What do sexual fears lead to?
Sex, along with food and sleep, are among the basic human needs. His dissatisfaction or distorted perception becomes a stumbling block on the path to further personal development and disrupts the harmonious structure of the psyche. Therefore, phobias of an intimate nature do not just cause situational discomfort - they significantly distort an individual’s life, preventing a person from building meaningful relationships with the opposite sex, satisfying basic needs, getting married, and having children. Such fears usually lead to the development of other mental disorders: depression, anxiety disorders, neuroses.
Sexual fears, unlike more specific ones, prevent full, comprehensive interaction with the world. So, if the fear of eggs did not prevent Albert Hitchcock from becoming an unsurpassed master of cinema, then a person with contraphobia is unlikely to be able to achieve success in a field that requires communications.
A contraltophobe can see a potential rapist in every person, regardless of the level of cultural development or age. Because of this, the patient avoids communication with other people to varying degrees, which interferes with normal interaction with society, the building of communication connections that are important for the individual, and professional activities.
This disorder gets its name from the Latin word contrectare - to touch, seduce. You can also find another name for phobia - agraphobia (not to be confused with agoraphobia - fear of open spaces).
What does sexual harassment mean?
Countertophobia is more common among women, but it does not spare men either – in the latter, it more often manifests itself within the framework of homosexual orientation.
A disorder such as agraphobia arises as a fear of sexual harassment. This term refers to any harassment of an intimate nature:
- assault with intent to forcefully engage in intimate relations;
- touching, stroking, hugging against the will of the person;
- sexual bullying, intimidation;
- forced intimacy;
- imposing remuneration for services of an intimate nature in an unacceptable form is groundless.
That is, this is any attraction to sexual relations against the will of another person.
However, this concept is difficult to define in a specific framework, because it has different boundaries in different cultures. In some countries, even sexually suggestive sounds, as well as gestures and even staring, are criminally punishable. A number of nations have children's games that affect the sexual sphere; they are considered acceptable for a certain territorial group. Other societies are strict about perversion or harassment. For example, in Japan, South Korea and the Philippines, the children's game "Kancho" is common. One player puts his palms together, extends his index fingers and tries to hit the other player's anus with them. The action occurs at a time when the “victim” is distracted and does not expect a “trick.” The game gets its name from the Japanese word kancho - enema. For the above countries, this is considered entertainment. In Russian society, this “fun” can be regarded as unacceptable.
How fear of intimate harassment is born
Countertophobia very often develops as a result of experiencing sexual violence. People experience this bitter experience in different ways. Some find the strength to cope with the situation. Others strive to punish offenders at any cost. Some people have difficulty obtaining pleasure during sexual intercourse.
A separate group develops agraphobia. These people are sensitive and emotional, with an unstable psyche and well-developed imagination. For such a person, often a woman, sexual violence becomes a severe traumatic factor that brings about a radical revolution in the psyche of the victim.
Violence experienced in childhood is especially traumatic. Certain abuses against a child are also important for the development of a phobia. The concept includes not only the fact of such actions with children as vaginal, oral, anal sex, but also demonstration of genitals, showing pornographic photographs, forcing a child to participate in the creation of pornographic films and photographs.
Sexual abuse includes spying on a person who is naked, performing intimate acts with a person while sleeping, while under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or in an unconscious state.
Sexual abuse and violence, especially in childhood, play a key role in the development of contraphobia.
Other reasons include:
- watching films with elements of violence. In this case, the individual’s painful fantasy plays a role, projecting what he saw onto the patient;
- persecution, humiliation, bullying of a teenager, especially from peers of the opposite sex. At the same time, the victim develops an image of a person of the opposite sex as dangerous and cruel. Subsequently, the victim of bullying will expect aggression and other threatening actions from each such person, in this context – harassment of an intimate nature.
"There are things more important than fear"
— How not to give in to panic in the face of the spread of information about impending terrorist attacks?
