Psychology of men. How can women understand men?

Men must act

If you're married to a man who just can't sit still, don't see it as a problem.

Let him do something! When your husband can't shake his energy, you're bound to feel tension building in the air at home.

It's much better to send him somewhere with friends and let him blow off some steam. He will return home and be much calmer. It will be much better for both of you.

In general, men have more muscle mass than women, and they often require physical activity for self-realization, in addition, this is how they get rid of stress.

We know that boys are ten times more likely than girls to be hyperactive.

At school, boys' attention span is much lower, and they also love outdoor games. Yes, then they become adults, but their need for movement does not disappear. This is probably why men are more likely than women to engage in team sports - football, basketball, cycling - or go to gyms.

Often women perceive men's need to get out of the house as a desire to move away from them - their beloved halves, and this is where family tension arises.

How to understand a husband but wives who are married to extremely active guys should not try to tame the “Tasmanian devil” living inside their husbands. On the contrary, it is worth learning to find positive aspects in this state of affairs.

How to learn to understand your husband, do the right thing and not feel guilty.

Dear heroine, let me give you a few thoughts that I think may be useful to you. I'll start with a small digression. One smart person said: “Each of us thinks that others understand what we mean.” This is what often becomes the cause of misunderstandings, resentments and disagreements. What we think "inside" includes much more information than we say "outside." At the same time, it seems to us that our listener has the same thing “inside” as we do, but this is not always the case. Let me give you an example from my own life. I come to visit my son’s family (in another city), at about 11 o’clock in the morning, I go into the apartment and see that my grandson is getting ready for school. What follows is a lovely dialogue: Me: “When will you come home from school? I want to make you something delicious for lunch.” Him: “The same as yesterday” Me: “But I don’t know when you came yesterday, I just got off the train :)” He: “After the fourth lesson” (from this moment people, as a rule, begin to get excited, I think you too would have started to lose your temper - it’s good that I understood what was really going on :) Me (laughing): “You tell me what time you’ll come.” He (in bewilderment): “I told you ...?" He wasn’t being malicious, didn’t try to confuse me, it just didn’t occur to him that I simply lacked information: this is the fourth lesson from the start of general classes, or the fourth lesson in his shift, etc. If someone else had been in my place grandma, I think the conversation would have gone on in a raised voice - because it’s really annoying!!!

... And all that was needed was to say something that can be interpreted unambiguously, that is, to name the time.

Now let's go back to the beginning of your situation. You wrote in an SMS: “There is a traffic jam in front of me.” Let's look at this from the point of view of a person who is not present next to you - what are the possible interpretations? “I’m standing in a traffic jam - I’m so tired of this already...”, “I’m standing in a traffic jam - I’m tired, I want to go home, take pity on me”, “I’m standing in a traffic jam - maybe I can pull off somewhere on a side street?”, “I’m standing in a traffic jam - I not my fault”, “I’m stuck in a traffic jam - oh well, at least I’ll take a break”... and these are not all possible options, don’t you agree? Which one should the person receiving the SMS choose? Now let’s try this: “I’m at the corner of Moskovskaya and Boulevard, there’s a traffic jam in front of me, I can’t get around. I'll be late. Do not be bored. I love". What do you think? Of course, there are more letters, but everything is extremely clear, and he will not need to “solve puzzles.” You wrote that your man reproaches you for “not hearing him, not loving him, not taking his opinion into account.” I would formulate that your problem is that: 1) you do not realize that you have different ways of perception - judging by your description, he is most likely auditory oriented, and you are visual (which means that you only need to see

- and it will be clear;
and in order for him to understand, he needs to be explained, that is, told in detail
),
2) you don’t understand the real reasons for his irritation (and they are not only, but to a large extent, related to his way of perception), 3) you act every time in the old way, i.e. in your
usual way, instead of trying to do
it
in your usual way.
I wrote “your problem” (you asked a question about yourself). Because his problem, as I see it, is somewhat different.

For a man, physical activity is:

Concentration - if a man is engaged in some kind of physical labor or sports, his ability to concentrate, for which the male sex is so famous, increases and, accordingly, the level of nervous tension decreases. This is why men especially enjoy sports with a clear structure and goal setting, such as golf, football, or even housework like building a new fence and chopping wood.
Creativity - moving in space, a man opens up to the world in a completely unexpected and new way. He feels changes in his body, especially in those parts of it that are directly related to external activity, perceives the images and sounds of the environment more subtly, and becomes more receptive and creative.
Studying - most men learn knowledge and skills much better if the learning process is associated with physical activity. That is why they are not very eager to study instructions for new tools. First of all, the man will try the tool in action and only then, perhaps, skim through the technical explanation. It is with the help of movements that men explore this world and find their place in it.

