisis. And all because of the dissatisfaction of the needs of the soul. John Steinbeck noted in his book “East of Eden”: “... the rich especially suffer from dissatisfaction. Dress a man, feed him, give him a good home - and he will die of melancholy.”

A wise man was once asked: “Doesn’t dissatisfaction lead to the desire to change?” He replied: “Too little dissatisfaction means a lack of desire to change.” Too strong - lack of ability to change. And yet, many creative people speak strong words in defense of private dissatisfaction, which does not extend to all areas of life. So Jules Renard said: “Always remain dissatisfied - this is the essence of creativity.” Science fiction writer Isaac Asimov is even more categorical: “... it was dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs that pushed humanity to create civilization and culture. Satisfaction with life leads to stagnation and degradation..."

Of course, dissatisfaction combined with being hard on yourself can promote personal growth. However, in most cases it causes disturbance in the mind and creates discord between the mind and the intellect. Unnecessary, unsatisfied desires become a stumbling block between them. Dissatisfaction first serves as a trigger for irritability, and then transforms into anger - one of the main enemies of man.

Petr Kovalev Other articles by the author: https://www.podskazki.info/karta-statej/

The main thing is calm

Okay, you’ve made a “diagnosis” for yourself. We determined that everything is actually in order, that the harmony of the world knows no boundaries, and only we set them for ourselves. It’s already clearer, it’s already easier. How can you finally stop worrying all the time and finally allow yourself to relax internally? What should I prescribe for myself as a “second aid”?

Love
. A strong and vivid feeling is the best cure for the doubtful “maybe there’s something wrong with me after all?” and unconstructive “I want this, I don’t know what...”. Especially mutual.
Art
. It is not for nothing that it is prescribed to neurotics, people with emotional and communication problems. It is excellent therapy, and not in the sense that it consoles, showing something beautiful and pleasant, but in the sense that it allows you to look at everything, including yourself with your “cockroaches,” from the other side. Often from a bird's eye view.
Sports
. You know, sometimes there is an incomprehensible internal discomfort - only because with a sedentary lifestyle there is nowhere to put the excess accumulated static electricity, and the stagnant body asks for movement, air and useful exercise - and the sour tension is relieved as if by hand! The main thing is that you like it.
"Non-business" matters
. It can be very difficult for a workaholic fixated on achievements to realize that something useless can be useful. What's the point of walking, what's the point of amateur carnivals? But “meaningless” and “impractical” pleasures charge you with childish energy. As a child, I suppose there was no such thing as unmotivated blues in sunny weather!
Emotional release
. Are you sad and don't know why? Remember something sad and cry! Are you nervous out of the blue? Throw stuffed elephants at the sofa and darts at the Personalized Trouble's painted face! It will probably feel better.

Life dissatisfaction: causes and ways to overcome it

Negative emotions arise from the fact that a person does not really know what he needs from this life, does not know how to appreciate what he has. Values for him have a rather vague meaning, which is why impossible desires and unrealizable dreams are born.

Life dissatisfaction: the reasons for dissatisfaction are related to human needs:

1. The work does not bring satisfaction, the low wages are not satisfactory. 2. Low self-esteem, constraint in communicating with others. 3. Lack of attention, care and love from loved ones. 4. Saturation with the monotonous nature of life, lack of entertainment and exciting events. 5. Lack of sex or a regular partner of the opposite sex. 6. The emergence of complex and insurmountable problems. 7. The costs of the received upbringing both in the family and in the environment. 8. High competition when searching for a partner or job. 9. Lack of experience, education and life skills that help in finding ways to satisfy desires.

On the one hand, admitting that a person is dissatisfied with his life can push him to set goals to achieve what he wants. On the other hand, understanding the cruelty of the world can drive a person into such a complex psychological state when serious illnesses are not so far away.

In a peaceful direction

Surely all sensible humanity, having read these lines, has already thought: on the other hand, if dissatisfaction exists in a person, does that mean someone needs it?
First of all, to this man himself. After all, if it were completely cloudless for us everywhere, we would not see progress - neither personal nor social! So we would sit in the dugouts, happy with everything: it doesn’t drip - it’s already comfortable. After all, why drive out the feeling of dissatisfaction completely and irrevocably? You can, after all, by curbing this feeling, not kill it completely and irrevocably, but simply direct it to your benefit. How can you imagine a creature who never doubts anything, is happy with everything and is always in a good-natured mood... and even somehow becomes a little disgusted. After all, that same awl in that very place is a useful tool when it makes you become better and make the world around you better!

So, we take our own vague dissatisfaction, our own inner aggressiveness - and use it in a specific case of downtime and slippage as an incentive! Yeah, we got there, tore off the ribbon... And now we urgently throw the incentive we just used away! Otherwise, he may again drive there - who knows where, in search of that - who knows what... But according to our plan, we have rest, breathe deeply and enjoy ordinary life!

Reason No. 4. Excessive demands

Today it has become fashionable to make big plans and be ambitious. But all this can also have unpleasant consequences. If you demand too much from yourself, the effect may be the opposite. A clear goal helps you move in a given direction. However, the drive will gradually disappear, and dissatisfaction with life will increase if you constantly kick yourself to move towards the final point.

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Sometimes this happens when people simply take on too much at home and at work. There is no need for overload - it can seriously ruin your life. If there is an important project coming up at work, it is better to talk to family members. Let them know that you need to focus on one thing for a while. If the situation is the opposite, don’t take on too much at work.

