How to protect yourself from the negative energy of envious people?
Don't brag and talk less about yourself
Undoubtedly, it is nice to share your joys and achievements. But if a person shows his superiority too zealously, brags about his successes, constantly talks about his excellent relationships with management and victories on the personal front, this will in any case irritate people prone to envy.
Therefore, to save yourself from envy, give up the habit of putting yourself above others.
And it’s better to talk about your personal life – your husband’s creative successes, excellent-study children and an understanding mother-in-law – only with your family, and not at work. Because there will always be people deprived of family warmth - unhappy wives or single women.
Don't flirt openly at work
Especially with several men at the same time. Even if your professional affairs are going well. This way you won’t make enemies among the female half of the team.
Behave correctly at corporate events
No matter how great your mood is at the party, under no circumstances praise yourself, but rather admire other people, the atmosphere, the work of the host, the performances of the artists, and so on.
Don't show your superiority
If in a group or team you constantly feel your intellectual superiority, do not demonstrate it. You especially shouldn’t do this in relationships with your superiors.
Try to use your intellectual potential to grow spiritually and professionally.
Be tactful in your communication
If you have problems with self-esteem, you shouldn’t increase it at the expense of others: “I’m so beautiful and fashionable. No match for you." When communicating, do not offend or embarrass your interlocutors.
Cleanse yourself energetically
When taking a shower in the evening, imagine that you are removing all the negative energy that has accumulated during the day. If possible, take a shower after communicating with an unpleasant person. If this is not possible, wash your hands and wash your face.
Do not forget to cleanse yourself in the same way after visiting places that are unpleasant to you, as well as places with large crowds of people.
Perform a third eye massage
Use the bone of the index finger of your right hand to massage the “third eye,” imagining how all negative energy leaves and is neutralized in space.
Use the "Brickwork" method
If your envious person is in the same office with you, and it is not possible to move from him, do the “Brickwork” exercise. Imagine that a wall is growing between you and the envious person, brick by brick. Lay the bricks carefully and evenly and secure them with an imaginary mortar.
Continue “construction” to a height that is comfortable for you.
If you are surrounded by a whole “flock” of envious people, surround yourself with walls on the right sides. Do this exercise calmly and concentratedly; you don’t need to wish the envious people all sorts of nasty things like: “I’ll wall you up, you’ll know.”
Take advantage of the power of nature
Try to take a walk during your lunch break in a park or square. Go to a tree, breathe in its aroma, lean against it. If there are no trees nearby or there is no desire/opportunity to walk, place branches of poplar, aspen or lilac on the table - they help protect against negative energy.
You can also place a pot of ivy on the table or sew yourself a sachet filled with dried periwinkle leaves and carry it with you.
About the nature of envy
First of all, you need to understand what you are dealing with.
In general, many people have a very distorted idea of envy: it seems to them that this “animal” comes only when everything is going well for others, and it is impossible to do without it. However, it is not. Envy is a feeling that arises, on the one hand, in a selfish person, and, on the other, in a person with low self-esteem and various inferiority complexes.
When experiencing this state, you don’t want to develop yourself at all - it’s much better if the object of envy is humiliated or crushed.
Envy is a complex and complex feeling. That is, in its experience there are certain stages that unfold over time. But since, as we grew up, we forgot how to listen to our inner voice and experience feelings in their entirety, we are not aware of all this.
Where does the experience of envy begin? Feeling lost.
It pierces a person at the moment when he sees that something is going better for someone else than for him. Associated thoughts may arise about your own insignificance, about not being seen. After this comes the feeling of being touched to the quick. A person begins to doubt himself and his way of life. The thought that he is left alone, and other people seem to exist in another world, cannot leave him.
All this manifests itself in the experience of loneliness, emptiness and one’s own insignificance.
Naturally, this is followed by anger and insult. “Why on earth is this attitude towards me, and everything is so good with you?” - the envious person thinks and begins to analyze the situation. It seems to him that when he himself takes the place of the object of his envy, justice will be restored: he will be given the attention and honor he deserves. But for some reason he doesn’t get anything, and resentment sets in, against everyone at once, including himself.
