- May 12, 2019
- Psychology of Personality
- Epifantseva Anna
In human relationships, it is very important to feel the fine lines. People without a sense of tact easily turn caring for a loved one into obsession in a relationship. The need to meet, see and hear those who are dear to you is natural. But excessive obsession is a destructive force if it is embodied uncontrollably and unconsciously.
About the syndrome
Obsession syndrome is understood as the emergence in a person of certain ideas or actions that are foreign to him and from which he is unable to get rid of. As a result of struggling with such phenomena, a person becomes exhausted and experiences irritation. For example, having met a black cat on the road, a person who needs treatment for obsessions will turn back and lock himself in the apartment, believing that something terrible will now happen, according to popular belief. To get rid of this illness, psychotherapy is used in combination with antidepressants.
Meaning of the word obsession
Examples of the use of the word obsession in literature.
Anxiety transforms into Anxiety transforms into an obsessive feeling of fear.
The clinical picture of attacks is varied: depressive and manic states, obsessions, delusions, hallucinations, agitation, foolishness.
To the features of obsessional neurosis on an organic background in adolescents.
Such a case is already a symptom of obsession, also certainly characteristic of this type.
The form of neurosis in this case is obsessional neurosis, the symptoms of which are partly hypochondriacal phenomena, partly hypersensitivity of the sensory organs, partly obsessive attachments to certain persons or to other objects.
In other worlds, the commitment to alienation that we only allow ourselves has become something like an obsession - they cannot do otherwise!
But as soon as he said this, throwing a grinning glance at Knyazhko, he winced with disgust and, dryish, with a sword belt tied across his slightly convex chest, with his blond hair carefully combed into a side parting, he said in a cold tone of displeasure: “Isn’t it possible without intrusiveness, comrade senior lieutenant?” ?
Intrusiveness and swagger are a childish version of individualism, the source of which is forgiveness, coddling and impunity.
Martin threw an angry look at him, but in Mark’s cheerful face and in his manner there was something, despite all the gaiety, far from intrusiveness or familiarity, that involuntarily disarmed.
The religious ritual of ablution can be understood as a meaningful and rational expression of inner purification, without any component of compulsion or irrationality, as a symbolic expression of our desire for inner purity, performed as a ritual in preparation for activities that require complete concentration and devotion.
Tired of the guest's intrusiveness, Grigory unscrewed the plugs, after which the desperate Baldy began to hit the door with his feet and elbows.
At the same time, the knot, which is inapplicable as a sign, does not lose its iconic character, but acquires the disturbing obsession of the closest assistant.
He was a young man in the full sense of the word, beautifully built, slender, rather tall, modest, but without any timidity, sociable, but without intrusiveness.
If he goes on a walk, with a book in his hands, then it won’t be intrusive to approach her.
Through joint efforts, Eileen was this time freed from Polka Linda's obsession.
Source: Maxim Moshkov library
In a relationship
This phenomenon is most common in human relationships. Men often demonstrate their obsession, sometimes without realizing it. In an effort to get attention from the chosen one, they may evaluate her silence in response to their steps somewhat differently, not as things are in reality, not realizing that they are indifferent to the chosen one.
They start bombarding her with messages and calls without waiting for a response. Such actions often, on the contrary, repel the girl from the annoying gentleman.
What are obsessions characterized by?
In psychology, this term translated from Latin means “precipitation” or “embracing.” Indeed, obsession is firmly embedded in the individual’s psyche, bringing him significant inconvenience and even suffering. Obsessive, painful thoughts are distinguished by the following criteria:
- arise against the background of clear consciousness involuntarily, regardless of the will of a person;
- their character does not depend on the direction of thinking;
- the patient perceives them as something alien. Most patients note that intrusive thoughts appear out of nowhere;
- do not affect the intellect, maintaining the logic of thinking;
- critical attitude towards obsessions. Awareness of their absurdity;
- the presence of negative emotions. Development of depressive states. Increased anxiety;
- cause a feeling of disgust, intolerance;
- often accompanied by a fear of harming others. For example, a pregnant woman has a nagging idea that she will stab her stomach with a knife and kill her baby;
- patients try to hide even from close relatives the fact of the presence of obsessions.
