A person suffering from unrequited love often feels the most unhappy in the whole world. He is capable of reaching complete despair and would like to free himself from the passion that torments him, but he does not know how to survive unrequited love and regain peace and happiness. The hackneyed phrases that time heals or “everything will pass, this too will pass” do not bring any relief and are perceived as empty words. Ah, if only he or she knew that most of those living also had the opportunity to experience something similar at some point! And somehow they managed, calmed down, met a person who appreciated, understood and loved them...
You can't figure out how to forget your loved one? The psychologist's advice that we publish in this article will help you get through difficult times. Be sure to read everything to the end; the information posted here will help you understand that the situation you find yourself in is not at all as hopeless and terrible as you think.
Unrequited love or one-sided love?
Psychologists say that when a person is unilaterally in love, then most likely it is not about love, but about being in love. In this case, there is no long-term close communication between two people and the one who is in love, in fact, knows little about the subject of his passion. Rose-colored glasses are put on the eyes, which carefully mask all the shortcomings of the person to whom tender feelings are directed. Here they are attracted by external data or fantasized advantages, which in reality may not exist at all.
How to survive unrequited love if, for example, it broke out after one meeting, one stormy night, one romantic date, etc.? During these short moments, it was not difficult for one of the two to be on top; he demonstrated all the best qualities of his nature, tenderness, romance, passion and went out forever... The other side decided that he had met the ideal and was inflamed with a serious passion for the fictional image.
You will object that mutual love relationships always begin with the idealization of the image of the chosen one or the chosen one. And you will, of course, be right. But, mutual love makes people gradually get to know each other better and better. Gradually, illusions cannot withstand the merciless pressure of reality and over time, the first ardent feelings either develop into true love, agreeing to put up with all the shortcomings of the chosen one, or pass without a trace, like an acute respiratory disease.
The problem with unrequited love is that it can exist unbroken for many years, fueled by fantasies and hopes. It’s good to read novels and watch movies about such feelings, but in life it’s better to get rid of them quickly. Really, it’s so fleeting - our life, is it worth devoting it to endless suffering!
Stages of unrequited love
Like any long-term phenomenon, this feeling arises, lives and fades according to the script. How long unrequited love lasts depends on the spiritual qualities of the individual. However, there are certain stages in this process:
- The moment a feeling arises. The euphoria of realizing the state of being in love brings many pleasant minutes or hours.
- The phase of preparation for an attempt at recognition in order to receive reciprocity. This stage is characterized by mental anguish from the indecision to admit feelings.
- A period of suffering due to rejected feelings. This is the longest stage if a person is weak. For someone strong in spirit, the lamentations can end quickly.
- Active action stage. Having suffered, a person forgets unrequited feelings and looks for another love. If this cannot be done, one or both participants in the drama may die. Only the strongest are able to achieve reciprocity by changing themselves.
Unrequited love in adolescence
Unrequited love is especially painful in adolescence. There is even an opinion that first love is always unhappy. In a sense, unrequited love among teenagers becomes a preventive vaccination for them. Having experienced confusion of feelings in early youth, most young people become stronger psychologically and more attentive in the future to the subject of their new choice.
Fortunately, most teenagers go through this difficult period safely, but for those who are particularly vulnerable and sensitive, it can be prolonged. An inferiority complex may develop and this will have a negative impact on building relationships with the opposite sex in future adult life.
If a young man or girl is suffering greatly, not understanding how to cope with unrequited love, parents should first of all provide support. The trouble is that in adolescence, children often move away from close relatives. Those, often, are not able to help their son or daughter, because they simply do not know exactly how to behave and how to talk to their sons in love.
Signs of unrequited love
Assessing an unrequited love feeling, experts note that the principle of relativity fully applies to this characteristic. Non-reciprocal love today can be reciprocated tomorrow. Its signs can also be considered relative:
- the partner is burdened by society or is indifferent to the presence of the lover;
- he has no desire to introduce him to his friends and relatives;
- the status of the relationship is in “suspense”;
- friendly relations are emphasized by all means;
- he himself does not strive for and avoids closer contact between the sexes;
- When communicating, he maintains neutral behavior without displays of tenderness or affection.
