How to be calm in any situation: examples and methods on how to become calm

Learning how to be calm in any situation in the ocean of life is simply necessary. Problems rain down on the heads of the inhabitants of planet Earth as if from a cornucopia. Ecology, politics, social upheavals, economics, the psychological state of society as a whole and each individual individually - nowhere is there even a hint of stabilization of the situation.

Not everyone can isolate themselves from everyone with a high fence or go to a desert island - there simply aren’t enough islands and fences, but trying to become a self-confident and balanced person is possible for everyone.

Causes of modern stress

Americans were among the first to study the causes and consequences of stress, so it would be appropriate to start talking about what causes stress with US statistics. After digging around the Internet, we found some telling data from the American Institute of Stress.

According to the research conducted by the above-mentioned Institute, it turned out that the main causes of stress are (in descending order of importance):

stress at work, pressure from bosses and overload;
fear of losing a job, reduced pension and medical expenses;
health problems, including chronic diseases;
divorce, death of a spouse, problems with friends and loneliness;
poor nutrition, consumption of caffeine and refined sugar, poor quality foods;
information overload associated with the media and the Internet;
sleep problems, increased production of adrenaline and other stress hormones by the body.

The study also notes that:

77% of people regularly experience physical symptoms of stress;
73% of people regularly experience psychological symptoms of stress;
33% of people feel they live under extreme stress;
48% of people believe that stress levels have increased over the past 5 years;
76% of people believe that the reasons for their stress are income level and work;
48% of people suffer from insomnia due to stress.

Stress studies have also been and are being conducted in Russia, and the most large-scale of them belongs to the GfK Marketing Research Institute. To date, it presents some of the most objective results:

the main cause of stress for Russians is rising prices – 35% of people;
the second cause of stress for Russians is unemployment – 24% of people;
other economic problems worry a quarter of respondents – 25% of people;
in fourth place is crime - 19% of people;
followed by housing problems - 18% of people;
In last place are the problems of pensions and healthcare – 16% of people.

Over 60% of Russians are convinced that life in the country is becoming more dangerous every year, and because of this they experience stress. 51% of people name the fear of losing loved ones among the main causes of stress, and 43% name the fear of getting sick and dying themselves. 40% of Russians are concerned about the risk of becoming a victim of criminals, and 53% are concerned about the risk that their loved ones may become their victims. And finally, 28% are most afraid of social conflicts and wars.

We will not provide statistics for other countries (if you wish, you can easily find them freely available on the Internet), but we will continue to talk about the causes of stress in general. Scientists divide them into physiological and psychological (by the way, we recommend that you read our article “Stress and psychology: how they are connected”).

Physiological causes include everything that negatively affects a person’s physical condition, for example:

poor nutrition;
overwork;
lack of sleep;
changes in weather (changes in pressure, temperature, etc.)

It is interesting that physiological causes do not affect people in the same way: while they can cause stress for some, others practically do not react to them. And this difference is often explained by the second group of reasons - psychological reasons.

Psychological factors provoke powerful emotional outbursts that arise against the background of various kinds of psychological problems, such as difficulties in communicating with people, lack of self-confidence, etc. But it is important to note that we are talking not only about excessive negative, but also about positive emotions.

Among other things, stress is caused by external and internal causes. External factors are various life situations that are beyond human control (for example, environmental conditions, weather, etc.), and problems in interaction with society (blockages at work, problems in the family, conflicts, etc.)

And internal reasons are reasons such as health problems, unjustified hopes, unachieved goals, disappointments and other factors that influence a person without external influence.

Naturally, this is only a brief examination of the causes of stress, but it gives a very clear idea of what generally causes a deterioration in a person’s physical and mental condition.

And in addition to what has been said, it would not be superfluous to identify some risk factors that cause stress. People who are primarily affected by stress should be mentioned:

people who consciously expose themselves to stress factors: adrenaline addicts, fans of extreme sports, testing the strength of their nerves through activities at the limits of the body’s capabilities;
workers in the fields of finance, education and medicine: brokers, traders, bank employees, office workers, educators and teachers, doctors;
public transport drivers and representatives of other professions whose work involves increased stress.

Such people literally spend every day under the influence of stress factors of varying magnitude, causing the production of cortisol - the stress hormone, nervous and emotional overstrain, various nervous conditions that do not allow them to adequately and constructively respond to current events. Naturally, there can be no talk of any peace or high productivity here.

Today it is quite difficult to find a person who has not experienced the effects of stress at least once. Moreover, stress is expressed mainly in the same manifestations, and they are also familiar to everyone. But we still think it would be very useful to say a few words about the symptoms of stress.

How to react less to stimuli?

It is necessary to determine the range of potentially dangerous moments that provoke internal tension, dissatisfaction, anger, anger. It is better to exclude communication with toxic people.

