A clear picture of who a narcissistic man is is given by the myth from which this “term” is taken. It tells the story of how once upon a time in Ancient Greece there lived a young man who was fabulously handsome. As you might guess, his name was Narcissus. And then one day, he rejected the love of the beautiful nymph Echo, because he considered her not beautiful enough. For this, the Greek gods sent punishment on him. It consisted in the fact that until the end of his days Narcissus was in love with his reflection on the surface of the lake. This is how he spent the rest of his life: admiring only himself.
Nowadays, the concept of narcissism is quite scientific in nature and is widely used by psychologists. Today, this term refers to a special character trait that implies excessive narcissism and inflated self-esteem. There is even a separate personality type – narcissistic. These are people in whom this trait is predominant and completely determines their behavior. Of course, in theory, the image of a male narcissist is described quite clearly. However, how to recognize it in real life?
Narcissistic personality disorder. What do these predators want from others? And, especially, loved ones?
They want to eat them, literally and figuratively. They want both material benefits and nourishment from your emotions. In this case, the eating weapon is:
- abuse (Briefly: direct moral violence. Name-calling, insults. Can be supplemented with physical violence)
- passive aggression (Briefly: devaluation. For example, “What is your opinion? No one asks for your opinion”),
- inversion of meanings and words (In short: there were actions and words. But then all the meanings are inverted and distorted through verbiage)
- gaslighting (In short: first they OFFENSED, and then they turned it around in this way: “you thought you were sensitive, go get treatment”)
- and manipulation (most often, a feeling of unjustified guilt).
This is how they cover up their emptiness. Because their essence is emptiness. And shame... Which they will never admit for anything.
Is it worth starting a relationship with such a person?4
In the initial stages, contact with him seems simply fantastic. He is tactful and artistic, exuding only good emotions. Almost everyone who sees it will be captivated by its charm. After all, daffodils can demonstrate themselves in all their beauty! In addition, their intuitive desire to become better than absolutely everyone, in fact, allows them to identify potentials and abilities to the fullest.
With the future formation of relationships, there will be a gradual merging with the boundaries of the other person’s personality, for this reason the impression is formed that they are actually similar, have the same life attitudes and aspirations. A person, inspired by the beginning of sympathy, appreciates such communication and is happy to give a lot to meet the needs of his loved one.
“A tiny weakness for great love,” he believes. He approves of this in every way and slowly, almost imperceptibly, twists everything the way he needs it. If the relationship is already quite close, he begins to look for the negative sides of the person. First, for the sake of interest, and then more and more thoroughly, the “negative” factors of his life are condemned. In some cases, it happens that the individual is simply angry because of the luck of the other half and tries to take the opponent out of the game, because no one can surpass him in anything!
Over time, the other half accepts all its flaws and in the future feels its own worthlessness more and more vividly; The fear of loss is thoroughly instilled in him. After a certain time has passed, he makes his chosen one realize that in this different form, he is not attracted to him. Various factors: insufficient attention and (or) admiration; believes that a loved one has become fat, has become ugly, or simply does not treat him properly.
At the same time, he certainly emphasizes that in the pair he is the only one doing his best, and these efforts are not appreciated normally. If a partner tries to return love, the narcissist avoids a difficult conversation by all means. On his part, there is a decline in interest, and the chosen one plunges into sadness and does not realize what he did not please.
Perverse narcissism in men and women, psychological portrait.
These are precisely those narcissistic people who:
- Constantly feel repressed shame. (Shame is the feeling that “I’m not okay, there’s something very wrong with me.”
- Experiencing it, they inevitably feel envy of those who, in their opinion, are more kindly favored by fate in one aspect or another.
- These are empty people, people are candy wrappers. They are outstanding masters of self-presentation and self-presentation. In this regard, a lot of attention is paid to appearance. Handsome men and beauties.
- But, communicating with them, you gradually understand WHAT emptiness there is inside. There is nothing practical or valuable there except the desire to assert oneself. There are only tops from any undertakings.
