Gratitude: what is it and how to thank correctly?

What is gratitude?

Gratitude is a special energy that we feel on an intellectual and emotional level, realizing that a person or community of people has done something for our benefit. And also - an adequate expression in words, actions and deeds of gratitude for the kindness shown. This is a resourceful state that brings people together . Gratitude is one of the forms of empathy, blurring the boundaries between the state of joy, love, pleasure, peace, inspiration. It arises when the good shown turns out to be greater than ordinary participation in the life of another person.

Etymologically it comes from two words “good” + “to give”. Thus, gratitude gives an understanding that the balance of the concepts of “giving” and “taking” is extremely important. The tradition of exchanging gifts originates from ancient ceremonies of reciprocity of services, when any gift implied a return offering. It is not for nothing that the Greek word “charis” had several meanings: “gift”, “mercy”, “. In the Old Russian New Testament it was translated as “grace”, in Italian it was transformed into “gracia” - “thank you”, in English into “gratitude” - “gratitude”.

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Sincere gratitude is a complex feeling, much deeper than the polite ritual of saying “thank you” and giving a thank-you gift. This skill comes from awareness and requires practice. The more reasons for joy we notice in life, the more often we discover what we can truly be grateful for. The more gratitude we give, the more joy we receive in return.

It has been scientifically proven that by experiencing gratitude, we improve our psychological and physical health, reduce stress levels, recover faster from injuries, and increase self-esteem. It is a powerful psychological tool that helps you move away from negative emotions like envy and anger and focus on the positive. The conscious practice of gratitude puts you in a state of peace and gives you freedom from resentment. At the level of descriptions, this feeling may seem incomprehensible, but at the level of personal experience it does not cause surprise.

Thanksgiving as service.

Thanksgiving was originally part of religious language. Most of the world's religions suggest that created intelligent beings owe a debt of gratitude to God for their creation. Therefore, the recipients of expressions of gratitude are specific people, entire communities or idealized entities - God, the Universe, the Spirit, the Creator.

The word "thanksgiving" appears 125 times in the Bible Thanksgiving is not a part of etiquette, but the essence of life, where the only recipient of real gratitude should be God alone. Along with praise and worship, thanksgiving is an essential part of prayer, associated with mercy, humility, and friendliness. It brings believers into right relationship with Divine reality—opening their eyes to the reality of His love and care. It is believed that it is simply impossible to make a person who is unable to give thanks happy.
Islam preaches similar principles of understanding thanksgiving. Praise and gratitude are considered traits characteristic of true believers, while ingratitude is severely condemned and attributed to infidels.
In Buddhism, gratitude is considered one of the components of enlightenment. It is necessary to thank parents and teachers - regardless of the lessons taught, they were the spiritual mentors of the person thanking. It is important to do something for others without expecting a reward. And it is also important to learn not to blame others for ingratitude.
Judaism calls ingratitude the first human sin. The Torah contains many references to the duty of giving thanks to the Almighty in prayer and in the thanksgiving meal.

Thanksgiving as a virtue.

In the ancient civilizations of Greece and Rome, gratitude was identified with justice according to the principle “you-to-me, I-to-you.” Aristotle emphasized that thanksgiving manifests itself in “returning a favor for a favor to the one who pleases.” The ancient Greek Epicurean philosopher Metrodorus wrote that “only a wise man knows how to repay.”

The German philosopher Immanuel Kant and the French writer Jean-Jean Rousseau considered gratitude a duty that obliges a person to reciprocally benefit. The author of philosophical works, Francois de La Rochefoucauld, saw in it disguised servility, and the French moralist Nicolas de Chamfort believed that a person says “thank you” solely with the expectation of receiving something more in return than he already received.

But gratitude is undeniably a virtue. It’s not for nothing that Thanksgiving Day is considered one of the most revered and anticipated holidays by Americans. The origin of the idea of celebration goes back to the first settlers of America. After a cold winter, when almost half of the people died, the Indians came to the aid of the settlers. In 1621, the colonists reaped a rich harvest. After this, the first governor of the colony proposed to celebrate Thanksgiving to the Lord for his mercies, and to the Indians for their help. The joint feast was the first Thanksgiving. Over time, the celebration lost its deeply religious meaning and became a national civil celebration.

Health

Even among people with serious illnesses and low social status, practicing regular daily gratitude was thought to reduce the risk of depression up to 6 months later.

