“Your psychological advice is of no use!..”

The inner world hides feelings, emotions and various kinds of reflections. Each person is individual and reacts differently to life situations. Often, to solve any problems, people need the advice of a professional psychologist. They are able to direct thoughts in the right direction, which will help them quickly navigate the circumstances that arise. Psychology and its practical advice have existed for a long time and have been used more than once, so their effectiveness has been proven.

Advice from psychologists for every day

Most people don't know how to improve their lives. They are oppressed by any situation, because of which, in despair, many fall into depression. Useful psychology contains several recommendations that must be followed in order to prevent depression.

1. The most important thing in a person’s life is sleep, only it will help you look healthy, cheerful and quickly assess any situation. Therefore, you should always get enough sleep, postponing things that can be done a little later.
2. Don't hold onto grudges and negativity. Everything in life can be survived, you don’t need to stay on the black line for a long time, it’s best to quickly step over it.
3. A monotonous life situation (work-home) can quickly lead to fatigue and depression. Diversify your life: visit exhibitions, concerts, museums and other entertainment events.
4. There is no need to give all of yourself to boring and uninteresting work, at this rate you can become angry at the whole world and withdraw into yourself. If you don’t like a job, it’s better to leave it and find something more worthwhile and desirable.
5. Love yourself and the whole world will love you!

This practical psychology for every day has been tested, which indicates its effectiveness.

Advice to avoid stress

You need to immediately decide that avoiding stress is virtually impossible advice. Life itself is constant stress. Such stress is healthy. I mean normal. It’s just that in the modern world stress has been made into a horror story. We shifted our emphasis a little and began to understand stress as something that destroys us.

But not any stressful impact is destructive, but only that which exceeds our adaptive abilities. Therefore, it would be wiser to increase these same abilities. First of all, improve your strategy for perceiving any stress. The internal attitude, the conviction that we are stronger than stress, is saving in itself. “God does not give tests beyond one’s strength” is an axiom. “Everything will pass, and this will pass” is also an axiom. Or you can use a more frivolous, cartoonish statement to remind yourself of common sense: “We will survive this trouble.”

And therefore, instead of “lying down and dying,” even for 5 minutes, it is better to spend these minutes on prayer: “Thy will be done!”

It is very important to stop whining. All groans, grumbling, regret (all temptations of despondency and murmuring) are under the “method of stopping thoughts.” Its essence is very simple: first you need to arm yourself with the first attitude - the determination to conscientiously use the method. And at every moment when you catch yourself thinking these unconstructive, or even sinful thoughts, tell yourself “stop.” And immediately - prayer. A sincere “living” appeal to God. And then distract yourself, do something that can completely occupy your mind, preventing it from slipping into whining and aggression. It is very important to say “stop” every time you catch bad thoughts. Usually at first, until the habit of thinking soberly is formed, you have to repeat “stop” to yourself every second. But if you sincerely rely on God’s help, then gradually the habit of not whining and not grumbling is formed. And a lot of worries and worries automatically disappear.

But if it is absolutely unbearable and you really need to suffer and whine, then sometimes indulgence in weakness is acceptable (especially if the person still suffers and whines). You just need to set the alarm. With the last conscious thought before collapsing into suffering, set the alarm clock for half an hour, tell yourself - “I have half an hour to whine and feel sorry for myself” (but in no case to express dissatisfaction with God!). So far, none of my clients have complained or asked permission to increase the time to at least an hour. Of course, I do not mean serious experiences - grief from the loss of loved ones and similar catastrophic situations. But most stress is much simpler, and people suffer from it as if they were burying their children and their life was over. It is precisely such stresses - not catastrophic ones - that I am talking about when I suggest setting an alarm clock.

It is important to remember that even catastrophic stress can “break” us only with our permission. Numerous examples of Christian martyrs show us that by trusting in God, we can save our sanity from panic and save our soul even when we are unable to save our body from pain and death. A person’s internal reserves are limited only as long as he relies only on his own strength. And God's help works miracles.

Of course, it is really better to avoid stress-catastrophes. But, alas, they do not always depend on our desire. The good news is that they don’t happen every day. Excessive amounts of stress should also be avoided.