Friends who are ready to complain about life for two hours, who do not take steps to improve the situation, who like to talk about illnesses, failures, and simply unpleasant personalities. If they include loved ones, parents try during the conversation to imagine themselves in a glass bell, through which the destructive emotions of the interlocutor do not fly through.

Be sure to read:

Experiencing grief, loss or death of a loved one, how to cope with this?

Irritation occurs when things are postponed or tasks are not completed, when the brain receives a signal reminding them of them. It is important to track at what point the unpleasant feeling appeared. Scroll through the events that preceded the spoiled mood step by step.

Has a song started playing that reminds you of an unpleasant person? The news announced an increase in prices for public transport? Perhaps the thought flashed in the background: “There’s already not enough money, it’s time to pay off the loan, and now buses have become more expensive”? The technique helps to get to the root of the irritability, remove the splinter sitting inside and it will become easier.

Symptoms of stress

Stress manifests itself at different levels and has devastating effects on the physical, emotional, mental and behavioral areas. Let's talk about everything separately.

Under stress, the body strives to mobilize all its resources, and at the physiological level a whole range of changes are possible:

cardiovascular system: changes in blood pressure, hypertension, heart rhythm disturbances, interruptions in heart function, tinnitus;
digestive system: lack or decreased appetite (less often - increased appetite), weight loss, abdominal pain, dyspeptic symptoms (nausea, vomiting, belching, heartburn, stool disturbances, heaviness in the stomach);
respiratory system: lack of air, inability to take a deep breath, shortness of breath, asthma attacks, frequent colds;
musculoskeletal system: muscle spasms, convulsions, constant muscle tone, back pain;
integumentary system: rash, allergic reactions, increased sweating;
nervous system: headaches, low resistance to stress, low temperature (less often, high temperature);
reproductive system: decreased libido.

The next level is emotional, and here the following changes are possible:

anxiety, restlessness, premonition of trouble, attacks of causeless panic;
causeless irritability and moodiness;
emotional decline, sadness, melancholy, depression, suicidal thoughts (separately, tearfulness is noted in women);
decreased self-esteem, increased demands on oneself;
lack of interests in life, passive behavior;
constant tension, difficulty relaxing.

Next, we move on to the intellectual level, at which stress manifests itself as follows:

inability to make decisions;
memory impairment;
obsessive thoughts (mostly negative);
difficulty concentrating;
absent-mindedness and disorganization.

As for changes in behavior, they manifest themselves as follows:

emotional instability (it often leads to conflict situations at work and at home);
inattention (it affects performance and appearance);
workaholism (one of the responses to stress is going to work);
the desire to suppress stress with the help of cigarettes and alcohol (an increase in the quantity and frequency of their use is noted), as well as drugs.

The above symptoms most often appear in combination, rather than one at a time. There is no need to sound the alarm if you suddenly begin to notice one or two manifestations of stress in yourself or someone around you (although you still need to pay attention), but if several of them begin to appear at once, this is already a reason for closer observation and taking appropriate measures.

As you may have noticed, even the symptoms of stress are already a serious shake-up for the body (by the way, regarding the shake-up, stress does not always have only a negative effect, and you can read more about this in our article “Stress: is there any benefit from it and how can it be done?” get"). However, stress can also lead to other consequences, which we will discuss below.

Self-control

Typically, the question of how to be calm in any situation is asked by people who are constantly in a stressful environment. For example, at work every day your boss puts pressure on you or your colleagues irritate you with every word they say. There is only one way out - self-control.

An effective method is breathing practice. Namely, the square technique. As soon as a person feels an attack of irritation, he will need to start breathing through his left nostril, then through his right, and then through his stomach and chest. This not only calms your heart rate, but also distracts you.

Or you can simply hold your breath and release it after half a minute. This helps to minimize brain activity.

Consequences of stress

The already mentioned study by the American Institute of Stress also contains statistics on the impact of stress on humans, and this is what it shows:

48% of people believe that stress has a negative impact on their personal and professional lives;
31% of people say stress interferes with their ability to manage their work and home life;
54% of people note that stress leads to conflicts with loved ones;
26% of people said stress had caused them to become distant from their friends and family.

Plus, there is data on how people think stress affects their lives:

51% – fatigue;
44% – headaches;
34% – stomach upset;
30% – muscle tension;
23% – loss of appetite;
17% – dental problems;
15% – decreased libido;
13% – dizziness;
50% – irritability;
45% – nervousness;
45% – lack of energy;
35% – desire to cry.

In general, researchers identify the following among the main consequences of stress:

frequent headaches;
systematic lack of sleep;
persistent problems with the digestive and cardiovascular systems;
tachycardia and increased blood pressure;
the emergence of bad habits (including addictions);
weakening of the immune system.

