My husband is an egoist: what to do, how to communicate and live with him

Where do the boundaries of “healthy” egoism end?

Selfishness is behavior aimed at achieving one's own benefit, and placing one's own interests above the interests of others. If we start from this concept, we can conclude that an egoist is a person who cares only about his own desires and needs, without taking into account the opinions of other people.

Selfishness is an integral character trait of every person and is considered normal behavior. But for some representatives of society, this character trait goes beyond the norm; such people are considered complete egoists.

A person who is characterized by healthy egoism is able to sensibly assess and understand the consequences of his actions, while an established egoist does not think about the consequences; for him it is important to get the maximum benefit in record time.

Rational egoism differs from irrational egoism in the following features:

Achieving your own goals while taking into account the interests of others.
Analysis of possible consequences that could cause harm to yourself and others.
The ability to look at a situation through the eyes of others and provoke events in such a way that another person has a desire to commit an act for the benefit of his interests.
Achieve your goals in order to help others achieve what they want in the future.

Important

Irrational egoists are characterized by rash actions aimed at achieving exclusively their own interests, even if this relates to short-sighted and momentary weaknesses. A person who is a reasonable egoist thinks about the consequences and is aimed at long-term gain.

Communication of egoists with people

You will be able to meet a huge number of his friends and acquaintances, among whom there will definitely be very interesting people. Introverted people gravitate toward friendship with narcissists. They usually not only have an interesting job, but also a very unusual hobby.

For such people, public opinion is not particularly important, so in life they do what really interests them. Therefore, they are real experts in their favorite business. Of course, you won’t feel like partying with them, but you are guaranteed to have intimate conversations in the kitchen.

For egoistic men, communicating with introverts does not bring much pleasure, but they regularly spend time on such friendships, because very often they need someone to lend money, help in some matter and solve problems. The narcissist usually does not solve his own problems. He doesn’t need this, because there are always many people around who are ready to help on an absolutely disinterested basis.

Also, such a person surrounds himself with a large number of the right people. He has people in every organization who are ready to not only help, but also break the law a little, for the sake of his smile and approval. Therefore, selfish men almost never have problems. Once you get to know such people, you can also easily use their help.

Of course, if these are not girls who are ready to do anything to get him back. Wise women will feel sorry for you, because they themselves were once in a similar situation. But most of the fair sex are ready to do anything for the sake of a possible future with him, even to destroy their own happy marriage. And no matter how many years have passed, it is impossible to re-educate such an egoistic man and, of course, you will never forget, so everyone is ready to accept him again with all his shortcomings.

You will learn to easily meet new people, communicate with strangers on a variety of topics, exchange contacts and maintain useful connections. You will never again be intimidated by work related to attracting clients, so you will become a sought-after specialist.

Communication skills are common to all narcissists. You will soon learn this useful quality. By constantly learning from an egoist instead of suffering and crying at night, you will go through a good school of life and become that ideal girl that many guys dream of.

The point is not that, together with an egoistic man, you will constantly be in the center of attention and will be admired, it’s just that the ability to make compromises and communicate with a wide variety of people is a very useful skill when building long-term relationships.

Narcissists love to manipulate people and do so with ease. Constantly being close to such a person, you will quickly learn all the techniques. There are actually quite a few of them. Then no relatives, friends or sellers will be able to impose their opinion on you. You will see people through and understand when a person is interested in you, and when he just needs something from you.

You will also begin to respect yourself more and will not allow other people to treat you inappropriately. For example, by constantly tormenting and suffering with a narcissist, you will never allow anyone to treat you badly again. All selfish people like to be late. In this simple way they increase their own value and significance. After all, while waiting for them, the girls are tormented by doubts and also replay all the pleasant moments of the meetings. A wise woman will immediately understand that being eternally late is a type of manipulation, and therefore will never allow another man to do the same. In addition, the girl herself will stop being late to the person she respects.

What types of egoism are there?