Knowing all this, a wise woman will be able to direct her husband’s energy in the right direction and make her marriage happy.

What to do when a guy doesn't understand you

To avoid a situation where your loved one no longer understands you, you should observe your relationship and make some adjustments.

Ask yourself a question: what complaints do I have against my beloved guy and why am I still angry with him. In order to avoid misunderstandings in a relationship, you need to speak openly with each other, leaving no secrets. In the process of a frank conversation, you should tell your partner all your dissatisfaction and desires. Before having a heart-to-heart talk with your loved one, you should choose a suitable situation for this. Under no circumstances should you pour out your negativity on a tired or upset partner. It’s better to wait until the guy is in a good mood, and then gradually tell him your reasons;
If you happen to find yourself in an unpleasant situation when “the guy stopped understanding me,” then you should think about the seriousness of this problem. Perhaps you take his every word and action too close to your heart? There is no need to turn every situation into a serious problem. Look at things more simply: he didn’t understand me, then I’ll repeat it again in more detail;
Not every man can be a romantic, talking about love for hours. A woman, on the contrary, loves it when her partner remembers all the significant dates, meeting places, where they first started talking about love and relationships. And if the chosen one is not one of those rare men, this does not mean at all that he does not love and does not understand;
Before you say that the guy no longer understands me, pay attention to your attitude towards him. How often do you manage to understand his words? How much attention do you pay to your beloved guy in order to understand his problems, desires and thoughts? Maybe the partner is looking for an answer to a similar question: “why did the girl I love stop understanding me?”

? Of course, both in a couple must learn to conduct a conversation correctly: eliminate interruptions, add attentiveness to the interlocutor and accuracy in expressing their thoughts.

Truth #4: A woman allows, a man takes advantage

The psychology of a man in relation to a woman is structured in such a way that he will take advantage of what is offered to him. I will explain with examples:

The man doesn't have an apartment. The woman brought him to her place. The man took advantage of this.
The man was left without work and the woman allowed him to lie on the sofa, fall into depression or take him into her business. The man agreed to this.
A woman gives a man expensive gifts. The man accepts this.
A woman allows her freedom to be limited. The man will take advantage of this. This is already an example of tyranny, abuser.
In a difficult situation, a woman solves all problems. The man agrees with this.
The woman considers herself the main breadwinner. The man takes advantage of this and does not strive for anything.

And there are many more such examples. Of course, the woman agrees to this for a reason. She agrees under the pretext of love: “We are a team. We are family and love each other.” It's normal for her to take out a loan in her name or sell a kidney to buy him the latest iPhone. But of course you are not like that. You already know how to understand what a man needs from you.

Not all men are like that. I'm talking about the majority. A conscious man who understands life and the laws of psychology will not use this. He will say: “I don’t want to live in your apartment because it’s not very reasonable.” If you already correspond to the level of such a developed man, then they will meet you. And if you feel that men are taking advantage of you, then you should ask the question: “Why do I attract such men? What’s stopping me from attracting a businessman/conscious man?”

You probably want to hear the whole list - what you can agree to and what you can’t. But there will be no templates. To understand a man’s attitude towards himself and his way of thinking, flat knowledge will not be enough. It is important in 3D, even in 5D mode, to understand why and how the psychology of men works in relationships with women. You need to have a developed personality to conduct dialogues with men on a level.

That’s why I always invite you to my free course: “Man: Honest instructions.” Over the course of 5 evenings, I will tell you: how to understand what kind of relationship you are in, how to understand what a man needs from you, and you from him, what is the psychology of male aggression and much more.

Peace and harmony

Using this small excerpt from my life as an example, I want to show how important it is to learn to hear and understand your husband, then he will answer you only with kindness. And the response to reproaches and scandals will always be aggressive.

In order to learn to “be friends” with your husband, you need to: - understand whether you really need to achieve your goal through a scandal; - be able to give in to the detriment of your interests, since you can prefer the interests of your other FAVORITE half; - make a constructive analysis of your behavior after a certain time, this is the only way you can learn to see your mistakes; - be able to put yourself in your husband’s place. You're as tired as a horse at work, you haven't sat still all day, and when you get home they want to drag you to the club. Will you be happy? Thinking that not very much. That's it, the husband also has the right to a quiet evening; -understand that everything you do, you do for the sake of YOUR family. Why should YOU do something? Yes, because a man may simply not think of this and leave everything to chance.