How to help a teenager? Advice from a psychologist for parents
1. Be as tactful as possible when talking to your child about his feelings. Otherwise, the teenager will withdraw and will no longer share his experiences with you.
2. Don’t give advice that is suitable for adults (change your hairstyle, start doing fitness, etc.) Better try to explain that his feelings remained unrequited not because he is bad (not handsome enough, smart enough, etc.) It’s just that people’s feelings do not always coincide, because we are all different and this is absolutely normal.
3. Try sharing memories of your first love. Tell us that once you, too, did not understand how to survive unrequited love. Be candid when talking about your experience and the lessons you learned from it.
4. If you understand that your personal experience is not interesting to your son or daughter, then switch to stories about the fate of the “stars” in whom he is interested.
5. If you feel that your teenager has almost overcome his inner loneliness, try to get him interested in some new activity, sport, or creativity. You can go on a trip together.
If parents see that they cannot help their child on their own and he is immersed deeper and deeper into experiences, then it is better to turn to a professional psychologist and together with him look for ways out of the current situation.
In general, teenage love is a very broad topic and requires separate study. In this article, we have given only general brief recommendations. Further information presented in the article highlights the problems and relationships of adults.
Reasons for unrequited love
It happens that a person repeatedly experiences a feeling of unrequited love throughout his life. That is, the same type of situation, “Groundhog Day,” is repeated over and over again. This may indicate existing psychological problems. Such people should attend an appointment with a specialist who will help them understand themselves.
At psychologists' appointments there are many visitors with the same type of problems. For example, a woman says: “I suffer from unrequited love!” - and begins to describe his situation. And here, in the memory of an experienced psychologist, a whole string of similar stories immediately arises about how women choose as the object of their love men who are married and happily married or simply in love with another girl - that is, the most unavailable.
Starting to unravel the tangle of problems of such visitors, the psychologist understands that in their subconscious there is a strong conviction that they are unworthy of love, that dislike is normal for them. And the roots of this psychological anomaly go deep into childhood, when parents were too critical, picky and demanding of their child, scolding and criticizing them for the slightest offense.
There are often situations when unhappy one-sided love is an almost conscious choice. In these cases, women (this happens less often with men) do not feel the need for full-fledged relationships. They need mental anguish, violent feelings, but not a permanent partner for life. This indicates emotional immaturity and requires psychological correction.
There are often situations when a person’s life is so calm and comfortable in all areas that he subconsciously tries to create conditions that would give him the opportunity to suffer and complain. This creates an emotional contrast and subsequently makes you appreciate your past life, which seemed so insipid and boring.
In general, there are many reasons for unrequited love, and those described here are just a drop in the bucket.
Practical recommendations
Theoretical methods will not work and will not help if you leave everything the same, so protect yourself not only from thoughts, but also from contact on a physical level with the object of passion. To do this, apply practical recommendations that will help you experience the emotion faster.
Take care of yourself
It is believed that during experiences, women tend to radically change their appearance - haircut, wardrobe and style in general.
They feel on an unconscious level how to get out of stress without loss. The mastered practical technique is used for any difficulties in life. The same practice also applies to men, because a change in image will certainly attract the attention of other women and distract them from their worries. In addition to appearance, there is communication between people, so to change your circle of acquaintances, develop yourself in unfamiliar areas. Go not to the movies, but to an exhibition of contemporary artists, visit a museum, or read a historical novel. This will distract you from negative thoughts and get rid of obsession, and will also allow you to diversify your list of acquaintances. Perhaps among them there will be an interesting person who will captivate you and make you forget about the negative experience.
New way of life
In addition to external changes, use lifestyle change practices. In order to survive unhappy love, add sports to your daily schedule: jogging in the morning will give you a boost of energy, and in the evening it will relieve you of anxiety. Additional active activities will also come in handy. Sign up for dancing, yoga, or swimming. Physical activity will reduce stress and expand your circle of acquaintances.
