“No one will ever love me,” “I’m too stupid to understand this topic,” “I’m not strong enough to achieve this goal.” If you periodically say these or similar phrases to yourself, then you most likely have low self-esteem. And this probably prevents you from achieving success and living life to the fullest.
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You can increase your self-esteem with seven simple exercises.
Avoiding Negative Thinking
We often engage in negative internal dialogue without noticing it: “I won’t succeed,” “I’m too lazy to achieve anything,” “I’m too ugly for anyone to like me.” All these thoughts greatly influence our attitude towards ourselves.
The exercise is to write down all the negative thoughts you have about yourself. At the end of the day, re-read them and turn each one into a positive thesis statement.
Instead of “I won’t succeed” - “I can do a lot, I can learn this too.” Instead of “I’m too lazy” - “I achieved what I have, and that’s already a lot.” Instead of “I’m ugly” - “Many people like me.”
Repeat these phrases every day for a week. Soon they will begin to appear in your head on their own.
Where to begin
If you are determined to improve your self-esteem, develop a strategy. This will help you formulate goals and achieve them in a short time. Where to begin:
- Take basic self-esteem tests to find out the extent of your low self-esteem.
- Decide whether you will do this yourself or whether you need to consult a psychologist.
- Select effective techniques, special exercises, auto-trainings.
- Enlist the support of your loved ones.
- Set a goal for yourself to become a successful and self-sufficient person with adequate self-esteem in 3 months (the period can be any).
- Break your goal down into smaller tasks: give a presentation at work, go to the movies with friends, ask a girl out on a date this month, get a salary increase, go to a camp site, confess your love next month, etc.
The most important thing at the beginning of the journey is to tune in to a positive result, to convince yourself that everything will work out. This is not easy for people with low self-esteem, but in order to increase it, this simply must be done.
You can read about the causes and signs of low self-esteem and its levels in our separate review.
Cultivating a good attitude towards yourself
Reread the negative thoughts you recorded during the last exercise. Imagine that a loved one—your best friend or family member—says all these things about yourself.
Think about how you would respond and write those words down. Tell me what you see as good in this person, what qualities you respect. Tell him you love this person.
Showing love to others is often much easier than showing love to yourself. When you “appropriate” your thoughts to people close to you, it becomes easier for you to see the big picture and understand that saying such things to yourself is ugly, rude and generally wrong.
How to increase self-esteem?
A young man, a student, turned to a psychologist. His name is Valery.
He studies at a prestigious university. She gets very nervous about every exam, sleeps poorly, and gets tired.
When he needs to give reports at seminars, he is forced to take sedatives because he is afraid of failure . He considers himself a person of little ability, although he almost won a gold medal at school.
It turned out that the school that Valery graduated from was also elite. The workload on students there is enormous. He studied from morning to evening. But I never liked studying .
His favorite activity was working with wood. In his room there is a small lathe, which he taught himself to use. He threw out all the old furniture and made himself chairs, a table, and a bookcase.
Valery decided to temporarily leave his studies. He went to work at a furniture factory. After 2-3 months, his perception of himself began to change . He calmed down. The work was going great, and he was highly regarded at the factory.
We see that self-confidence or self-doubt depends on the choice of activity . If we do what we love, our self-confidence grows. If we are constantly busy with things we don’t like, it decreases. This is a natural psychological process.
If a person does not occupy his place in life, his sense of self cannot be changed in any artificial way. It will be low.
Another client of the psychologist is Lera. She worked in a commercial company. She did not enjoy respect or authority from her colleagues .
Lera is neither particularly energetic, nor persistent, nor practical; her so-called “business qualities” are poorly developed. Communication with colleagues was purely businesslike, and Leroux was little appreciated. As a result, she began to value herself quite low .
However, on the advice of a psychologist, she found another job, without changing the type of activity.
Here, colleagues often got together, went to the cinema or theater, and often stayed after work to chat.
Lera is a subtle, intelligent, interesting woman, kind and sincere. And then her status turned out to be higher, everyone appreciated her .
We all, to one degree or another, depend on the opinions of others about us. The choice of social circle is of great importance.
If others do not value the strong qualities (which everyone has) of a person, but only notice his weaknesses, his self-confidence will decrease. On the contrary, by communicating mainly with those who value our best qualities, we strengthen our self-confidence .
Another client of the psychologist, Valentina, considered herself a weak person. Every time she encountered a problem, she found it difficult to make a decision, hesitated for a long time, was tormented by doubts, and was afraid of making a mistake .
At the same time, her ideal self includes such qualities as determination and willpower, because her mother was a strong-willed person . As a result of conversations with a psychologist, Valentina realized that she had assessed herself incorrectly. She is not spineless, but psychologically subtle and especially sensitive.
Any situation of choice therefore involuntarily forces her to reflect and reflect, since it is important for her to understand her motives. However , this does not mean weakness of will at all . By changing her opinion about herself (about her real self), Valentina managed to strengthen her self-confidence, and it became easier for her to make decisions.
So, self-confidence also depends on how correctly we understand ourselves.
Thus, to strengthen self-confidence , you need to:
- Choose the right main activity : it must be liked and correspond to the person’s abilities and calling so that he can achieve success in it.
- Choose the right social circle : communicate mainly with those who see and know how to appreciate our best qualities.
- Understand yourself : understand your strengths and weaknesses, objectively assess your capabilities.
Self-confidence also depends on emotional well-being (whether we have close, loved ones), the level of professionalism (good professionals are always confident in themselves, and vice versa).
Self-confidence may partly depend on the society in which we live: it is known that the so-called. “totalitarian” or “authoritarian” societies provoke the emergence of a large number of insecure , even notorious, people, since they are easier to manage.