But the main distinguishing feature of obsessive thoughts is the impossibility of eliminating them through volitional efforts. No matter how hard a person tries to stop thinking about the absurdity, nothing comes of it. Patients use different methods of “release”, try to ignore unwanted thought streams, order them to stop. They even resort to self-flagellation: they can hit themselves, bite or pinch themselves, but everything is in vain.
In addition, the stronger the desire to get rid of obsessive syndrome, the more reliably it attacks the consciousness. This is how our brain works. It’s easy to explain this with an experiment: prohibit yourself from thinking about anything, and the consciousness’s interest in the forbidden subject will double.
When a patient fails to cope with an insidious thought, he experiences a feeling of loss of control over his mind. Anxiety and even panic grows, which allows obsessions to become even more firmly entrenched in the mind. It turns out to be a vicious circle.
The whole horror of such a phenomenon lies in the fact that a person is aware of its irrationality, but is not able to control and calm pathological thoughts. This leads to the formation of neurotic anxiety.
On the one hand, importunities can be completely harmless and do not cause excessive anxiety in their owner. These include, for example, a song that has been playing in your head for a long time, or an annoying count.
On the other hand, obsessive judgments can become so worse that the patient loses a rational approach to them. In this case, they say that obsession has developed into delusion, but this happens extremely rarely.
About the signs
Obsession is a phenomenon that is expressed in constant control over the object of attention. An annoying individual may constantly wonder who called his other half and get angry when she spends time apart. These characteristics will manifest themselves in constant jealousy and fear of loneliness. Sometimes such an individual isolates himself from the rest of society, becoming completely fixated on one person. All this one day leads to a breakup, when the other half simply does not want to experience such stress anymore.
For people with a sense of tact, the absence of a response to their step towards a person will be a sign to stop. Having taken a step, you should wait for a response. And only if it does, does it make sense to do the next one.
But for people with obsessiveness problems, it happens differently. They can storm their partner with a flurry of steps towards them, not noticing that he has been responding for a long time, and if he responds, it is very sluggish. An obsessive person may think that the problem is not with him, but this is often a big misconception. No one needs people who are completely conquered, and this applies to both sexes.
Most of all, people value self-sufficient individuals who have their own space and respect their own personality. Such people are passionate about their world and do not try to break down all the doors of someone else in order to fill their life with them. They are so interested in themselves that there is simply no need for it. The paradox is that such people attract those around them, who may never get into this world.
Obsessiveness Obsessive
Obsessiveness as a personality quality is the tendency to clingily and pesteringly offer one’s services, mediation, one’s company, topics for conversation, ignoring whether others want it or just tolerate it.
In one village there lived an old man. His name was Nefedich .
He came to someone’s house and said that he would be there for a minute. They invited him to come in, but he refused: “No, no, I’ll stand here at the door, just for a minute.” After a while, the old man began to groan and asked for a stool. He was again invited to undress and go into the room. He refused, saying that he wouldn’t even undress, he would just sit down, otherwise his leg would hurt. After a few minutes, Nefedich began to puff, say that it’s hot here, and threw his fur coat right on the floor next to the stool. Someone at home rushed to lift it up to hang it, but Nefedich did not allow it: “But I’m leaving already!” I'll just catch my breath. The family sat down at the table. Nefedich was invited. He flatly refused, but did not go home. In the end, when they stopped inviting him to the table and started eating, he, stuttering and apologizing, said: “Well, I’d like to try what you have there.” Otherwise it smells so strong that there is no urine. Nefedich was given a seat at the table and he began to eat, as if for two. Having eaten, he, as always, said that it was time for him to leave, but there was such a heaviness in his whole body, something didn’t feel good to him. He asked to lie down on the bench for a minute... Nefedich left them only in the morning, having had a hearty breakfast.