In addition to sports, you can use natural instincts. If you don’t know how to forget about unrequited crushes, you need to change your diet.
By going on a diet, you will feel hungry, which will distract you from negativity. After some time, the extra pounds will go away and your love will go away.
READ How to fall in love with a guy: practical advice
Change your job
If a man is haunted by a crush on a colleague or, conversely, a woman goes crazy at the sight of her boss, think about changing places, companies or professions. Firstly, new working conditions will make you feel inconvenienced and distract you from your love experiences. Secondly, the loss of the object of love will most likely relieve the obsessive negative feeling.
Get over a breakup
Emotions accumulated due to the need to hold back affect health. As a result, falling in love affects the body in a physical sense. This cannot be allowed, so throw out the accumulated ballast. Break dishes, tear things, scream and cry. Emotional relief will be the starting point for getting rid of obsessive thoughts and experiences.
Make a list
To objectively evaluate the object of your love, use the method of writing down your thoughts. Create a table with two columns. On the left, list or describe in detail the negative aspects you noticed in your partner. Take even small details into account. On the right side, briefly list the advantages. Write biased traits (kindness, mercy, determination) if they are actually confirmed by behavior or manifested in specific situations. Add to the list if necessary, but pay attention to the column on the left every day.
Out of sight
Getting rid of your lover's gifts is a mandatory step. In addition, there are other reminders of relationships or feelings that need to be overcome. It is not necessary to change the circle of friends in which you met if they do not cause painful feelings of regret. But delete songs that remind you of the moment of experience. Also get rid of things left behind if the relationship has reached this stage.
Live your life
Searching for possible meetings and seemingly random intersections with the object of love is a waste of time and energy on the past. If a person has expressed the opinion that a relationship is impossible, then such attempts to see each other look awkward, and in the case when the object of love has already paid attention, but lost interest in the process of getting to know each other, they look even worse. Imposing one's society is humiliating, and receiving another refusal can completely destroy one's self-esteem.
Between a potential “chance” meeting and a trip, choose the latter, even if it means going to a nearby store. Engage in self-realization, which will allow you to find a worthy person to create an alliance with.
Find support from friends or family
Talking through grievances and disappointments with oneself does not help in all cases, but an outside opinion expressed by an authoritative friend or relative is sobering. Therefore, ask for help from loved ones who are not indifferent to your fate. Talk to them, reason and share your thoughts. Listen to advice if you receive it. This will help to establish communication and distract, and will also gradually overcome love in the mind.
Fight fire with fire
An expression referring to finding a casual partner for one or two meetings. Beautiful courtship, an unfamiliar restaurant and the need to captivate a stranger with a conversation will distract you from thoughts about the inaccessible object of love.
In addition, a short-term romance may satisfy the needs and force you to face the truth, admitting that the choice of attraction was a bad one.
Talk about your feelings
An honest conversation with a lover or lover is an equally effective method for getting rid of feelings. Sometimes obsessing occurs because of uncertainty. And until a frank explanation occurs, it will not be possible to survive destructive emotions. In this case, there is a risk of receiving a refusal, which will bring worries, but will bring clarity. However, you can also hear a mutual declaration of love, which may develop into a long-term relationship.
Unrequited love for a woman
We have outlined a list of things that can help a man win a woman’s heart:
1. Tenacity and perseverance.
2. Generosity.
3. Romance.
4. Sense of humor.
5. Self-confidence.
6. Noticeable popularity with the opposite sex.
And women adore strength and tenderness in one bottle. These are such strange and contradictory creatures. If a girl doesn't reciprocate, you can try to become her ideal. But, if you feel that you cannot cope with such a difficult task and your love runs away from you like fire, then:
- Don't stalk her. This can cause even greater negative feelings in her soul.
- Try to avoid the sight of a suffering victim; do not show your feelings to others, so as not to provoke their ridicule. After all, it hurts you without it.
- No matter what, lead an active life, do not isolate yourself alone.
- Remember that over time your “stocks” will only grow. Women's beauty quickly fades, but men gain charm over the years. Besides: for ten girls, according to statistics... you know the rest yourself.
