A man and a woman are two halves of one whole, yin-yang, two opposites that make up one whole. And no matter what anyone says, men and women still have more differences than they have in common. This must be understood, this must be accepted, perhaps then there will be fewer conflicts and quarrels, there will be more understanding, which is sometimes lacking.
Let's look at the most striking and obvious differences in the perception of the world around men and women.
First of all, it must be said that men and women, of course, have something in common, and it must be in a couple, family, relationship - there is no way without it. But we should never forget about the differences in perception between men and women, and understanding and accepting these differences will certainly benefit the relationship.
Differences in perception between men and women: skin
And even in skin there are differences between men and women: men's skin is much thicker than women's. Women's skin is 10 times more sensitive than men's skin.
This is why women are afraid of scratches, abrasions, bruises, and pay more attention to touch than men. Women naturally feel pain more acutely and may cry from pain, but a man may not even understand this.
There are many other differences in the perception of men and women, but the meaning is clear - “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.”
Features of male and female perception
Often when communicating with men, we take offense at them, not realizing that they perceive words, events, and feelings completely differently than we women do.
Differences in men's perceptions manifest themselves in both large matters and everyday little things. Remember, you have more than once had to pay attention to the self-confidence, aggressiveness, stubbornness and courage of men, their harsher manners, statements and feelings. Women are most often much more sensitive, responsive, more emotional, and subtly perceptive of the nuances of human relationships. Men, especially if they are not in love, simply will not pay attention to someone’s tear-stained eyes, trembling lips, poor appetite or unusual silence. Capturing the subtleties of the interlocutor’s mood is a problem for them.
Psychologists have found that, even when meeting a woman they like, it is difficult for representatives of the stronger sex to understand what is written on a woman’s face: an inviting smile or just a polite, amiable, sexy or friendly one, which leads to misunderstandings.
If you come home from work, emotionally talk about the events that worry you and see that your husband does not listen to you and does not delve into the essence, you don’t have to be offended - remember that men’s perception of information is completely different, this is due to nature and cannot be changed. Scientists explain this phenomenon by the existence of differences in the development of the hemispheres of the female and male brain.
In men, the left hemisphere deals with logical thinking, and the right hemisphere deals with abstract thinking; in women, both hemispheres are practically no different from each other. When solving some abstract problem, a man uses only the right hemisphere, a woman uses both.
This difference in the structure of the brain leads to completely different conclusions being drawn from the same premises. Hence the numerous jokes created by men about the lack of common sense and logic in women.
But in the speed of perception and mental mobility, a woman is much superior to a man. In men's perception, the main thing is what they see with their own eyes, while women perceive speech better.
Men also differ in energy. Possessing an innate need to fight, shoot, and be active, they, unlike the female sex, have a negative attitude towards monotonous, lengthy and monotonous work.
Psychologists have discovered differences in the very attitude towards work and career, which for men is most often an opportunity for self-realization. For the stronger half, the main thing is profession, job functions and salary. For women, it is more important that work is a pleasant place of communication and with good relationships in the team.
A woman is by nature more conservative and compliant, giving preference to the concrete over the abstract, which cannot be said about a man.
Differences in male and female perceptions of the relationship between the sexes are clearly evident, starting from the moment of acquaintance. Therefore, when getting to know a man, you need to keep in mind that, of course, it’s good to initially impress him with your inaccessibility, since a man by nature is a hunter tracking down game, but if this game drags on too long, then he simply loses interest, reacting to another more real one. prey. And if you are so lost in your head that you make any sacrifices to get him, this turns the man off. He is afraid that later, if you want to break up, you will pursue him with tears, blackmail, and insults. If he likes a confident woman, he will do a lot so that there is also a place for him in her life. He perceives a woman who loves and respects herself as a person worthy of him, with whom he feels like a real man, on an equal footing.
Women's hints already on the first dates about the importance of marriage and meeting parents can lead to a break in the relationship, because the man perceives this as an attempt to put pressure on him, to drive him into a corner.
You need to try to avoid moralizing and comparisons with other men that are painful for him. By uttering the phrase that everyone dislikes: “I told you so,” if he makes a mistake, you can be perceived by him in the future as a semblance of his mother and grandmother, with their boring notations and moralizing that are familiar from childhood, so it’s worth throwing it out of your vocabulary forever.