If you ignore these fundamental reasons for self-confidence or self-doubt, no auto-training (in the narrow sense: that is, special relaxation exercises, self-hypnosis) will help.
Affirmations for self-affirmation and increasing self-esteem. “I am beautiful in everything”:
Read about the Dembo-Rubinstein method of self-esteem and level of aspiration here.
Freeing yourself from guilt and fear
For several days, write down all the fears and sources of guilt that haunt you. Then highlight those that are repeated especially often. Maybe you feel guilty because you skip going to the gym, or because you keep forgetting to call your relatives. Or you are afraid that you will not be able to achieve some goal.
Select one item from the selected ones and write a permit for yourself. For example: “I have the right to miss a workout,” “I have the right to be forgetful,” or “I have the right to fail.”
Place this resolution where you will see it often: on your monitor, refrigerator, or next to your bed. The next time you feel overwhelmed by fear or guilt, look at the note and you will feel better.
Accepting your characteristics
Almost every person has traits that they don't like. You know perfectly well what doesn’t suit you about yourself, be it short stature, excess weight or baldness.
Make a list of these qualities and write a thank you note for each one. For example: “Thanks to my bald head for helping me spend less shampoo,” “Thanks to my height for the fact that I can fit comfortably in any car,” or “Thanks to my belly for carrying my child.”
You may not like some of your traits, but they make you who you are. The attitude towards them can be changed. And loving yourself is much more useful and pleasant than always being dissatisfied with yourself.
Exploring your history
Comparing ourselves with others is in our nature. Social media has made this task easier: people post the best things in their lives, and it can often feel like your reality is much duller.
To get rid of this feeling, it is useful to write your story. This can be done on paper or digitally. Starting from the day you were born, remember and write down the important moments in your life. Those that are dear to you personally, and not those that would impress other people.
Maybe your first slow dance was a real event for you, or you remember your acquaintance with the work of your favorite writer. Add in difficult decisions - these are also important milestones. For example, leaving an unloved job or moving.
Refer to this chronology every time you start to feel like nothing interesting is happening in your life. You will see that you have been through a lot and this will increase your self-esteem.
Exploring your skill map
This exercise will allow you to get to know yourself better and understand what strengths you already have and which ones you need to develop in order to achieve your goals.
Make a list of your fundamental attitudes, beliefs and traits. Then - a list of skills and strengths that you have developed throughout your life. List your goals and dreams separately.
Then start forming these points into a tree. You can simply draw it on paper, make an applique, or use a computer. The items on the first list (fundamental beliefs and attitudes) will be the roots and trunk. The second (qualities and skills) - in branches. And goals and dreams are leaves.
Trainings
Good results can be achieved if you sign up for psychological training “How to increase self-esteem” (variant names are allowed), which are organized by specialized specialists. They can be group or individual. As practice shows, if the situation is not advanced, the first option is preferable.
They usually last 1-2 hours and involve performing exercises in a playful way. For example, a psychologist can offer in a circle to all participants (usually there are 6-10 people):
- define your mood in one word (color),
- talk about your positive qualities (who has more),
- advertise yourself using various means (who is better),
- find 5-10 positive qualities in the person sitting opposite you (not just invented ones, but real ones),
- play “I am the king”: each participant becomes a ruler for 5 minutes, makes decisions, makes laws, and the rest obey and worship him. Next, it is determined who coped with the role better.
This is only a small part of the techniques that psychologists use in group trainings. Usually a course of 4-5 such classes is enough to ensure your own importance.
During individual training, a psychologist may offer to take a test, perform some situational tasks followed by analysis of the answers, or exercises.
Create a daily intention
Once you've figured out what habits and attitudes you'd like to adopt or change, it's helpful to create daily intentions. To do this, it is enough to choose an aspiration in the morning that will bring you closer to the desired result. For example: “Love myself, even if I’m lazy”, “Be more patient with yourself and others”, “Don’t be afraid of change” and so on.
Once you have chosen an intention, write it down somewhere and re-read it throughout the day. Over time, you will develop the desired qualities in yourself.
The concept of "self-confidence"
A self-confident person is not offended .
If someone criticizes him, even accuses him of something, he treats such information quite rationally. If there is some truth in it, I am ready to admit it.
This is due to the fact that such a person is internally stable . His opinion of himself, his subconscious perception of himself (more important than our conscious beliefs) is clearly positive.
Imagine a huge granite stone weighing several tons. And a soap bubble blown by a child playing next to a stone. Just blow on a soap bubble and it will crumble. Even an excavator cannot move a granite stone.
The inner world of a confident person can be compared to this stone. His self-image is almost impossible to shake.
But the inner world of someone who is not confident in himself resembles a soap bubble. Therefore, such a person is afraid of any critical remarks, is very vulnerable and touchy.
In a situation where he is busy with some kind of activity and something does not work out, someone who is unsure of himself behaves nervously, gets lost, loses heart, and does not complete the task . For his failures, he is inclined to blame anyone but himself.
On the contrary, although failures upset a self-confident person, they do not force him to retreat, they even provoke him . He is even more interested when something is difficult. He is not afraid of failures, he willingly admits his mistakes; As a rule, he sees them as the cause of all problems.
Self-confidence is a personality quality, the essence of which is a positive perception of oneself, both on a conscious and subconscious (emotional) level.
A self-confident person considers himself strong enough, worthy, moral, and smart. Therefore, difficulties and problems do not bother him very much .
How to get rid of panic attacks on your own? Read about it here.
Technique to increase self-esteem in 5 minutes:
