In a noisy company, Alice feels anxious. No one around her pays attention to her, and this causes a pulsating lump to grow in the girl’s chest. But over 24 years, she has developed a scheme that prevents her from slipping into panic. Alice, without hesitation, begins to talk about home orgies and a date with a psychopath. Some of those gathered think that in front of them is an upstart and a liar, others are instantly captivated by her gentle voice, infectious laughter and the emotionality with which she confesses. Therefore, after five minutes, all eyes are glued to Alice, and her anxiety is defeated, although not for long.
A few months ago, the author of the telegram channel “That girl from...” Alice found herself in a psychiatrist’s office after being fired from her job. When the company sent employees to work remotely, the young specialist found herself locked within four walls.
Confinement became torture for her, because she was used to quenching her anxiety with parties, projects and meetings with friends.
Instead of completing tasks, the girl cried all day long, procrastinated and could not focus. Two months later, the bosses sent a message: “Sorry, but we need to break up.” “Then I realized that I was ruining my life with my own hands and I couldn’t do anything about it. It came to me that I couldn’t continue like this, and I turned to a doctor for help,” Alisa recalls the events of that time.
So three diagnoses appeared in her medical record: obsessive-compulsive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and hysterical disorder. And if the first two did not surprise her, because anxiety was always in the background, then the last explained all the other oddities. First of all, an unquenchable thirst to be in the center of attention. Unlike narcissists, Alice has never cared about approval, the main thing is to be noticed.
Temptress 3.0
“If I’m in an all-female company, I don’t experience any competition and we have excellent communication. But as soon as a man appears who does not pay attention to me, he begins to beat me. I want him to look only at me and listen only to me. I’m ready to achieve this by any means, but most often I choose sex.”
When Alice turned 20, she had her first sexual experience. It was then that she realized that she was flirting professionally and hinting at intimacy. Men eagerly picked up on her signals, and she enjoyed it. True, she had absolutely no control over the process.
“One day at work I approached a young man to shoot a cigarette. We exchanged a few words. And when he gave me a cigarette, I saw that it was wrapped in paper. I unfolded it, and there was written his phone number and a heart. And this happened often.
I just start a friendly dialogue, and the guy takes it as a call to action. I’m not always able to notice that I’m actually pushing him towards this.”
This behavior also triggered Alice’s OCD. Her obsessions are thoughts that she is ugly, stupid and unsuccessful. And compulsions are actions that help prove the opposite, such as sex. “In this regard, my inner hysterical woman helps me, because she knows how to attract men,” adds the heroine.
Alice admits that she has a high libido, but she is definitely not a nymphomaniac. Therefore, he almost never agrees to have sex with strangers who saw an erotic opportunity in their short conversation. There were many partners in her life. There was a period when 14 different guys visited her bed in two weeks. In fact, it became her hobby, although she did not get orgasms with any of them. The anxiety disorder simply did not allow me to relax, and the inner critic was engaged in slut shaming.
Psychotherapy helped in accepting herself, during which the girl became more selective. “Now I am critical of my interactions with men. I notice that I'm flirting, understand why I want to do it, and try to stop myself,” she explains.
In general, eroticization of interpersonal relationships is a fairly common manifestation of hysterical disorder.
People who vitally need attention tend to have a high turnover of partners. They can start one affair after another, while being in a long-term relationship. Or they are not given stable relationships at all due to rapid mood changes, low tolerance to boredom, superficiality and the ability to change shoes in the air.
"Barely Alive"
By the way, Sigmund Freud devoted a significant part of his research to hysterics and hysterics. He believed that many diseases were actually rooted in hysteria, which could imitate any disease. For example, a hysterical person may refer to a headache, and everyone believes in this imitation, which looks very believable.