Never complain to your husband that your boss or colleague is harassing you at work, but you cannot get rid of the intrusive advances. Solve this problem yourself. Because having told your spouse, you will immediately receive in response accusations that you yourself provoke these advances - and this is how 99% of men will perceive the frankness of their wives.
Never forgetting about the peculiarities of male perception, you can improve your personal life.
Types of relationships
Depending on the temperaments of the spouses, a classification can be created.
Homemade
These are homebodies who do not have great career ambitions and do not have plans to travel around the world. Their goal is comfort in the home, calm and quiet evenings watching TV.
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Matriarchal
Usually the woman is the leader. She can earn more, be more successful, and also strong-willed. She makes major decisions for both of them. This is a good format only under the following conditions:
- The man himself is a squat, domestic nature; he is satisfied with a passive position.
- A wife should never reproach her husband, belittling his dignity.
Patriarchal
The opposite situation is more often used in society. A man is a protector, a breadwinner, a supporter, while his wife takes care of the housework and is responsible for raising the younger generation. This is an excellent scheme on one condition - the husband does not have the right to forget that household work is as important and valuable as his earnings. Otherwise, the girl begins to feel unappreciated. She will either withdraw into herself, engage in emotional self-flagellation, or find a guy who will appreciate all her merits.
Inspirational
This is the ideal union of two purposeful and ambitious people. They can move forward together, alternately pushing each other to something new, bigger, better. This applies to both work and self-development. Typically, a woman is responsible for emotional and spiritual inspiration, an idea, and a man is responsible for implementation. This tandem is moving forward. It is important not to burn out, not to fall behind, but to do this, take breaks together, take a break from the hectic traffic and go into the state of a domestic couple for a week a year.
Periods of relationship
The first and basic rule is that any romantic relationship develops in its own way. Some people go through each step with lightning speed, others stretch it out for several years, others get fixated on one stage and cannot overcome it. Therefore, it is impossible to distinguish the stages of a relationship by month, you can only describe them and indicate the approximate duration.
Love
This period is also called “candy-bouquet”, and for good reason. This is the most romantic time when a couple just begins to find the positive sides of each other without noticing the negative ones. They are not yet subject to everyday life, responsibilities and restrictions. They experience euphoria, which is similar to the effects of some psychotropics. This is explained from a medical point of view - there is a large surge of hormones, and serotonin, endorphins and even adrenaline are produced. This “cocktail” in the blood excites more than any drug.
I will list the characteristic features of how you can identify lovers:
- Frequent meetings. Girls sometimes face a situation where in the first months a guy comes every day, not paying attention to illness, heavy rain and other circumstances.
- Correspondence, long conversations on the phone. This can also be explained by the fact that when people meet, they know little about each other; there are many topics that have never been discussed and seem interesting.
- Gifts, flowers, cafe. The guy wins the girl's attention. And unless she turns out to be too accessible, it will take him a long time to win her over.
- Lack of interest in the opposite sex.
The beginning of a relationship between a man and a woman can last from several months to a year and a half. During this period, it is important to get to know your partner, identify common interests and common ground. In addition, it is very important not to forget about yourself. When all the pleasure centers in the brain are active, there is not enough motivation to study, work, self-development, and meet with friends. If you don't do this, mutual reproaches may appear.
Psychologist Daria Milai
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Satiation
After a year, hormonal levels return to normal. And the “butterflies in the stomach” give way to reality. Here you can already see flaws in appearance, insufficient intellectual level, differences in interests, as well as everyday little things. Sometimes lovers take a responsible step in the first period and move in together. Living in the same house at the second stage of satiety is very unsafe, since it is necessary to regain personal space and set boundaries - mine/our/yours. It is very important to respect them and not violate them. The right position is to begin to be interested in what a man likes, and also to unobtrusively immerse him in your world.
Characteristic features of female and male behavior:
- Return to personal hobbies, work, study, friendships.
- Less joint entertainment and evenings.
- Formation of doubts and fears – did I make the right choice?
- Disagreements arise for any reason.
At this level, couples often break up. It is believed that the first anniversary is the most difficult. It’s especially bad when the partners’ progress through the stages is not synchronized; one has already crossed the threshold of falling in love and wants personal space, while the other still wears rose-colored glasses. This may seem intrusive and will be perceived negatively.
Rejection is the most dangerous phase of a relationship between a man and a woman.
