Why does a person “choose” to live without love?
For no reason, no one is unlikely to suddenly decide to live without love. Love is natural to each of us. But if a person has gone through the painful experience of breaking up with someone he loved very much, or has experienced betrayal, rejection, or some other unpleasant experience, then he may consciously or not avoid the feeling of love. So that he wouldn't get hurt again. That is, out of fear that if he falls in love again, he will again be in great pain.
A person could also “give up” love in early childhood. When, for example, he saw that his parents themselves were defending themselves from love, hiding from it behind a mask of coldness or hostility. And then, in order to “survive” in his family, where it was not customary to love and express this love to each other, a person, as a child, could decide to close himself off from love.
And he can continue to do this as an adult, devaluing his own feelings and manifestations of love, and the love that other people around him express.
Life without love as a “love scenario”
Some people cannot build relationships in which they feel that they love and that they are loved because they have an unsuccessful love script.
As a result of this scenario, some people can build relationships in which they seem to be “begging” for love, in which they strongly need the love of their partner, but the partner does not give it to them. Or those where they themselves “close” their heart, depriving another person of their love.
The love scenario is laid out quite early for us. And therefore you need serious work on yourself to change it. If you have discovered an unsuccessful love scenario, it is better to turn to a psychologist to solve this problem.
Gradually building a relationship with a psychologist that is different from all the ones you had before, you learn a new model of relationships. Which you can then use to build your relationship with your loved one.
Options for loneliness and ways to combat it
Psychologists have repeatedly studied the phenomenon of love and loneliness, and came to the conclusion that there are three types of the latter concept:
- temporary loneliness, when, having interrupted one relationship, a person has not yet had time to enter into another;
- voluntary loneliness implies a balanced renunciation of feelings for one reason or another;
- loneliness in love, which one has to face if there are not enough feelings in the relationship.
Yes, it often happens that a person, having interrupted one relationship, is forced to wait several months, or even years, for the next ideal to appear.
In such situations, there is only one way out: without fear, look for your soulmate, attend events, parties, any gatherings where a long-awaited meeting may take place. If the desire to be alone is dictated by internal, emotional considerations, then you will have to delve into your own feelings before taking on a relationship. Sometimes, after a difficult breakup, a person becomes so disappointed with romance that he completely excludes it from his life. He learns to always be alone, enjoying meetings with friends and relatives. In such situations, psychologists advise either waiting out the storm, or overpowering yourself and trusting new feelings.
If a person feels unhappy in a relationship, then loneliness in love will inevitably overtake him. In such situations, there is only one way out: end relationships that do not bring any pleasure in order to open up to new acquaintances.
If you lack love, then your “inner child” needs it.
The inner child is that “part” of you that holds all the memories of when you were a child. When you respond from your “inner child,” you respond the same way you did as a child.
And we automatically (unless we specifically change it) treat our “inner child” the way our parents treated us in childhood. And if this relationship was not loving enough, then we then do not give ourselves enough love.
And as a result, our “inner child,” who is in great need of love, “with hungry eyes” looks for this love in other people. Because of this, we are often disappointed, because the unconditional love that parents usually give to their children, in adulthood, we can only receive from ourselves if we develop a loving attitude towards our “inner child.”
In adult life, people are ready to love us and maintain loving relationships with us only on the basis of equal exchange. Therefore, if you want to be capable of such an equal exchange, then you need to develop a loving “inner parent” who will gradually learn to care for, support, pay attention to and unconditionally love your “inner child”.
Exercises for working with the “inner child”:
- When you are sad, you feel that no one loves you, then take a pillow in your hand. And imagine that this pillow is your “inner child.” Rock him, comfort him, tell him how much you love him. Show love and care for him until you feel that you feel calmer, until you feel that you are loved.
- Make a list of what you didn't receive from your parents. But what did you really want? After you finish, for each item on your list, write down how you will give it to yourself. You can do some things yourself, while others you can ask other people to do. Strive to have both – so that you do something for yourself, and ask other people for something. And start gradually implementing what you wrote on your list.
How to calm down and learn to live without love?