Unhealthy (irrational) egoism can be classified into the following types:

Narcissism. Such a person loves exclusively himself. He considers himself perfect, having no flaws and doing only the right things. He is characterized by arrogance and narcissism, he is able to admire himself in the mirror for a long time and receives great pleasure from the admiration of others, considering this the only expected reaction to his person. Narcissists are characterized by the realization of only their desires, they are not capable of selfless acts, and they are also not distinguished by the ability to empathize. They do not know how to love; in relationships they allow themselves to be loved, believing that by doing so they are gifting their chosen one.
Inflated egoism. This type of egoism is characterized by a tendency to manipulate others and a sense of possessiveness. This type of egoist will not take into account the interests of others. He lives with the firm belief that everyone around him is obliged to satisfy his whims. An inflated egoist agrees to show benevolence only when it is required to achieve his goal.
Egocentrism. This type refers to the highest degree of egoism, since it includes the fixation of all life positions exclusively on one’s own personality. Psychologists classify egocentrism as a character trait rather than a behavioral flaw. Egocentrics are known for excessive suspiciousness, which can take the form of paranoia. They are not alien to self-criticism and the ability to admit mistakes made. But the need for approval and encouragement from others is alien to them.

Decision-making

This is the most difficult step and difficult decision.

No matter how much this person means, you have to question whether you are truly being used in the relationship. Learn to see the signs and, more importantly, learn to accept them.

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A man is an egoist in a relationship: signs

A person who is a healthy egoist tries to achieve what he wants without harming the people around him. He tries to calculate the consequences of his actions and minimize possible negative consequences as much as possible.

An irrational egoist is not used to this and considers it acceptable to achieve only his own goals, even to the detriment of other people. It is normal for him to use other people's goals to realize his own.

The same applies to the romantic sphere. In relationships with the opposite sex, egoists also act only for their own benefit. It is important for them that the chosen one or chosen one fulfills his whims. They love it, essentially, in return for actions done for them. All their love revolves according to the pattern “you - to me, I - to you.” If a woman fulfills his requests, then so be it, he will be generous and take her to a restaurant.

To understand whether a person is an egoist, pay attention to the following signs in his behavior:

inability to listen to others;
narcissism and praise of one’s merits;
confidence in one's rightness;
the need for constant attention to one’s own person;
negative attitude towards criticism addressed to oneself;
manipulating others and dividing them into hierarchical levels.

Important

An egoist will never perceive his life partner as an equal. He loves only himself and “allows” his partner to be close, considering this a sufficient indicator of his affection.

Character traits and behavioral characteristics of a selfish man

Each man has an individual character.

Selfishness manifests itself in different ways. But this behavioral feature has a number of common characteristic features.

Among them are the following behavioral features:

An egoist very rarely asks a woman about her well-being, does not ask questions about her life, because he is simply not interested.
Such a man will not even think of asking his wife if she has eaten, if she has taken medication, or if she is tired of looking after the children all day. He would rather ask (or even demand) to be “fed, watered and put to bed” as soon as possible.
A selfish guy will not court a girl. He won't pick her up before the date, won't give her flowers, won't buy her a small gift. After all, he has, as it seems to him, much more serious reasons to spend time and money on himself. And “on oneself” is the key word here.
When the woman of a selfish man does household chores (cleaning, cooking, ironing), it will never even occur to him to offer help.
Without asking, without warning, he goes to have fun: to clubs, bars, on picnics with friends. He doesn’t invite his woman anywhere with him.
An egoist is always also a narcissistic man. He loves to listen to compliments and praise in order to be convinced of his attractiveness and exclusivity. Although he himself never makes reciprocal gestures of attention.
When a guy suffering from excessive selfishness is sick, he is always “almost on the verge of death” and is ready to write a will with a temperature of 37 degrees. However, if his beloved falls ill, he speaks very disparagingly about the fact that she, with a migraine, runny nose and cough, does not want to go to the kitchen and make him tea.

That is, male egocentrism in close relationships manifests itself in caring exclusively about oneself.

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Such a person is only interested in himself, but at the same time expects those around him to forget about their needs and desires for his sake.