Here the chemical elements in the blood actually cease to act, giving way to rational thinking. All the partner’s shortcomings, which were previously unnoticed, now come to the fore. The reason for this is the big difference between cultural and spiritual values and interests. Everyone tries to “remake”, change, teach their beloved, without seeing any flaws in themselves. The main question that torments you is the dilemma: “Did you make the right choice?”
Character traits:
- Constant quarrels, reproaches, claims, even scandals.
- Rapid irritability, internal grievances.
- Thoughts about cheating and finding a new boyfriend begin to develop.
- The idea appears that this is not true love.
Regarding the latter, I would like to say that we often have a false image of this feeling, which is advertised in films and books. But it mainly shows the first period of the relationship between a man and a woman.
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If you don’t want to break up, your task is to accept your partner with all his strengths and weaknesses, and not try to change him, to fit him to standards.
Patience
Often these are already married couples who may have already had children. Basically, the stage occurs in the third year of dating. Many people feel tired, doomed, dull and mundane in everyday life. But there are no more strong quarrels of the past.
Characteristics:
- Disagreements pass calmly, people accept each other’s opinions, even if they do not agree with their personal opinions.
- A person is no longer focused only on himself, he is looking for compromise solutions.
- Everyone understands the value of marriage.
It is important not just to tolerate other people’s characteristics and shortcomings, but to accept them. To do this, first of all you need to understand them - find out why your partner acts or thinks in a certain way, find the reasons. Tolerance comes with the realization that your partner may have a different view of things and should be respected as your own.
Service
As the couple learned to accept flaws and idiosyncrasies, the sense of possessiveness and selfishness gradually began to diminish. Their desires and demands fade into the background; people think more about how they can please their loved ones. This happens unconsciously - just at one moment you want to start preparing your husband’s favorite dishes, delight him in bed, surprise him, and not give him any reason to be upset. But the main rule is that all this is done completely sincerely and free of charge, without the desire to receive a response for this.
They begin to go through this stage when gratitude appears - for the years lived together, for the children they shared, for the care.
Character traits:
- The desire to give gifts, go somewhere, spend vacations together and just weekends and evenings is renewed.
- A man looks after his woman, and she tries in every way to please him.
- Quarrels occur, but they pass calmly, usually ending with a quick search for a compromise or concession.
- Reproaches disappear, they are replaced by finding a way out.
- People are starting to agree to things they wouldn’t do before.
The task of lovers during this period is to give unselfishly and receive with gratitude.
Respect
Since the relationship between a man and a woman begins with struggle and overcoming difficulties, now the couple simply enjoys what they have built together. They value each other’s contribution to the family, respect each other’s opinions, and fearlessly express theirs (by the way, they often coincide).
Characteristics:
- The presence of individual interests that the partner respects and does not interfere with them.
- Minimum number of disagreements.
- Most of the topics for quarrels have already been experienced, and optimal ways out have been found.
- Doubts go away - everyone is happy with their other half.
Love
Years later, we can talk about the deepest feeling. It is similar to falling in love, but if at the first stage the cause was fleeting hormones, now it is caused by experienced emotions and informed decisions. Less than half of couples reach this stage, which is why the divorce rate is so high.
Traits:
- A desire to spend time together, less wanting to leave home and meeting strangers.
- A calm experience of separation, because jealousy disappears and trust appears.
- Intentions to care for a loved one.
- During quarrels, there are no more accusations; everyone tries to understand themselves and discover the reason.
- I would like to give away for free.
The level of mutual understanding is very high.
The time it takes to build such deep feelings is unique for everyone. There are no universal deadlines or frameworks. Some selfish individuals, as well as self-obsessed individuals, are not able to recognize and feel love.
How a relationship with a man should develop: the main stages
Any relationship should develop, and not end at the stage of falling in love. Only in this way will you discover true love and build a strong union.
Psychologists distinguish 7 stages of relationship development:
- Love
- Satiation
- Cooling
- Cultivating Patience
- Desire to serve
- Developing Respect
- True love
Love
At the first stage, everything is seen in pink, which is completely natural. How else should a relationship develop at the beginning? Hormones are playing around, you can’t tear yourself away from your loved one and are ready to share your happiness with everyone. What are the disadvantages here? You are made for each other, period. Walk together everywhere, separation is like death. The most pleasant stage, in a word.