This feeling helps us feel better because it connects us with others and allows us to take care of ourselves. A 2010 review of research on gratitude found that it improves interpersonal relationships, emotional support and trust.

A study that was conducted in 2013 showed that gratitude can indirectly have a positive effect on health, as it motivates us to look for ways to take care of ourselves, encourages us to exercise, eat only healthy foods, and also consult doctors in a timely manner when necessary. required.

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Why do you need to thank?

Gratitude is one of the virtues that makes us more human. It is also a powerful tool that can transform our lives.

Gets rid of negativity.

Resentment often leaves mental scars for life. Is it possible to be grateful towards your offenders? It turns out it is possible. These people made us who we are. Many people admire Viktor Frankl. But his books were written because there was a concentration camp in his life. The paintings of Mexican artist Frida Kahlo are exhibited in art galleries around the world. But her extraordinary talent was revealed after an illness and a terrible accident. These are exactly the cases when scars adorn a person.

So, without gratitude and forgiveness to your offenders, it is impossible to move on. Otherwise, we will constantly return our thoughts to the past or to the future - where we mentally commit retribution.

Strengthens relationships.

Mutual gratitude from partners is a key sign of a strong relationship. Scientists from an American university surveyed 250 married couples about their material well-being, communication and ways of expressing gratitude. It turned out that even a simple “thank you” keeps you from breaking up completely in hopeless situations. This study clearly demonstrated how important it is for spouses to feel valued in the eyes of the other.

To thank your partner, you don’t have to wait for a feat on his part. It is enough to remember everyone’s everyday responsibilities and thank them for it. After all, without these little things, life and family can collapse.

Treats depression.

Depression is accompanied by a feeling of depression, insomnia, and a reluctance to communicate with people. In such a state it is difficult to be grateful to anyone. Neuroscientists have explained that the habit of gratitude changes the structure of the brain, stimulates its functioning, improves overall well-being, and makes us happier. Joyful emotions affect the nervous system, improve sleep, and reduce anxiety. The practice of gratitude improves the condition of patients with disorders of the neuromuscular system.

Are such results not worthy of developing the skill of gratitude? Gratitude refocuses attention on joy, changes negative thoughts to positive ones, increases the production of happiness hormones, and instills hope for recovery.

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Increases sales.

According to research by scientists at the University of Michigan, words of gratitude from the head or managers of the company help increase customer loyalty and almost double the number of regular customers. Moreover, clients not only return, they recommend the company to their friends. Moreover, the effect of thank-you letters turned out to be greater than that of additional bonuses or discounts. The main rule of a manager can be formulated as follows: treat each employee as a client and emphasize in every possible way the importance of his services to the company.

Gratitude does not give immediate results, but in the long term it helps to retain and motivate employees, retain clients, and develop business.

People feel dissatisfaction with life more often than gratitude. And it’s not a matter of forgetfulness, when we simply don’t say “thank you.” This is a refusal to recognize the value of everything we have. Gratitude techniques will teach you to simply remember that we have everything for joy and well-being.

Arguments

Gratitude is one of the most pleasant feelings.
It's nice to receive gratitude. This gives you a feeling of self-worth and value.
The feeling of gratitude can be born instantly and remain with a person for many years.
Sometimes people forget about gratitude.
If gratitude disappears, then humanity will be lost.
A person needs to learn to be grateful for everything that fate has given him.
It is good to give goodness to someone who knows how to respond to this goodness with sincere gratitude.
Gratitude serves as a measure of morality.
You can express gratitude through words, actions, and a kind attitude.
What is more important is gratitude expressed not in words, but in actions.
At the moment when a person gives thanks, he cannot be angry or experience negative emotions, since gratitude is a pleasant, positive feeling.

How to learn gratitude?

Gratitude is a quality of a mature personality. Children do not know how to thank, they only know how to demand and take. Although psychologists consider a child’s ability to be grateful as a prerequisite for complex moral abilities - empathy, trust, responsiveness.

People who know how to sincerely thank and easily accept words of gratitude do not necessarily have more than others. But they are the real lucky ones. Instead of being dissatisfied with fate, circumstances, environment, they notice blessings and thank life for everything they have.

