“I married my cousin, after which we left the country”: what sacrifices can you make for love and not regret it?

Why do we exist and not live?

Yes, because we do nothing, we live by inertia, as it turns out. And everything would be fine if they didn’t whine. The problem for many is that they do not come to terms with difficulties that they do not want to change, but are constantly worried about it. But don't. There are two main reasons why a person exists and does not live:

1. He worries about his problems.
2. Oh I'm not ready to change anything.

Actually, what is the problem? This is such an abstract substance that always sits in your head. For there to be a problem, it must be recognized. That is, if you do not recognize the presence of difficult situations in yourself, then they do not exist. But you shouldn’t escape reality. Some difficulties are much better to solve than to wait meekly for them to accumulate.

Method number 14. Start setting goals for yourself and implementing them

Start setting realistic goals in life that you want to achieve. As a rule, when you set goals for yourself and begin to implement them, you will be able to gradually make positive changes in your own life, making it much more interesting and much better every day. The main thing is to never stop there in order to independently shape your ideal future.

How to learn to live and not exist?

The answer is amazingly banal and simple: start living . Although you don’t know how to do it yet, it can be fixed. But not a single skill will be achieved if you do not take real action to correct your disastrous state. There is one more point: you all always know at least a little. Yes, even if you think the opposite.

How to prove this? It’s very simple: there are two types of activities that complement each other. The first is external activity , which is visible to other people. But much more important is the second, internal one , which is only in your imagination. Before we do something, we always draw a very detailed image of how it will happen.

So, the key points to start living:

1. They understand the line where people live and do not exist;
2. Set life goals. Write a plan for the life you would like to live;
3. Start taking action, at least small;
4. Learn to enjoy life and enjoy life;
5. Compare yourself yesterday and today. Draw conclusions. Perhaps a year ago you did not have what you have today. Raise the bar and compare yourself a year from now.

Most people don't value what they have. Sometimes you can notice that disabled people enjoy life more than able-bodied people. They know how to truly live and appreciate every day, they do not look for excuses, but live with what is given to them, adapting to the blows of fate, overcoming them and sometimes receiving more than you and I.

Now look: you have an idea of ​​what it means to “live and not exist”? Don't say no, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question. You have an image of how you want to live, it’s just formed only on a subconscious level. Therefore, let’s proceed directly to its awareness, but for this we need to do several exercises.

Pay attention to moral values.

Now every square centimeter of the world is saturated with material values, but it’s worth paying attention to moral ones! Living in a big house can seem like hell if your husband is a tyrant or brand clothes don’t hide your overweight body.

Buying a trip is a way to see another country and expand your horizons. Charity is a way to help others, not a whim of the rich and famous! The easier your attitude towards money, the lighter your soul becomes. You can wake up every day in high spirits if you prioritize achieving your goals rather than making money!

Exercise 1: Drawing goals

You probably expected to hear detailed instructions on how to stop existing and start living. I'll have to disappoint you: you have to write it yourself. Why? Because if you read the instructions written by someone else, you would accept someone else's values ​​and advice. They wouldn't fit into your picture of the world at all.

Therefore, the most important thing at the moment is to draw what is valuable specifically for you .

For some people love, for others money is more important. And the third category of people values ​​both. Delve into yourself and write an article about 10 thousand characters (yes, this is a lot, but everything will be described in detail), how you would like to live. Practice shows that while writing a text, a lot becomes clearer and even motivation appears to take the first step.

Please note that the length of 10 thousand characters is only approximate, but it is better not to write more or less. Why? The reason is simple: if you write less, the vision will not be clear enough, and it will be harder to achieve the goal. If you want more, it may be too much water and nothing specific. Also not an option. Focus on 10 thousand characters. It is not necessary to write such a huge article in a day; it may take much more time.

Why this exercise? Because the majority of people who exist and do not live do not have a specific idea of ​​what they generally need from life. Although many of them say that they have. And when you ask them to talk about it, the answer you get is some abstract things, no specifics. And we have already said earlier that without this no external activity is possible.

We often underestimate the importance of imagination, while Nikola Tesla never began constructing an invention until he had drawn out all the details in his head. When he started doing something, he already knew how to do it.

Question: what if I know where to go, but there is not enough information?

A lack of information about your goals is completely normal. The problem is how people treat it. Losers make excuses for not knowing. Successful people do everything they can to find out. Remember: whoever owns the information owns the world . Or maybe he just has a more successful life. Information is the internal conditions for achieving the goal, and actions are external. One cannot exist without the other.

Remember : to achieve your goal you need to have constant contact with information.

A person tends to forget what he does not use, and therefore there must always be something in the brain's piggy bank. Information feed is needed both at the stage of vision formation (see exercise number 1), and when you begin to take the first steps, and when you have almost reached the goal. And when we reach the finish line, we must also replenish ourselves with knowledge, if only so as not to roll back to the previous level.