“Hysteria and the imitation of certain sufferings do not happen out of spite for anyone: it is innate. When a hysterical person falls to the floor and convulses, simulating an epileptic attack, this is a reaction to an external, usually negative, stimulus. Thus, a hysteroid can involuntarily imitate any disease,” explains the psychotherapist. – In Israel, I worked in a private clinic, and I was called to see a girl about 22 years old. Her boyfriend left her, she was lying at home, could not get up. She assured that her legs and arms were paralyzed and she could not move. If I had told her that she was hysterical, and her condition was a consequence of psychological trauma, she would have been offended, so I did something more cunning. I asked for something to drink, she said that I could get everything I needed in the kitchen refrigerator (she herself was supposedly a bedridden patient). I went there, found everything, but shouted to her that the refrigerator was empty. And then she, outraged to the core, cheerfully galloped into the kitchen. Then I explained to her the reason for her sudden paralysis, and we parted quite amicably.”
Another girl, already in Moscow, could not go to school every morning, where she was bullied - she vomited. Nothing like this happened on Saturday and Sunday, but the need to go to school caused just such a reaction.
“Hysteria was a reaction to bayonets. Such stories, of which I know a lot, demonstrate that hysteria can unconsciously cause all sorts of subjectively quite severe manifestations in people, and you can get rid of them only by resolving this traumatic situation. Or, for example, one of my friends is hysterical. I asked him the other day: how did you get there? He: “Don’t ask, I’m barely alive, you’re calling me so late - at 9 pm!” I ask him what he is taking. He: “Well, what can I take, painkillers, I can barely breathe.” Then I tell him a joke, and he starts laughing, the disease is blown away by the wind. Doesn't go to the theater, doesn't read newspapers. Doesn't understand how the Internet works. He needs people to dance around him, order cars, and cook food. He doesn’t know how to use a washing machine, he calls his ex-wife and says: “I need to wash it,” says the doctor.
By the way, this behavior typical of a hysteroid explains why many women have been waiting for decades on dating sites for a prince who must “serve the lady” - please in everything and bring gifts. At the same time, it is also advisable to leave hot food prepared by yourself under the door, ring the doorbell and modestly run away, bending to the ground. If we proceed from the hypothesis that most women are hysterical, they can only react to the outside world in this way and in no other way.
If the hysterical person is in a relatively adequate state, it’s not so bad. But if she is going through a period of exacerbation, interacting with her is more expensive. In order to survive and not go crazy, it is better for a man to run away in such situations - but not to serve the lady, but in the exact opposite direction, the psychotherapist is sure. “A hysterical woman in the decompensation phase cannot be trusted; she will change her point of view five times within an hour; she cannot be relied upon. Manifestations of hysteria must be moderate, or the only option left is flight,” the doctor emphasizes.
Drama Queen
Lability of emotions is another clear sign of hysterical disorder. Alice knows firsthand what an emotional swing from depression with tears to mania with endless energy is like. She also says that she is “a professional at making mountains out of molehills.”
“My depression is not very pronounced, but mania is. If I fly into it, I turn into a mad squirrel. Usually its harbinger is growing anxiety. Previously, when I noticed this, I could calm down in time. But when I started taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs, I began to miss this moment. Once I didn’t understand what was happening for a whole week: I was running around, fussing, my eyes weren’t focusing on one thing, I took on many things at once and didn’t finish anything.
I didn't feel awesome or like a goddess, but I had so much energy that it was hard to sit still for more than three minutes. I also had manic sex, but I wouldn’t say it was fabulous. Usually these are marathons of 7-8 hours with breaks for a cigarette.”
Mood swings also plagued Alice as a child. Because of her unpredictability, she was an outcast on playgrounds and was bullied at school for 8 years.
“I would cry hysterically and laugh hysterically, and it scared the kids.
A little later, my classmates began to like making me emotional, because I gave in easily. At that time, I had a trigger for slut shaming: boys and girls showered me with name-calling related to my appearance and sexuality.
They repeated their favorite joke many times: that the only thing in my future was to work as a port whore. I didn't look sexy though. She was a professional gymnast, thin, with a flat chest and butt, thin arms and legs. So I still don’t understand why they chose this particular humiliation.”
Sex and lies as an antidepressant
School bullying left many scars on Alice's psyche and instilled a deep fear of men within her. During 10 months of psychotherapy, she learned that it was he who became the basis for almost all of her mental disorders.