— In our country, anxiety and fear are associated not only with terrorists. In Russia, in principle, there is a very high level of anxiety - for a long time, for everyone and for various reasons. We are regularly intimidated by news selection. This has become the norm of social psychology; people are always alarmed by something. News is a mouthpiece, one of the most important mechanisms of domestic politics, a way of controlling mass consciousness, shaping fear and the image of the enemy.
News is a mouthpiece that shapes fear and the image of the enemy. Tweet this quote. It seems to me that in France, England and other European countries, where people live somewhat differently, this caused a really strong wave of panic, because they have much less fear at the everyday level . But in our country, terrorist attacks are perceived something like this: “Okay, we’ll be afraid of that too.” The threat of terrorist attacks does not lead to everyone packing their bags and going to a distant village, especially since in small countries there is nowhere to go geographically. What now - not to live? In Israel, terrorist attacks occur constantly, but people continue to go to stores, restaurants and concerts. They continue to live.
— How to stop feeling constant fear, for example, because of the threat of terrorist attacks?
— There is no constant acute fear, it develops into background anxiety. There is a Yerkes-Dodson law that describes the relationship between the strength and duration of mental processes: if we experience a strong emotion, then, as a rule, it does not last long. So even if strong fear arises, it will soon be transformed.
Anna VargaPhoto: Boris Zharkov for BG
Fear is an absolutely human feeling; it is not something you choose. Our emotional world is quite archaic. Yes, we are afraid, but emotions cannot be controlled: now I am afraid, but in an hour I will no longer be afraid. The mechanism is different: I’m afraid, but what do I do besides that? You can’t stop yourself from being afraid, but doing something besides this is possible and necessary. At times we are unable to change the situation, nor can we get rid of fear. But we have the power to switch and do something more meaningful than living in our own fear.
In fact, very few people actually begin to change their lives in response to threats. This often happens not to people who witnessed or even participated in traumatic events, but to those who heard about the tragedy on TV, radio or read in the news. Their fear begins to develop into a phobia.
— What to do with a growing feeling of anxiety? Stop reading news and social media?
- This is a stupid decision and it will lead nowhere. The brain spends 90% of its time justifying our feelings, and only 10% is spent on solving life or professional problems. If people understand and are aware of what they are feeling, then they can deal with their emotions and anxious feelings in different ways. We are all in the same situation: we are all mortal and most of us do not know when we will die. But we live as if we were immortal.
People are trembling, afraid and thinking: “If only there was no war!” Tweet this quote Recently, the level of general anxiety in our country has increased greatly. All this is beneficial to the government and is actively promoted. People tremble, are afraid and think: “If only there was no war!” There is economic ruin and political impotence in the country, so what can we stand on? This means that we must continue to frighten and create enemies on all sides, so that any event is perceived with gratitude: thank you for this, and not worse. People are left to deal with personal survival.
In general, anxiety is a pretty meaningless thing. The time in which we live is a time of severe civilizational conflict. You cannot throw your life under the feet of fear and anxiety. We must recognize reality and learn to live with it.
— Can a prolonged state of anxiety negatively affect health?
- Of course it has an effect. The life expectancy of Russians is low not only because of poor medicine. Also because the psychological situation is very uncomfortable. People prefer to get rid of fear with alcohol. And it really works for a while. But then alcoholization begins, followed by a colossal number of deaths and suicides from drunkenness. In this sense, a woman is in a better position, because the course of her life is quite often associated with children and some kind of responsibilities. Whether you like it or not, you need to feed it, clothe it, take it to kindergarten, etc.
Patient behavior
The course of action of a contraltophobe depends on the severity of the phobia. In severe cases, the patient feels threatened everywhere. If the patient is a woman, then almost all the men who meet her on the way provoke panic, with the exception of close men: father, brother. Usually such a total reaction is a consequence of sexual violence.
After the violent episode, the girl continues to feel humiliated. She feels dirty, and every man who smiles at her or hugs her in a friendly manner causes panic. The woman feels helpless and becomes anxious.