You don't have to stop when you start getting what you want. This is just the beginning, keep taking action, learning new things and moving forward. You don’t need to exist like the majority of the population of our country: “So I want a new job with a good salary so I can save up for my own house, send my child to a private kindergarten, celebrate birthdays in a restaurant rather than at home, etc.” That's good, I got the job I wanted. I’ll stop there.” And a year later, again the realization that nothing has changed in life, and the work is no longer satisfactory (the boss does not appreciate it), and the child was never enrolled in kindergarten. And again: I do not live, but exist!

To live, and not exist, you need to work on yourself constantly! Both over the inner world and over external actions. Otherwise, in your old age you will regret that you never tried something, that you could have achieved more, that you could have lived a different life... But, unfortunately, time has passed...

What if there is no time?

These are all excuses. Here are some ways to constantly feed yourself information and develop:

1. Read books.
2. Listen to audiobooks.
3. Submit articles for voiceover by telephone.
4. Watch video lessons on related topics.
5. Talk to people about your goal and what it takes to achieve it.
6. Go to trainings.
7. Watch how people do training (even without direct participation).
8. Listen to podcasts.
9. Watching people.
10. Think.

And so on. We have to invent. It is impossible not to have a free minute in which to listen to something. For example, you go to the store - why not put some article on voice-over with your mobile phone. Modern smartphones sometimes read texts better than some people. In 20 minutes of going to the store, you already have more knowledge.

If you are stuck in a traffic jam, God himself ordered you to play an audiobook.

Ideally, information should be fed every second. But no less important is to be able to process it quickly. After all, the speed of achieving your goal largely depends on the amount of information you process. Therefore, now let’s move on to a very important part - brain development.

Do what brings you pleasure.

How to live for pleasure if work is a difficult ordeal? Work without vacation, an additional task at one in the morning - where is the logic? We achieve the greatest productivity when we devote enough time to rest. A person arriving from Turkey will come to work in high spirits and will strive to go on vacation again. He will work hard for this.

There are so many examples in the world where people change their old job to the one they have long dreamed of. Such employment may bring less money, but give greater freedom, which is especially appreciated now! Don't have the strength to be in this office anymore? You can find flexible work! Do you want to devote more time to your family? Why not find remote jobs online!

Why is it important to train your brain?

Because it has already been proven that the degree of success in life depends on the training of cognitive processes. Simply put, fools don't succeed. And not everyone is smart. Why? Because they don't use what they have. And what can we say about the opportunity to train the brain? Unfortunately, many in our world believe that intelligence is given by genes and cannot be influenced. Everything is possible, the main thing is to do it. Now we will look at very important skills and qualities that are worth developing in order to better process incoming information.

Emotions

It is very important to develop your emotions so that your emotional range is not like a toothpick. We are still people - reasonable people. The ability to notice beautiful things in simple little things is also a useful skill in order to enjoy life and get pleasure from it.

• While you wash your face in the morning, smile at yourself in the mirror . A good mood for the whole day is guaranteed.
• Enjoy your meal! Don't swallow it in chunks. Feel all the delights of taste with all your receptors. Experiment. Buy something new, not the notorious buckwheat and pasta.
• Remember the good things more often! Drive away negative thoughts. In the cold, dark winter, it is sometimes so nice to remember the summer days spent at sea. You can plan your next vacation and your mood will clearly lift.
• Do what you've been wanting for a long time! Dancing? It's time to sign up for salsa. Have you wanted to learn how to bake? Go ahead, the internet is full of macaron and cupcake recipes.
• Change your usual rhythm of the day! This will cheer you up. Instead of another series on Channel One or Losfilm, it’s better to download a new book or call your mom or learn a new rhyme with your child.
• Get rid of fear and negativity in your life . If something has been bothering you for a long time, finally solve this problem so that it does not haunt you, share your anxiety with your loved ones. Sometimes, having uttered your disturbing thoughts, they cease to be so disturbing and, a problem that has been tormenting for years, disappears somewhere.
• You don't have to be something you are not . If you want to laugh at a stupid joke, don’t hold back, laugh. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to take a stupid selfie, do it. All this helps to move and develop, and holding back leads to depression and dissatisfaction with life.
• Enjoy life. Learn to enjoy life . Even while doing a boring routine, you can benefit and enjoy life.

Memory and attention

We will not separate these processes, because they go hand in hand. As well as thinking, imagination and so on. Memory is an internal information feed. Not a single mental process will work without memory. Thinking operates on information already contained in the brain. The same applies to imagination, emotions, and so on. The development of intelligence primarily involves memory training.

Attention is no less important than memory. This is the gateway to our psyche. If there is no attention, a person will not remember anything. Wow, how far we have come. We started with the importance of doing something and absorbing information, and we continued with a description of how important it is to train memory and attention. Yes friends. Nothing can be done without this. After all, like many people: they suffered about what a bitter fate they had, and then they were distracted by something, and that’s all. By the way, achieving a goal implies constant concentration on the end result and what you are directly doing .