“There is such a chain in my head: if a man wants me, that means he obeys me, that means I can control him. And flirting and hints about sex are my way of protecting myself from guys, from the potential harm they can cause,” this is how the girl explains how counterphobic acting out works in her case.
For this reason, building close and trusting relationships with guys is not easy for Alice. Although for two years she dated a young man who “blowed dust off her and was ready to do anything to make her happy.” It would seem that two people shared neuroses, but at some point Alice realized that they were both falling into an unhealthy addiction. For six months she entertained the idea of separating, then she cheated on her lover, and they separated. The man stalked her for another two months, accompanied her from work to home, called from unfamiliar numbers and found the girl on social networks from fake accounts. But it didn't last long.
Now Alice has several permanent partners. Everyone knows about each other, but they do not build romantic relationships. “It’s more like friendship sex,” says Alice, who recently admitted her polyamory.
On top of that, the heroine calls herself a pathological liar. She explains that she often lies in order to hide her amateurism and once again attract attention. The girl embellished reality so often and confidently that her inventions turned into false memories. But she doesn’t see anything bad in this.
“I decided that I had to be honest with myself. I can lie to others because I can’t always control myself, but I have to be crystal honest with myself.”
On the one hand, lying is bad, but on the other hand, it indicates a rich imagination. Alice really writes a lot of literary texts: from children's fairy tales to short stories about her sexual adventures.
“When I blog, I consciously avoid hyperbole. I sometimes have a desire to “revive” some events for greater emotionality, but I tell myself that this story is already cool. I try to be honest at least somewhere.”
HOW TO PUT OUT A HYSTERIC
The source of any hysteria is uncertainty and fear. The woman thought something happened, she has a lot of questions, she suddenly doubts your love, loyalty, God knows what else - and is stewing in the cauldron of her horror. She would be glad to get out of the emotional tailspin, but she can’t. She got caught - it's up to you to save her.
So the first thing you should do is find out what she is afraid of. So directly ask: “What are you worried about? What could happen, what are you afraid of? And be prepared to listen until she stops talking.
Then the most interesting and, in general, uncomplicated part begins. I have already listed the most common fears - being unloved, abandoned, not valued enough. When you hear what a woman is afraid of, respond sincerely and lovingly. You don't want to cause a new hysteria, do you? So, answer the questions, reassure her, say that you love her and, with the help of logic and gentle words, convince her that her fears are unfounded, and she is the best and most beloved for you.
Raging Uterus and Acting
“I constantly hear questions addressed to me: “Are you hysterical?”, “Do you have uterine rabies?” If they gave me 10 rubles every time for this, I would already become a millionaire,” says Alisa.
Quarrelsome, unbalanced women are usually labeled as hysterical. Previously, such ladies were diagnosed with hysteria, which today is not used in either medical or psychiatric discourse.
Hysteria is the terminological ancestor of hysterical disorder. Since ancient Egyptian times, it has been used to describe a number of diseases and symptoms, often even contradictory to each other.
It was believed that only women were susceptible to hysteria, because it was caused by a wandering uterus. The Egyptians, and then the Greeks, were confident that the female reproductive organ could freely travel throughout the body: rise up and occasionally fall down.
To return the uterus to its place, women's vulva and vagina were fumigated with incense and prescribed to ingest or inhale foul-smelling substances, such as tar. So the doctors “drove” the uterus from top to bottom.
But the word “hysteria” itself was coined by Hippocrates (hystera from Greek means “womb”). He and his followers also officially recognized the sexual etiology of the disorder. They believed that not enough sex had a bad effect on a woman's emotional state and on the uterus itself, which began to move in a frenzy. This is where, by the way, the concept of “uterine rabies” was born - a popular synonym for hysteria. It was used to designate both too phlegmatic, almost frigid maidens, and too liberated ones.
In addition to fumigation of the genitals, marriage and the birth of children were considered effective treatments. In this regard, modern doctors have not gone far - they can also advise finding a “normal man” or “having a child.”
The physiological and emotional understanding of hysteria was changed by St. Augustine, who considered all mental illnesses to be the machinations of the devil. People who showed hysterical symptoms were branded heretics or bewitched, and for such members of society there was only one road - straight to the fire.