After all, in everyday life we ​​usually deal with stress that “takes us” not by force, but by quantity. And a person often gives in under the pressure of life’s difficulties, receiving, at best, neurosis.

However, the response to stress begins with our own choice - to decide that a new or familiar stress is stronger than us - or not. Reasonable response to stress significantly increases the adaptive abilities of our body, and as a result, everyday stress ceases to undermine our vitality.

By the way, sleep and diet also strengthen our stress resistance.

Like the third tip - rest.

Advice from psychologists to help manage stress tolerance

Unfortunately, there is no such person who does not suffer from stressful situations. They affect many people so deeply that it is difficult for them to recover later and continue their normal lives. It’s not difficult to follow the recommendations, the main thing is to start doing it, and the result will not be long in coming.

1. Under any circumstances, you need to listen to your body. It is important to understand his desire and make sure that it does not fail in a stressful situation.
2. Drink vitamin D, it will help you endure difficult moments in life.
3. Don’t hold grudges against others, forgive everyone, even if it seems difficult.
4. Constantly increase your physical endurance. Exercising is a good way to deal with stressful situations.
5. Yoga is also an effective way to combat stress. Video lessons will help you learn proper meditation.
6. Spend less time on gadgets.
7. Listen to calm music.

Such psychological advice for every day should not be missed, because regularity is the path to quick recovery.

Doctor, am I happy? Non-trivial advice from a psychotherapistYuri Vagin, 2020

Non-professional burnout syndrome

Professional, also known as emotional, also known as mental, burnout as an independent syndrome was first described by the American psychiatrist Herbert Freudenberger in 1974. He drew attention to the paradoxical indifference to work, poor attitude towards patients, clients and colleagues, a sense of professional failure and dissatisfaction with work among representatives of the so-called “helping” professions: social workers, volunteers, psychologists, doctors and teachers. Freudenberger noted that such a state is not an initial personality trait of social workers, but arises under certain conditions during their work activity. A person who once entered a “helping” profession full of strength, enthusiasm and desire to benefit people, after some time feels empty, negatively disposed towards work and everything connected with it.

Having studied burnout syndrome, Freudenberger came to the conclusion that its development is facilitated by: 1) the need to work in a monotonous or stressful rhythm, 2) the emotional stress of interacting with a difficult contingent of clients and 3) the lack of proper reward for the work performed. Freudenberger pointed out that this condition develops in people who are prone to empathy, an idealistic attitude towards work, but at the same time unstable, prone to daydreaming and obsessed with obsessive ideas. Since then, professional burnout syndrome has been studied for more than forty years.

In Russia, special attention has not been paid to the study of professional burnout syndrome, and in general it should be recognized that the peak of fashion for discussing the syndrome has already passed. Nevertheless, the topic remains relevant in certain circles and is often discussed at humanities conferences by people “prone to empathy, idealistic towards work, unstable and given to daydreaming.” Pragmatic professionals know about professional burnout syndrome, but do not consider it necessary to talk about it, since they do not suffer from it and do not see the point in discussing something that has nothing to do with them.

Several years ago, I attended a similar humanitarian conference and accidentally found myself in a section where the topic “Psychologist - a representative of the helping profession” was discussed. The speakers spoke at length, at length and heartfeltly about the dedication and self-sacrifice of a psychologist, the heavy burden of emotional empathy for clients, love and empathy, asceticism and spirituality - in a word, in a variety of ways they admired, were touched, were proud and admired themselves. At the end of the meeting, I could not resist the temptation and asked the assembled “helping” colleagues to name at least one example of a “non-helping” profession. For if a psychologist is a “helping” profession (which distinguishes him from other professionals), then, logically, there should be “non-helping” professions. There must be people who, in the course of their work activity, do not help anyone and do not bring benefit to anyone. Since I couldn't think of a single non-helping profession, I decided to ask the audience if they could tell me a couple of non-helping professions. The audience became thoughtful and somehow began to look at me unkindly. I acutely felt that same “bad attitude towards a colleague” that is so characteristic of professional burnout syndrome. The chairman of the section, overcoming slight confusion, looked at me from the height of the podium and was sincerely surprised: “Why, Yuri Robertovich, don’t you understand the difference between the profession of a psychologist and the profession of a taxi driver?”