- This desire to assert themselves is what comes out of them. This is the same ambition that constantly causes us bewilderment, at least.
- Therefore, they always devalue others - directly or covertly. Sometimes, very gracefully. However, receiving depreciation from a perverted narcissist will always make your soul feel bad.
- They criticize. They are unhappy. And they always, in their narcissistic opinion, “deserve better.”
- The narcissist will be incredibly adept at twisting any situation. Showing the right for the wrong. These are masters of verbal skirmishes. Competing with them in this is only a waste of strength.
- They always find a donor victim who pours “narcissistic balm” on them, loves, supports, and looks after them. At the expense of your own life. And they eat it until it's gone. I ran out - took the next one.
- Based on the point above, these are traitors. Because a person (supposedly a loved one) is just a function for them. Which is needed to satisfy certain material and energy needs. Accordingly, if he dares not fulfill his function, he is immediately replaced with a new one.
- A traditional sign that is written about everywhere is a complete lack of empathy and compassion. It is when you are weak and vulnerable that he strikes.
- A narcissist never apologizes. Because it seems to him that by repenting, he is admitting out loud the inferiority of his EGO, and this is unbearable due to the feeling of suppressed shame.
@ Ekaterina Kholodova, psychologist
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Types of Narcissists
European psychiatric reference books do not distinguish any particular areas among the characteristics of narcissism.
But practicing psychologists are still inclined to separate typical groups :
- Loving - seeks self-affirmation by seducing many women, is not averse to playing out a real drama, is pathologically deceitful.
- Immoral - for him there are no universal principles of behavior, including moral ones. Often dominates other people and resorts to manipulation.
- Touchy – self-confidence is less pronounced than in other types. He is more timid, trying not to get into a situation where he is unlikely to be appreciated.
- Depersonalized - is in the service of a brighter personality who is popular among others.
The man is a narcissist. 9 Signs to Recognize Narcissism Immediately on the First Date
In order not to fall into the clutches of a narcissist, and then not suffer for years, it is better to be able to recognize him right away. What signs indicate such a person even at the first meeting?
1. He is a Peacock. Looking at him for the first time with eyes NOT in love, this is the comparison that comes to mind. He fluffs up all the beauty he can. If he has a good Mercedes, and you agreed to walk, he will certainly arrive in a Mercedes. If a narcissist is proud of his physical fitness, he will find any stick and pull himself up in front of you.
2. He fills the entire space around you with his magnificent self and his great opinions . The narcissist talks and talks about himself, about himself, about himself….
3. Sometimes he comes to his senses, looks attentive and pretends to be interested in you . But, it all depends on the level of his acting abilities. If they are good, you can believe that he is interested in you. If they are not very good, then you will feel false.
4. A narcissist man will definitely probe you to see if you are useful to him. What do you have? What are you? You must be functionally useful to the narcissist. Materially and/or energetically. For comparison: an ordinary man will simply strive to cuddle you.
5. He pretends that “physical intimacy does not interest him.” Or, not interested in itself. But only with true friendship and love. The narcissist uses this cunning move in order to... First, immediately declare “I am special.” Secondly, in the future, shift the need for initiative onto the woman. Why? Yes, simply because to caress your narcissistic ego when you seduce and persuade him, so unapproachable, in every possible way.
6. He makes eyes at you. Usually, many of them know the expressions on their faces that other women have praised. A special smile. A special look. And he will definitely show it and you will think “Wow, how charismatic he is.”
7. His task is self-presentation. She will be great! That's why you can't buy into it. Because the “ordinary man” who will really make you happy does not behave like that. He is NOT a master of self-presentation. He may not know what or how to say, he may be embarrassed (most likely). Oh, just trying to hug you with arms sweating from excitement.
8. A narcissist man very quickly, if he finds you useful and a suitable donor object, offers a serious relationship.
9. A seasoned narcissist knows he is a monster . And somehow indirectly they might let it slip out. For example: “At work, my subordinates don’t like me and are afraid of me. But, I learned to control myself...” Yeah. He learned. Don't believe it. But, take note of such phrases.
