In the Russian language there is a capacious and not entirely censored analogue of the concept of “polygamous woman,” which in itself already reflects the attitude of society towards such a phenomenon. The sexual revolution seemed to give women the nominal right to control their own sexuality, change partners and generally behave like men, but in fact it only gave even more rights to men. Sex outside marriage has turned from violence into a voluntary, non-binding act for men, and into another socially condemned choice for women.
Positive effects of polygamy2
In the 21st century, fortunately, more and more women are not afraid of their own voices and opinions, and sociologists and therapists have the opportunity to learn the stories of polygamous women first-hand, and not from speculation. Up to certain limits, polygamy has a number of positive and understandable consequences:
- Understanding your own sexuality. A single partner, no matter how wonderful a lover he may be, is not able to reveal all the facets of a woman’s sexuality. What if fortune didn’t smile and instead of a skilled lover, an inexperienced woman got a boy who can’t do anything himself? Tolerate until the end of life or make a choice in favor of the next one?
- Increased self-esteem. Not the best way to work with self-esteem, but perhaps one of the simplest. The right kind of male attention can make a woman feel beautiful and desirable. And the more men are ready to butt heads over the possession of a particular woman, the higher her self-esteem soars.
- Emotional release. Many women are not ready for marriage or any long-term relationship for various reasons, but they are also not ready to do without sex. The solution is short-term connections with clearly defined goals.
- Male model of behavior. In order to achieve success in the professional field, women are forced to try on a male model of behavior. Unfortunately, it is often impossible to separate work and personal life, and the “male model” takes on exaggerated forms, including the male way of dealing with stress.
- Repressed homosexuality. It often takes women many years to admit that they are not attracted to men. In order to recognize their own orientation, women first try with all their might to prove the opposite to themselves. The positive aspect of polygamy here is the understanding that one man may be bad in bed, but if it doesn’t work out with everyone, the problem lies elsewhere.
Polyandry in culture and life3
One of the rare forms of polygamy is polyandry or polyandry. And if we talk about a polygamous woman in the context of polyandry, we should first admit that such an institution of marriage does exist: in Sri Lanka, Tibet, Brazil and some other regions of Asia, Africa and South America. Of course, such a way of life is sharply condemned in a patriarchal culture, however, when viewed objectively, it is a fairly logical institution of marriage.
In the union of one woman with several men, as opposed to the union of one man and several women, the boundary of the gender distribution of labor and responsibility is erased, the members of the union are recognized as equal to each other and do not turn into service personnel.
Polyandry provides additional protection to offspring, reduces infant mortality and reduces the birth rate in general. A child with two fathers has a significantly greater chance of surviving in unfavorable conditions.
Polyandry is a solution to the growing gender imbalance. For example, in India, where the birth of girls has long been considered undesirable, there are now many more men than women. Therefore, in some villages polyandry is a common practice.
There is also fraternal polyandry, when the husbands of one woman are brothers to each other. This tradition is still present in poor countries and is associated with the need to leave all property within one union.
Polyandry, contrary to judgment, is a logical form of union that provides regulation of populations, a partial solution to poverty issues, and protection of offspring.
Dependence of polygamy on gender4
The phenomenon of polygamy and monogamy should be considered in the context of historical significance and culture, and not the moral standards of modern man.
It cannot be said that polygamy depends on gender, since, turning our gaze to history, we can note that both polygamy and polyandry corresponded to the spirit of events and times. The difference between the forms of polygamy is that polygamy is a consequence of development and economic well-being, while polyandry is a mechanism necessary for survival.
A polygamous man - you can’t trample against nature5
Unlike women, a man who flaunts his exploits in the sexual field is considered successful and is perceived by patriarchal society as a leader and conqueror. It does not occur to anyone to accuse him of promiscuity and promiscuity; on the contrary, a polygamous man becomes an example to follow and admire.
This attitude only reinforces the myth that men are polygamous by nature and cannot share life with one single partner, and “swan fidelity” is a beautiful and meaningless fairy tale that interferes with enjoying life here and now.
Monogamy2
Accordingly, monogamy is the complete opposite of the principle described above. After all, the prefix mono is the antonym of the word many. These are the most ordinary families and people who choose only one partner and do not cheat on him.
There is also such a thing as serial monogamy. This is when a person can change his partner throughout his life, but his loyalty to monogamy cannot be in doubt. A change of partner can occur after a divorce or the death of a loved one. One way or another, most ordinary families are a union of serial monogamists.
We have collected everything you need to know about the fidelity of a man and a woman in our next article.
Scientific view of male polygamy6
Male polygamy is studied by two sciences at once: biology and psychology. And if from the point of view of biology, polygamy is considered a natural process, then psychologists unanimously declare that a polygamous man is a weak man who is not able to cope with his own base instincts.
From a biological point of view, polygamy is a population regulation mechanism: sexual relations with several partners make it possible to conceive more offspring and ensure continuation of the family. That is, nature seems to be hinting: the only thing a male individual should have time to do before he dies is to conceive as many children as possible. The further upbringing and preservation of the offspring is the responsibility of the female, but the male has done his job and it is no longer his responsibility: let the law of natural selection come into force and the strongest offspring continue his lineage.
Fortunately, work made a man out of a monkey, and gave, in addition to instincts, also a head on his shoulders, the society around him and psychological processes within. Thousands of years of development of history have clearly shown that you cannot go far on instincts alone and you need to learn to adapt to the surrounding reality in one way or another. Marriage, whether monogamous or polygamous, is one of the methods of adjustment. It turned out that in a union, offspring have a greater chance of survival, the distribution of labor is a logically correct and fair decision, and constant access to one woman eliminates the need to constantly prove to all females in the habitat that you are still an alpha male.