Obsession offers its communication, not paying attention to whether other people want it or are doing their best to “pretend to be in Madrid.” Manifesting itself in a combination of allies - importunity, annoyingness and arrogance, obsession turns into an uninvited guest. Being by its nature a weakly expressed aggression, obsession unceremoniously bursts into the personal and intimate space of the opponent. A person is designed in such a way that he feels comfortable in his personal space. Most people understand this or feel it subconsciously. An obsessive person is a constant violator of the boundaries of personal space.
Once I witnessed a clearly manifested obsession. A subordinate came into the boss's office. Approaching close to the boss’s desk, he began to expound something in a drawling and indistinct manner, meanwhile taking a pose in the form of the letter “g” falling forward. Hanging over the boss, he practically hovered in the air, holding himself, like Falconet’s horse, on a single toe. The boss moved his chair back and tried to merge with the wall, but the intrusive subordinate, having guessed his maneuver, made a sharp lunge along the table and found himself in the zone of intimacy with the boss. It must be said that the obsessive subject had, in addition, a disgusting odor from his breath, it stank of something putrid, hydrogen sulfide, in a word, terribly disgusting. The boss jumped up as if stung from his chair and tried to go out into “free waters.” But it was not there. The obsessive subordinate, without stopping for a minute, began to push him towards the window. “Face to face, you can’t see the face. Big things are seen from a distance,” taught S. Yesenin. Obsessiveness doesn't think so. Having seated the boss on a hot radiator, she, sputtering with saliva, continued her tedious brain-eating from a distance of no more than twenty centimeters from his face. The boss, ducking under his subordinate’s elbow, rushed to his desk and babbled quickly: “I understand everything. Go. Go."
An obsessive person - a person - is tar, because of the lack of self-sufficiency, it is boring to be in his own society. Spiritually poor people, which, in fact, are obsessive people, find it sad and unbearably boring to be alone with themselves. She comes up and says: “Let's go to the toilet. Do not want? And why? Well, then come with me for company.” Coupled with talkativeness, obsession loves to “sit on someone’s ears,” talking boringly and uninterestingly about someone’s personal life. When they start avoiding her, she sets the phone to auto-dial and, when the victim gets tired of resisting, she interrogates: “Why haven’t you called for so long?! You do not want to talk to me? Explain to me what's going on!
Obsession rapes the free will of another person and manipulates his consciousness. To achieve communication comes from the word “to achieve.” If there were any feelings, obsession finally finishes them off. In other words, obsession is a control shot in a relationship. She does not give her “beloved” the right to choose, strictly regulating her taste of happiness. Obsession is the concentration of energy on the desire to make the thoughts, feelings, emotions and behavior of another person a zone of control. Standing above your soul, you do not feel tired. She seems to want to give back. It's a delusion. Obsession is always taking, demanding and snatching. It is dangerous, first of all, because of the desire to drown out the opponent’s sixth sense and the voice of conscience.
The teacher learned that one of his students was persistently seeking someone's love. “Don’t demand love, so you won’t get it,” said the Teacher. - But why? - Tell me, what do you do when uninvited guests break into your door, when they knock, scream, demanding to open it, and tear out their hair from the fact that it is not opened for them? - I lock it tighter. “Don’t break into the doors of other people’s hearts, as they will close even more tightly before you.” Become a welcome “guest” and any heart will open before you. Find within yourself the love before which all doors open and no locks can resist. For love, although small and unnoticed, is the key that can open the lock of any heart, even one that has not been opened for a long time. Take the example of a flower that does not chase bees, but attracts them to itself. Let your love be the nectar to which people will flock.
In some cases, obsession can be explained by psychological dependence on another person. For example, a student is hungry for knowledge and devours every word of his mentor. When they are close, he becomes the “time thief” of the mentor, asking him countless questions, offering his services and assistance. A fanatic shows obsession with his idol. If it’s a singer or actress, she won’t let her pass, she’ll be on duty at the entrance, she’ll be on guard at the theater exit, she’ll try to steal some of her personal belongings.