Initially, the effect of stress on the body may be almost invisible, but after some time the problems begin to make themselves felt. Stress works in a tricky way: first, cortisol is produced, which affects the immune system, then the release of adrenaline into the blood becomes more frequent and increases, after which the whole body begins to suffer.

But, as you understand, the matter is not limited to the body: the ability to work gradually decreases, the perception of situations occurring in daily life is distorted, and a person’s communication with others changes for the worse. A person becomes more susceptible to destructive mental states (anger, aggression, depression, apathy, etc.)

It is also very dangerous that the symptoms of stress that we recently discussed can quickly worsen and become chronic. Not only does this lead to many different ailments on a physical level (angina pectoris, heart attack, stomach ulcers, colitis, cholelithiasis and a host of others, including degeneration of brain cells), but on a psychological level stress also manifests itself as extremely dangerous.

In addition to the fact that a person himself begins to feel bad, his condition begins to actively affect his interaction with society. Relationships with friends, work colleagues, family, and even those closest to you and family members deteriorate. This is why stress so often becomes the cause of family problems - from minor troubles to divorce. What can we say about achieving goals and success in life, changes in thinking and worldview.

And, perhaps, the worst thing is that stress (in its chronic and most severe form, of course) can lead to loss of adequacy and capacity and even death. Therefore, it is very important to prevent the stress from worsening and begin to eliminate it as early as possible.

How to stop worrying if everything goes wrong?

Every person has an ideal picture of the world, of any event, in their head. When there is a conflict between expectations and reality, irritation occurs. It not only ruins your mood, but also prevents you from enjoying the current moment and seeing the opportunities that open up that were not included in the “plan”. Psychologists call this attitude idealization. Let's look at an example.

A girl going on a date drew a picture: a gentleman, dressed in a formal suit, was waiting with a huge bouquet. After a sweet greeting, the man takes his chosen one to dinner, then drives her home, sweetly kisses her hands, and they say goodbye.

In fact, a guy in jeans, a T-shirt, without the pompous creation of florists, is waiting for her, inviting her to take a walk in the park or embankment.

The young lady’s imaginary picture does not coincide with reality, she experiences irritation. Not understanding the source of the feeling, she transfers it to the young man. He listens with half an ear, answers out of place, thinking that the outfit and heels were chosen for another pastime, and tries to leave as quickly as possible, taking advantage of a plausible excuse.

She does not get the opportunity to get to know a person who may turn out to be much more interesting than a fictional character. In a relaxed state, a walk would bring her a lot of pleasure and pleasant sensations.

You need to learn not to build ideal models of situations in advance, and let life happen. Often what appears to be a setback will manifest itself as a positive change in the future.

First steps in the fight against stress

To successfully deal with stress, you need not only to know what methods are used to overcome it (we will discuss them below), but also to understand how it occurs, and also be able to identify sources of pressure. Let's talk about everything in order.

Determining the stage of stress

Understanding the stages in which stress develops is required in order to correctly determine options for its subsequent treatment, as well as to realize how advanced the situation is. To describe the stages of stress progression, it is best to refer to the concept of Canadian physician Hans Selye, first described in 1936 in his work describing the general adaptation syndrome.

Selye named three stages of stress, each of which gradually flows into the other:

First stage. The human body is in a state of shock and strives to overcome irritating factors, for which it produces more energy. The feeling of anxiety increases.
Second stage. It can be called the stage of resistance, when the body tries to develop a certain immunity (we recommend that you read the material “How to develop immunity against stress”). The volume of hormones that increase stress and depress a person is reduced. There is balance and calmness, and the disappearance of feelings of anxiety.
Third stage. Under the influence of stress, the body begins to deplete. The psycho-emotional state worsens, the body's resistance to stress factors decreases, and the feeling of anxiety increases. If this condition continues for a long time, changes begin to occur at the physiological level.

In the case of each individual person, each stage has its own duration. In addition, all stages are individual for individual situations. They can last for several minutes or several weeks.

This information is sufficient for a person to determine the progression of stress in his or her own case. But all this is mostly theoretical. The practice of working with stress begins directly with identifying the source of stress and its possible elimination.

Identifying the Source of Stress

Even the barking of a neighbor's dog can be a source of powerful psycho-emotional disturbance. However, such things are perceived by a person as ordinary; they fit quite harmoniously into the array of daily events, and therefore in most cases they are not the main irritant.

People tend to think of the real stress maker as something much larger. This could be, for example, an endlessly yelling boss at work or an economic crisis in the country. But this is still a fallacy, and in reality the situation is completely different from what most people believe.