Before practicing a new skill, you must:

Firstly , accept the imperfections of the world and move on. You can feel gratitude not only in moments of happiness. If something unpleasant happens, mentally express your dissatisfaction, then thank the situation and move on.
Secondly , learn to separate sincere support from intrusive help. Sometimes the “kindness” provided turns out to be so inappropriate that it causes internal resistance. In such a situation, a picture emerges: if I do not need what they give me, I reserve the choice to thank or not.
Thirdly , stop raping others with the expectation of reciprocal gratitude. Any obligations are depressing, so a person strives to get rid of them faster. If you do good, don't expect a favor in return. In the end, you will still win.

If you feel like something is going wrong in your life, try learning gratitude skills. This will require minimal or no resources.

Gratitude journal.

Experts say that vigilance in anticipation of bad things is a genetic feature of humans. Our ancestors did not have the opportunity to enjoy the sunset; they were looking out for enemies. To overcome your subcortical tendency to look for the negative in everything, start keeping a gratitude journal. Just note in the journal everything you want to say “thank you” for.

Here are some rules for keeping a diary:

It can be in any format - electronic or traditional.
It should always be at hand.
It is better to write gratitude lists in familiar words.
It is advisable to fill out the diary in the morning.

Steps to fill out the diary:

Please enter dates in advance . This disciplines you and forces you to take notes every day. The missing pages will help you mentally return to the past day and remember the best.
Relax . When you are angry, depressed or anxious, it is difficult to learn to think positively.
Listen to your feelings . When we perceive the world through smells, tactile sensations, taste, everything around us slows down and reveals itself from an unexpected side.
Stay here and now . Worries about the past and worries about the future prevent you from experiencing the beauty of life at this point in time.
Re-read the notes . This is an amazing chance to remember previous experiences and thoughts. This will give you an understanding that in every situation there are good moments and a reason for joy.

Morning gratitude ritual.

An early gratitude ritual will make your morning memorable and invigorating, setting you up for positivity for the whole day. All it takes is six minutes every day to achieve the level of development you want. Hal Elrod writes about this in his book “Morning Magic.” So, the morning ritual can go like this:

Imagine waking up, smiling and mentally thanking God for a new day.
You mentally go back to yesterday and remember everything you have achieved.
You close your eyes and mentally picture your perfect day. Thank people important to you, your friends and ill-wishers in advance for the lessons provided.
You write down words of gratitude for everything you are proud of and plans for the next day.
Finally, you get up, stretch, and spend a few minutes moving around to get your blood flowing.

It is difficult for us to thank the world for what we do not consider valuable. But the fact is that we take everything around us for granted. You can be grateful for significant and insignificant things - the morning sun, the health of loved ones, food on the table, the smiles of children deserve the most sincere “thank you.”

Brian Tracy's Four Parts of Gratitude Technique.

Bestselling author of self-development books and training, Brian Tracy, lists gratitude as one of the top habits that helps improve relationships with others. The “four components” technique will help you develop and strengthen the habit of generating a field of grateful energy.

Component 1: Appreciation . This is one of the forms of interaction with the world and an important communication tool. Don't miss the opportunity to say "thank you" to everyone who helps you cope with home or work matters, simply does a favor or gives you a compliment. This motivates them to help and participate in our lives.
Component 2: Approval . This is an external confirmation of our value. Praise and approve every achievement, attempt, or idea whenever possible. Praise satisfies another secret human need to feel important.
Component 3: Compliments . A sincere emotion of admiration is like an echo: one says pleasant things, the other confidentially shares his feelings in response. A good compliment connects people's emotional centers. And admiration for what is most valuable to a person is a great way to bring a smile to his face and a new opportunity to get closer.
Component 4: Careful Listening . This is a discipline that does not require theory, but is built solely on practice. Whenever you listen intently to your interlocutor, do not interrupt, or express your opinion, his self-esteem grows, and the degree of trust between you increases.

Feeling grateful makes you more receptive and helps you get to know the people around you. By properly practicing the habits of appreciation, approval, attention, and listening, you will become a more positive and popular person.

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The science

It is worth noting that there is not a single center in the brain responsible for gratitude, but there is still an active response of brain activity. The results of the study, which were published in the journal Neuroimage in 2020, showed that regular gratitude practice for three months changed brain activity.

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The experiment involved participants writing letters of gratitude, and after three months, the activity showed “significantly greater and long-lasting neural sensitivity to gratitude.” In other words, the people in the study felt more gratitude overall, and their brains also showed more activity when they expressed that feeling, especially in the medial prefrontal cortex.