General Tips
There can be many reasons for separation. This includes moving, a break in a relationship, and even the death of a person. There are general recommendations that will help you cope with longing for your loved one in all these cases. Let's look at them.
Plunge yourself into your work
The best way to overcome the blues is to get busy with work. If you're used to working slapdashly, now is the time to reconsider your attitude. Work is one of the most important components in a person’s life. It is not only a source of material wealth, but also a reliable psychological support. It is through work that we feel connected to society and feel needed and useful.
Set yourself specific professional goals and start realizing them. This will not only help you take your mind off sad thoughts, but also reach a new professional level. You can enroll in advanced training courses, learn a foreign language, or master a related field. There are always opportunities for growth, no matter what you do.
Change your scenery
You can combat longing for a person from your past with new experiences. Only impressions must be vivid and emotionally rich in order to be able to push painful thoughts out of your head. Go on a trip to an unfamiliar country - the further the better. I just warn you in advance - rest should not be idle. Don't expect to lie passively on the beach for two weeks and return home with renewed thoughts.
Organize a busy program for yourself so that you don’t have a minute to think about painful thoughts. Visit museums, attractions, beautiful places. Chat with locals and immerse yourself in an unfamiliar culture. Both your head and body must be constantly busy, only then will you be able to reboot your brain.
Do some physical labor
When cats scratch at your soul, you really want to just lie buried in your pillow and do nothing. It seems that you lie down for a while and the melancholy will subside. However, this feeling is deceptive.
Idleness is the worst enemy for anyone who is overcome by sad thoughts. You kind of give the brain a signal that it’s time to turn on the energy-saving mode, and it obeys. Every day it will be more and more difficult for you to force yourself to do something. So, slowly but surely you will sink deeper and deeper into apathy.
Why does physical labor help to cope with melancholy? The fact is that the brain at a certain point in time can be focused on one thing. When we do physical work, most of the energy is directed into the muscles. There is nothing left for mental activity. Therefore, if you cannot control your thoughts, you just need to turn them off.
General cleaning, rearrangement, and gardening work are ideal for these purposes. Plunge yourself into your work, and within half an hour you will feel much better. Try to get as tired as possible and fall asleep immediately after work.
Get into the sport
Sports are another good way to stop being bored. The mechanism of its action is the same as the previous one. You need to load your body as much as possible and get as tired as possible. Strength training is best for this purpose. They are literally able to squeeze all the juice out of you, leaving no chance for painful thoughts to suck the energy out of you.
Start appreciating yourself and your life
The next piece of advice on how to stop missing your loved one is to realize that you are worth a better life. You deserve all the best that is in this life, good people who will begin to appear as soon as you free yourself from unnecessary thoughts and begin to live a full life. After all, you are simply accustomed to this feeling of loss, and you are afraid to let it go. But you need to do it.
You must stop blaming yourself or your partner for failures. Free yourself from anger, anger, resentment and other negative feelings. What's done is done, it's already in the past, and you need to think about the present and the future. Therefore, start spending more time on yourself and your desires. Start meeting your friends. Start doing things that bring you pleasure and happiness. Live your life to the fullest so that you simply don’t have time to think about the past.
How to get over a breakup with the person you love
Unfortunately, not all relationships end as in fairy tales. “They lived happily ever after and died on the same day” is a rather rare scenario today. Sometimes separation is inevitable. If your partner is the initiator, you have no choice but to quickly erase him from your memory.
However, some people act completely wrong in this situation. As a result, they get stuck in a love gestalt for many years and cannot start a new story. Follow our tips to avoid making fatal mistakes after breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Get rid of everything that reminds you of him
It is very difficult not to think about a person when his photograph is looking at you from every nightstand. The first thing to do is to remove all traces of his presence in your life out of sight. It is better to return expensive gifts and personal items through mutual friends, and throw away all sorts of little things and trinkets.
When you clear the space of all these artifacts, you will literally be able to breathe easier. Gradually, the image of your ex will be forced out of your head, and you will stop yearning for him.
Stop monitoring his social media
Due to the rapid development of the Internet, it is much more difficult to forget a person today than 20 years ago, for example. My hands are itching to look at his pages on social networks and find there signs of mental anguish and suffering from separation from you. After such forays, nostalgia overwhelms with renewed vigor and unsettles you for a long time.