During the Renaissance, mysticism was replaced by rational medicine. Well, how rational... The French surgeon Ambroise Paré still fumigated women suffering from seizures and showing other signs of “hysteria,” and also placed leeches on the cervix or ordered them to drag the girl by her hair across the floor.
But at the same time, psychotherapeutic methods also appeared. For example, the English doctor Edward Jorden treated not only the body, but also the mind, advising the relatives and friends of patients to support them in order to relieve emotional stress.
In the 19th century, hypnosis and psychoanalysis began to be used to treat hysteria. Dora is the most famous “hysterical” in the history of psychoanalysis and also Freud’s patient. She suffered from choking and coughing spells, which her father also suffered from when Dora was a little girl. Therefore, of course, the famous psychoanalyst connected the girl’s neurosis with a suppressed sexual attraction to her father.
Today, hysteria does not belong to psychiatry. Due to the fact that the symptoms of hysterical disorder also occur in men, as well as due to the growing negative connotations in English-language literature, another name is increasingly being used - histrionic disorder (from the word histrio - “actor”).
“The terms are changing to more politically correct and loyal ones, so as not to stigmatize the patient himself and not to worsen his condition. When the disorder is called more correctly, the patient himself is more likely to accept his mental peculiarity,” explains psychiatrist-narcologist Oksana Gilko.
Alice prefers to use the updated name. This term best describes her experiences: mania for acting, dramatization and exaggeration. “But when I say that I have a histrionic disorder, they ask me again: “What is this, gastritis?”,” the girl laughs.
Hysteria and narcissism
At the same time, a hysterical person is not necessarily a neurotic person who reacts specifically (sometimes too violently) to external stimuli, or a psychopath who is in conflict with society. But the hysterical narcissist, as a rule, is “obliged” to be.
“A hysteroid is an egocentric person who strives to attract attention to himself, and therefore the opinions of others are very important to him. If a woman does not have hysterical character traits, she becomes uninteresting to men. She stops taking care of her appearance, wears men's clothes, her figure, the way she walks and speaks changes. Such women even cut their hair like men. They undergo masculinization. What is the basis? Changes in character and psyche, or some congenital pathologies associated with the level of male sex hormone? The answer is both. There are both options. Just as homosexuality can be congenital, or acquired, due to the situation, so it is here: some life situations arise that lead to such a defensive reaction in our psyche. In this case, they lead to a change in personality,” says the doctor.
At the same time, hysterical women scare away men. Their desire to take care of their appearance, at first glance, looks attractive, but then, to put it mildly, “personal characteristics” begin, which, as a rule, do not allow them to build long-term relationships.
“There is no dissonance here. Hysteria goes well with an increased interest in one’s appearance: a woman with hysterical character traits takes care of herself, strives to dress beautifully, and watches her figure. Such a woman, possessing a certain charm as a result of her upbringing, attracts men. She is hysterical, but in a positive sense of the word. Now let's take another hypostasis of the same state. She’s either hot or cold, she’s never comfortable, she always has nothing to wear, she’s irritated by those around her - they don’t sit like that, they don’t eat like that, and so on. Such a woman is always in a zone of discomfort, and often behaves categorically incorrectly with men - she will treat her lover as a husband, trying to meddle in all his affairs, manage him, lead him, and she will treat her husband as a lover, without engaging with him into a warm, sincere relationship, but demanding from him money, increased attention, and so on. Role play is disrupted. Men do not feel comfortable with such women and will run away from them. Take at least some famous TV presenters - the music didn’t play for long, the guy didn’t dance for long. They marry decent people, and how does it all end? And such people will never get along with anyone. This is their essence: if you avoid obscene language, their own “I” comes first, not even the child. Hysterics are people whose own “I” is the most important thing in life,” explains the expert.
Childhood, rules and the brain
There is no single cause for any given personality disorder. This is always a combination of factors: hereditary predisposition, developmental characteristics in childhood, social climate, established attitudes, neurophysiology.