The patient's reaction may be unpredictable. In one case, a woman is paralyzed by fear. My heart starts pounding. Breathing quickens. She feels dizzy. The victim develops disgust towards the potential offender. She tries to quickly escape from the scene.
The second option is aggression on the part of the victim. Agraphobe is able to attack the “rapist” with his fists, slap him in the face, and use improvised objects as defense.
The age at which the victim was exposed to the traumatic event plays a major role. If the trauma is inflicted on a married woman, then she may develop fear of her own spouse.
Childhood trauma prevents marriage in principle. For any countereltophobe, intimate relationships become impossible.
While some patients experience fear constantly, others are overcome by situational panic, when a picture of a negative event emerges in their consciousness. Perhaps the woman saw a young man who looked like her abuser. Then she will experience an overwhelming fear of harassment just by walking past him.
It is very important to distinguish between an irrational fear of harassment and a rational one. If a girl is walking along a dark, deserted alley, and an unfamiliar man is following her, the fear is completely justified. In this case, it will play a protective function: the girl will speed up her pace and try to quickly get out into a crowded place. In extreme cases, she will “join” any passerby so that the rapist will leave her behind, because he will not attack in front of witnesses.
We are talking about a phobia when there is absolutely no danger for a person sexually. For example, a man’s gaze falls on an attractive woman, or a colleague smiles in a friendly manner, but the girl panics. She becomes confident that she will be harassed dirty. As a result, the patient is paralyzed by fear and has a panic attack.
In severe cases, agraphobes are afraid to leave the house and completely limit communication with “potential offenders,” most often people of the opposite sex.
It happens that the patient is accompanied by other mental disorders: depression, other phobias. Interacting with each other, they force the patient to take extreme measures.
Boy, 16 years old. He lived in a family with his father and older brother. He lost his mother at the age of 6. When he was 10 years old, his father died. The brother obtained guardianship over the guy. Initially, the brothers lived normally, but soon the elder’s behavior changed. He started drinking, used physical force on his young brother, and soon began to rape. The guy began to be afraid of people, stopped attending school, rejected any attempts by people to get close to him, and spent most of his time alone. The outcome of the situation was complete suicide.
Fear of self-expression. Psychological assistance online. Part 1.
Fear of self-expression. Online psychological help for fear of self-expression. Part 1. Today, many people have a fear of expressing themselves, and with this problem they turn to online psychological consultation at the website Psi-Labirint.ru. This is the so-called fear of self-expression. It manifests itself when you are not forced to live, but are forced to adapt to the environment in which you are. You control the expression of your desires and feelings. And every time look at that person (or those people) who express themselves the way they want. Perhaps you even feel envy and, at the same time, despair towards yourself and your missed opportunities.
Have you ever felt that the more control you have over yourself, the less ability you have to do something the way you want? And if in childhood you could achieve what you wanted using crying and tears, then over time such methods are less and less effective and are little welcomed by adults. But how then can you present your requests to society for your desires? But in this situation, it is difficult. Therefore, you begin to persistently control your feelings, restrain your emotions, and control your ways of self-expression. You monitor your statements, if they do not comply with generally accepted norms and rules.
After all, it is believed that an adult is a person who is restrained and controls all his manifestations in self-expression. This means that such a person is more mature. If you are spontaneous in your self-expression and direct, looking at the world through bright filters, then such behavior will be considered childish and underdeveloped. How to find a balance between these social dogmas and not lose yourself? How to overcome the fear of self-expression? This is what our article today is about on the website Psi-Labirint.ru.
In a series of articles on fear of self-expression, we will examine topics such as:
Where does the fear of self-expression come from? Part 1.
Which is typical for people with a fear of self-expression. Part 2.
Where does fear of self-expression come from?
Fear of self-expression usually arises from childhood. And usually these are families in which there are many accumulated tragic experiences and traumatic events. It is then that the degree of control over the expression of emotions increases, which means the fear of expressing oneself appears. Parents of children who are afraid to express themselves often have a fear of self-expression themselves. Such parents are often offended, irritated, and easily withdraw into themselves. It is often very difficult for children in such families, because there is also a ban on expressing aggression, since the parents themselves tolerate the child’s aggression and their own very poorly and hard to tolerate.
