Communication with adults as the main factor in child development
Adults fully provide for the child’s life. They take care of it, feed and clothe it, teach it the necessary skills, provide physical safety, give it toys, tell fairy tales and read books... Probably, a highly organized robot could cope with such functions. But only a person is able, in addition to care, to provide a child with communication colored by emotions.
Only real living relationships between a child and an adult are capable of shaping a growing person as a person. Interaction with elders influences the formation of the preschooler’s cognitive sphere, the formation of his worldview and socialization, and the development of interests and personal qualities.
Psychological science identifies two aspects in communication between a preschooler and an adult:
- Communication with adults has a direct impact on the development of all mental and personal processes of the child.
- Interactions and relationships ensure the development of communication itself and the preschooler as a subject of communication.
The need for communication is a natural need inherent in human nature. Already at preschool age, communication is a desirable accessible and feasible activity for a little person. And the children are ready to communicate! They reach out to elders and interact with peers.
Children are incredibly attracted to the world of adults. There is a lot of new and curious things in this world for a child, and adults know and can do so many things. Every child wants to be like mom and dad, do household chores with them, and behave in a similar way. This is only part of the motives that encourage preschoolers to interact with others.
Style of communication with children
Communication should bring the family together, but many parents do not realize that they have chosen the wrong style of communication with their child. Not only the hostility of the parents, but also their liberalism can harm the baby.
There are the following styles of communication with children:
- connivance or permissiveness (as a rule, with this style, the baby gets what he wants through hysterics and whims: “I want”, “give”). The child cannot be blamed for this; he does not know any other style of communication. As a result, he is unable to grow into a mature person because he does not understand the word “should.” At school and kindergarten, such a child is stubborn, conflicted and selfish;
- alienation, when parents do not hear, do not see, or do not want to hear and see their children;
- overprotection, when parents unknowingly deprive the child of any independence (psychological, moral, physical, social), as well as development;
- dictatorship - this style implies rigidity, rudeness, ignoring, disrespect for any initiative of the child, as well as his desires; under dictatorship, parents resort to physical punishment;
- respect - this style manifests itself in love and respect for the child from a very early age; parents encourage the child’s individuality, talk about topics that are interesting to him, guide their child, providing freedom of choice.
Features of communication between children and adults
Relationships in which a child is one of the subjects certainly have their own characteristics.
In communication, as in any joint activity, an adult acts as a source of knowledge and skills, a model and a mentor for preschoolers. On the one hand, the child accepts and uses the advice, rules, and guidelines for action that come from adults. On the other hand, a child, like a sponge, absorbs the style, method, manner of communication from mom, dad and other significant loved ones, simply by observing them and copying behavior.
Of course, not every adult has an exclusive influence on the development of a preschooler. We are talking about people close to the child - these are parents, grandparents, nanny, teacher and a few other immediate surroundings.
Child's motives in communicating with adults
What is the spring that pushes a preschooler to communicate with an adult? After all, most parents, nannies and grandmothers pay so much attention to their pupil that sometimes it seems that there may be no room left for initiative communication on the part of the child. However, the springs work. In preschool age, the following motives for communication appear:
- business
- informative
- personal
Business motives express the preschooler’s desire to turn to parents and educators as partners in his important children’s affairs. The child likes to involve elders in his play. In such conditions, the preschooler perceives the adult as an understanding participant and at the same time an organizer of joint actions.
When initiating the game, the baby will definitely assign a certain role to the adult, but will accept tips and help from his “ward.” For example, a granddaughter acts as a “doctor” for her grandmother, but at the same time she readily responds to the offer to adjust the stethoscope and see how carefully a plaster should be applied.
Cognitive motives are designed to satisfy the child’s insatiable curiosity. And what’s important is that an adult will not only tell you new things and explain incomprehensible things. He is also a good listener. And he will listen to children’s reasoning and correct where the child speaks wrongly.
Younger preschoolers are content with any answers to their questions. They are just putting together the first pictures of the multifaceted mosaic of the world around them. This is a period of obedience and uncritical acceptance of information or rules coming from an adult.
Older children satisfy their cognitive interest in a different way. They discuss various topics with adults and strive to establish new connections with what they already know. Therefore, adults are expected to provide reasoned explanations, as well as evaluate their children’s assumptions.
Personal motives for communication become more and more evident in older preschool age. They are expressed by a craving for a specific adult. Now the child addresses a question that concerns him not to any adult, but to someone who he sees as an expert in this topic. Or he strives to stay longer with the person for whom he feels emotional affection. For example, a boy wants to be close to his dad when he makes something with his own hands.