I am 35 years old, have a higher education (but I don’t know how to place punctuation marks), a specialty engineer in design and documentation, married to a man with a higher education, liable for military service. Never met anyone before me. I didn’t date anyone when I got married, I thought I’d had enough. We have a daughter, she is 14 years old, she is very similar to me and copies me, this makes me scared. From sex, neither the first time nor the subsequent ones, I didn’t understand whether I was enjoying it or not. She hunted her husband for a year and forced him to marry, but she couldn’t force her to love him. He answers the question that he loves - yes, but that’s not enough for me. There was a period when I thought that sex was not the main thing, and we lived seemingly happily, in bed I played along, afraid of losing him. But at the same time, I was always not happy with life. Childhood - hayfields, vegetable gardens, cows, 5 years of building an extension, lifelong repairs, and by the age of 12 a brother and sister were born, she also became a nanny. My father raised me on pride and often humiliated me (delayed reaction, crooked legs, everything falls out of my hands, no one will marry you, and if you do, he will beat you like a dog). He also lacked attention, he boasted a lot about how he was in his youth, but he achieved nothing in life and quit his job 14 years ago, tried to prove to everyone that he could live anyway, that he didn’t need much, 2 years ago he began to go on binges, and throw tantrums. At school I was the tallest and the boys were afraid of me, I matured at the age of 10 and I really wanted to please everyone, all my life I tried to prove that I was a human being. As a result, everyone turned away from me, I have hysterics more and more often, they are not in front of anyone, I don’t need an audience, I torture myself and prepare for having the courage to commit suicide, I don’t see the point in living. Enough reason, my husband bought flowers and a cake for our 15th wedding anniversary, he did this for 15 years, and I was waiting for something else, I demand proof of love from him. And not only from him. It seems to me that everyone hates me, even my mother, father, sister and brother, daughter, not to mention strangers. They often repeat that I have delusions of grandeur. It always seems to me that they are whispering about me, that they envy me, that they have jinxed me, etc. When a man comes into my field of vision, I don’t know how to behave. Women have always judged or been jealous of the way men look at me. I know that men only want one thing, but I always wanted love. No one has ever loved me. Because of this, I flirted, excited and enjoyed the greedy glances. Some men were angry but respected, others became friends. And the women were jealous. Now I have started to get older and have gained a little weight and everything has changed, I began to receive less of the attention that I received before. But tricks and obscene jokes, every day. I enjoy meeting random people on the street. I always wanted to brag about something, and then I got angry about why people were envying me. I quit my job, leaving the opinion of myself as a hysterical person. And now, having come to a new one, I don’t know how to behave, what to say, we have a very small city and probably everyone knows about me. I have a constant feeling of fear, a lump in my throat, heartburn, weakness, I often wake up at night. My mood is like the weather, the thought often comes that I’m hysterical, completely sick, no one will help me, which means it’s not worth living, because of these thoughts I make mistakes at work, I’m inattentive, thoughtful - I’ve withdrawn into myself, I’m afraid that they’ll kick me out , people look at me askance. I have already tried Phezam, fenisipam, glycine, phenibut - to no avail. I was scared of the church as a child - I’m afraid to go there. I believe in God, but I don’t understand why he doesn’t let me live in peace. Why did he create me not like everyone else and my daughter too. And if this is the upbringing of parents, then where was he looking? On the Internet, all the articles are about me, all the funny characters in TV series look like me. I have exactly the same disease as Myrlene Monroe. The worst thing is that now I can’t Help me become a normal person, and not a hysterical person with a huge lack of attention, before I lose my husband and my daughter turns away from me. Someone please help me, I beg you.
How to learn to live without love? (2 answers)
Find love within yourself
Often we try to find love in someone else, but we need to understand that love has always been, is and will live inside us. By giving love to others, we receive it ourselves.
To get a feel for this, you can do this exercise:
- Every day, when leaving home, you need to take some fruit with you. And during the day you need to lovingly offer this fruit to any person. It could be anyone - a friend, a friend, a neighbor, a colleague, a homeless person, a starving person. It doesn't really matter who it is. The main thing is that when you give this fruit, you feel that you are giving love to the person. Feel with every cell of your body that by giving the fruit, you are giving another person care and your love.
By sharing warmth and love with others, we ourselves are filled. Therefore, allow yourself to give, and then there will be much more love in your life.
Angel or demon. Is life possible without love?
Is life possible without love?
It seems to me that many people have asked themselves a similar question more than once. For example, after another disappointment in life, or loss of interest in a partner who once seemed the closest and most dear person.
Is life possible without love? Probably possible. It will simply take place in normal classes. It will take place in making money, consuming certain products, no matter material or otherwise. Nothing will color your stable state, and you will live happily, not emotionally dependent on another person...
Is life possible without love, when there is no one nearby who you have breathed for a long time, remembered his smile and look? Possible. A person adapts to everything, and sooner or later the realization comes that you have matured and grown, although in love you have become to the level of a child - directly and sincerely expressing your emotions.
