General information
The concept of manipulation in communication
One of the most common types of communication is manipulation.
With its help you can psychologically influence a person. Manipulation in communication is a way of control, an opportunity to control a person’s behavior and feelings. The whole process consists of a manipulator (subject) and the recipient of its influence (object). It is important that the target does not know that psychological pressure is being exerted on him. For this reason, manipulation of a person or group of people most often has a condescending or dismissive connotation.
As mentioned above, you can meet a manipulator anywhere - among family, friends, colleagues, managers. They are used mainly for constructive purposes, but can also be used to demoralize a person. What is important here is what role the manipulator is trying to achieve, as well as the methods of its influence.
Types of manipulations in communication
There are several methods of influence that are based on the use of force of the manipulator and playing on the weaknesses of the object. The one who is being manipulated does not know about this process and thinks that he controls his own behavior. It turns out that the benefits from the actions of the object of manipulation go to the manipulator. He presents the information incorrectly, finds the right moment and in what way is necessary for him to achieve the goal, conveys the information to the addressee. All this helps the manipulator to achieve his goals with the help of the object of manipulation.
REFERENCE! Manipulation in communication is essentially the control of human consciousness.
Types of impact:
- Conscious
When the manipulator understands why he influences a person and sees the result he is striving for. Most often this type occurs between colleagues.
- Unconscious
When a person is not aware or vaguely understands the ultimate goal of his manipulation. Most often this type is found in family, friendly, and friendly relationships.
In addition to these, there are also secondary ones, which are divided into:
- Linguistic (communication). This is the name for speech manipulation on a person during a discussion or dialogue.
- Behavioral. This is the name given to controlling a person’s consciousness with the help of actions, situations, and actions. Here the speech serves only as an addition.
Purpose of manipulation
Manipulation is one of the oldest ways to achieve benefits in different situations. This impact is psychological, but is not characterized as bad or good. It is influenced only by the final goal and how to achieve it.
If the object of manipulation understands that he is being controlled, then you need to try to figure out why they are doing this and benefit from it.
First you need to figure out the goal, that is, what the manipulator wanted to achieve from you. It is necessary to understand whether the benefit would be obtained only for the manipulator or if you could also receive it. This option is possible within a family when parents want to teach their child how to perform certain actions (for example, brushing teeth). The goal here is to care for the target.
Then you need to understand the means of manipulation. In case of influence on the addressee through coercion to something, the addressee experiences fear, humiliation, anger, he completely comes under the influence of the manipulator, obeys him. However, there is another type of influence - through flattery. In this case, the addressee is convinced of its uniqueness and attractiveness. Then the person being manipulated independently obeys the manipulator.
Thus, manipulations in communication are characterized neutrally. Here almost everything depends on the personality of the subject. If the process of influence is revealed, its meaning disappears. For this reason, it is not always necessary to stop what is happening. There are often cases when it is much more profitable to play along with the manipulator and get your own benefit.
I have the right to say: "I don't care"
We tend to strive for perfection. We fight our weaknesses and work on ourselves to become better. If we stop for a second, we already feel lazy and behind, blaming ourselves for wasting time aimlessly. At this point, we become vulnerable to other people's influence: others point out our inaction in order to shame us and force us to change our behavior. To avoid being manipulated, allow yourself to be imperfect sometimes.
— Stop playing computer games, I’d rather read books!
- Unassertive: “I guess I’m really wasting my time on nonsense.”
- Assertive: “I know I could spend my time more productively, but right now I don’t care. I just want to relax and play."
Assertive beliefs help us let go of the beliefs and ideas we learned in childhood that make us feel anxious, embarrassed, and guilty about who we are. It is more difficult for manipulators to influence our emotions and control our actions when we take responsibility for our own behavior and allow ourselves not to be influenced by the opinions of others.
Techniques of manipulation in communication
Depending on the object of manipulation, the manipulator makes a choice of a suitable technique. You can manipulate one person or a group of people, up to an entire audience.