My recommendations
Parents should be aware of how narcissism begins in men. It is necessary from an early age to teach a child to respect others, as well as himself. You should not instill excessive modesty and bashfulness in children - this will lead to the development of self-doubt in their actions.
At the same time, it is unacceptable to brag about your child’s achievements in the presence of other people. Remind your child often how much you love him. Both parents must react correctly to the boy’s actions and avoid quarrels and conflicts.
The man is a narcissist in a relationship. How is he behaving?
Does he love me? Being in a relationship with him, you are constantly tormented by this question. And there are 2 reasons for this:
1. The time when he is incredibly sweet and charismatic. At the beginning of a relationship or after reconciliation. During such a period, he shows the maximum of what he is capable of. And, no matter what he does, he will touch you in your most sensitive places.
He can shower you with gifts and compliments. At the same time, he tries to devote all his time to you. He seems so cute, such a bunny. At the same time, he includes his favorite game - “I am so special, no one understands me like you do.” Can say phrases in the area of “my whole life has been preparing for a meeting with you.”
2.Ah, then a sudden failure occurs. What exactly this will be is always impossible to predict. Because the narcissist does not plan on a piece of paper exactly how he will humiliate and devalue you. He acts masterfully and according to the situation. It’s just that when he gets the abuser itch, he takes on any event. And he turns it around in such a way as to humiliate, offend, and trample you.
Experienced narcissists do this gracefully. And, therefore, the only signal that you have now been trampled will be a feeling of disgust and bewilderment. The feeling of falling into an abyss. Although, at first glance, it seems like nothing special happened - turnover.
For a very long time, the victim of the narcissist tries to figure out what kind of trick he is pulling? They use a lot of literature on egoism, egocentrism, and psychopathology. And it all seems to fit... Until, one day, you come across a description of a narcissist. Oops, 10 in one! So, this is him - egoism, egocentrism, charisma, charm, manipulation, toxicity, and devaluation - everything is with him.
The center of the world
Surely, a narcissist man knows how to impress.
Smart, successful, charismatic - next to someone like that, you sometimes wonder why he chose you. And he chose for the only reason - so that you would love him. Narcissists are not capable of deep feelings for a woman. The only passion in their life is themselves. And all other people should revolve around them, live for them, love only them. In short, they are egoists the likes of which the world has never seen. Related Article Narcissistic Person: What to do if your partner is a “narcissistic peacock”?
Is it possible to fix it
When you first meet, a narcissist makes a strong impression. The image of a self-confident egoist may hide low self-esteem. A stranger cannot change a narcissist. Because in order to change, he must want to change himself. He himself suffers from constant uncertainty, dependence on the assessments of strangers. Only by realizing their problem and starting to work with self-esteem can these people change for the better.
Narcissists should avoid making comparisons with other people, as this is a recipe for envy and insecurity. There will always be someone better, smarter, more talented. You should compare your successes with your own past achievements.
How to live with him
The narcissist's entire focus is on himself. Such a man is completely absorbed in his problems, as well as in the impression he makes. This constant race for success and creating the image of a successful person exhausts him. The cure for this is to switch attention from your personality to your loved ones. The narcissist should understand that loved ones need care and attention. Accepting the concerns and problems of the people around you, allocating time to help and solve their problems, to communicate and spend time together, will bring you closer. And the narcissist will gain the realization that the world is not limited to him, that other people also have their own desires and needs that are worth taking into account.
Consequences of such a relationship
The development of relationships depends on the severity of narcissism. If a person maintains an adequate attitude towards his own actions and the actions of his partner, if he sees value in the relationship, then it is possible to get along together.
If a person is so proud that he never admits that he is wrong, and only blames his partner for all problems, such a relationship is unlikely to be happy.