As you know, aggression and the ability to express it is part of the ability to express oneself. As a result, the child learns to restrain and suppress his self-expression, and directs negativity towards himself. Emotional restraint, as a sign of maturity, and avoidance of direct and open conflicts becomes good practice in such families. This leads to the accumulation of negative feelings and increasing tension within the family. Self-expression in this case becomes almost impossible. This manifests itself in embarrassment and fear of being misunderstood. Such families are in greatest need of psychological help.
What is very characteristic is that in such families the number of unresolved traumatic events (including within generations) accumulates, and, in a strange relationship, repeated traumas are noted. Fear of self-expression is also combined with being stuck in suffering. And when faced with traumatic circumstances (stress), there is an even greater withdrawal into oneself and a fear of discussing the conflict with a psychologist.
Consequences of this behavior:
fear of self-expression;
psychosomatic diseases;
not accepting any help;
even psychological help (which has become even more accessible thanks to the Internet, because anonymous psychological help can now be received via Skype).
The fear of self-expression in such families is also manifested by the fact that relatives keep their experiences secret from others. This type of relationship is otherwise called “loneliness together.”
Thus, in such families, beliefs are formed that:
“no one will understand anyway,” “the world is dangerous,” “rely only on yourself,” “nobody needs you,” “be like everyone else.”
Do you think self-expression is possible with such attitudes? We think it is very difficult or almost impossible!
Fear of self-expression. Online psychological help for fear of self-expression. Part 1.
The way out of this situation would be personal growth or online personal growth courses.
Personal growth is useful in such cases, if only because in the online personal growth course one learns to release accumulated aggression (which, as a rule, is directed at oneself in the form of reproaches and self-accusations). If a person learns to express his aggression, then the path to creative self-expression will be open and the likelihood of transferring such negative relationships into his future families will no longer be so likely.
If you are afraid of self-expression, it is important to stop withdrawing when there are problems, and ask for help from others. There are times when there is no one who could listen, the way out of this situation may be to seek advice via Skype from a psychologist on the website Psi-Labirint.ru.
If you are afraid of self-expression, it is important to gradually learn to accept help from both a psychologist and other people. External help is very important because it does not lead to greater psychological vulnerability, loneliness and increased inhibition of self-expression and self-control.
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Treatment
Countertophobia is a complex disorder that requires specialist intervention. The patient turns to a psychiatrist or sexologist. Of course, he won’t say: “I have contraphobia, please help me.” But it is within his power to point out oddities in behavior. If the case is advanced, it is necessary to convince the patient of the advisability of treatment.
Initially, the specialist determines the cause of the disorder. The treatment tactics depend on it. If the cause of the phobia was a case of violence, then one should understand the structure of the agraphobe’s fear. The patient retains a negative emotional charge: thoughts, feelings accompanying memories of the trauma.
The psychotherapist eliminates emotional stress using various techniques: psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy.
But there is also bodily memory. This is the strongest tension in the body, from the heels to the top, constraining, paralyzing, which a person experiences when remembering a traumatic experience. Body memory is eliminated through hypnosis, body-oriented therapy.
Only through complex psychotherapy is it possible to free a person from negative memories and instill in him a new model of behavior, thus relieving him of the disorder.
What is Fear and How to Control It?
Fear is a constant companion for most people, especially in modern urban environments, where violence and confrontation with each other have become the norm. Of all the emotions that a person can experience, we are most familiar with fear, because it is fear that has the greatest influence on us.
Living without fear is almost impossible for many people; after all, fear is an integral part of our life. It is as integral a part of our daily life as other emotions, and therefore trying to rid yourself of fear is useless. We have to admit that fear will not go away!
But instead of just accepting it, you can change the way you think about fear. After all, fear is an emotion that you can learn to control in order to use it to your advantage, instead of allowing this strong emotion to have a negative impact on you.
