Anger management: remove negativity and become happy. How is this negative negative and

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Previously, we told you about the secrets of positive thinking from Natalya Pravdina and other bioenergy experts who have helped thousands of people become happier. Together with this article, Pravdina’s recommendations will have a very positive effect and will tell everyone their path on the path to happiness.

How to deal with negativity

At first glance, the fight against negativity may seem simple, but it is not so, since our inner world is faster filled with negative emotions and charged with negative energy than positive.

What does negativity lead to:

difficulty making decisions;
you are easier to control;
deterioration of health.

Thus, it is clear that human weakness in relation to negative emotions is actually much worse than many assume. How to fight this disease?

Tip one: never keep negativity to yourself. This does not mean that it needs to be thrown out, but there is no place for it inside either. In this case, you risk withdrawing into yourself, which is even worse than just being offended, angry or disappointed. Talk about your feelings with your loved one, with your parents, with your friends. Let them help you or at least listen, which will already help you significantly reduce or smooth out the negative consequences.

Tip two: get rid of bad habits. This includes cigarettes and alcohol, because they chemically do not allow the body to “rejoice” by releasing the corresponding substances. In addition, you can read our popular article about eight bad habits that prevent you from living a happy life. They attract negative emotions, which is why they pose a certain danger to each of us.

Tip three: use affirmations. This technique works effectively if you are already living in a bad mood and nothing brings you joy. This is an excellent way to protect and heal negative emotions. Every morning, when you wake up, tell yourself that you are happy, that you are in a good mood, that you are ready for victories and new achievements. In short, use positive attitudes. Over time, they will connect with your mind and become your thoughts without reminder.

Tip four: be realistic. If you live with your dreams and hopes, you risk being disappointed, because our world is material. The spiritual side of life can be used in something else, so focus on putting effort into achieving a result, and not just believing in success.

Tip five: accept help and ask for help. This is very important, because there are life situations that can only be resolved with the support of loved ones. Don't reject those who selflessly try to help you get out of depression, because nothing motivates these people - they just love you and dream of seeing you smile.

Try to think positively so that goodness comes from you. This is very important, since the energy of the Universe prefers not only to give, but also to take away. The same goes for human interaction - it is two-way, not one-way. Learn to think positively with the help of our article - it will help you take the path of success.

Our Yandex.Zen channel always has the most interesting articles on this topic. Be sure to subscribe!

28.04.2016 00:31

How to get rid of negative emotions? A clinical psychologist speaks

“The fashion for “positive thinking”, stories like “thoughts are material”, esoteric trainings and marathons where they are taught that emotions destroy – all these are not the best guidelines,” says psychologist Denis Ivanov. – But, in addition to the informational context, the attitude towards our emotions is embedded in us from childhood, when “emotional schemes” are formed. “Girls should be kind”, “Boys don’t cry”, “No one will play with someone so angry” - such messages set a certain attitude towards one’s own emotional reactions. Now, having felt something “abnormal”, we rush to use a harmful strategy to “fix” the emotion.

Harmful strategies for regulating “wrong” emotions

“Forbid yourself from feeling” - such a rule is doomed to failure, since evolution cannot be argued against. Inhibitions don't work with an ironic brain: try not thinking about a polar bear for a minute.

“Avoid emotions” - switch your attention, go headlong into another activity, occupy your brain, be happy. So close to exhaustion.

“Freeze” - noticing that he is losing the battle with unpleasant emotions, a person admits defeat, turning to alcohol, taking pills, and falling asleep.

In fact, all emotions are needed - all emotions are important

“Emotions, like alarms, tell us about dangers,” explains the psychologist. – Some people have a sensitive alarm system, and then even a small threat triggers anxiety, sadness, and anger. Some people are more thick-skinned, but even in this case there are disadvantages. Emotions can be excessive and even pathological, so it is important not to tolerate them, but to learn to regulate them correctly.

There are several ways to regulate emotions

• Understand the “start buttons”. Keep track of who, what, when causes unpleasant emotions in you. If you cannot change your attitude towards such triggers, then try to minimize their presence in your life, at least temporarily. • Understand your thoughts. After all, our thoughts are the main cause of our excessive emotions. • Understand your harmful strategies for regulating “wrong” emotions. • Do not create secondary emotions. Imagine that someone threw a stone into a clean, calm lake and it sent ripples through the water. But what happens if you try to calm these waves? You will only create additional ones. When you try to prohibit yourself from emotions, you are doomed to failure, you begin to think: “I can’t calm down,” and cause “secondary” emotions: anger, anxiety, sadness. • Learn to accept emotions as important elements of our human nature. Be attentive to your experiences, pay attention to them, study them: when they appear, how long they last, what conditions they cause in the body. • Observe your emotions. Describe them, but don't fight them.

Reduce emotional vulnerability

To prevent your body from signaling you for no reason, reduce your emotional vulnerability. To do this, maintain regular sleep - 8 hours, go to bed and get up at the same time. Normalize your diet and physical activity. Make to-do lists and try to follow plans without self-criticism.

Be mindful of your thoughts

You can learn to control your emotions correctly. By exploring them, you will understand why something makes you angry, why emotions are so strong. You will learn to regulate them by changing the way you think about triggers and choosing caring strategies for your own behavior.

“Observe your thoughts, write down your thoughts, learn to operate with facts, making conclusions,” advises Denis Ivanov. – This skill does not develop immediately, and it is more effective to find a cognitive psychologist-psychotherapist for yourself.

What are emotions and where do they come from?

To understand how to learn to manage emotions, you need to realize one important thing about them:

The emotions you experience are created by you. Therefore, you are responsible for your emotions.