I honestly admitted that I don’t understand and don’t see the difference. From my point of view, both (the psychologist and the taxi driver) help people solve their problems. A taxi driver helps solve some problems, a psychologist helps others, but both help. Having heard this statement, the audience lost interest in communicating with such a limited-minded subject and continued to talk about such categories as “mission”, “asceticism”, “spiritual feat”, “self-sacrifice” and “service to people”.

It seems to me that professional burnout syndrome would actually be more correctly called “non-professional burnout syndrome.” After all, as Freudenberger quite rightly noted, this syndrome is observed in individuals who are poorly prepared and poorly adapted to work with people suffering from biological, psychological and social problems. They have idealistic and illusory (if not hallucinatory) ideas about how life works and how they can contribute to changing this life, divorced from real life. These are, as a rule, people who are believers to one degree or another, and confrontation with the pain and blood of real life quickly drains their strength. They resemble sprinters forced to run a marathon. It is not surprising that such a “fiery” attitude towards the profession after a short time leads to burnout of the “professional” himself.

I used the word “professional” in quotation marks because, in fact, these people, in my opinion, are not professionals. They are not even amateurs. They are good, kind, nice and sincere people, but professionally unsuitable for working with other people. And there's nothing wrong with that. Each profession has its own criteria for professional selection. You cannot work as a driver if you cannot distinguish colors, you cannot work as an air traffic controller if your attention is not well developed, you cannot fly into space if you have not first managed to suppress the body’s normal vomiting reaction in response to repeatedly turning upside down. You cannot work for a long time and without the threat of destruction of your psyche as a psychologist, psychotherapist, doctor or social worker, if you have not previously been able to learn the complex and important professional art of “detachment,” which can also be called depersonalization, but this is good depersonalization, this is depersonalization that helps a person perform your professional duties as well as possible.

It is no coincidence that in medicine and psychology, specialists are not recommended to provide professional assistance to relatives and friends. Excessive emotional attitude does not help, but hinders the provision of assistance. Imagine a surgeon operating on his own child, or a psychologist who “works” with his wife who “accidentally” cheated on him. Imagine what they have to do every day. How quickly will that same professional burnout occur that Freudenberger once described among people who strive to treat every client and patient as their closest and dearest person?

There is a good old American film “The Color of Night”, in which Bruce Willis plays a psychotherapist whose patient, before his eyes, committed suicide by jumping out of the office window. The patient died. The doctor was forced to undergo a course of psychological rehabilitation for a long time in order to recover from the emotional trauma he suffered.

I remember a case from my own clinical practice when I worked with a client with a heavy feeling of uselessness, the feeling that no one cared about her, that she was alone in this world, and I worked successfully. The client recovered and “returned to people.” When we finished work, she admitted that she felt an acute, insurmountable desire to commit suicide just to hurt me, so that I would suffer and worry because of her. And she admitted that she did not do this only because she understood well: I would neither suffer nor worry. Therefore, she chose to be cured.

My advice: run away from a psychologist who empathizes with you. If you want a psychologist to empathize with you, sympathize with you, feel sorry for you, stroke you on the head and say: “Be patient, little one, everything will work out,” then please do so. But if you are waiting for professional help, do not count on emotions.

How to learn to enjoy life: advice from a psychologist

Not everyone is able to enjoy what is happening around them, because this is often prevented by poor condition, a feeling of fatigue, depression or resentment. Often in such states, the world around us becomes boring, uninteresting and gray. To prevent this from happening, you need to take into account a number of psychological tips:

• smile more often;
• play sports;
• update yourself (haircut, coloring, shopping);
• dream;
• look for the positive in small things, travel;
• bring goodness to those around you.

These easy-to-follow tips from psychologists will help you move from a negative point and bring joy and positivity into your life. If nothing helps, don’t hesitate and contact a specialist, for example, psychologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin.

Diet - another useful tip

You can take such small steps to regulate your diet. Usually like: “I can’t live without sweets, so I eat as much sweets as I want.” But you can eat not a whole chocolate bar, but leave one square for later. Two. Half a tile.

You love fried food and are not ready to give it up - add as little oil as possible when frying (modern frying pans help with this well).

Taste habits are formed, like any other, from 20 to 40 days at least (of course, if you didn’t fall in love with the dish the first time).