In fact, fear is a powerful weapon that will help you survive in extreme situations if you make some efforts to master it and learn to direct its energy in a positive direction.
This article is devoted to how to do this. In it, you will learn how to turn an emotion that most people consider negative into a powerful invisible weapon that can multiply your capabilities in a dangerous situation.
First, let's try to figure out what fear is and why it has such an impact on us.
What is fear?
Let's take the following definition as a starting point: “ Fear is a negative emotional experience, a feeling of anxiety that a person experiences when there is impending danger.”
When the brain senses danger, it releases adrenaline, which in turn triggers the so-called “fight or flight response.”
This is a huge release of adrenaline that can be felt in the pit of the stomach. It forces us to react one way or another to perceived danger: either stay and resist (fight) or flee (flight).
The problem is that often this reaction leads a person into a stupor.
You literally stand rooted to the spot and are unable to move or make clear decisions about what to do next. This is why so many people see fear in a negative way - it negatively affects their well-being.
Here are some of the body's responses to the fight or flight response:
EYES
The pupils dilate, more light enters. This allows you to be more alert and aware of the situation. Some people experience a strange feeling of unreality, as if they don't really exist.
MOUTH AND THROAT
The oral cavity dries out so that digestive juices do not reach the stomach. The energy of the body is conserved. The muscles in your throat become tense, making it difficult for you to swallow. This leads to the sensation of a lump in the throat.
HEART
The heart beats faster: it needs to move blood and oxygen throughout the body. The result is palpitations or cardiac excitement. Blood pressure also increases.
KNEES
Too much adrenaline causes the knees to become immobilized and blood to rush to the extremities; You feel weak in your knees.
BLADDER AND INTESTINES
The muscles of the bladder and intestines relax so much that there is a desire to go to the toilet to relieve our body for faster action.
FINGERS AND TOES
There is a tingling sensation in the fingers and toes because they are not getting enough blood.
LIVER
Carbohydrate glycogen stores are converted into glucose to increase energy.
STOMACH
A sharp reduction in the digestive juices of saliva leads to the formation of acid, which causes discomfort to the stomach.
ADRENAL GLANDS
They produce the hormone adrenaline.
SWEAT GLANDS
The body overheats by increasing its metabolic rate, so the sweat glands produce large amounts of sweat to help cool the body.
LUNGS
Breathing increases so that more oxygen can enter the body.
LEATHER
The skin turns pale due to the drainage of blood. This is the body's most basic instinct to protect itself from pain.
BRAIN
The brain determines the fight or flight response, preparing the body to fight or flee.
However, fear only affects you negatively when you allow it to. By releasing so much adrenaline into the bloodstream from the adrenal gland, your body really wants to help you. In a short period of time, your entire body becomes like a turbojet engine, ready for action.
You will feel stronger, faster, and less sensitive to pain, allowing you to better resist violent attacks.
the fight-or-flight response is good for us in extreme situations, then why do so many view it from a negative perspective? Because people do not prepare themselves to react correctly when such situations arise and end up succumbing to panic.
Famous Russian psychologist L.S. Vygotsky believed that the occurrence of affect (stupor) is predisposed by an extreme situation in which a person must act to save his life, but at the same time he does not know how to act.
L.S. Vygotsky gives an example with two travelers, one of whom, knowing about the danger on the road, prepares in advance and arms himself. He may worry on the way, but when faced with a dangerous situation, he does not experience a state of passion, since he is ready to react adequately.
The second traveler, unaware of the danger, behaves completely differently. When attacked, he may experience a state of passion, since he is not ready to adequately act in this situation.
As we see, one of the reasons for the development of affect is unpreparedness for actions in unforeseen situations. This is caused by us simply mistaking adrenaline for fear . As a result, all the good energy disappears, and the person freezes in a daze in the face of impending danger.
Our body can produce adrenaline in different ways depending on the circumstances. The two most important methods are slow and fast adrenaline release.
A slow release occurs when you are anticipating confrontation with something.
