Definition of charm and a charming person in psychology

Charming girls will always win over beautiful girls

Turgenev has an aphorism: “Beautiful girls are beautiful, but they are only in second place after the cute ones.” Surprisingly, it's true. People are usually a little afraid of beauty. They are very wary of marrying such women. It is believed that if a man does not have money and position in society or beauty, then he is acting risky when he chooses a beauty for his wife. Charming girls, on the contrary, are in great demand because they are not, as a rule, spectacular in appearance, but at the same time it is easy and pleasant to live with them. Thus, female charm is something that defies rational explanation. A charming person is someone you want to be around.

What is charm: in simple terms

Charm is the ability to win people over and be a pleasant interlocutor in all respects . The most suitable synonym here would be “attractiveness.”

This characteristic consists of several components:

1. Friendliness . You always want to talk to a charming person, because he is positive and ready to discuss any topic, and also knows how to support in difficult times;
2. Correct, appropriate use of facial expressions and gestures . At certain moments of communication, a person knows when to show emotions on the face and when to hide them;
3. Neat appearance . A correctly chosen hairstyle for the shape of your head, clear skin, and a snow-white smile will help you establish contact with any interlocutor. Of course, not all people are naturally beautiful. But still, to be charming it is not necessary to have a model appearance;
4. Empathy . As soon as a person learns to understand the internal motives and mood of the interlocutor, he will quickly be able to get closer to people;
5. Politeness . Communicating with a person who gracefully gives compliments and is not rude even in an emotional conversation is always a pleasure;
6. Adequate self-esteem . A charming personality knows his worth. She will not behave arrogantly even around people lower than him in social status. Also, a charming person will feel confident when communicating with someone who is much more successful than him.

Are charm and beauty compatible?

Of course, but there is one caveat. Monica Bellucci (famous actress) says: “Beauty for a woman is a problem only in two cases: when it is not there; when there is nothing but beauty."

Indeed, when beauty does not imply the spiritual depth of a person, then it does little to help a woman in life. She has absolutely no charm or charm. Although, of course, such an assessment is largely a matter of taste. Some people very likely like girls who are stupid as a plug and have model looks.

When beauty is combined with intelligence and rich inner content, then such a woman becomes a weapon of mass destruction for men. Unfortunately, this is a relatively rare combination, because people usually take the path of least resistance.

Charm is a combination of intelligence and ordinary appearance

A. Schopenhauer said that intelligence can be found more likely in an ugly girl than in a beautiful one. We talked a little higher about least resistance. This is added to the same piggy bank. In general, girls who are attractive, sweet, but not too beautiful, consciously or subconsciously understand that, figuratively speaking, you won’t be satisfied with just their appearance, so they begin to work on themselves with terrible force. By improving themselves, they acquire charm. This is the quality of a woman when she attracts both intellectually and sexually, although at first glance it is not clear in what way. For example, Audrey Tautou, who played Amelie, has this magical property.

What is charm

Charm is attractiveness and the ability to please others.

Charm is an elusive and individual trait of a person. It is difficult to define in verbal categories. Beauty and charm are different concepts. If for beauty it is possible to establish objective criteria by which it can be assessed, then for charm there are no standards.

Charming people attract attention, you want to look at them, communication with them gives joy and awakens real human feelings and emotions.

First of all, charm is naturalness. A charming person is not afraid to be himself; he is sincere in his feelings and emotions. Such a person reveals himself a little more than others - this is the secret of attractiveness.

Charm is difficult to imitate; it is based on a person’s relaxedness and inner freedom. Pretense or hypocrisy always entails tension and nervousness. A charming person attracts with his openness and simplicity, he has inner strength and is not afraid to be himself, to be vulnerable and sensitive.

Film "The Most Charming and Attractive"

Another interesting Soviet film is that the focus of which is precisely charm as a phenomenon. Moreover, the film insists that this quality is developed through banal auto-training (Nadya and Susanna spoke in the manner of Buddhist monks: “I am the most charming and attractive ...”).

Although the point is not at all about auto-training and not about programming yourself. It’s just that Nadya Klyueva began to show sincere interest in men, and it worked. Why? Because often, although men are unlikely to admit it, they are tired of playing the role of game hunters, tired of asking the girl what she is interested in, what she is interested in. They themselves want some spontaneous attention. Thus, Nadya answered their silent request.

In addition, in some moments the main character showed remarkable nobility when, for example, she allowed Volodya Smirnov to go to a concert of a terribly popular group not with her, but with an outside girl, but at her expense (she gave her ticket to her colleague). Agree that this behavior is admirable.

Shoemaker without shoes

And yet the filmmakers want to believe in the spontaneity of charm. Because if the science of psychology develops some schemes in this matter, then it will already be a boring life. Imagine if everyone you meet and cross has charm. Scary, right? Every time we meet someone like that, we will think: “Does he turn on his charm or is it natural to him?”