You can train your memory using special applications for phones. It is also useful to learn a foreign language. There is nothing more beneficial for the brain than learning new words. After all, this is not only information in itself, but also a detail in larger information flows. Every word is already knowledge, but knowledge is formed from words. Therefore, it is strongly recommended to expand your vocabulary in full. More words - better memory.

Attention can be trained using Schulte tables. We'll talk about them later when we describe speed reading, but they are incredibly useful for developing concentration. In general, Schulte tables are used in pathopsychology to measure this mental process, but any diagnostic tool can also be a training tool. So install them on your phone and practice as much as you want.

Since memory and attention are connected, if you train one, the other will certainly develop. You won't recognize yourself in a year!

Speed ​​reading

This is a skill that allows a person to process text information several times faster. Many successful people read quickly. For example, Roosevelt loved to read and literally “swallowed” books. The famous modern business coach Radislav Gandapas, who is said to be becoming smarter and more interesting every year, has also mastered speed reading techniques. They allow:

1. Process information quickly.
2. To save time.
3. Protect your eyesight (a person without speed reading skills puts too much strain on his eyes).
4. It is better to remember (speed reading without a good memory is impossible).

Typically a person reads at a speed of close to 200-300 words per minute, and this is considered good. Theoretically, the eye is capable of perceiving 12,000 words per minute, but in practice, rarely can anyone read faster than 1,000 words per minute. These numbers don’t tell you anything yet, so let’s put it another way: it’s quite possible to read 3 pages per minute with good comprehension of the material. Not without hard, long-term training, of course.

What is needed to develop speed reading?

First of all, you need to accustom yourself to read with your eyes, without an internal voice of what you see. At school we were taught to perceive the text this way: first we voice it inside our heads, then we listen to the speaker sitting in our imagination, and only then we process the information. In addition to the fact that the auditory nerve can transmit 25 times less information per unit of time than the visual nerve, it also takes time to process. All this is very irrational, don’t you think? And the speed of sound in nature is also much less than light.

When we see a tree, we don’t think much about what it is. We simply see a collection of pictures that the brain reads instantly. Surprisingly, a word is also a picture. It is not necessary to verbalize it internally in order to understand its meaning. It is too long. So learn to read with your eyes.

It is very useful for this to develop peripheral vision so that more words fall into our field of vision. This will allow you to relieve fatigue from your eyes (and with them from your entire body) and be fed with information for much longer. To do this, we use the already familiar Schulte tables.

Speed ​​reading is impossible without good concentration and memory. The faster we remember, the faster we can read. Therefore, you can often notice that people with good memory quickly perceive text without any speed reading techniques. We haven’t learned anything, but everything is already so good. In general, a lot can be said about training cognitive processes, but it’s time to talk about practice. Just remember: train your brain and speed reading so that your internal activities are more efficient.

Exercise 2: Start Small

Everything starts small. You can, of course, take your will into your fist once and say: “that’s it, I’m tired of living like this, I’m starting a new life tomorrow . But for how long? Try, being untrained, to lift a 100 kg barbell. Even if you take it, you will spend several weeks restoring your health. It’s the same with achieving goals: the slower you go, the further you will go.

Start not with what you can’t, but with what you can, but don’t do. If this becomes your habit, then your life will change. And then you will understand that in fact you are able to achieve something that was not possible before.

The essence of the exercise is this: write down point by point what first steps you can take on the path to vision. Again, these are just a guideline to give you somewhere to start. In life, you need to constantly think: what you are doing is bringing you closer to your goal or further away . Remember: the best strategies fail because of tactics. Therefore, as they say: think globally, act locally. Just evaluate your current actions for appropriateness. And in order not to forget this, you need a good memory and concentration. You see how everything intersects. But write down the first steps at least as a guide.

Difficulties: how to respond to them

It may seem to you that train your brain, read a lot, and everything will be fine. No, it's not that simple. There will be difficulties, and sometimes very difficult ones. Here we must remember that any situation can be perceived by a person both as experience and as psychological trauma. Moreover, we ourselves decide how to relate. Experience teaches, psychological trauma unlearns.

At the same time, remember: it is much easier for the psyche to perceive difficulties as psychological trauma. Why? Because there is no responsibility, no need to strain and think. Experience is always a logical approach to a problem. Therefore, be prepared for the fact that you will automatically perceive difficulties as psychological trauma. And considering that you came to read this article on the request “to live, not to exist,” then, in fact, the perception of life as continuous trauma has already become a habit.

Method number 4. Be open to communication and new acquaintances

Never close yourself off from communication and new acquaintances. Become as open to communication as possible to make your life much more diverse and much better. Remember that new acquaintances will not only give you good impressions, but also, quite possibly, can significantly improve your life. The main thing is to protect yourself from communicating with negative and bad people, as they can only ruin your whole life.