According to psychodynamic theory, the family is the primary source of all problems. If the parents were cold and domineering, then the child most likely felt unloved and was afraid of being rejected. In order to somehow attract attention and evoke caring behavior from adults, such children have learned to overly dramatize events. They could convulse, provoke conflicts, disappear for a while, or stage suicide.
In another scenario, the child could be his parents’ favorite, who was always indulged, placed on the throne and constantly reminded of his exclusivity. Then, as an adult, a person with such a background will strive to perform a similar play, where he is the king and everyone owes him.
Traumatic events can also cause a person to develop such a defense mechanism. Alice's story of school bullying caused a lot of stress and pushed her to “take care” of herself in an unusual way. Instead of withdrawing, she chose to seek sexual attention.
Another hypothesis about the occurrence of hysterical symptoms refers to social norms of how an individual, and in particular a woman, should behave. Girls were instilled with the idea that they should be easy, sweet and childish, and also dependent on a more stable person, mostly male.
The father of cognitive behavioral therapy, Aaron Beck, suggested that self-centeredness, vanity, and ostentatious behavior may be manifestations of excessive “femininity” as it was perceived in the past.
But modern society also supports “histrionic” behavior. The cult of individuality and self-expression drives people to become “special.”
The desire to attract attention can transform into a blogging career, and platforms where you can make yourself known become multi-billion dollar corporations. In fact, it is the easiest way to make money on histrionics.
“Most often, with personality disorders, it does not happen that a person was fine, and then suddenly became ill. This is typical only for cases when, as a result of a serious injury or physical illness, a person’s personality changes,” explains Oksana Gilko.
Alice's psychiatrist confirmed that all her mental disorders were based on organic causes. At birth she had hydrocephalus. But the diagnosis was made only in the third month of the girl’s life. No one can say why there was liquid in the membranes of her brain that shouldn’t have been there. Although this happens, for example, with birth injuries or pressure surges.
For all three months, Alice did not sleep during the day, but at night she did not bother anyone for more than 12 hours. When doctors finally noticed the problem and began to treat the child, it was already “a little” too late. And then the family microclimate and society left their mark - this is how histrionic disorder and two more accompanying it were born.
"Typical hysterical"
Psychiatry is an amazing field: everything that goes beyond the norm evokes both curiosity and incredible fear that has endured for centuries. And people, trying to get rid of anxiety, people try to turn the terrible into the ordinary. The names of serious psychiatric diseases are woven into everyday speech; you can often hear “They called from the accounting department, they were hysterical that we had to submit a report” or “Why listen to Masha - she’s hysterical!” If only those who speak knew what kind of nonsense they were actually spouting.
The word “hysteria” itself comes from the Greek. hystera - uterus. Galen came up with this name; he believed that the complex of symptoms that are now commonly referred to as hysteria comes from the “wandering uterus” (since this organ appears to be wandering around a woman’s body: sometimes it will be behind the ear, sometimes in the area of the heels). Since ancient times, hysteria was considered exclusively a female disease. Please note that in the Russian language even now there is a word (which has become a fairly common insult) “hysterical”, but there is no “male” version, “hysterical” somehow does not sound.
The myth about the wandering uterus was debunked at the end of the 19th century, when Jean Martin Charcot (yes, the same one who invented the shower) discovered the existence of male hysteria, thereby disproving the idea that it depends on diseases of exclusively female organs. The same Charcot described many types of hysterical disorders (now this classification is outdated) and noted the role of suggestion in the occurrence of hysterical symptoms.
Now hysteria is classified as a neurosis, sometimes very serious. With this diagnosis, seizures may occur (they are somewhat reminiscent of epileptic seizures with the difference that with hysteria a person will never harm himself), paralysis, deaf-muteness, false pregnancy, vomiting, memory impairment and a hysterical arc (when a person arches and touches the floor only with the back of his head and heels; he can remain in this position for hours).
In modern psychiatry, the diagnosis of “hysteria” is extremely rare. Too many different symptoms have been attributed to this disease over the two thousand years that it has existed. Nowadays it is customary to talk more about “hysterical personality disorder,” which is primarily characterized by an excessive demand for attention to oneself, increased and uncontrollable emotionality.