Aggression is transferred, as a result of which a person thinks that he is bad and wretched.
Thus, as a result of envy, you lose yourself, your value. This is a feeling of being hurt and lost. By the way, envious people and those who are envied are attracted to each other like magnets. This is explained by the fact that most often they all have problems with self-esteem and their place in the world. There is a type of people who deliberately cause envy in others, because only this gives them a feeling of importance and fulfillment.
Therefore, if you are envied, you should think about whether you yourself are provoking those around you to this feeling?
Can envy be beneficial?
The great poet and prose writer Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin wrote: “Envy is the sister of competition, and therefore comes from a good family.” Indeed, in the Russian tradition it is customary to paint envy in two colors: black and white. “Black” is evil and destructive envy, “white” is benevolent, it demonstrates joy for the success of another person. Is this division justified and can envy be beneficial? Let's figure it out.
The main difference between “black” and “white” envy is how a person treats the subject of envy. If the thought arises: “I envy this person and want to rise to his level,” then we are talking about good envy. Her “dark” sister evokes the thought: “I envy this person and want him to sink to my level or lower.”
Being envious in a black way, a person experiences hostility and resentment, which entails not only the desire to take possession of the desired object, but also to cause damage to the one who possesses it. “White” envy is devoid of ill will; it is based on admiration for a person who has achieved greater success. This admiration can turn into inspiration and motivation for the envious person, spurring him to achieve better results in a rational way. It turns out that envy can also be a positive emotion that evokes healthy competition and the desire to improve oneself.
Envy is a matter of attitude. When meeting people in life who are better and more successful, you can react in different ways: with indifference, joy, admiration or envy. By choosing envy, a person dooms himself to stagnation, because he refuses to learn from those who know and understand more than him. A healthy response to the achievements of others provides the opportunity to grow and gain the benefits you desire.
Friends, don't waste your precious energy on unproductive feelings. Focus on your life and strive to make it more comfortable, brighter and happier. May success accompany you!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- Managing team emotions
- Anger: threat or defense?
- How to get rid of envy?
- Why comparing yourself to other people can be beneficial
- 10 most disgusting personality traits
- What things in your life should you simplify?
- Emotions and health: how they are interconnected
- Lessons of Wisdom from Epictetus
- Impact of stress on quality of life
- 5 motivation killers
Key words:1Psychoregulation
Types of envy
It has already become clear to you that envy is a complex feeling. However, the topic does not end there: among other things, there are different types of envy, which are actually different from each other.
To what extremes can a person go?
Blind envy
As the saying goes, “to know a person, you have to walk a mile in his shoes.” But many people forget about this and begin to envy others, only observing their success from the outside. Indeed, from the outside it may seem that everything comes easy to a person: career, family, and friendship.
But if each of us could “get into the shoes of the other,” then the number of people wishing to change places would sharply decrease.
Every person has his own problems, and one cannot judge them so simply - it is possible that for him they are a hundred times more difficult than the problems of the envious person. Very often in these cases, the life of another is idealized by the envious person and is simply a reflection of his own dreams.
Big-eyed envy
There are times when a person is jealous consciously. As a rule, such envy is experienced not as black, but as dark gray - it is easier and more understandable, because the other person really has what you really want.
However, even in this situation it is a negative feeling, since it can transform into very deep aggression towards oneself (after all, there is an understanding that the person has not done anything wrong, but only has what he has) and a feeling of guilt. Naturally, this condition also needs to be worked on.
In everyday life, it is customary to divide envy into “white” and “black”.
The latter manifests itself in the desire to harm the object of this feeling, and the former in the desire to improve oneself and one’s own life. Only in reality this boundary is so ephemeral that a person can easily move from one state to another. Unfortunately, pure “white” envy is quite rare, because it is difficult to remain in it - it is much easier to “fall” into aggression towards another.