Obsessiveness is the desire to seize power over another person. The teacher gave the class an assignment: to write down their thoughts on what power is on pieces of paper. Then she began to read: “Power is when you do good to people!” - OK. “Power is when you do good and punish evil!” - Fine. “Power is when you have a lot of women and you sleep with them!” - Vovochka! Again you write all sorts of nasty things! Rewrite it immediately. Vovochka writes: “Power is the opportunity and ability to impose one’s will and philosophy, to influence the activities and behavior of other people, even despite their resistance.”
Petr Kovalev 2013 Other articles by the author: https://www.podskazki.info/karta-statej/
Examples of obsession
Obsessiveness often manifests itself in typical life situations. So, if a girl and a guy agreed to meet, the man can ask again every hour: “Is everything okay? I'll see you in the evening?". It makes no sense to constantly disturb your partner with questions and messages. It is important to note your partner's reaction before writing or suggesting anything.
This is the difference between an annoying and persistent suitor, the lack of understanding of which men so often complain. A persistent person monitors his partner’s reactions and, based on them, builds his further behavior. The annoying one simply, without noticing anything, begins to cause discomfort to his partner.
And messages and calls can begin from the first minutes of communication: several dozen of them can arrive, remaining unanswered, they can only multiply. Often, obsessive men from the very first seconds begin to make demands and talk about their grievances that the woman minds her own business and does not answer him, the sun-faced one. When faced with such a phenomenon, you need to be aware that this is a negative sign that characterizes a person as a very dependent person.
Very often, an obsessive man tries to evoke pity: “I thought I had met my fate, but you can’t even answer. What should I do!". Sometimes the same individual can refer to illness, fainting and poor condition, thereby trying to provoke pity and attract attention to his person. It's a son game, but do you need a man as a son?
Often this form of communication ends with the woman being persecuted by her partner. Clinging, he will do everything possible to keep the woman close to him, even against her will. There are a great many such cases: installing a surveillance program, tracking down your partner everywhere. This term is called “stalking”. Often these actions have a very depressing effect on the victim, because a man who has literally gone crazy behaves inappropriately and can follow the victim for months, in rare cases attacking her.
In civilized Western countries, “stalking” is considered a criminal offense, and such individuals are sent to prison. In the Russian Federation, it has not yet been recognized as a criminal offense. Therefore, when entering into a relationship with a person who shows signs of obsession, you should think about whether you need this?
If such a phenomenon has already begun, the only way out is to completely ignore it. If obsession already violates security boundaries, you need to involve family and friends, contact the police, and make all the actions of the obsessive person public. Usually such men are afraid of using force.
How to get rid of obsession in a relationship yourself?
As we have already understood, low self-esteem along with the fear of losing a loved one can be common reasons for obsession. The more unsuccessful relationships there have been in the past, the stronger the desire to preserve the current ones at any cost.
To avoid such scenarios, you need to work on your self-confidence and self-esteem. You need to understand that you can be happy without a partner. You need to believe in yourself, feel your integrity. This alone can fill you with energy and attract the right people into your life.
Useful tips on how to stop being obsessive:
Find a hobby. Firstly, it will distract you from constantly thinking about your loved one and the desire to call or write. You will not be bored, as you will be busy with interesting things. Secondly, a new activity will make you more interesting to people and increase your self-esteem.- Talk to people. If your social circle consists of one person and this is your loved one, then it will be difficult for you. Naturally, all your attention is directed to him, and he will suffer from this. Try to distribute your need for communication among different people: organize a picnic, go to the cinema with a friend, sign up for some courses, meet new people.
- Relationships should not be perceived as a need. If you're single right now, that's okay. There is just an opportunity to analyze your desires and make plans for the future. The time will come and you will find your soul mate. It is not necessary to strive at any cost to find a partner as soon as possible.
- Trust. Intrusiveness is perceived as mistrust, and this destroys relationships. It’s better to speak openly about your suspicions and discuss the situation than to offend with constant questions “Where were you?”, “Why did it take so long?”
The most important thing is to love yourself. This will affect self-esteem and self-confidence, which is important in the fight against obsession. To build a healthy relationship, first of all, you need to work on yourself. This will give you the power that will definitely attract “that” person into your life.