Realizing this, the writers made it so that Susanna herself in the film suffers a virtual collapse in her personal life (her husband cheats on her). Despite all the psychological tricks, she herself cannot become happy according to order.

Seeing that various kinds of mantras do not work in love, Nadya Klyueva ultimately made the right choice: of all the men around her, she reached out to the one who, even without any auto-training, was breathing unevenly towards her - her table tennis partner (Gene Sysoev ).

How to become charming

Charisma presupposes special relationships with people

Now you know what it means to be charming. Let's look at how anyone can develop this character trait.

1. Learn to be sincerely interested in the lives of other people, but don’t be too intrusive or interfere in other people’s problems.
2. When meeting new people, try to remember their names. To make this easier, when communicating with a stranger, call him by name more often. In addition to the fact that this will allow you to quickly remember the name of the person you are communicating with, it will also give the interlocutor the impression that you like him.
3. Learn mutual understanding. When communicating with someone, have a friendly conversation. If you are going to communicate with a stranger, then you should imagine that you are next to someone close, a relative. Thanks to this visualization, you will avoid awkwardness and quickly get closer to your new acquaintance. This manner of behavior will make it much easier for others to get to know you and they will feel comfortable.
4. Be aware of what your closest circle is interested in, even if these topics do not interest you personally. For example, if among your friends there are people who love football, be aware of sporting events, or you can simply ask friends who will be happy to tell you about the latest game.
5. Don’t forget to talk about yourself, but don’t try to attract everyone’s attention. If you remain silent, you will seem withdrawn; if you talk too much, you will appear selfish. Everything should be in moderation. The main thing is to understand that someone who shares information about himself and is also interested in the lives of other people inspires trust in himself.
6. Considerable importance should be paid to visual contact. When communicating with a person, try to look him in the eyes. An averted gaze may indicate indifference or lack of interest.
7. Learn to smile with your eyes. The fact is that when we resort to an artificial smile, it is noticeable, our insincerity immediately catches the eye. An individual who truly smiles glows from within - this can be seen in his eyes.
8. Pay attention to how you speak, how mature and well-mannered your speech is. Be polite in your interactions.
9. When talking to someone, it is important not to turn your body away from them. Sometimes you can use a light touch to indicate that you share his views.
10. Control your voice, it should be calm and soft.
11. Use compliments, but only when you really want to emphasize certain positive personality traits. After all, your compliment should be sincere and not offend. It is also important to be able to accept compliments. Be sure to thank the person for his words, tell him that you are pleased with his attention.
12. Learn to praise other people, do not allow gossip. Even if someone is being bullied by pointing out his shortcomings, you should note the positive traits of this person.
13. Treat other people with respect, no matter who they are, no matter how they behave. It is unacceptable to put yourself above others, to put yourself on a pedestal.
14. Learn to treat people the way you would like them to treat you.
15. Avoid empty talk. A person who does not know how to interest does not look charming.
16. During the conversation, do not extol yourself, do not boast, talking about your merits. So you will completely lose your interlocutors.
17. If you want to become charming, it is unacceptable to be materialistic. For charming individuals, people come first, not something material.
18. Don't try to be someone, to follow an invented image. Artificiality is quickly identified. Be with yourself.
19. Always remain honest and open. If you need to tell someone the bitter truth, choose the right words so that they won’t be so offended.
20. Learn to demonstrate your best qualities, gradually eradicating negative traits.
21. Love life, learn to see the positive in everything. Treat problems and difficulties in life more simply.

Charm is a sign of kindness of soul

A bad and vile person can have charm. This is a kind of charisma, i.e. special quality. For example, gigolos or hangers-on have similar psychological “hooks” in their arsenal. But this is not a spontaneous, sudden magnetic impact, but rather a controlled impact.

If a person has natural (or independently developed exclusively for peaceful purposes) inner charm, this cannot be a sign of a bad person. Feel free to love and be friends with him. He won't let you down. Of course, conflicts of fate may be different, but charm is usually inherent in people who are unable to quit or cause pain without good reason.

Definition and signs

Charm is a character trait that makes others want to get closer to its owner and predisposes them to communicate with a specific person. It may manifest itself as such:

• presence of friendliness;
• attractive facial expressions;
• correct head tilt;
• smile from the heart;
• a charming person is necessarily an attentive listener, he will not “fall into other people’s ears” by talking about his problems, but will allow the other individual to speak out, and will not only listen to him, but also give valuable advice;
• will not behave in a hostile or judgmental manner regardless of the situation;
• he is characterized by sincerity and honesty;
• charm will not border on flattery and lies, hypocrisy and pretense have no place here;
• a charming individual has good empathy, which allows him to penetrate into the inner world of his interlocutor and get closer to him on an emotional level;
• the ability to give the right compliments, appropriate and not offensive;
• a charming person is self-confident, has normal self-esteem, thanks to which such an individual has many friends;
• a charming person is always responsive and will not leave a friend in trouble.