Daughter is a slob
Hello, I accidentally came across a message from my daughter addressed to you. I was surprised that the situation in her eyes looked completely different from how I see it. Here is her message: “Asks: Alexandra (2015-06-16 18:06:49)
Hello, help me please! I'm Alexandra, I'm 11 years old. My mother often yells at me, today I wanted to invite my friend to visit us. Mom told me to vacuum, and when I finished, my mother saw a feather on the floor and started yelling at me and said that I didn’t stutter about the guests anymore, then I didn’t have time to clean up after the cat and she tried to throw it out, but besides the cat I have friends no longer, due to the fact that I am withdrawn and became aggressive, fearing that in addition to being bullied at home, I might also be bullied at school, and I defend myself with aggression, no one saw me as a person. Every day she yells at me for nothing. Sometimes I can’t hold back and start crying, which makes her scream even harder. It’s rare that she opens her hands on me and pulls my hair. She yells at me and calls me names. What should I do? I can’t do this, when I tell her don’t yell at me she yells even harder. Help me please! What should I do?"
The fact is that my daughter (and this is not just my opinion, I hear this from all my relatives) is a big lazy person, she doesn’t clean her room, she will never help of her own free will if I just ask her to do something, I either hear a refusal, or she completely ignores my request, and I have to raise my voice. When she comes home from school, she may not change her clothes until the evening and lies on the sofa in her school clothes, and if she goes to change clothes, she simply leaves her things lying on the floor where she took them off. Even seeing that I am cleaning in front of her, she will never take away a stub, a candy wrapper or a banana skin, she will simply throw it wherever she has to, even on the floor that I have just washed (I wash it not with a mop, but with my hands, because... The child is still small at home, it turns out cleaner this way) and will walk by stepping, but will not pick it up and will not throw it out.
I tried to be nice to her, to explain that a girl should be neat and housewifely, but to no avail, she begins to react only if she yells. And even then, he will go and do all the blunders for the sake of a show. Well, why not yell at her? It doesn’t give me any pleasure, I understand that complexes may arise, but what about life? I don't want her to grow up dirty. After all, it is the mother who must teach her daughter to be a good housewife. How to teach her to cleanliness without damaging her child’s psyche?
The daughter is a slob, her attitude to personal hygiene is terrible (7 answers)
A tale about the country of sluts
A fairy tale about a slob for children who don’t clean up their toys and belongings
Once upon a time there was a boy Vasya. He really didn't like putting away toys in the evening. It was so fun and interesting to play! Soldiers stood in rows on the floor, followed by trucks, a tractor, four small cars and an excavator. The bear cub, the dog, the duckling and Vasya himself were hiding behind the sofa. Then came the moment of the decisive battle. The soldiers scattered in different directions. The truck drove under the closet. A tractor and an excavator escaped in the corridor, and small cars generally ran away in an unknown direction.
The winner, Vasya, beat the drum and solemnly marched around the room, kicking the toys that came his way. Evening came, mother looked into the room and said tenderly:
- Vasenka, it’s time for dinner. Put away the toys.
“Yeah,” Vasya answered and continued to march.
“Vasily,” dad was angry. - When will you finally put the toys away?
“Now,” Vasya answered and quickly shoved the toys under the closet, bed, sofa, table and chair.
And one day this happened.
Vasya, as usual, scattered his fighters and vehicles in the corners and went to bed.
Suddenly a huge shadow grew outside the window. It wavered in the air for a long time, and then carefully passed through the glass. Vasya hid, but did not close his eyes. He was tormented by curiosity: who came to him?
A real sorceress stood in the middle of the room. She wore a dark blue dress and a cloak made of moths. They fluttered their wings, flying in different directions when she waved her arms. And they gathered together again as soon as the sorceress clapped her hands.
“Don’t be afraid, Vasya,” she said quietly. - I am the sorceress Neuberinda! Do you want me to take you to my magical land? There, no one forces children to put away their toys; there you can throw candy wrappers, disobey mom and dad, and dump your things in a heap!
- Want! Want! - Vasya was happy.
“Then you should say: “I will never clean anything again!” I'm a slob!
“I’ll never clean anything again, I’m a slob!” - Vasya repeated obediently, crawling out from under the blanket.
At that same moment, the moths picked up the boy and carried him out of the room.
They flew for a long, long time past colorful planets, along the Milky Way, far, far away, to another planet!
The moths landed with Vasya in the middle of the street, like two peas in a pod similar to his street. And the house in front of which Vasya stood was also the same as his house.
At first the boy thought that Neuberinda had deceived him and they returned back, but then he realized that this was not so. The wind blew wrappers, pieces of paper, candy wrappers, plastic cups and other garbage along the dusty street.
- Why is it so dirty here? - Vasya was surprised.
— In our country, no one cleans. Remember, you took the Slut Oath!
“Ah,” said Vasya and went to look for his friends. But there was no one in the yard.
-Where is everyone? - he asked Neuberinda.
“Your friends are not worthy to become citizens of our country,” answered the sorceress. “They always put away toys, put books on shelves and neatly fold clothes before going to bed!”