The main methods and techniques of manipulation in communication are based on feelings. They can completely destroy a person’s life, his personality. For this reason, it is necessary to understand the main points of mental influence and learn to stop them.
Impact of love
This approach is not supported by unconditional love. The manipulator perceives an object only when he performs the actions he needs or accepts its conditions. For example, it may sound like this: “If you do this, then I will love you” and the like. This method of manipulation implies that by fulfilling the conditions proposed by the manipulator, the object will receive a good attitude or even love. The negative of such manipulation is that a person is not perceived as he is, but is approved only because of his good behavior.
Impact of fear
By instilling a sense of fear in a person, plus his lack of information, you can easily manipulate his actions. For example, when parents tell their children: “If you don’t pass the exam, you won’t go to college and will be unemployed.” All fears are invented by the object itself and begin from a lack of information.
IMPORTANT! If a person listens to a manipulator, he makes a big mistake. Often behind such statements lies the desire to force the object to do something without using another, for example, monetary motivation. Often people are forced to work better or more, intimidating them with the fact that a contender has already been found to take their place.
Impact of guilt
This technique is mainly used in family relationships. Feeling guilty, the object tries to compensate for the damage caused. For example, when a wife reprimands her husband for having fun with friends while she was alone with the child and still had time to cook dinner for him. The manipulator always puts pressure on feelings of guilt and will always find new situations for this. The object always tries to reduce its inconvenience, thereby falling into the same trap every time. As a result, the object of manipulation will become aggressive, so the manipulator must use this technique with caution.
Impact of self-doubt
Using this technique, the manipulator puts pressure on the object with his authority. It directly indicates the object’s ignorance of some issue. For example, a boss proves to his subordinates that he is right for the reason that only he knows how this should be done. Or a mother tells her daughter that she has already lived life, so she knows how it should be, and her daughter is not capable of anything without her. There are many examples of such influence; in this way, manipulators try to assert themselves at the expense of others. Such influence can occur for quite a long time until the object of manipulation gains self-confidence.
Impact of pride
This technique is often used on people with pride and vanity. For example, a husband tells his wife that he sees how tired she is at work, but since she is very smart and a wonderful housewife, she will probably prepare a wonderful dinner for the guests he has invited. Or your boss tells you that he has prepared a promotion for you, but for now you will have to keep your salary the same. If a person is trying to prove his skills to someone, if he is constantly trying to become more successful than his friends, then most likely he will quickly fall into a trap and become a victim of psychological influence.
Impact of pity
This method is most often used by children and young girls. Its task is to show pity on the part of the addressee and the desire to help the manipulator. For example, a girl tells her husband that she is very tired and she does not have any strength to cook dinner. Or the boss tells his subordinate that he receives reprimands for his poor work and pays fines for him. In this case, the victim receives help, but does not try to improve his life, but complains.
IMPORTANT! The result of this influence is the recipient’s contemptuous attitude towards the manipulator.
I have the right not to take responsibility for other people's problems
Each of us ensures our own well-being. We can help another person with advice or push him in the right direction, but we are not able to make him happy if he himself is not ready to take responsibility for his life and learn to solve problems. When we feel that we have more obligations to other people or institutions than to ourselves, others rush to take advantage of this and hang their difficulties on us.
— Pick me up from the airport in the evening.
- Unassertive: “I have a meeting in the evening, but I’ll think of something.”
- Assertive: “I have a meeting in the evening. Sorry, I can't help you."
How to recognize psychological impact?
There are different ways of communication and manipulation is one of them. The question arises of how a person can understand that they are being manipulated and are trying to achieve some goal with their help. There are some signs of manipulation in communication, used by manipulators to achieve their goals.
- Emotions
When an object feels that there is pressure on him (for example, shame, pity, vindictiveness, empathy), then pressure is being exerted on his consciousness.
- Incomprehensible phrases
In the speech of the manipulator, professional terms or simply “smart” words appear. Such phrases act as a distraction behind which lies are hidden.