The main thing here is to maintain common sense, which is quite difficult. I advise girls not to rush into the pool without looking back and always remember their own dignity. At this stage, intrigue your man, flirt more, smile.
I teach how to behave with a man after meeting him in my live trainings: “Mom won’t teach you this,” “Actually, I’m smart, but I live like a fool,” as well as in online courses. One of them is called “The Power of Female Attraction”. Sign up and build your relationship right from the very beginning.
What's next? How should a relationship develop when strong emotions are gradually released?
Saturation stage
So, how should a relationship develop after dating and the end of the first stage?
You are fed up with each other, little by little you get tired of being together 24 hours a day. At this stage, lovers for the first time want freedom and personal space. But this does not mean that a man is no longer interested in you or you are interested in him. You have simply become a calmer couple and are more restrained in expressing your emotions. But you feel confident in your chosen one, the relationship is more harmonious. Although some girls think about the right choice.
At this stage, the first quarrels and misunderstandings usually arise. Accept the differences between you with respect, and seek compromise together. The main thing is not to prolong conflicts, do not be offended in vain. Conduct a dialogue, get to know your loved one better, discover new things about him.
By the way, quarrels in couples flare up mainly for the same reasons. I recently wrote about the top five.
Stage of rejection, cooling
After the second stage, the rejection stage begins. How should a relationship develop if you find yourself at this stage?
You suddenly begin to irritate everything that previously touched you in your lover. You no longer want to turn a blind eye to its shortcomings; unresolved problems come to the surface. This time of crisis usually comes when you have been together for more than one year.
Of course, I won’t tell you how the relationship should develop month by month. Each couple has their own deadlines. Moreover, these periods may differ for men and women. Someone in a couple moves faster to the next stage, while someone may get stuck in the previous one. Everything here is individual.
The first crisis is not so terrible if you have learned to negotiate with your partner during this time. Yes, many couples cannot stand it. But those who survived will only love each other more deeply. Remember, it’s easy to destroy, but with a new man, sooner or later you will reach this stage again. Therefore, show wisdom, my beautiful ones. We are waiting out a dangerous period, we are distracted. We solve problems as they arise and in a calm environment.
In the meantime, ask yourself the question: “How should a healthy relationship develop?” And you will understand that everything happens gradually. One stage replaces another so that a qualitative leap occurs in your union. You reach a new level, learn to overcome difficulties together and trust each other.
Crisis is growth. My tips on how to maintain love in difficult situations and overcome this stage more easily will help you get through difficult times.
If you have passed the rejection stage, then you are already at the stage of developing patience. What it is? And how should relations develop after the next crisis stage?
Cultivating patience and a desire to serve your partner
You have already gone through fire and water, now it’s time to accept your partner for who he is. You solve problems faster, overcome disagreements more easily, and turn a blind eye to minor shortcomings more often. Now is the time to learn patience. At this stage it is important to show more wisdom, and this is especially true for women. After all, it is you, my beautiful ones, who create the atmosphere in the family.
The next stage is the desire to serve. How should the relationship develop? At this stage, the spouses become truly close to each other. Mutual understanding and support reign in the couple. You are ready to sacrifice something for your partner, and he is ready to sacrifice something for you, in order to come to a compromise, to do something pleasant. You know very well all the weaknesses of your loved one, but at the same time you are proud of him. The interests of your spouse become valuable and important to you.
Developing Respect
Another stage is the development of respect. Of course, from the very beginning you respected your partner for his character, for example. And he you, for example, for his principles, etc. However, at this stage, respect is manifested not for individual actions or traits of a person, but as the value of the partner as a whole. A woman understands that this is the man with whom she is ready to go through life to the end.
True love
And the last stage in the development of relationships is true love. All these years you have been nurturing it, and here is the reward for your labors. You feel one with your husband. At this stage, nourishing relationships becomes easy and relaxed. You are completely confident in your choice and feel that this is your loved one and he will remain so no matter what.
You have fully realized yourself in this relationship. By the way, how can you combine family, career, raising children and remain in harmony with yourself? You will find a lot of useful information on these topics in the “Women's Purpose” section.
This is how relationships should develop over time, based on psychology. Naturally, the stages may be delayed or vice versa. Each couple is individual, as I said above. Therefore, the question: “How quickly should relationships develop?” will be incorrect if generalized. But girls are more often concerned about something else - how to understand that everything is serious?