Without love... not at all - with love. With love, to everything that is. And most importantly - to joy in life. It’s a joy that someone still needs you, that there are those nearby who are worth respecting at least because they respect you as a person and do not trample on your feelings in any way. Man is a wonderful creature.
Is life possible without flinching from the first sounds when the phone rings, and it seems to you - this is it... how great, it’s calling, and we’ll meet soon... after all, these are the thoughts that arise every time you’re in love and that notorious one calls a tube. Notorious, because everything depends on it, and when the phone is silent, you quietly hate it.
Possible.. because now all the calls are exclusively about work, and thoughts are occupied exclusively with oneself, one’s beloved, and all the accompanying factors of everyday life.. And the voice of a loved one.. well, what a voice.. in the end, you can now listen to your beloved music, relaxing .. sometimes after all these quarrels .. – it’s much more pleasant than if someone blew your mind all over again.
Is life possible without feeling your heart beat? When you rush from the fifth floor like crazy in 15 centimeter stilettos, and he sits and waits for you in the car to take you to your friends for barbecue? When you run out and hold your breath so that not a drop of affection is visible in your smile?
Possible...because you know that loving is easy, but losing is extremely painful.
Possible... because now you are decorously descending, with a slow step, like a queen, getting into someone else's car, and there are completely different features in your eyes...
Is life possible... after death, when every time you are born and die in one person... when you are a truly young creature, despite your age and different views on life, you simply breathe in unison with him..
Possible... because breathing solo, spreading your arms and legs in different directions on a spacious bed is so great. You can sleep and not worry that someone is always pulling your hair with their shoulder. And when I open my eyes in the morning, I think how great it is that I finally got enough sleep!
Wonderful list of answers. Life without love is possible. If there were no love, a person could avoid 75% of the mistakes that he makes in his destiny, directing the wheel of fortune in different directions.
Because of a storm in one love, the ship of fate may completely fall to pieces... but who knows... maybe in the open, stormy sea... there will definitely be a free boat, and a new round will begin... A round of milestones of fate...
Sometimes it’s great to realize that everything that isn’t done is for the better. If it happened, it happened, love is lost - there is no reason to be sad. There is only a reason for re-evaluation and revision. There is a reason to think for a moment - between the past and the future. Draw conclusions and analyze in detail. Helpful, really. Quickly puts the loving angels torn from her to the ground. Happy Valentine's Day, friends!)
PS And let a person come into your life, if you don’t already have one, who will always be there. And his presence will make your life meaningful. And if you have one, keep your love, and don’t think about whether life is possible without love =) There is love in your life. And she won’t get away from you =)
Being in a relationship doesn't guarantee love.
If you have closed yourself off from love, then love relationships will most likely not give you feelings of love. Just like vice versa, if you do not have a partner, this does not mean that you are deprived of love.
There are pieces of love in every relationship you have - in relationships with parents, with friends, with children, buddies, with pets, with acquaintances, with strangers, with colleagues, in relationships with yourself. Even in business relationships there are certain manifestations of love. They may not be noticeable, but they are there if you start to notice them.
Somewhere they held the door for you, somewhere they smiled at you, somewhere they noticed your new hairstyle, somewhere they fulfilled your request, somewhere they said something encouraging, somewhere they did not respond to your rudeness. And this is also a manifestation of love.
Therefore, even if you are now single, you do not have a loved one, there is still love in your life. You just need to learn to notice it and not devalue its small manifestations.
Do you think it is possible to survive without love?
Love. Just a word, but how much it means in the life of every person! Love can be different, it can be felt for the opposite sex, a child, parents, friends, and even a pet - it’s all one feeling, but there are so many branches in it!
Rarely, when a person’s life is so empty that there is absolutely no love in it, we definitely experience such feelings, albeit not always in the form described in French novels.
However, the question of our article concerns precisely one specific area - love for the opposite sex. Is it possible to live without a soulmate? How can you live without love? It's real? Quite. “But what is the point in such a life?” – all the romantics and lovers of our planet would fervently ask.
Unfortunately, situations in life when a person fails to meet “his” soul mate and experience all the delights of a love relationship are not uncommon. There can be many reasons - a sad experience of youth, unrequited feelings, betrayal and betrayal by a loved one, and so on.
But the result is the same - we become disappointed and stop believing in miracles, locking all our heartfelt feelings behind a big barn castle. And even if the desire to love arises again, it is much more difficult to do so.