If we start looking for the starting point, we will find it in the barking dog. When we are cheerful and full of energy, we perceive almost all external stimuli relatively objectively and adequately. But when we didn’t get enough sleep because of the dog’s barking, irritation begins to take hold of us, and through its prism we begin to perceive everything that happens.

As a result, after a while we begin to “seem”, commit rash actions, and “break wood.” And the neighbor’s dog has no idea that her barking puts pressure on our psyche and that it is because of it that our lives are filled with problems and relationships with loved ones suffer.

We have described the simplest situation, although in real life not everything is so simple, and the causes of stress are often not so obvious. But still, in the vast majority of situations, you can do without the help of a specialist to understand the problem and find its true cause - the source of stress.

To begin with, you can use the simplest technique to help you understand what is causing pressure. You take a piece of paper and a pen and, in chronological order, write down all the negative events that have happened recently. After this, it is enough to conduct a small analysis of everything that was written in order to get to the bottom of the truth.

And to help in the search for this truth, psychologists have even developed several special auxiliary questions to answer the main question: “Where did it all start?” To determine the primary source of stress, you need to ask yourself (questions are asked in this order):

When did the changes start?
What happened before the changes?
How has the world around you changed?
How has my attitude towards what is happening changed?
How has my attitude towards people changed?

On the same topic, we recommend reading the article “Questions to yourself to cure stress” so that the search for the cause of stress will be more thorough and painstaking. And remember that you need to answer these questions as honestly as possible - this way you can really help yourself by becoming a true friend and useful advisor. But the real work, of course, is not in thinking and answering questions, but in applying effective ways to deal with stress.

Who needs to learn calmness

Phlegmatic people are the luckiest. These lucky people from birth have the ability to have a philosophical attitude towards almost any adversity in life. Strictly speaking, they are also susceptible to stress, but they know how to cope with it. The rest, due to their temperament, are forced to experience a range of different emotions. The most common obstacles to maintaining fortitude are:

Hot temper. “The small pot heats up quickly.” The proverb describes a person who is unable to separate himself from an emotion. If every little thing gets on your nerves, it only takes a small trigger to provoke a powerful reaction.
Suspiciousness. A person does not know how to control the flow of thoughts, and often gets fixated on mere trifles, or is tormented by real or imagined difficulties.
Selfishness. A person concentrates on a situation or conflict that irritates him, unable to be distracted by the surrounding reality.

Only those who are aware of these problems and want to become restrained and not lose their head in a stressful situation can make their life more comfortable. Anyone can learn to remain calm in any environment. There are many techniques that help you change the wave and find the desired peace of mind.

Physical energy release

Surely every person interested in how to behave calmly in any situation has noticed changes in their body at the moment of irritation. Your head begins to make noise, the pressure rises so rapidly that you even feel a pulsation in your temples, you have a desire to scream or even attack someone with your fists with the intention of tearing them to shreds.

You cannot keep such a reserve of energy within yourself. Physical relaxation will help. You can sign up for a boxing class, where in the evening you can happily take out all your anger and aggression on a punching bag, imagining the offender instead. Changes will be noticeable almost immediately. If the harmful boss starts making baseless remarks again, the person will automatically remember how yesterday he took it out on the punching bag, imagining the boss in her place. And he will be happy to note to himself that today he will be able to do it again. Besides, anger in this case will make a person better! Stronger, more physically developed, more beautiful. Sport is useful, after all, it is muscle relaxation, which relieves tension accumulating in the body. The well-known phrase is ideal for this case: “Extra energy should be directed in the right direction.”

Positive thinking

Powerful tools against stress are gratitude, kindness and dedication. When we consciously look at our lives and understand what we can be grateful for, over time it becomes easier to cope with problems. Scientists have even calculated that this requires 6 weeks of keeping a gratitude diary every night.

Pay attention to those around you, try yourself as a volunteer in a charity organization. Helping others builds self-confidence, allows you to look at your own life with gratitude, and gives you a sense of need.

Back Next

Lifebuoy

Make a list of things that relax you and lift your spirits. This could be a music playlist, your favorite essential oils, a short walk, talking with a nice person, playing with your pet, or something else. If you know you have a difficult day ahead, keep your SOS kit handy. These are kind of anchors of calm that will help you maintain a normal state, even if chaos reigns at work or at home.

The morning is wiser than the evening

In order to calmly endure stressful situations, you need to be as rested as possible. Monitor the quality of your sleep. Half an hour before bedtime, put your phone away from you, turn off your computer and TV. A relaxing bath or shower, gentle stretching and massage, soothing music, journaling and meditation will help set you up for a good night's rest. If possible, take a siesta during the day. Medical research has repeatedly proven that a nap, even a 15-minute one, reduces the risk of developing cardiovascular diseases and normalizes hormonal levels.