- Under no circumstances should you start drowning your sorrows in alcohol. Nothing good will definitely come of this.
Pros of the situation
Imagine that unrequited love can have its advantages - any experienced psychologist will tell you about this. For example, a guy’s unrequited love for a girl can force him to literally “move mountains” in order to achieve the favor of his beloved.
This is a huge incentive for self-improvement. The main thing is to act, and not sit limply in tears and snot. Direct the energy that strong love feelings give you to become better both externally and internally. Try to make your body ideal through sports and fitness, start reading a lot, try to achieve success in your professional activities, etc.
Hard work on yourself will lead to the fact that those around you will be more interested in you, surprised by the changes, and express their admiration for the transformation that has taken place. All this will increase your self-esteem, self-confidence, and open up new prospects that you had never dreamed of before. It may happen that soon you will be able to see the person who caused you so much suffering in a completely different light and will be surprised to feel that the love has passed.
What should a girl who is unrequitedly in love do?
The weaker sex turns out to be not so weak after all. Many girls in love prefer not to sigh and think about how to survive unrequited love for a man, but to act very decisively, trying to win reciprocity by any means, including turning to psychics who promise to cast a powerful love spell. Let us say right away that we do not advise anyone to engage in such dubious things. We only give ethical advice.
If you think that a guy simply hasn’t yet seen your merits and beauty, then psychologists advise in this case to do something that will help open his eyes faster. And to do this, you don’t need to look at the object of your passion from afar. Try to be closer to him! Be feminine and sweet. Clothes and hairstyle, of course, must be impeccable. Unrequited love for a man should become a reason for you to strive for perfection in everything.
We will tell you one secret from a psychologist: give a man to show his best qualities in your presence, the opportunity to perform some chivalrous deeds. Be weak, unprotected, turn to him for help, and when he gives it to you, do not skimp on praise.
Find out what worries your chosen one most in this life. Maybe he's a boxing fan or loves to talk about political topics? Or perhaps he likes to read books by some fashionable modern author? Take action! Try to share his interests and be on the same page with him.
What to do if your love ends?
The main mistake of many lovers is the belief that their love will last forever and lovers will bask in feelings of unearthly happiness all their lives. Moreover, for this happiness they will not have to do anything other than just be together.
This mistake often leads to bad consequences. As we found out above, falling in love cannot last forever, and this fact rests not on some mysterious ability to love, but on the simple limitations of our body. It is impossible to be in love for a long time, just as it is impossible to live a week without water or run tirelessly for several days.
But many people forget about this or simply don’t know. When we are in love, it seems to us that the whole meaning of our life is suddenly concentrated in the object of our desire. We think that being together is our highest destiny, destined for us, and there is nothing more important in the world than this! The one we love seems to us the object of the concentration of all heavenly ideals and we think that we need nothing more for happiness than to see this creature next to us every day, every minute!
But time passes, and, gradually, the veil of idealism and drunken optimism of love around us dissipates. As soon as your gaze was freed from the sweet haze that enveloped it, all the shortcomings, all the imperfections of your partner were suddenly revealed to it. Previously, you couldn’t even imagine that some everyday things could vulgarize and desecrate the sacred atmosphere around two loving hearts... But now, you began to quarrel over trifles and realized that your partner is far from the ideal that you saw in him earlier.
In addition, you noticed that that sublime feeling of attraction that intoxicated you and made you forget about everything in the world, except for one single person, had disappeared. The celestial euphoria was replaced by the dull and boring prose of the day! What happened to us, the lover thinks, where did this heady obsession of passion go?
This is where the traditional mistake of lovers is made: they begin to identify the fact of the absence of love with the lack of value of a joint relationship. Once the euphoria has passed, it means that the meaning of all relationships has exhausted itself! Why be together for those people who no longer feel happiness just from being together? Some people are immediately disappointed and end the relationship. Others, by inertia, continue to live in an unhappy and uninteresting mutual life with a partner, regretting the day when they met each other.