To prevent this from happening, you need to pull yourself together and turn on your willpower at full capacity. To make it easier for you, I will scare you a little now. You must realize that looking at its pages is not just a pointless waste of time. This is a harmful and to some extent dangerous pastime.
You feed the human figure with your attention, and it takes up more and more space in your head. So you not only lose the opportunity to forget him, but also risk developing a love addiction. Remember - time heals only when you don’t interfere with it.
Don't fantasize
The main reason why you cannot forget someone is to maintain the image of their love for you. You remember the person as loving, passionate and open. Naturally, no one wants to part with such a nice and expensive trophy. Therefore, people ignore the coldness and indifference that caused separation and replace real feedback with illusions.
Every time your ex-lover appears in your thoughts, remind yourself that he does not love you. Picture him as cold, indifferent and distant. If you manage to discard the illusions, his figure in your head will very quickly begin to shrink. The process will be accompanied by a feeling of emptiness and hopelessness - get ready for this.
Cut off all contacts
Continuing to maintain a connection with a person, it will be difficult for you to forget him and stop missing him. All communication must be stopped. Don't give in to the temptation to remain friends. While your feelings have not yet cooled down, a normal friendship will still not work out.
After a while, you can resume contact if the desire remains. But by this point you should already be starting a new story. A new person should appear in your heart who you like and reciprocates. Otherwise, melancholy and sadness may return.
Avoid Depreciation
Most people try to forget their ex by devaluing him. I want to warn you against this method - it has not helped anyone yet. While you sit and go through the shortcomings of your ex-partner, his figure in your head grows.
Devaluation is one of the most insidious psychological defenses. You may feel better for a short time, but then a setback will certainly follow. Longing and nostalgia will overwhelm you with renewed vigor. And all because you are trying to deceive yourself.
What prevents you from forgetting a person?
Romantic relationships are a special period for a woman. She blossoms, feels wanted, gets used to living in a certain rhythm, spending part of her time on her beloved. After breaking up, her world collapses, and the woman begins to constantly think about the man. Why?
Loss of emotions
Even in a not very happy life together there are advantages (after all, this union lasts due to something). And even small advantages usually outweigh significant disadvantages, because when a couple breaks up, a woman involuntarily thinks only about positive aspects. She misses remembering how they went on vacation together, how great they were in bed, how he sometimes hugged her in his sleep. And these memories are the body’s protective reaction to the stress that a single woman experiences. They warm the soul, giving the remnants of pleasant emotions. But at the same time they bring suffering, because this will not happen again.
Destroying a dream
When two people are together, they subconsciously make common plans for life. This is especially typical for any girl, because as soon as the guy reciprocates, she immediately wonders whether his name sounds normal as a middle name for their unborn child. And the further the relationship goes, the further women's dreams move.
Parting abruptly ruins all these plans, because the women connected them with a specific man. And it seems to her that she cannot realize this with anyone else. Hence the constant thoughts about the person. In psychology, this condition is called prolonged frustration. For a long time, a girl cannot get over the fact that everything is over and that she needs to move on and not get hung up on one man.
Understatement and grievances
After a difficult breakup, it is difficult to understand what emotions you are experiencing. It seems to you that this is love, but in fact it may be resentment. If the relationship has been heading towards a breakdown for a long time, and you also understood this, then it will not be difficult to stop thinking about this person. You just need to stop being nervous, angry and offended by him in order to free your soul from negativity, and your heart from the remnants of feelings.
Promises made to yourself
This is a problem for very young girls who, having met their first man, are sure that this is the love of their life. After breaking up, they can think about a person for a long time, not at all because of their feelings for him, but because they consider themselves monogamous. And the thought of having to date someone else torments them. They start thinking about their ex-boyfriend so as not to feel embarrassed about themselves. They are also concerned about the opinions of their parents and friends, so young ladies often deliberately load their heads with unnecessary thoughts.
How to stop missing someone who died
The death of a loved one is the worst tragedy that can happen. Especially if it happened suddenly. The image of the deceased will accompany you for a long time - this is absolutely normal. At first you will experience painful melancholy, and then it will give way to warm sadness. It is within your power to speed up the onset of the second stage.
Don't wallow in guilt
All people who have experienced the death of loved ones have to face a painful feeling of guilt. They reproach themselves for not paying enough attention to the person while he was alive. That they once offended him with something, didn’t say words of love, didn’t appreciate him. This painful feeling is very difficult to live with.