Three wise principles

What makes a man an eligible bachelor? A tight wallet, a sharp mind and... When somewhere deep in the bottom of the soul doubts and fears swarm like an unclear shadow, simple techniques help to cope with them.

The “say it out loud” principle
is used when something is bothering you, but you don’t know what exactly. Then you need, left alone with yourself, to try to clearly and clearly name everything that may cause discomfort in this situation. Very often it is discovered that fears and fears, “pulled out into the light of God,” appear simply funny and insignificant - and then they can be let go with a smile.
The “please clarify” principle
is used when dissatisfaction is caused by the need to achieve something, and the meaning and level of achievement is unclear. But then no result can bring pleasure! Remember Bender’s question to Shura Balaganov, exactly how much he needs to be happy. This is the correct technique.
The “buy a goat” principle
is used when you, in a normal and balanced state, still feel some kind of vague awkwardness - either from focusing on someone’s opinion (“they may think that I’m lazy and don’t strive for more”), or out of boredom (“everything is so good that it’s not even interesting”). Create an additional difficulty for yourself so that, having gotten rid of it, you can breathe a sigh of relief - and appreciate the advantages of your situation with fresh joy!

How does constant dissatisfaction with life affect us?

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Modern lifestyle forces us to be more active in all areas of activity. Being immersed in a huge number of different things, we begin to complain more and more and do it so often that dissatisfaction becomes a habit. But what are the consequences? Is it harmful to constantly complain about life or should you not pay attention to it?

Constantly complaining is a health hazard, and this is not a blanket statement, but a fact based on a study from Stanford University. The negative impact of constant dissatisfaction with life primarily negatively affects blood pressure and sugar levels. If you don't change the situation, you can develop diabetes and heart disease. The hippocampus region of the brain also degrades, causing memory and concentration to deteriorate. And of course, negativity simply drains the psyche, which causes even more dissatisfaction and the desire to do anything disappears.

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In addition to health, endless dissatisfaction destroys both friendships and family relationships. It is human nature to take on some of the emotions of others, and since negativity is always perceived brighter than positivity, a person who listens to an endless stream of dissatisfaction will begin to be annoyed by the one who constantly complains. It would seem that a logical conclusion is brewing - do not complain about life, and if such thoughts begin to brew, ignore them in every possible way. But this is not entirely true. If you do this, then stress cannot be avoided, because problems that cause dissatisfaction will only accumulate. You should not avoid thoughts of dissatisfaction, but rather monitor them and look for a solution.

You might think: “Easy to say,” but if you believe psychologists from the same Stanford University, then it is not as difficult as we think. According to their concept, whining is a habit from childhood. When a person complains, he does not want to take responsibility for the actions that he needs to do to solve the problem and thereby voluntarily gives up freedom. If a person does not complain and instead looks for solutions, positive changes occur in his life.

Such people are healthier, more successful and happier. All this is thanks to their self-confidence. This attitude cannot be achieved through self-hypnosis. There is only one way: no matter how trivial it may sound, you just need to start. Start by achieving success in small things and then it will be much easier to tackle serious problems.

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Hello! This is a blog on psychology, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Skype About us/Make an appointment

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Dissatisfaction is a terrible thing. In healthy doses, it can certainly help achieve your goals. And in unhealthy ones, it causes all sorts of troubles.

Family conflicts. Spouses, one of whom is dissatisfied with something in family life (not necessarily in the intimate sphere, although that too), do not always think of discussing the source of underlying discontent and deciding how to eliminate it together. More often, implicit claims result in unconstructive grinding, whims, claims and quarrels, which set the situation in motion.
Violation of rules on the roads. Russian psychologists have found that the root of many road accidents is not technical problems or even a lack of skills, but in the “head”. It is internal dissatisfaction that gives rise to aggression, which forces drivers to act recklessly and cut off, and pedestrians to carelessly stomp across traffic and at red lights.
Addiction. When significant needs cannot be realized, dissatisfaction takes on global proportions. And if there is something that relieves this tension (games, drugs...), there is a big risk of immediately becoming addicted. Hence the pattern that more often children from dysfunctional families fall for such destructive “consolations”.

Rubtsova Nina · 28 Sep, 2016

What then is the incentive and how to overcome the feeling of dissatisfaction?

...You may ask. Yes, a feeling of dissatisfaction, of course, can push towards progress and self-development. But that's the best case scenario. And at worst, it will make a person believe that he is a nonentity. The constant struggle to be completely satisfied with your life is ultimately exhausting, no matter how great or successful you may be. Therefore, I recommend changing your perspective a little and looking for stimulus, say, in inspiration. Stop thinking about what you don't have and start appreciating and strengthening what you already have!

Using a personal example, I’ll say: I complained for a long time about my financial difficulties, the lack of time, the shape of my face (although I’m the only one who has complaints about it), my figure, my relationships with certain people... And then my friend and I decided to do charity work and asked in Krasnoe Here are several addresses of lonely old people whom they agreed to help: bring food, medicine, and just talk. And, you know, the most amazing thing is that each of them assures: everything will be fine! This is a special type of therapy for the soul and consciousness, and anyone who has read Palahniuk’s “Fight Club” should understand me. I have a wonderful family, youth, health and some plans for the future. I'm ashamed to complain about life. And, if you are reading this, you are unlikely to need shelter and food anymore, and you also have the minimum that you need in order to move forward. Just believe it. And the strength for further achievements will certainly appear. Do what you can, and do what you can’t do later, you will succeed, even if not right away, but definitely.

Photo: Daria Minaeva.

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Tags: psychology, success