-Who should I play with?
— There is a boy Kolya in the next yard. “Go to him,” Neuberinda answered.
And indeed, on a bench, surrounded by cookie bags, candy wrappers and juice bottles, sat a grimy boy.
“Hello,” he extended his sticky palm to Vasya.
“Your hands are dirty,” Vasya said indignantly.
- No, they're just sweet. It's because of the juice. I spilled it on my pants.
“Go change clothes,” Vasya suggested. - You can wash your hands at the same time.
“I lost everything,” Kolya said sadly. “But I don’t feel like washing my hands; they’ll get dirty later anyway.”
“Why don’t you take the trash to the trash can,” Vasya did not calm down.
-Why are you bothering me? What are you, a spy? We don't have trash cans! This is the country of “Disorder”!
“Yes,” Vasya said in surprise. “I just didn’t like putting away toys!” But I don't want to wear dirty clothes. And my mother taught me to throw garbage only in the trash can, otherwise the street will be dirty and ugly.
Then he thought a little and added:
- It's as dirty as here! But if no one cleans up here, then it turns out that more and more garbage will be added...
Nightmare! Catastrophe! This means that one day the whole city will turn into a pile of garbage!!! Houses, streets, apartments will be covered with garbage and we will suffocate!!! We urgently need to save ourselves!
Vasya began to run through the streets, bumping into unkempt children in soiled clothes, and telling them about his guess.
- What is it, we have to clean up the trash? - asked Kolya.
“My grandmother always told me: “Clean up after yourself!” That’s why I ran here,” added the disheveled girl in a torn dress. - I don't want to clean up.
- But we will all die! Do you really not understand? - Vasya was scared.
- No, you don’t understand! — a fat boy in a shirt with torn buttons entered the argument. “We’ve all gathered here to never have to clean again.” Are you here? Look, it's a juice box. It wasn’t me who drank, it wasn’t me who quit. So why should I clean it up, huh?
- OK then! — Vasya gave in under the pressure of the sluts. - And if I put things in order and collect everything that you managed to scatter, will you promise me that you won’t litter anymore?
- Will you clean up after us? - the children were surprised.
“Yes,” answered Vasya. “Otherwise we will all die.” The city will turn into a huge dump. We'll sink to the bottom of this garbage heap and never see our parents again!
“And I miss my mother,” Kolya sobbed.
“Oh,” Vasya was scared. - Why didn’t I think! Really! How to return home? Why, why did I agree to fly away with Neuberinda? It was not at all difficult for me to put away the toys, I was just lazy.
“Neuberinda looks for children who don’t like order and takes them to her planet,” the shaggy girl said sadly. “Even if you didn’t agree, the moths would drag you away by force.” Only neat children can resist her!
- Hooray! Invented! - Vasya shouted. “I know how to defeat Neuberinda.” We need to clean up the whole city, and then she will burst with anger.
As they decided, they did so. They gathered all the sluts kidnapped by Neuberinda and began spring cleaning. The garbage was taken out in toy cars, carried out in plastic buckets, and collected into piles with homemade brooms from old twigs. By evening the streets were sparkling clean. The sun also helped the kids. A cloud called, and she washed the avenues, the houses, and the grimy children with the warm summer rain.
The children gathered in the square and began to wait for the evil sorceress. White moths appeared in the light of the lanterns.
“Oh,” one girl screamed. - I'm afraid Neuberinda is approaching! Look, the moths are already here!
“Hey,” the moths laughed. - Don't you see: we are white! We were sent by the good fairy Rosa, who bridged the grass and flowers. You forgot the most important thing: in order to dispel the evil spell, you must say the Oath of the Sluts in reverse. It sounds like this... Oh, guard! Neuberinda is approaching,” the white moths got scared, flapped their wings and disappeared into the darkness.
- And what to say?! - the children shouted after them. But the frightened moths were already far away.
“Let’s remember,” Vasya said quickly. - What words did she make us say?
“I’ll never clean anything up again,” Kolya remembered. - These were our favorite words!
- So, I must say: I will always clean everything up! - Vasya guessed.
- And also, I had to say: I’m a slob! - one of the children shouted.
- Ahh! - rang out the terrible thunderous voice of Neuberinda. - What have you done here, you disgusting creatures! Who allowed my trash to be removed, who dared to break the law?! As punishment, I will turn you all into candy wrappers!
- Come on, come on, guys! - Vasya shouted. - I will always clean everything up!
“Ay-ay-ay,” Neuberinda screamed and began to inflate like a huge balloon. The blue moths got scared and scattered. And Neuberinda hung over the city and inflated, inflated, covering the sky.
- I'm neat! I'm obedient! I love order! - the children began to shout.
- Bang! — fireworks of blue stars bloomed in the sky, and the evil Neuberinda disappeared.
- Hurrah! - Vasya shouted and... woke up. His mother leaned over him worriedly:
- Why are you shouting, son?
Vasya looked around in surprise: the same chaos reigned around.
“Yes,” my mother nodded sadly. “Yesterday you didn’t put away your toys again.”