Hysteroids (as people with hysterical personality disorder are called) feel extremely unhappy if they are not in the center of attention. They do everything so that people only look at them: elaborate theatrical poses, loud voices, flashy clothes... The desire to be the center of attention is so great that such people are ready to do almost anything to get it. They appear in public places half-naked, cry, and do strange, crazy things. They are even ready to risk their own lives - in fact, demonstrative attempts at suicide are not uncommon for them.
At the same time, they almost never have real friendships; any serious relationship quickly tires them. Hysteroids are very suggestible and often see relationships as closer than they actually are. Having met you during the day, they may call you in the middle of the night to tell you about their own experiences or about a “great” event in their life, for example, about a burnt kettle. At the same time, they don’t care at all about your experiences, just as they don’t care that you might be “slightly disturbed” by a call at three in the morning about such a “serious” matter. By and large, hysterics simply do not imagine that there is anything in this world besides them, much less something more important than them.
The phenomenon of mass hysteria was first noticed in the Middle Ages. Entire crowds of people “went berserk” in cities, and even more often in monasteries. Most often it was the dance of St. Vitus - involuntary twitching of the arms, legs, head, and facial muscles. Even in the 10th century, one can find mention of such “dancing” manias (epidemics of frenzy, jumping, dancing and convulsions). Then it was attributed to demonic possession and they tried to treat it with exorcism.
Mass hysteria never again acquired such comprehensiveness and criticality as in the Middle Ages, but, nevertheless, it is not uncommon today. Most often this is due to excessive love for any artist or musical group. I think we have all seen crowds of teenage girls convulsing in tears at the concerts of “Ivanushki-International”, “Hands Up”, “Smash”. Perhaps the most widespread and most striking example is Beatlemania, when almost the whole world went crazy. Since, as mentioned above, hysteria is characterized by increased suggestibility, such mass manifestations of love end very sadly. Just look at the waves of suicides after the death of one or another idol (this happened after the death of John Lennon, Kurt Cobain and Igor Sorin).
In different eras there are different ideas about the norm. In the “Dark Ages” the dance of St. Vitta led to the burning of entire monasteries; now you don’t see anything like that at discos. Strictly speaking, the answer to the question “what then is the disease?” lies in the moment of control. How quickly can a boy from a disco stop dancing, how quickly can a sobbing girl calm down during an exam? If immediately when circumstances change, everything is fine. He comes to the disco precisely to have a blast, to show himself, to see others. The local police officer came - it’s time to take on a serious look and try to prove that you are already eighteen. She cries during the exam to work on her C grade, they gave it - you can stop. And when control is lost, a person is hostage to his condition, he no longer controls his emotions, his behavior and - first of all - he himself suffers from this. Although those around the hysteroid have a hard time.
Long therapy
Oksana Gilko emphasizes that personality disorders cannot be cured with medication. Changing character traits will require long-term psychotherapy: in the case of hysterical disorder, it takes two years or more. Of all areas of psychotherapeutic assistance, it is cognitive behavioral therapy that shows good results.
“Drug intervention is used when a person has strong symptoms that interfere with life. In a hysterical disorder, these are pronounced emotional fluctuations, sleep disturbances, etc. Then medications are prescribed for a short period depending on which symptom prevails,” notes the psychiatrist.
During therapy, the patient is helped to break the belief in his helplessness, which prompts him to seek attention to himself. They try to replace dependence on the views of other people with internal satisfaction with themselves. In short, they stabilize self-esteem.
But treating histrionics has its own difficulties. Firstly, such patients can be very demanding, capricious and seductive, and this slows down the whole process. Secondly, they tend to pretend that they have realized everything and changed, but only so that the specialist is satisfied with the work done. On the other hand, some people with histrionic disorder are easily suggestible, which means that the placebo effect may work in their case.
But all this, of course, will bear fruit only if a person consults a doctor on his own. Without internal motivation to change something, none of the loved ones interested in his recovery will be able to influence him. And for treatment to begin, it is necessary to gradually remove stigma from mental disorders in general and from hysterical disorders in particular. And you can begin to do this by eliminating from professional and public use such terms as “hysteria,” “hysterical” and “uterine rabies.”