Transition from polygamy to monogamy
As evolution progressed, more stable and strong ties began to emerge between individual representatives of different tribes. Even the beginnings of marriage appeared. However, they continued to be based on polygamy. A husband could have any number of women on his side, but his wife, in case of betrayal, risked being stoned. By the way, it was in this version that harems were born.
Over time, issues of property division began to arise. They were solved very simply - since males dominated society, a male child should also inherit everything. In order not to leave all the property acquired over a long life to someone else's offspring, the head of the family had to be sure of his paternity. This is where the question of determining paternity arose. Nowadays, this problem is solved in just a couple of hours - the child and father undergo special tests, and then find out the result almost instantly. Then the only way out of the situation was monogamous marriage.
Religions played a major role in the strengthening and development of monogamous marriage. At the same time, purely human relationships developed - in addition to the natural instinct to prolong one’s own kind, affection and feelings began to play the role.
Advantages of male polygamy7
Today, male polygamy looks like nothing more than a convenient excuse for adultery. Still, it is very easy to shift the burden of responsibility onto base instincts and turn a blind eye to the fact that a person is a thinking being, responsible for the decisions made and their consequences.
Of course, polygamy, which does not go beyond the bounds of reason, has its advantages:
- Gaining experience. Alas, no one is born with a universal package of knowledge about how to have sex correctly so that all participants in the process receive pleasure. A polygamous man has a unique opportunity to gain valuable experience.
- Obtaining social status. Men have driven themselves into a patriarchal framework, where status is measured not by intelligence and achievements, but by visual indicators of success. Frequent changes of partners and the presence of mistresses are a measure of the success of a modern man. We can only believe that this will change following the change of generations.
- Fighting stress. Boxing, running and sex are the best anti-stress practices. The pressure on a working person in modern society is so great that it is often almost impossible to cope with it. Sex certainly allows you to relieve tension and fight stress.
A little history
Polygamy is polygamy, a marriage where one of the parties has several partners. Most often, a man has several wives.
In the modern world, polygamy is common mainly among Muslims and Hindus, as well as in some African countries. But polygamy was mentioned in the Old Testament. Historically, polygamy was a privilege of the nobility: the richer a person, the more wives he could have. Arab sheikhs and Chinese emperors, in addition to their wives, also had countless concubines.
So who is he - a polygamous man? Men love to attribute their numerous love affairs and infidelities to “polygamy,” supposedly inherent in them by nature. But nature cannot create females and males of the same species with different priorities. It turns out then that women are also polygamous?
In the modern world, the concepts of “love” and “sex” are not identical concepts. Nature does not predetermine whether a person should live in a polygamous or monogamous marriage. People fall in love, get married, raise children because the social conditions of the development of modern society led them to this.
The slogan is well known: “The family is the unit of society.”
Disadvantages of polygamy for men8
If we consider polygamy from the point of view of the institution of marriage, and not just sexual relations, then in essence monogamous marriage is the most patriarchal institution. It would seem that any man has not thought about how wonderful it would be to have several wives: how clean the house would be, how much affection and attention a man would receive, how much pleasure and variety in sex would await him. But has anyone thought about the other side of the coin: how much effort and attention several women need to devote, how much they need to earn to support a large family - all their wives and children.
Marriage implies the common responsibility of all participants for the life, well-being, and health of children. However, take for example Islamic states where polygamy is a common practice. Women do not work there and all responsibility for welfare is placed on the shoulders of men - more and more men prefer to stay with one woman.
Monogamy
For the overwhelming number of representatives of the fair sex, monogamy is the norm and is embedded at the internal level. As a rule, a woman is raised from childhood as a future keeper of the hearth and mother; she is taught that she is responsible for certain obligations.
A large role in a woman’s worldview is played by her hormonal levels, which shape the need to take care of their children. She simply has no time and no need to have several partners at once.
Monogamous marriage implies fidelity between spouses; there is no place for a third person. In addition, it is worth remembering that there are a number of advantages in such an alliance:
- full support from society;
- classic form of relationship;
- concentration of spouses only on each other;
- rational distribution of property between descendants;
- loyalty of partners, guaranteeing protection from various infections that can be obtained in the case of casual relationships.
Men who prefer polygamous relationships justify their needs and inclinations, first of all, by the fact that the classical form of marriage tends to quickly become boring, which means that the family will gradually become an exclusively burden. As men say: “We eat black bread every day, but sometimes we want something more.”
Benefits of Polygamy for Women9
Essentially, with polygamy, women would be married to the most successful representatives of the clan, women could initially choose an “alpha male” who would provide them and their children with decent living conditions, and it would be quite easy to come to terms with the rest of the wives in this situation. While less successful male representatives would remain out of work altogether, would not be able to continue the race and would become useless from the point of view of biological diversity.
Monogamous marriage gives all males the opportunity to have offspring; the only difficulty is that, unlike the super successful alpha males, everyone else is forced to look for workarounds and think about how to attract a woman from “another league.”
In Russia4
In the Russian Federation and CIS countries, a polygamous man is a person who is prone to infidelity and considers it normal behavior. Refusing any restrictions, he, however, in most cases does not want to put up with the similar behavior of girls (I can go to the left, but you can’t). But the principles of society leave their mark on every person, and many men consciously marry and then begin their adventures. Moreover, some may warn their bride about this in advance.
And only a small percentage of men choose civil marriages, in which the spouses do not promise to remain faithful.
This is a great way for some to justify their promiscuity.