The body can produce adrenaline very slowly, sometimes over several months, leaving you feeling constantly anxious or afraid. This may happen, for example, before some important event for you - an upcoming exam, a divorce from your spouse, a job evaluation, etc.
An instantaneous or rapid release occurs when you are not expecting anything or when a situation develops unexpectedly quickly. Often this feeling turns out to be so strong that a person freezes in place, because he mistakes the feeling he experiences for real fear.
At the same time, there is also a secondary adrenaline rush , which occurs when something does not go according to plan, and you begin to imagine the consequences of the situation. And here your body is trying to help you not succumb to fear.
The sooner you learn to recognize and accept the fight-or-flight response as your means of relief, the sooner you can begin working on your fear.
How to face your fears?
The first step in facing fears is to be honest with yourself. You need to really look inside yourself and decide what your fears are and where you think they come from.
Many people never get past this very initial stage because they are often embarrassed or afraid to admit their perceived shortcomings. Perhaps they consider it weak to admit things that do not seem serious enough to them.
One way or another, we are all afraid of this kind of introspection. By acknowledging your fears, you are taking a major step in the right direction to combat them.
Many people say to themselves, “It’s not something I’m afraid of, it’s just something I don’t want or don’t like to do.”
How many times have you said this phrase to yourself and others?
But if you are honest with yourself, you will quickly realize that this is just an excuse to avoid doing anything to manage and gain control over the energy of fear.
So, we must be honest with ourselves if we want to overcome our fears and give ourselves a chance to reach our full potential. A good way to start this work is to make a list of fears.
List of fears
First, take a piece of paper and write down all the fears that you may have. Remember, be honest with yourself! No one but you will see this list, so there is no point in lying to yourself.
If, for example, you are afraid of getting hit or punched in the face, write it down.
If you are afraid of meeting an enemy armed with a knife, you should also write this down. And so on.
Just be completely honest and understand that this is your only chance to help yourself. After making such a list, you need to decide where to start.
First, it is advisable to choose your least fear, which will be easiest to cope with.
By arranging your fears in this way, you will easily overcome them one by one. And by the time you get to your biggest fear, you will have enough confidence and willpower to deal with it.
One way to work with a list of fears is the “Hierarchy” exercise. You place your smallest fear at the bottom of the imaginary fear tree and your greatest fear at the top, and thus build a hierarchy from smallest to largest.
Then you start with the smallest fear to “work your way up.” This method promotes steady progress and increased confidence over time. Your next step is to cope with this very first fear.
Impact of fear
To overcome any fear, you must be willing to face it . Unfortunately, there is no other way to do this. You can't avoid it if you really want to overcome it. So start with the least fear, whatever it may be.
Dealing with your fear is not just an opportunity to be honest with yourself, but also a way to prevent adrenaline from slowly poisoning your life over time.
If you really want to succeed in mastering personal safety techniques, you must make every effort to overcome the barriers that prevent you from doing so. As they say, “be afraid, but do it.”
Over the years, we have taught ourselves that fear is something that slows us down and prevents us from doing what we want. However, on the contrary, fear exists to help us achieve what we want , because... it prepares our body and brain for decisive action.
This is especially evident in self-defense situations, where we think we are experiencing fear, when in fact it is just our body's process of preparing to help us deal with the situation more effectively.
For people who have undergone special training, the release of adrenaline is not something supernatural. They know that it is simply the energy needed to cope with a dangerous situation.
You have to look at fear the same way. Learn to recognize your fears, and when you face them, use them to your advantage . Don't think of fear as fear, think of it as super fuel that motivates you to action.
Why should you be afraid when you have such powerful resources at your disposal? Learn to control your fear and use its energy for your own purposes.
If you want to get acquainted with the special techniques and psychophysical exercises that are used in the Kadochnikov System to manage fear in self-defense situations, we recommend you a video version of the exclusive training “Combat Psychology. How to prepare the brain and body for a dangerous situation using the example of hand-to-hand combat"