Envy
Envy is one of the most difficult passions; it disrupts peace of mind and is accompanied by a storm of obsessive evil thoughts.
The Monk Ambrose spoke about envy:
“The passion of envy does not, on any joyful holiday, under any joyful circumstances, allow one to fully rejoice at the one it possesses. Always, like a worm, it gnaws at his soul and heart with vague sadness, because an envious person considers the well-being and success of his neighbor to be his misfortune, and considers the preference given to others to be an unfair insult for himself.”
There is no way to please an envious person
Comparing envy with other passions, the Monk Ambrose recalled the parable of a money lover and an envious man:
“One Greek king wanted to know which of the two was worse—the money-lover or the envious one, because both did not wish the other good. For this purpose, he ordered to call the money-lover and the envious one and said to them:
- Ask me, each of you, whatever he wants. Just know that the second one will receive twice what the first one asks for.
The money-lover and the envious one bickered for a long time, each not wanting to ask first so that later they could receive double. Finally the king told the envious one to ask first. The envious one, being overwhelmed by ill will towards his neighbors, instead of receiving, turned to malice and said to the king:
- Sovereign! Order me to gouge out my eye.
The surprised king asked why he expressed such a desire. The envious one replied:
- So that you, sir, order my comrade to gouge out both eyes.
This is how the passion of envy is harmful and harmful to the soul, but also malicious. An envious person is ready to expose himself to harm in order to harm his neighbor twice as much.”
The elder explained that all passions are harmful to the soul, but in other passions a person can be calmed with something, but envy cannot be satisfied by anything:
“The proud one can be honored! Praise the vain one! To someone who loves money - give something... etc. There is no way to please an envious person. The more they please him, the more he envies and suffers.”
The first signs of envy are inappropriate jealousy and rivalry.
The Monk Ambrose taught to notice the first signs of envy, which manifest themselves in inappropriate jealousy and rivalry:
“Envy is first revealed by inappropriate jealousy and rivalry, and then by zeal with annoyance and censure of the one we envy.”
Reason for envy
To the question of a spiritual child, what is the reason for envy and jealousy, the Monk Macarius answered as follows:
“You ask: why do you have such a hateful feeling when you hear praise from others, and how to get rid of it? What this confusion causes is already the passion that lies within you, arrogance... And when you reproach and humble yourself, you will be healed. Of course, the reason for this temptation is pride, for jealousy and envy arise from it.”
How to deal with envy
The Monk Macarius taught to fight thoughts of envy at the very beginning, when they were still pretexts, and taught to suppress these pretexts while they were still “Babylonian babies”:
“For God’s sake, do not allow this seed of Cain to grow in you, but suppress its small shoots, kill the “babies of Babylon” while they are still babies. Remove them from pretexts through self-reproach and humility.”
The Monk Ambrose also instructed to notice the slightest initial signs of envy in your heart and fight it with prayer, humble confession and prudent silence:
“It, like all other passions, has different sizes and degrees, and therefore one should try to suppress it and destroy it at the first sensation , praying to the Almighty God, the Knower of the Heart, with the psalm words: “Cleanse me from my secrets, and from strangers spare Thy servant (or Thy servant)” (Ps. 18: 13–14).
One must also humbly confess this weakness before the spiritual father.
And the third remedy is to try in every possible way not to say anything nasty about the person we envy. By using these means, we can, with God’s help, although not soon, be healed from envious weakness.”
St. Nikon also advised to pray for those towards whom you have hostile feelings:
“When you feel dislike, or anger, or irritation towards someone, you need to pray for those people, regardless of whether they are guilty or not. Pray in simplicity of heart, as the holy fathers advise: “Save, Lord, and have mercy on Thy servant (name) and for the sake of his holy prayers, help me, a sinner!” Such prayer calms the heart, although sometimes not immediately.”