Just make some small change in your routine, in your behavior. With God's help. Get used to it. And then - another step.

And it is also important not to abuse self-justifications - that is, not to lie to yourself before God. After all, it’s like with us: if health does not allow restrictions on food, for example, the doctor said that you need meat, but you are fasting, then the person simply takes and eats all the meat, reassured by the fact that there is permission from the doctor. And so he says: the doctor told me...

But if your doctor told you that you need to eat meat every day, then the right thing to do would be to boil a piece of meat and eat just meat. Not steak, not chicken Kiev, but just meat... Fasting is not about not eating meat and not about self-torture. It’s about limiting yourself, curbing your passions, regaining your subtle sense of proportion.

And most importantly: if you treat yourself to goodies, or indeed in any activity, you should not absolve yourself of responsibility for your actions. You need to honestly admit to yourself and others that failure to follow reasonable rules is your weakness, your choice, and not be justified by external instructions. As soon as you gradually begin to give up crafty self-justification and reduce the number of these supposedly innocent lies, your soul becomes easier.

How to become a sociable and interesting person?

Many people, when in a company, behave awkwardly and do not know how to start a conversation. It all stems from internal fear. There are a number of psychological tips that will help you behave more relaxed and find common topics with your interlocutor.

1. Analyze your speech less, because this takes time, which acts as a hitch in the conversation and because of this you may be mistaken for an uncommunicative person.
2. Don't take criticism too seriously; some points just need to be omitted.
3. In every conversation, highlight the positive points.
4. Be the first to start conversations more often.
5. Make new acquaintances more often.

There is no need to be afraid to communicate with people, because this gives rise to the meaning of further relationships.

The killer is inside us

Victor, an irreplaceable employee in a large company. Dedicated 12 years to her. He achieved a promotion, achieved a lot, but one Monday he could not get out of bed to go to the office. The body held him on the bed and whispered: “You need to see a doctor. It would also be nice to see a psychotherapist.” For a long time he hid his condition from his wife and employees. And I could no longer control my irritation either at home or at work.

First he admitted to his wife: “I can no longer get out of bed to go to work. Just the mention of it makes me sick. I couldn't believe that this could happen to me. Suicidal thoughts began to come, and it was as if the chest was being squeezed by the claws of an invisible monster.” More than once they told Victor: “You look tired. All you do is talk about work and nothing else.” On Monday, Victor got into his Opel and went to a psychotherapist.

Let's look at what we can do to avoid ending up in Victor's shoes. 2020 is indeed a double round number and is associated with something better. Research supports improvements in medicine, safety and health:

1. Child mortality fell by 41% from 1990 to 2012.
2. Life expectancy has doubled since 1900.
3. Most of us have long since exceeded the “extreme poverty level” of $1.25 a day.
4. According to Cambridge professor Audrey De Gray, the person who will celebrate his thousandth birthday has already been born.

How to approach life more simply: 5 practical tips from a psychologist

To make your attitude towards life easier, you just need to study psychology and its useful tips, which were developed by professionals.

1. Don’t get hung up on the “work-home” principle, it won’t bring anything good. If you devote yourself completely to work, joy will disappear from life, and depression and chronic fatigue will come.
2. Always keep emerging thoughts under control. Don't do rash things.
3. Communicate with others easily, without coercion; if this is not possible, then this is not your circle of people.
4. Keep your home in order, because it has long been proven that it completely affects order in your personal life.
5. The dream must be correct, something you want to strive for and move mountains to make it come true.

If you have doubts that cannot be resolved on your own, it is best to seek advice from a psychologist. It will help you understand and apply recommendations on practical psychology for every day.

How to get out of depression yourself

How to get rid of depression on your own? Depression is a condition that is often called the real plague of the 21st century. And there is every reason for this: when melancholy, fatigue, self-hatred overwhelm you and deprive you of the strength to live on - this is really serious!

In this article you will read about effective ways to overcome depression, told by our readers, and you will also be able to find out the opinion of an experienced psychologist and psychotherapist on this difficult problem. Indeed, in cases where a person finds himself in a difficult life situation (for example, a woman is thinking about how to return her husband to the family), he definitely needs help, and the advice of a psychologist will come in handy here. The main thing is to learn about them and effectively use these recommendations.