And still others try to artificially maintain passion for some time: with the help of constant quarrels over far-fetched reasons, they try to regain the feeling of strong emotions. But this cannot continue for long, and sooner or later they will suffer the fate of the first or second.
But another, most desirable path is also possible and this is the path of love. Love does not arise spontaneously, like falling in love, and it, unlike the latter, needs more solid foundations than a fleeting impression. Love comes from two people working together on their relationship and developing that relationship. To experience love, it is not enough just to “be together”; for this you already need to do something.
An apparent feeling of harmony with another person, during a period of falling in love, may turn out to be a phantom that will disappear as soon as the passion passes. And in order to achieve real harmony, it is necessary to improve and strengthen relationships. And it often happens that both participants in this relationship have to change in order to serve this goal. Love does not come just like that: it is the result of joint efforts and the compatibility of the characters of two partners.
When a person is in love, he is not interested in anything other than his feelings, he needs nothing more than to constantly be with the one with whom he is in love. But love is interested in the mutual development of both subjects of the relationship.
Falling in love = insanity?
It’s hard to say what would happen if the lovers’ deepest wish was fulfilled, for this feeling to last forever. What would happen if we could be passionately in love with one person throughout our lives, so that this feeling would never dry up, and every new day would give us the feeling of that first look and first acquaintance? I don't think anything good would come of this. In many cases it would be like long-term insanity.
From the point of view of the participation of serotonin in brain biochemistry, the feeling of falling in love is similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder (obsessive-compulsive disorder). With this, some scientists explain the fact why lovers cannot think about anything else except one single person! The lovers are somewhat reminiscent of people pumped up with ecstasy in their behavior.
A person in love is not aware of his actions, he is deprived of an adequate critical assessment, he is constantly excited and fixated on one thing. Imagine what would happen if this condition continued throughout your life! I doubt that we would be able to work normally, interact with each other, since everyone would be completely focused on their feelings. I wouldn’t be writing this article now, but would give in to the sweet feeling of butterflies fluttering in my stomach, sitting somewhere on the grass.
In addition, being eternally in love, no one would see any incentive for personal self-improvement, or for the development of relationships, and, in general, for any other activity other than the constant intoxication of their passion. Production would stop, the roads would be empty, the night streets would be filled with people emaciated and pale from lack of food and sleep, with an unhealthy gleam in their eyes.
A world where everyone was always in love would be a very strange and scary place! World of Zombie Lovers!
Don't despair and don't rush to give up on the relationship when you discover that the love is over. This happens to everyone and it happens inevitably. I read somewhere that the average duration of the love phase is two years. A rather “insidious” period: it is not so short that a person can realize the fleeting nature of this feeling and is enough for him to get used to falling in love and experience disappointment after it has passed.
But if, after a stormy and passionate time, two people discover in themselves a desire to continue the relationship and begin to look for something else in them other than uncontrollable and unbridled passion, and they go towards this desire, then, over time, they will find in each other a bottomless depth of mutual understanding, tender warmth of feelings and closeness, decisive readiness for mutual assistance and support. These feelings, which form the basis of love, are no less important than the crazy insanity of falling in love.
Love is an advanced phase of relationships, more conscious and sober, and also much longer than its predecessor, falling in love. Not every couple manages to reach this stage, but those who do live happily ever after.
The stage when falling in love has passed, a very important period, is a test of the relationship. If they pass this test, they are much more likely to continue for a long time. Here you need to clearly understand that what is past is past and you should stop regretting it and give great importance to the passed feeling. This is just a chemical reaction in the brain that has its own period of action. Its cessation, as a rule, is weakly connected with the object of attraction or the characteristics of the relationship. Falling in love passes because we are designed that way. (This is what drug addicts call “let go”)
During this period, you need to make a sober decision: either, having freed yourself from the captivity of the illusions of falling in love, begin to build a harmonious relationship with your partner, or end this relationship if you understand that nothing connects you with the other person at all, and there is no chance of a happy life together . The last decision should be made only when you clearly realize that you cannot get along with the other person. It happens that while you were in love, you either did not see, or the obvious shortcomings of your partner were hidden from you, which then appeared during your life together, and you know no other choice but to break off the relationship.