If you can’t talk to your husband about the deadlock situations that have arisen, write him a letter or send him an email with your complaints. I am sure that sorting things out online is much more romantic and profitable than yelling at each other at home. Spend this time with gentle kisses and hugs.

My guy doesn't understand me

Hello Svetlana! let's look at what's going on:

In my opinion, loving people want to be together, to live together... He is afraid to move in together. He says that his plans do not include a wedding. He says it's possible, but he doesn't know when.

You are trying to put YOUR views ON HIM, you want HIM TO THINK and feel JUST LIKE YOU, and at the same time YOU DO NOT see reality, YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE HIM AS HE IS - you want to change him, make him different, so that he has different attitudes, values ! and you reject the present - HE THINKS DIFFERENTLY, he has different values, different attitudes! this realization hurts you, BUT you DO NOT want to accept it and you are dooming the relationship and yourself to struggle! hear it, see it, accept it as such! DO NOT try to change HIS attitudes and views! WHAT YOU feel and how YOU see this world is TRUTH FOR YOU!!! but how HE feels, how he sees this world is the TRUTH FOR HIM! You are trying to reject HIS vision from yourself, to see it as WRONG! but you miss that for HIM this is true! and his vision MAY differ from YOURS! At the same time, you yourself choose relationships that LEAD ANYWHERE!

There is constant communication on the Internet, liking some girls in the photo with their bare stomach, legs, etc...

for HIM this is NORMAL! for you? NO - the solution again is NOT to try to change him, to make him so that YOU feel comfortable around him - it’s worth thinking - are YOU READY to accept HIS REAL? if NO - then the decision is YOURS - or continue to close your eyes and reject all his attitudes and values, afraid to admit to yourself that HE IS! or open your eyes and realize that THIS PARTNER IS LIKE THIS!

I don’t go anywhere because he doesn’t like it. I want to go somewhere, but she forbids me, saying she’s worried and doesn’t want me to go with someone. I never go against, I don’t go...

and YOU allow him to control YOU! It is YOU who choose to obey YOU or NOT and expect HIM to obey YOUR demands in the same way! only a concession to partners, these sacrifices are NOT LOVE and NOT a relationship! this is a voluntary sacrifice for the sake of UNCLEARLY - love is NOT a sacrifice - acceptance is when YOU DO NOT adjust, but remain yourself and your partner accepts YOU! YOU YOURSELF reject yourself, your feelings, your needs and, accordingly, you receive the same attitude FROM your partner! YOU show him how to treat YOU, what kind of relationship YOU need! and it is YOU who take the position of the victim!

He admits that he is selfish, but doesn’t want to change anything... Please tell me how to behave, what to do??

but HE hears himself and is HAPPY with it! hear him - he DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING TO CHANGE! and YOU will NOT change it! accept it and think - is this the kind of relationship you need? and in general - a relationship is when you need to allow your partner to limit yourself, in order to also limit him, in order to reject each other??? or is it worth LEARNING to accept... the choice is YOURS!

Why doesn't my boyfriend understand me? (2 answers)

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer1 Bad answer2

Reality and dreams

As you have already understood, naturally, every woman and wife dreams of something good in her relationship with her husband and in the family as a whole. But dreams and reality are often different from each other, and often not for the better. Spouses may misunderstand each other, and in some cases quarrel and conflict.

Most often, reality may look like this:

nothing to talk about;
no common interests;
no respect;
romance is a thing of the past;
We don’t hear each other;
every man for himself;
jealousy;
conflicts;
rudeness and irritation.

In most cases, over time, the family remains only for show. How many examples of how some friend of yours, or maybe you yourself, post photographs of your family on social networks, where everyone sees a happy husband and wife with a child in their arms, but all this is just a feign, in reality, most often it is not this way. As a rule, many families share only a common life, children together, and run the same household. Sometimes they can even go on vacation together - this is where the whole relationship often ends. In this case, the husband and wife are more like good neighbors living in the same living space than a happy family.

The concept of a happy family, in addition to, so to speak, a strong and beautiful “facade”, should include the following basic components:

Common interests and common views.
Well-established life.
Positive emotions and ease of relationships.
The good intimate side of life.