If a child does something, it is so important for him to hear the opinion of an adult. Young children expect only praise; they do not know objectivity. And older preschoolers latently hope for laudatory reviews of the results of their work. However, they understand that an adult’s assessment can be expressed in tips and comments.
The main thing is that the statement of an adult is a necessary link for the child in his activity - be it assessment, support or neutral judgment.
Forms of communication between preschoolers and adults
The basic conditions that contribute to the development of communication between a preschooler and an adult are also transformed throughout preschool childhood.
During the transition period from early to preschool age, which occurs at the 3-year mark, the child is increasingly able to step beyond the boundaries of a specific situation. A 4-year-old child, walking in the park, asks his mother whether bunnies live in this forest. Or then he tries to build a house for a squirrel he saw on a walk. This is an example of non-situational behavior.
As a result, forms of communication in preschool age are increasingly becoming non-situational. Depending on the prevailing motivation driving the child, the following forms of communication between a preschooler and an adult are distinguished:
- non-situational-cognitive
- non-situational-personal
The first option predominates in early preschool age. Until the age of five, a child accumulates knowledge about objects and phenomena of the surrounding world. He strives to expand his circle of knowledge, asks adults about everything he sees and hears around him, and tries, under the guidance of his parents and educators, to draw or sculpt an image of what he saw.
Senior preschool age opens up a new field of perception for the child - namely, relationships between people, personal qualities and achievements. And now the preschooler wants to learn as much as possible in the field of human relations.
A personal motive comes to the fore when a child is interested in a specific person. For this reason, preschoolers are so curious about their parents' guests. Having become acquainted, they begin to ask mother’s friend what her job is, whether she likes fruit, whether she has children, etc.
Also, non-situational personal communication helps the child understand his capabilities and form self-esteem, comprehend moral norms and values, and the rules of human relations. In communication with adults, such an important “tool” of relationships as social intelligence is formed.
Communication between parents and children
The use of ridicule and nicknames towards preschoolers is unacceptable. Remarks such as “you crybaby”, “you’re just a dumbass”, “you’re not a man” will only alienate the child and make him lose confidence in himself. After such an attitude, the kids get offended and defend themselves with the following words: “what is he like?”, “well, let him be a cudgel,” “well, I’ll be like that!”
Sympathy for a preschooler should not be in words, but in deeds. There is no need to say such phrases as “calm down, this is such nonsense”, “if it grinds, there will be flour”, “don’t pay attention.”
Children with communication difficulties cannot tolerate tedious lectures such as “it’s time to remember that you should wash your hands before eating”, “always listen to your father”, “if you get distracted, you make mistakes.” After such notations, the child answers: “that’s enough,” “I know.” As a result, he develops psychological deafness.
Love your baby for who he is, always respect him, because he is the same person as you. Don't intrusively get into his soul. It’s better to listen carefully, try to understand what’s in his soul. It's hard to resist asking questions, but ask wisely.
Don't laugh off your child's problems. Avoid boring moralization: “you should do this,” “you need to respect your elders.” Such dreary phrases do not give anything new and their behavior does not change. The child feels guilt, pressure from authority, boredom, and often all together. Moral foundations, as well as moral behavior, are given not by words, but by the very atmosphere in the house, as well as the behavior of adults.
Don’t be straightforward in your advice: “I would fight back,” “go and apologize.” Often children do not listen to such advice. By advising something to your child, you are reminding him that he is small, inexperienced, and the authoritarian position of an adult only irritates him.
Features of communication between parents and children include the manifestation of trust. Don’t say: “it’s all because of you,” “I got into a fight again,” “I see right through you.” Frequent repetition of such phrases makes a preschooler furious.
Middle preschool age (4-5 years): features of communication with peers and adults
This age is characterized by the formation of the personality of a small person; the child’s preferences for building relationships change significantly. If earlier he preferred to spend all his time with familiar adults, now it is more important for him to have contact with peers and other children. It is very significant that their relationship at this age is characterized by exceptional emotionality. Children talk loudly, fool around and laugh. Their mood changes at one moment - stormy fun and bitter tears can be separated by one minute and one seemingly insignificant event.
How to communicate with children at this age and how to help them with socialization? Adults need to learn to listen to the child and try not to interfere in conflicts whenever possible. Now, more than ever, it is important for a child to be recognized; he expects praise from adults and other children, but here it is necessary to maintain a healthy balance - to praise when he has really done something worthy of distinction.
During conversations, you should not belittle the child’s dignity, but you should not extol him over others. Children need to be taught to communicate and interact in groups so that they understand that they can be friends as equals, without offense or quarrels.