The narcissist is not confident in himself, the fear is hidden in his soul that someone will see and discover this uncertainty. Therefore, he subconsciously chooses women who are also insecure. Each has its own weaknesses. He knows how to subconsciously identify levers and influence them. You should recognize such attempts towards your own weaknesses, and stop unfounded, tactless criticism addressed to you, especially if it relates to appearance. It’s worth thinking carefully about whether you need to connect your life with such a person. A long-term relationship with a constantly critical person can have a negative impact on self-esteem.
How to fall in love and tame
Several types can be distinguished. They are detected by signs:
- The first type strengthens its self-esteem by seducing as many women as possible and is convinced of its own irresistibility.
- Manipulating the weaknesses of others. He likes to point out to others their shortcomings, but he himself is not a role model.
- The most harmless type is characterized by vulnerability and timid behavior.
- An introvert who strives to be next to a bright person.
These people love to make a strong first impression. But since their self-esteem is low, they are afraid that they will be disappointed in them. This keeps them in constant suspense. It is worth behaving in such a way that the narcissist feels comfortable, so that he does not feel threatened or compete.
Sometimes they can be capricious, like little children. You need to be tolerant of this, but also not allow yourself to be exploited, because, sensing the partner’s weakness, they will take advantage of it.
Who is this
The definition of a narcissistic person dates back to ancient Greek mythology. In Ancient Greece there lived a young man of divine beauty. The young man was cold towards those around him. His own beauty delighted him. His name was Narcissus. The beautiful nymph succumbed to his charm and fell in love with him. However, the nymph did not receive love in return. The young man made fun of her. He insulted the nymph, for which he was punished by Aphrodite, the goddess of love. The young man was doomed to look at his reflection in the water surface, not having the strength to leave. He died, and in this place a flower grew, named after the young man.
In Greece, this flower is not usually given as a gift; it was called the flower of death.
People who are in love with themselves are called narcissists. Exalting their own merits and treating others with disdain. The narcissist seems to be looking at himself in the mirror, admiring himself.
How to deal with him
Living with a narcissistic personality is not easy. Even if you give maximum love and attention, you can still get dissatisfaction in return. They really need approval and encouragement; they cannot do without them. Often they can only take love in unlimited quantities, but they have not learned to give it.
Outwardly, such a man can be extremely charismatic and attractive to women. Another side of his character is envy. He is extremely vain and proud, so he perceives the success of other people very painfully. Complacency is ostentatious. Deep down, his rivals' victories hurt him. He wants to seem perfect, but this ostentatious image takes a lot of effort.
Doesn't handle failure well. One of the areas where he longs to prove himself is work. After all, conscientious, high-quality performance of assigned tasks reinforces self-esteem, career success increases the sense of self-worth. Periods of forced downtime are perceived poorly; he may become depressed because during this period he feels unnecessary. This is how a drop in self-esteem manifests itself.
You shouldn't criticize him. What is definitely forbidden to do is compare with others, give examples of other people's successes. This will hurt your self-esteem. You should not make fun of him; a man may not understand jokes regarding his appearance or behavior. The reason is the same - a drop in self-esteem. The result is avoidance of communication with people who make him feel out of place. The narcissist needs positive reinforcement and will gravitate towards people who can provide it.
Why is he like this
Like most character traits, this trait is formed in early childhood. In childhood, a child sees himself through the eyes of his parents. Parents, placing the child at the center of the world, and often neglecting their own interests for the sake of the baby, excessively pampering him, can, without meaning to, negatively affect his character. The golden mean should be observed and overprotection should be avoided. The baby must understand that he is desired and loved. You should also know that there are other people with their own interests and needs. You cannot completely ignore your interests for the sake of your baby. The other extreme is constant comparison of the child with other children, dissatisfaction with his achievements. This will create self-doubt in the child.
Psychologists say that this is a personality trait, and this is how the structure of the human psyche was formed. This is not a disease, but a kind of conflict within a person. This feature affects the manifestation of other character traits. A narcissist has unstable self-esteem, which is highly dependent on the opinions of other people. Such a person needs the constant approval of others.