Force yourself to do good
The Monk Ambrose advised:
“You need to force yourself, albeit against your will, to do some good to your enemies, and most importantly, not to take revenge on them and be careful not to somehow offend them with the appearance of contempt and humiliation.”
Pray for those you envy and for those who envy you
The Monk Joseph taught to pray not only for those you envy, but also for those who envy you:
“Whoever you envy, pray to God for him.”
“Pray for the envious one and try not to irritate her.”
How can you derive spiritual benefit from thoughts of envy?
The Monk Ambrose suggested how one can derive spiritual benefit from thoughts of envy by turning envious thoughts into thoughts of humility:
“You write that, seeing yourself worse than others, you are inclined to envy. Turn this feeling to the other side - and the floor
read the benefits. Seeing oneself worse than others serves as the beginning of humility, if only a person reproaches himself for the admixture of nasty feelings and thoughts and tries to reject this harmful admixture. If you give room for humility to settle in your soul, then, to the extent that it does, you will receive peace from various spiritual burdens.
There is also nothing to envy about those who are wealthy in appearance. An example before your eyes is that even those who have a rich fortune do not enjoy peace of mind. This requires not external support, but firm trust in God. If this provision was useful to you, then the Lord would have sent you wealth. But apparently this is not useful for you.”
Be ready for the return of passion
The Monk Macarius reminded us: sometimes it seems to us that we have conquered some passion, but when the opportunity arises, it turns out that it has returned in its former guise. The elder advised not to be embarrassed by this, but to be prepared for such a turn and, recognizing your weakness, to humble yourself:
“About your passion [envy], you thought that you were already free from it, but then it seemed, when an opportunity opened up, that you were not. What one cannot be surprised about, but one must be prepared to resist passion and, recognizing one’s weakness, humble oneself. When humility and love reign, then passions will disappear.”
Through the prayers of our holy fathers, the venerable elders of Optina, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us!
Causes of envy
If you are envied, you usually don't feel very good about yourself. After all, it’s only from afar that it seems that being in such a unique center of attention is great. In fact, envious people always, to one degree or another, draw energy from the one they envy. Therefore, it is very strange to want this.
But in order to get rid of this, you need to deal with the reasons that cause envy.
There is an opinion that envy is a useful feeling that has been preserved as a result of evolution, the same as aggression or fear. It seems like it should push us to self-improvement. For example, someone who hunted worse will be more persistent and diligent next time. Or he will make better tools for himself. But in this case we are talking only about “white envy”, and “black” is not taken into account in any way.
Envy is always based on comparing yourself to someone else. In general, the mechanism, of course, is not bad and should contribute to the development of a person, but when he “slides” into comparison too often, he becomes very sad, because there is always a person for whom something goes better.
There is a desire to fit the whole world and all people with all their actions into a simple two-dimensional “better-worse” coordinate system.
As a result, deep self-doubt arises. It is this that is another necessary aid for the emergence of feelings of envy. By the way, a person, as a rule, acquires the habit of excessive comparison in early childhood - his parents instill it in him.
In general, the role of the father and especially the mother in the issue of envy is very great.
If parents love their child unconditionally, accept him and praise him, then he will have a feeling of inner peace. Their love, like a shadow, lives in the now adult heart. But if this is not the case, and the parents constantly demand something from the child, comparing him with more successful children, then he gets used to feeling inferior and envying the latter.
What is envy
In the explanatory dictionary, envy is interpreted by the Big Explanatory Dictionary of the Russian Language, edited by S. A. Kuznetsov, as a feeling of annoyance caused by the well-being and success of another.
It is considered a negative emotion - this is how it happened historically. In one ancient book, Cain killed his brother, Abel, because the smoke from his sacrificial fire rose to the sky, and from Cain’s fire it spread along the ground. Since then it has been like this: envy is bad and shameful. Provoking envy is the same, otherwise you can get hit on the nose from fate for this. Hence all the sayings like “Happiness loves silence.” If we move away from philosophical, religious and other layers, envy is an emotion that we experience if we compare ourselves with someone and remain dissatisfied with the result. And what to do with this emotion is up to us.