Substitution principle
Every person’s life follows a certain scenario: study, work, meetings, career, travel. Everyone chooses what they like best and see as a priority, we set ourselves new goals and objectives, each time trying to get as close as possible to their implementation.
When the place of love in life is empty, it is often filled by other areas and activities: we load ourselves with more and more new work, strive to achieve a brilliant career, actively participate in social activities, in a word, we try to occupy our soul and body as much as possible. And I must say, often such a plan works!
A man or woman, loaded with an endless string of affairs, rarely feels a lack of love, they simply do not have time for it! It turns out that living without love is quite possible, especially if a person himself desires it. And I must say that you can even find its advantages in this!
Such a life becomes smoother and calmer, there are no rash actions based on a momentary feeling, it is rational and planned, everything happens gradually and exactly as you intended. And I must say, there is such an interesting pattern: if you are not looking for love, it will definitely find you on its own. And here another story begins.
Marriage without love
Many girls are taught by their mothers from childhood: if you want to be happy, then be sure to marry for love! Only with such a feeling in your soul can you build a real strong family, full of harmony and warmth. But the years go by, and the all-consuming feeling for which you are ready to rush into the pool of emotions has not appeared on the horizon.
But next to you there is a person with whom you have been friends for a long time, he has already hinted to you more than once about his serious feelings, he values you and is ready to marry, everything is fine, but you just don’t feel what is called “love” for him. And yet you decide to start a family with him, because he is a reliable support and protection, a wonderful family man and just a great person with whom you feel good and calm.
Can such a marriage become happy? Let's rewind several centuries of our history: most marriages were contracted, for financial or social gain, often those getting married even met on their own wedding day, what kind of feelings could we talk about here?
Nevertheless, many of these marriages existed until the death of the couple, and many even managed to feel quite happy and prosperous. It turns out that things are even simpler if you have already done half the work - even though you are not mad lovers, you respect and value each other. It turns out that such marriages, without love and, to some extent, by calculation, have many advantages and advantages!
- It's no secret that love is a floating feeling. It can flare up with a bright flash and go out completely, or it can constantly smolder, supporting the flame of a relationship, but not give much color. Over time, feelings of love dull, friendship, mutual respect, habit, running a joint household, and so on come to the fore. At that very moment. When love disappears, an acute crisis occurs in a relationship, which even the strongest couples are not always able to survive. And in those cases where there were no burning emotions and love from the very beginning, there will be no crisis, which means that such a marriage is much more stable, which is very important.
- Lack of jealousy. When you build relationships based not on love, jealousy is a rare companion, because when a person does not love, he is not very afraid of rivals or rivals. And how many strong relationships have been destroyed by this hateful and insidious feeling, which is sometimes so difficult to control!
- No rose-colored glasses. When you love a person very much, you see only merits in him - he is so sweet, kind, handsome, strong, caring, and so on. But, when falling in love gradually subsides, your eyes open and it becomes clear that even your loved one is an ordinary person with his own weaknesses and oddities, which for some reason were not noticed at all before. Sometimes such “weaknesses” become very difficult to put up with, as a result of which fiery feelings begin to fade. But without love, everything is different - you initially know what you are going into and what you agree with.
Agreeing to live together without love, each person must clearly understand what he can learn from such a relationship and what will remain lost forever. It is possible to live without love, but only if there is at least a feeling of spiritual closeness and banal compatibility of characters between the partners.
Otherwise, such a union is very unlikely to be doomed to a happy existence. And remember, true love does not always flare up quickly, but often it slowly arises, transforms and enriches, only over time developing into a beautiful and strong feeling between two people.
Learn to notice and “assimilate” the love that exists in the world around you
While you are waiting to meet that one special person who will shower you with love completely. Or while you are waiting for some bright manifestations of love, as in romantic films, without noticing its ordinary, everyday manifestations. Then you continue to live as if without love.
If we take the metaphor that your need for love is like an empty vessel, then this vessel can be filled with water in different ways. You can look for one person who will fill your vessel completely, but this can be very long and difficult, and you will have nothing to pay for such an amount of water.
And if you collect a drop of water from each, you will be able to fill your vessel much faster. And then you can get drunk faster. After all, even someone who himself has very “little water” can share a drop of water with you, i.e. a very cold, unloving person.
Therefore, I suggest you learn to notice manifestations of love in everything that surrounds you. Learn to see how much of it is around you. And that it exists in one form or another in every relationship you have. To do this, you can do an exercise.