To get rid of it, mentally ask the person for forgiveness. Say everything you didn’t have time to say. You can write a letter and burn it or bury it in the ground. Repeat this ritual from time to time until this stone finally falls from your soul.
Take good care of the burial site
Many people do not consider it their duty to maintain order at the graves of loved ones. “The person is no longer there, which means he doesn’t need it,” they reason roughly like this. In fact, the deceased really does not need this; you and I, who are still living, need this. To pay tribute to a loved one, as a sign of gratitude for his services to us. If this is not done, a feeling of anxiety and fear will imperceptibly grow in the subconscious.
A deceased person may begin to come to you in a dream with a silent reproach on his face. Don't look for any mysticism in this. It is your subconscious that reminds you that you are ignoring very important things.
Take time to honor the person
At first, you will constantly think about the person who has passed away, and it will be very difficult for you to distract yourself from thoughts about him. But soon islands of other thoughts and activities will begin to appear in your mind. Your task is to try to gradually increase these islands.
The problem is that people themselves do not want to part with thoughts of their loved one. They think this is betrayal and blasphemy. How is it possible - it seems like he died quite recently, and they are already absorbed in everyday affairs. Guilt causes them to cling to memories and replay them in their heads like a broken record.
To prevent this from happening to you, you must distinguish between normal attention and pathological fixation. It is normal to remember the deceased from time to time, look through his photographs, and visit the grave. Continuous attention has a very negative impact on mental well-being. You can completely lose touch with reality. It’s unlikely that your loved one would want to become the cause of your unhappiness, right?
Therefore, determine for yourself the time that you will devote to the memory of the deceased. You can spend it alone with your thoughts, or you can gather in a circle of people who knew the person closely.
Reasons why you need to forget a man
It's not easy to forget about your ex-partner. It’s best to start by understanding the reasons why relationships or communication are not worth your time:
READ
Why does a guy return to a girl again after a breakup?
- Unrequited feelings.
- Constant quarrels. If you can’t build a harmonious, comfortable connection, it may be a dead end. But the emotional swing is addictive. Both sides are plunged into depressing introspection. Without such psychological shocks, it becomes unusual, empty and even boring. Thanks to pop culture's romanticization of aggressive couples communicating, many people take this model for granted. One day, partners get tired of instability. There is a feeling of wasted years.
- Partner's nagging, especially regular complaints about skills in bed and appearance. Bullying is not a concern. If a guy enjoys his own criticism, it is better to think about breaking up.
- Sexual pressure. Only selfish people torture their partners with unpleasant sexual practices to please themselves. It is better to part with a young man who threatens to break up in this situation.
- Cooled down feelings. It is important that attempts to save the union do not take years.
- Treason. If there was more than one, then betrayals will be regular. You can accept it or leave to look for your person.
- Abuse. The chosen one manipulates, devalues his partner’s emotions, and deliberately confuses her. He belittles the girl’s dignity, sets conditions, threatens or begs for forgiveness with empty promises. Moral discomfort and complexes are unacceptable in love. All of the above is called “psychological violence.”
- Physical violence (including beatings, rape). It is important to take into account the technique that most rapists use: declarations of love, beautiful gestures, pleas for forgiveness after the crime. Many crimes were committed in this way. You need to go to the police.
Rarely does one reason dominate. There are positive and repulsive sides that are difficult to understand. You can make lists of pros and cons, but this does not apply to violence. Psychological violence is often devalued, because it can be pleasant to be with an abuser.
It should be taken into account: if you are planning a family, then the children will feel the same persecution. The psychology of the rapist is based on complexes, immaturity, and the desire to assert himself. There are almost no cases when such partners changed.
Take a closer look at other men - maybe yours is somewhere
If you don’t have a “wedge-wedge” yet, then you need to look for it. Bring in the heavy artillery: your girlfriends who are successful in love. Let them drag you to evil places.
And if you have friends just like you - they’re all “nunnies” and don’t know how and where to pick up guys, then read up on where to meet a man for a serious relationship.
You don't have to set the goal of falling in love. You just need to distract yourself for a while - caress your ears with compliments from men, diversify your life with dates and feel desired.
You will see that the light did not fall like a wedge on one person. It’s just that, perhaps, your feelings for him were the very first, and you still did not understand life outside of your fanaticism. And thanks to the variety, you will quickly calm yourself down.
By the way, if you’ve already found the strength to go “hiring” guys, you’ll need one more science so as not to seem like a beech among your girlfriends: How to flirt with a guy correctly.