How to deal with envious people?
Don't make excuses
If you hear “fantastic” stories about yourself that clearly differ from reality, do not fly into rage or, conversely, tears, and do not turn away from the conflict. Firmly and briefly tell the envious person that what he/she is now saying is not true.
You should not indulge in arguments about why this is not true, how things really are, and so on.
Remember, any justification you make will be regarded by your opponent as his personal victory. And you don't need it at all. Firmly stop the gossiper and return to your business as if nothing had happened.
Try to improve your relationship
In some cases, an envious person may be a good person, but very unhappy and angry with life. And it's not your fault. You can establish good business contacts or even make friends with such a person. How to do it? It is necessary to increase the self-esteem of the interlocutor.
Stages of increasing the self-esteem of the interlocutor:
- In a conversation, find out what values this person has. Talk about these values, you will probably agree on something. Be sure to say that you support such and such.
- When communicating, find out what this person does better than you. For example, he bakes pancakes, glues wallpaper, and does good math in his head.
- As if in passing, mention that pancakes, unfortunately, are not your thing, you’ve never hung wallpaper, and you can’t imagine your life without a calculator. It is important not to invent anything or exaggerate. Your inability must be real, otherwise your interlocutor will sense a catch. If you can’t find several inabilities in yourself, discuss one thing. The main thing is to be sincere. When your opponent believes that you are inferior to him in at least some way, he will calm down.
- Ask your opponent to teach you something. Ask how to properly prepare pancake dough, what type of pan should be used, ask to be taught some mental counting methods. Even if you're not particularly interested in something like this, it's worth doing for two reasons. The first is that you will let your interlocutor know that he is not an empty place in society, that he is valuable and needed, and the second reason is that extra knowledge never hurts.
- Thank you sincerely for the advice. Agree, it is difficult to envy a person who is sincerely grateful to you for your help and participation.
All this concerns communication with one envious person. If you are surrounded by a whole “flock” of envious people, and establishing contacts is vital, start working with the leader.
Often, if a person is envied, he simply remains lonely. What to do? The most important thing is not to panic and not to hold anyone back. The following status is now popular online: “Thank you to those people who came into my life and made it wonderful. And thanks to those people who came out of it and made it even better..."
You should not be offended or upset that as a result of your success, long-time friends and acquaintances have turned away from you.
How can you respond to feelings of envy?
Envy is an excellent indicator of needs that for some reason you cannot fulfill. It’s unpleasant to realize that you don’t have the thing you want (or not the thing) and you can’t get it. But this painful experience can be used in different ways. If your neighbor's grass is greener, you can go three ways.
Hate your neighbor, or even water his lawn with herbicides
This is the logical and simplest reaction. But, alas, it will not make your life better, or you happier, even if your neighbor’s lawn turns yellow. Moreover, such an attitude towards the successes of others does not allow you to develop. For example, it is precisely this that causes the emergence of negative attitudes that prevent people from becoming richer. Surely you have heard them a million times: “Money spoils people”, “You cannot earn wealth through honest work.”
Hate yourself and think how unlucky you are
People live, grow and develop in unequal conditions. Let's say one person from a wealthy family studied at the best school, then at a cool university, knows several languages and has traveled a lot. Another grew up in a middle-income family and attended a regular school. They start from completely different points, and even a path of the same duration will not lead them to the same place. This does not mean that the second person is worse or less worthy of benefits, it just happened that way. You can entertain these thoughts over and over again, but they only lead to despondency.
You cannot be reborn in another family or another country. But you can correct the situation taking into account the available input.
And here we move on to the third way.
Understand what you envy and find a way to get it
Let's go back to the neighbor's green grass. Maybe he's just taking good care of her. Then all you have to do is take care of your grass too. It is possible that your neighbor has found special seeds for the lawn, and then you should ask him what kind of company it is.
This is a constructive path that can improve your life.