But, again, this depends on the shortcomings themselves: often you can influence a person and change him if he is really dear to you. It's always better to try to improve the relationship, but if it doesn't work out, then the only thing left to do is break up.
If you break up, then you need to draw the right conclusions from this. First, you must understand that falling in love is a spontaneous and uncontrollable feeling: you, as a rule, do not choose who you fall in love with. Secondly, if you fall in love with someone, this does not mean that this is the person with whom you will be happy and interesting all your life: feelings will pass, and ideals will collapse. Thirdly, falling in love can introduce strong distortions into your value judgments about your partner, therefore, you need to act and think proactively, realize that you are now in love, intoxicated and can make unwise decisions. Try to anticipate and prevent such decisions. Use your time, listen to the opinions of other people who are not involved in your passion, so as not to mess things up.
These insights will help you be more conscious about choosing a partner next time, not make rash decisions when you fall in love again, and try to get to know your partner better and more deeply, instead of focusing on your feelings and believing them. After all, love is often a deception and an illusion.
Therefore, you should never enter into a quick, hasty marriage. Let the love pass, let your relationship withstand the severe test of the inevitable destruction of the veil of sweet illusions. And, know that if you and your partner have passed through this difficult milestone, now the strength of your connection has increased immeasurably! This can be evidence of your spiritual closeness, because you have proven that you, two people, are connected by something more than a spontaneous feeling of strong attraction, which, as if by chance and independently of your will and consciousness, arose once.
How to survive unrequited love? Advice from psychologists
You've read a lot of advice. Most of them concerned situations where there is a prospect of causing reciprocal feelings. Well, what to do if there is no such hope at all, what to do in this case? After all, it is impossible to live, constantly feeling a nagging pain in your heart. They say that mental pain is much stronger than physical pain.
There’s nothing you can do, you’ll have to pull yourself together and try to come to terms with the idea that the person you’re in love with is free and you need to respect his right to this freedom. You understand everything, but don’t know how to forget your loved one? Advice from a psychologist will help you do this. So:
1. Shake yourself up, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Down with laziness! Try to load yourself up with any activity as much as possible. If you don't know what to do, start renovating your apartment or simply rearrange the furniture. Mark the beginning of a new life with something meaningful.
2. Put away photographs of your loved one, his gifts and any things that remind him of him.
3. Start meeting with friends more often, go to the theater, concerts, cinema, parties, etc. But avoid places where you can meet the person you want to forget.
4. Phrases about unrequited love, thoughts that you were not appreciated or reciprocated will still constantly come to mind at first. Don't accept such thoughts. You can argue mentally or out loud that someday he or she will definitely regret the missed opportunities, but their train will leave.
5. Finally, remember that there are many other representatives of the opposite sex in the world. Perhaps someone is showing interest in you, and maybe even worried about unrequited love for you. Try to respond to his feelings. What do you have to lose?
6. Take off your rose-colored glasses. Until now, you have looked at the merits of your loved one through a magnifying glass. Try swapping the pros for the cons. Perhaps you were very lucky that this person passed by.
7. Don’t throw yourself into your work, even though you might want to do just that. Organize your days so that there is always time to relax, to go to the stylist, to the pool or to the park for a walk.
8. Think about your loved ones. Perhaps while you were focused on your unhappy love, your parents, relatives or friends suffered from your inattention and needed help and support.
9. Pay attention to your health. Stress greatly reduces the body's defenses, and a weakened body, in turn, cannot resist stress. See what a vicious circle it turns out to be! You definitely need vitamins, fresh air, sun, positive emotions - all this increases the level of serotonin in the blood. And serotonin is the hormone of happiness.
10. If you do not want and cannot do anything to pull yourself out of the abyss of despair, this means that you have developed severe depression. It is very difficult to cope with it on your own. Try visiting a psychologist's office. Perhaps a specialist will consider it necessary to prescribe you antidepressants.