Reasons for the development of irrational egoism

Irrational egoism manifests itself in a person for only one reason - improper upbringing. The following actions lead to the development of unhealthy egoism:

Parents are not ready to consider their child as a separate person who is destined for his own life with its mistakes and successes. They perceive him as their property, although they should cultivate in him the desire for independence and responsibility. However, his parents, by their behavior, show him a completely different model of a perfect personality. And when this child grows up, he will also begin to approach everything with a consumerist approach.
Overprotection and blind love on the part of parents also contribute to the manifestation of unhealthy selfishness in the child. Parents do not allow the child to show independence; they are ready to fulfill every whim of their adored “child”. As a result, the child grows up to be an egoist with an ardent conviction that everyone around him should fulfill his wishes.
A selfish attitude towards a child on the part of parents causes significant damage to the harmonious development of his personality. Parents show that they are only interested in fulfilling their goals, they condemn and criticize other people, and do not know how to compromise with family and friends. They show no interest in their child’s life, and as a result, he begins to treat them the same way. Such an approach to education disrupts the child’s adequate perception of the world; he loses faith in its fairness and reliability and perceives it only as a means of realizing his ambitions.

Sometimes unhealthy egoism can form in a person if in childhood he had to struggle to achieve all the benefits of life and the attention of others. Such children perceive the world as cold and cruel and come to the conclusion that they only need to take from it; they are not obliged to give anything to anyone, since the world did not give them anything for nothing. Most often, such people become cruel and intolerant of other people's weaknesses; they consider it quite natural to treat others with disdain. For them, “the end justifies the means” is a natural concept.

Types of husbands - selfish

Before answering the question “ My husband is selfish - what should I do ?” You should take a closer look at the classification of domestic egoists:

A reasonable person always comes first, but is not capricious and does not focus the attention of others on his superiority.
The inveterate person is again in first place and does not allow loved ones to live their own lives. According to such a man, those around him should fulfill all his whims at the first call.
An aggressive person cannot be re-educated: any argument in him causes a violent negative reaction. His opinion is always the only correct one, but he does not listen to others. Wives of aggressive egoists often say that their husbands humiliate them. The psychologist's advice in this situation is divorce.

A happy marriage with a selfish nature is possible only if you completely indulge her whims. But if a woman is not ready to put her whole life on a pedestal at the feet of her husband, such a union will not last long.

How to live with a selfish man?

Living with a selfish husband is difficult, but possible. However, if you expect equality in your relationship with him, then most likely your desire will remain unfulfilled. Are you confused and don't know how to make the right decision? Take advantage of the advice of psychologists:

If you do not see the point in maintaining a relationship with an egoist, then be firm in your decision. An egoist will never understand that his behavior led you to the idea of breaking up. He will begin to accuse you of betrayal and breakup. After a breakup, many selfish people seek to ruin the life of their ex-partner, believing that they must punish him.
Do not try to re-educate an egoist - there will be no result. The egoist is completely satisfied with his life, he is used to his partner fulfilling his desires, and if he has to achieve something himself, he often uses “other people’s hands” for this. The egoist is more likely to hide his requests away for a while and wait for a while. We can say that in this way he lulls your vigilance. After some time, everything will return to normal, so don’t flatter yourself.
If you undertake to change something in an egoist, then take into account that it is not his character that must change, but his attitude towards others. Try to start behaving like him for a while. Show him how he appears from the outside, maybe it will have an effect.

Psychologists say that if we fight egoists, then only with their own methods. Does he treat you with indifference and does not take your opinion into account? Start behaving the same way. Perhaps he will change his behavior towards you if he is faced with a similar attitude towards him. No person likes to be shown their worst sides.

However, if he is not ready to change, then do not try to save this relationship. In love there is no place for consumerism and disregard for the feelings of the chosen one.

Why do men become selfish?

Most often, male selfish people are people spoiled by female attention in childhood. For example, their mother fulfilled their whims at the first request, and when they grew up, they began to expect the same attitude from other women in their lives.

Of course, there are exceptions. Sometimes a self-centered man is a person deeply traumatized in childhood. He lacked attention, love and care at an early age. There is no clear framework in the matter of character formation; each case is exceptional and individual in its own way.