- Was it just a dream? - Vasya was surprised. - So what, it doesn’t matter, now I’ll always clean everything up!
He jumped out of bed, washed his face, brushed his teeth and ran to put his toys in their places while his mother cooked delicious porridge.
A blue moth was watching Vasya from the closet.
“No,” he grumbled angrily. “We must tell Neuberinda: this boy is not suitable for us!”
Author Irina Gurina
Source: webbaby.ru
Sloppy (teen)
Solution
Similar problems with a child
See child slob
And the whole thing goes to waste
My son is also 9, he is not accustomed to order, like most children. Persuasion did not help, everything was scattered - from bits of wood to textbooks. We have one room, it’s cramped, I just tripped over his things. And somehow, after a thousand calm warnings, she freaked out and: “Oh, on the floor - that means it’s trash that you don’t need, and I’ll clean it up!” And she threw everything into the garbage chute - notebooks, textbooks, and favorite pistols. I cried, but I understood (at least that tomorrow at school I would blush and look like an idiot)! What was especially effective was the fact that I had to go to the store myself and buy EVERYTHING again with MY OWN money (the grandmothers were sneaking in on the sly, and he was saving up for another player of some kind), I didn’t give a penny! Of course, it didn’t work 100%, but it worked on what is valuable - now he takes care of every pen, hides it in a pencil case, and keeps textbooks only in his desk or briefcase. Someone will say - he is afraid. Well, I won’t say that this is a positive experience, but at least let him know that such behavior can infuriate others. And adults don’t clean everything for their own pleasure, many only because their bards irritate those around them!
How to get your teenager to help their parents around the house
1. Many families have a rule. The teenager is given a task. For example, take out the bucket, clean the room or wash the dishes. But at the same time, the adult does not demand that the work be done right now. He only sets a deadline (for example, take out the bucket before 10 pm, wash the dishes before dinner). Then the teenager decides for himself when it is more convenient for him to do the assigned task. Sanctions come only if he does not complete the task by the given deadline.
Purely psychologically, it is much easier for children to accept such an assignment. If a parent demands that I do the work immediately, then my role is that of a dull performer. At the same time, the parent demonstrates disdain for what I do. If I myself decide when, then it turns out that I myself am responsible for the task and its successful implementation.
2. Almost the same as the previous method. Only the sanctions will be slightly different. I remember we had a class teacher - a strict elderly woman. Every day, class attendants were selected to clean the classroom after classes. A couple of times the people on duty left... When this happened, the class teacher cleaned the classroom with her own hands. The next day she calmly said: “I’m not afraid of work. But why do you disrespect yourself so much that you allow an elderly woman to work instead of you?” Need I say how awkward the attendants felt?
Or, for example, how Milton Erickson raised his daughter. When she did not follow his instructions, he approached his daughter with a serious look, began to say that he had probably given her too difficult a task, and immediately clung on like a tick, trying to find out what exactly caused the difficulty in completing the task.
3. Present the problem to the teenager (the mother needs help) and ask for his advice. There is a very big difference between “I must” and “I decided.” Before, you always pressed him to do what he should. But it’s impossible to teach a person to help voluntarily if you force him! Now try to place the responsibility of making a decision on him.
“What should we do about this?” Let him think. Don't put pressure on him or rush him into a decision. Most likely, he will make a decision - his mother needs to be helped. If he makes a different decision, well, that’s his right. A parent also has the right not to help a child when he needs something. Just wait for the right opportunity and remind him that you also expected help from him. This is called the method of natural consequences.
Let's say a teenager decides that he needs to help. But this is not enough. You must agree with him in what cases he will help, how you will ask him for it, in what cases he may not provide help (for example, he is sick, doing something important, etc.) and how you will thank him for your help. Make an agreement and stick to it.
4. In some families, the problem is solved with monetary compensation. Do you give your son anything for pocket money? Well, for example, you give him 200 rubles a month. He can help his mother clear the table or wash the room - this is his right. But if he helps, he receives the well-deserved +40 rubles (or loses the undeserved -40). The reasoning is this: housework is also work that is paid. If you do this work, then you get 40 rubles to spend on yourself. If the son does the work, he receives the well-deserved 40 rubles. Please note - everything is fair and just. It is very important that everything is fair and just. Only then will the payment for labor be beneficial. If you pay too little, you will be disappointed. If there is too much, he will perceive the payment as a bribe and will begin to become impudent.
Attention: to avoid something unknown happening, this method requires proper use. It is important to place the accents correctly.
- An adult pays a child not for help, but for work. Much like you pay a housekeeper for the work she does.
- The child has a choice. He may or may not do the job. In any case, the child’s choice suits the parent. Those. if he refuses, no one will force him.
- Self-service skills cannot be brought into the area of money relations - i.e. what the child owes himself.
For more details, see the article Bribery or payment for labor.
5. Finally, there is a very effective way to avoid being rejected. 100% guarantee. This method is to ask for nothing. For example, if you periodically make a scandal over some little thing, yell at your son because of an unwashed cup, etc., then the reason here is that you want to yell, and not because the child is ungrateful, slacker, etc.