How to avoid becoming a victim of unreciprocated love
In order not to become a victim of unrequited love, you need to clearly understand how this unhealthy feeling appears? It is not for nothing that such a state is periodically compared to obsession, because when it comes to true love, there is an exchange of energies, but not a “one-sided game.”
Looking for reasons in childhood
Do people sometimes reject those who love and love those who avoid them? When many problems of a psychological nature arise (non-reciprocal love falls into this category), experts often say that the reasons should be sought in childhood. Try not to brush aside these words, and really remember how everything happened in those years. Many girls were in love with the leader of the class, and many boys were in love with the brightest classmate. Of course, these objects of affection could not reciprocate everyone. Someone had to be left with a feeling of unrequited love. Do you remember if you fell into this category? Your sympathy did not lead to the desired outcome, and you experienced an “unclosed gestalt.”
However, this story could have begun not at school, but in the family. Many parents did not have enough time for their children. Perhaps the reason is other children, or work, or some personal problems. The reasons don't matter anymore because they won't change the fact that you felt rejected. To deserve attention, you had to somehow contrive, and this scheme became stronger in your mind. It has become common for you to fight for the expression of other people’s feelings, and you have carried this tendency into adulthood.
Perhaps it's not about this person you fell in love with. With a different experience in childhood, probably at the first signs of non-reciprocity or emotional coldness, you would have switched to someone else, but life attitudes dictate a different development. It no longer occurs to us that a person may not be “ours.” Rather, we think that we didn't try hard enough to attract him.
"Adult" reasons
We have already realized that people who did not receive enough attention in childhood often experience feelings of unrequited love. However, sometimes the reasons that provoke a craving for the “inaccessible” are formed in adulthood.
Study the list of these reasons, and if they make themselves felt, then begin to fight them directly, and then, probably, your oppressive feeling of non-reciprocal love will disappear after that.
- Low self-esteem, lack of confidence
. People who have a tendency to devalue their own personality subconsciously do not consider themselves worthy of a chosen one. When they find a mate, they usually feel that they are somehow not a match for their other half, who seems to them smarter, prettier, more popular, more interesting, or overall better. Underestimating himself, such a person subconsciously accepts the disdain and agrees with it, believing that he deserves it. Women who fall into this category often find themselves victims of domestic tyrants. - "Victim" in life
. Often such people are not aware of their position, but it is clearly visible to others. Remember if someone told you a similar phrase: “Stop playing the victim”? This means that you really have an inclination, and it is not surprising that you are inclined to sacrifice your life, dignity, time and much more for the sake of non-reciprocal love. Of course, you are accustomed and even comfortable to find yourself a victim of circumstances, suffering from irresponsibility and not influencing the course of affairs. Over time, this position ceases to evoke pity. You need to get out of such relationships, and not feel sorry for yourself. - The need for strong emotions and feelings
. Such people are also called “energy vampires,” and vampirism can manifest itself in different ways. Usually we are talking about a strong need to feed negative emotions and experiences. Some are satisfied with the usual squabbles and quarrels, but for others this is not enough. Life without serious suffering seems impossible to them, and they easily plunge into these emotions - it is much easier to receive negativity from life than to strive for positivity. - Loneliness
is a common reason for falling into unreciprocated love. When experiencing loneliness, it is quite natural that we need human warmth. The object of love can be a completely random person who has shown at least the slightest sign of attention - this becomes enough to think about him constantly and come to the conclusion that true love has settled in the heart. Lonely people have a lot of time for fantasies that lead to such consequences. - Financial, housing difficulties
. It sounds mundane and unromantic, but such a topic can also be an impetus for non-reciprocal feelings. More often, girls who do not have the opportunity to live separately from oppressive parents or who are experiencing financial difficulties are susceptible to this. It begins to seem to them that their beloved would “save” them from troubles and help them solve them. Meeting a more or less suitable person makes you see him as a potential savior and, accordingly, love. We are not even talking about cold calculation - a girl can really believe that she has fallen in love, fantasizing how wonderful they would live together (as opposed to the present). Having realized that it is precisely about the desire to escape from difficulties, concentrate on solving them.