Yes exactly. If you messed up in a fit of aggression or couldn’t control your panic and failed the exam, it’s because of the emotions you created. Therefore, keeping emotions under control is everyone’s personal responsibility.

I learned about this from a TED talk by Lisa Feldman Barrett, a psychology professor at Northeastern University in Boston. What are emotions?

Emotions are a type of assumption your brain makes based on previous experiences. This is exactly how the brain works - it sees part of the information and fills in the missing details. This way, you can more quickly ingest data and decide what to do with it. For example:

you don’t need to finish reading the phrase “Measure seven times, one ...” to understand what the word should be there;
you can smell the familiar smell of your favorite cookies and literally feel what it tastes like, even your stomach will growl;
When you see a dog's tail sticking out from around the corner, you will immediately understand that there is a dog there.

It's the same with emotions. When a violent troublemaker spots a police car, his pulse quickens and he becomes anxious. This assumption of the brain is based on its previous experience. Therefore, law-abiding citizens, when they see the police, can, on the contrary, experience a feeling of calm and security.

Uncontrolled emotions can prevent you from pulling yourself together or making the right decision at the most crucial moment. In some cases, it can even negatively affect your health. But the beauty is that you can control your emotions! And below we will look at exactly how you can control your emotions.

How to work with emotions correctly

The desire to kill and completely suppress emotions in yourself will not benefit your body and soul. Showing emotions is our natural need. You don't need to be your own enemy, you need to work on yourself. How to work with emotions?

First of all, become aware of them. Speak out loud. Tell others about how you feel. Sometimes it's easier to voice that you're really angry and want to break some plates than to actually do it. By voicing your emotions, you can get support from others.
If you don’t know where to put your emotions and what to do with them, try to bring them to the point of absurdity, to feel all their facets as much as possible. As a result, you will want to laugh at yourself, and your condition will definitely improve.
Every time your psyche is overwhelmed with emotions that are unwanted at the moment, tell yourself - I’ll think about it later.
Suppressed emotions always need to be released, you need to find a socially acceptable way to live them. Some play sports, especially wrestling and swimming. By giving their best during training and leaving the session exhausted, such people leave all their negativity in the gym. Surely you could observe how older people begin to do spring cleaning when something makes them angry or worried. Cleaning is also a great way to release emotions.

We advise you to find a suitable activity for yourself that will help you maintain psychological harmony. Work on your feelings and emotions, improve yourself, and soon your life will change for the better.

Delegating tasks that cause negative emotions

Delegation is one of the main time management tools. To be able to do what only you can do (which is your calling and area of happiness), you need to delegate those tasks that others can do.

In positive time management, an important criterion for delegation is if the task not only takes time, but also brings negative emotions. For example, when delegating household chores, you conduct an audit: I willingly prepare food and wash dishes, my husband has nothing against putting things in their places and doing laundry. None of us likes washing floors and vacuuming. This task can be delegated to a housekeeper.

From the position of a victim to the position of a student

If troubles come into life, we sometimes ask ourselves: “Why?”, “Why do I need this?” This way of asking the question reflects the position of the victim, creates a negative attitude and takes away our strength. Self-pity and hatred of others fill the mind, which switches from solving a problem to expressing emotions. Thoughts are unproductive and spin in circles. You can break this circle by switching from the position of a victim to the position of a student. Ask yourself these questions: What is this teaching me? What should I learn to solve the problem? In this case, we direct our energy to solving the problem, and not to generating negative emotions.

The origins of this method are in Eastern philosophy. It is suitable in many situations. In case of loss of loved ones or other sad events, you need to give yourself time. In any case, mourning a loss is a normal way for anyone to emotionally cope with grief. If your own resources are not enough to come to your senses and adapt to the new situation, it is better to consult a psychologist.

Is it really that important?

Another simple way to deal with negative feelings is to emotionally distance yourself from what is happening.

For example, you were late for the bus and now you don’t have time for work. Try to look at this situation as if a week has passed. In seven days you won't even remember what happened today! If you take a year or five years, those things that now seem so important will not be so significant at all. Sometimes it is enough to watch an energizing film, talk to a person, read an excerpt from a book in order to emotionally distance yourself from what is happening and “reboot”.

One mistake rule

For daily negative situations, the one mistake rule is suitable. Allow yourself and other loved ones to make one mistake a day. One mistake is not so much, everyone has the right to it. This rule will help you be less critical of yourself and other people. If you dropped or forgot something, say: “I have the right to make a mistake.” For children, the number of errors should correspond to their age (the younger, the more).

When I play a board game with my children (ages three and five) that has a lot of small pieces, the pieces periodically fly under the table. Previously, after some time, I began to ask the children to be more careful, but they still dropped parts. In order not to experience unnecessary negative emotions, I decided to count how many times during half an hour of play they would drop something. It turned out - 27 times. That is, this is the normal average number of “errors” for my children. I allowed them to make mistakes 30 times in half an hour of play. Since then, every time they start dropping parts of the game, I just count. I have never reached thirty yet, nor have I ever reached negative emotions.

The easiest way

The easiest way to deal with negative emotions is to deprive them of the energy they receive from your thoughts and attention. If you manage to switch to something else, the emotions will quickly fade away. For example, if some device does not work, everything inside us begins to boil. At this moment, you need to transfer your attention to something else, the easiest way is to breathe. It is always with us, and it is easy to concentrate on it. Some people find it easier to count to ten - this works great at the beginning of the boil. If the cause of negative emotions is deeply hidden, other methods will help.