- Repeat phrases
When the speaker tries to instill in you the thought he needs, as if to zombify you, he begins to repeat the same thing.
- Urgency
When something needs to be done urgently, it just adds some kind of nervousness. For this reason, the person being manipulated does not have time to understand what is said, and he is already sent to perform some action. In all this fuss, the manipulator ensures that the object begins to do the job he needs.
- Division of a phrase
When talking, the manipulator does not receive all the information, but only part of it. The manipulator does this so that the person is unable to fully grasp the entire news and draws incorrect conclusions from the incomplete phrase spoken.
- Imposition of stereotypes
The opponent specifically speaks about known truths, linking their similarity with the addressee. Such imposition leads to the fact that the object of manipulation performs actions.
REFERENCE! Manipulation in communication may be necessary when a person does not have enough strength or confidence to achieve his desire. He cannot speak openly about his claims, so he continues to achieve his goal in secret.
What is manipulation?
Manipulation is the attitude of one person towards another not as a value, but as a means of achieving his goals (the manipulator usually puts his desires and needs above the feelings of other people). The goals of manipulators can be both personal and public. The first goal category includes a promotion at work, buying food at a discount at the market, or the desire to eat a bag of candy. The second purpose relates to publicity, advertising and sales.
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You will be surprised, but anyone can become a manipulator. Even unconsciously. As a rule, children become unconscious manipulators - they cry when they don’t get what they wanted, pressing on pity and forcing the parent to buy something and do this.
How to resist manipulation in communication?
Business conversation
The presence or absence of manipulation in business communication directly depends on the professionalism of the employee and his confidence in himself and his abilities. A person who knows his worth is unlikely to be influenced. But if an employee is too shy or incompetent, then the boss or colleagues will definitely take advantage of this to emphasize their merits.
The most common methods of manipulation at work are:
- reproaches, ridicule, when the object begins to get irritated, nervous and does what the offender needs;
- demonstrative resentment, when the manipulator does not want to admit his point of view is wrong, and the object wants to fulfill all the whims of the offended;
- support, flattery, when the manipulator wants to reduce the recipient’s vigilance and makes him a victim of his influence.
REFERENCE! You can avoid manipulation at work if you are confident in yourself and your professionalism, and also clearly express your opinion. If they are trying to influence you, then during the conversation you can interrupt it with some urgent matter or a phone call. Or even just change the topic of conversation.
Manipulation in interpersonal communication
Most often, this type of manipulation is based on gender. This contributes to the use of behavioral stereotypes, for example, that “men don’t cry” or “all women like to take care of children.” Another option is the desire to protect members of the same sex. The success of manipulation in this case depends on the available means and the ability to use them in various situations.
Family relationships
The most common manipulations in the family are silence, hysterics, hanging out with friends, slamming doors, and drinking binges.
Both children and parents benefit from psychological influence. By playing on other people's feelings, you can achieve your own benefit. In order to avoid manipulation in family relationships, you need to learn to trust your family members and directly discuss all your actions and desires. There will probably be a lot of conflicts and arguments at first, but over time, all family members will begin to calmly discuss all problems and talk about their desires and goals. However, there are also constructive manipulations that can help inspire a child or spouse to new achievements.
Results
First of all, to protect yourself from manipulation, you need to avoid any communication with the manipulator. You need to try to minimize contact with this person and, if possible, try to turn off your emotions. If you do not take any actions under the influence of other people’s words, but first think about them, this will help reduce the intensity of the psychological impact. A person’s desire to manipulate is most often a hidden desire for power. A person can reconsider his methods of communicating with people if he is given a positive assessment and praise. In addition, you need to keep your distance from the manipulator and not tell him anything about your life or other details. This is due to the fact that the more information a manipulator has about an object, the more ways he will have influence. You also need to learn to say “no.” It’s better to be thought of as a callous person than to do someone else’s work all the time.
